D\u00fcn sabah\u0131n 6\u2019s\u0131nda kap\u0131ma dayanm\u0131\u015f, b\u00fck\u00fck boynunla bana s\u0131\u011f\u0131nm\u0131\u015ft\u0131n. Ellerini, s\u0131ms\u0131k\u0131 kapatt\u0131\u011f\u0131 elerini, kap\u0131 ard\u0131ndan uzat\u0131p \u201cbir bunlar var sana verebilece\u011fim\u201d demi\u015ftin. Avu\u00e7lar\u0131nda kestane \u015fekerleri duruyordu. Y\u00fcz\u00fcn yoksullu\u011fundan utan\u0131rcas\u0131na saklanmaya \u00e7abal\u0131yordu benden. Dayanamay\u0131p hayat\u0131mda ilk defa g\u00f6rd\u00fc\u011f\u00fcm seni i\u00e7eri ald\u0131m. Aya\u011f\u0131n\u0131 e\u015fikten atarken odama, sanki iffetsiz bir kad\u0131n\u0131n yapt\u0131klar\u0131n\u0131 yap\u0131yormu\u015fum duygusuna kap\u0131lm\u0131\u015ft\u0131m. Seni neden i\u00e7eriye ald\u0131\u011f\u0131m\u0131, neden kovmad\u0131\u011f\u0131m\u0131 anlam\u0131\u015f de\u011fildim o zaman.<\/p>\n
Sen kimdin, birden bire, beklenmedik bir \u015fekilde ge\u00e7ip gittin hayat\u0131mdan. Seni evime al\u0131rken durduramad\u0131\u011f\u0131m isteklerim, arzular\u0131m vard\u0131 ve onlar o anlar\u0131mda konu\u015fuyorlard\u0131. Seni odama al\u0131rken masum bir \u00e7ocu\u011fu ok\u015famak isteyen \u00e7ocuksuz bir kad\u0131n gibiydim. Seni evime al\u0131rken tenini de al\u0131yordum evime.<\/p>\n
Salonda ba\u015f\u0131n\u0131 \u00f6n\u00fcne e\u011fmi\u015f ellerindeki kestane \u015fekerlerine bak\u0131yordun. Sonra birden \u00f6n\u00fcndeki sehpaya koydun onlar\u0131 ama ba\u015f\u0131n hi\u00e7 do\u011frulmad\u0131 yukar\u0131. Sana \u201cneden ben\u201d diye sordu\u011fumda g\u00f6zlerimin i\u00e7ine i\u015fleyen mas mavi bak\u0131\u015flar\u0131nla bakm\u0131\u015ft\u0131n bana, g\u00f6zlerin nemliydi ya\u011fmur d\u00f6km\u00fc\u015f buluttu. Bilmiyorum dedin sonra yutkunarak, bu\u011fulu k\u0131s\u0131k sesinle. Sordu\u011fuma pi\u015fman olmu\u015ftum, o bak\u0131\u015f\u0131n ve k\u0131rg\u0131n sesin….h\u00fcz\u00fcn damlatm\u0131\u015ft\u0131 i\u00e7ime. Sana sar\u0131lma arzusu kaplam\u0131\u015ft\u0131 i\u00e7imi. Bu bir annenin mi, yoksa yaln\u0131z bir kad\u0131n\u0131n ate\u015fli isterik n\u00f6betimiydi \u00e7\u0131karam\u0131yordum ama yan\u0131na t\u00fcneyip, senin \u015fa\u015fk\u0131nl\u0131\u011f\u0131n i\u00e7inde dolam\u0131\u015ft\u0131m kollar\u0131n\u0131 bedenine. Ve sonra…<\/p>\n
Elerinden tutup seni s\u00fcr\u00fcklemi\u015ftim a\u00e7\u0131k olan yata\u011f\u0131ma do\u011fru. Sen hareketsizdin. Ben ise arzular\u0131 v\u00fccudunu titreten biriydim.bedeninde dola\u015ft\u0131m ars\u0131zca. Kokunu i\u00e7ime \u00e7ekerken uyu\u015fturucu kullanan bir ba\u011f\u0131ml\u0131n\u0131n kendinden ge\u00e7i\u015fi gibi bamba\u015fka alemlere gidip gelmi\u015ftim. Bu bir kam t\u00f6reniydi sanki ve bende bir \u015famand\u0131m ba\u015fka alemlere g\u00f6\u00e7en. Sen hareketsizdin. G\u00f6zlerim a\u00e7\u0131ld\u0131\u011f\u0131nda senin tavana dalm\u0131\u015f bakan yabanc\u0131la\u015fm\u0131\u015f g\u00f6zlerini g\u00f6rm\u00fc\u015ft\u00fcm. Benim sesim senin sessizli\u011finde yok oluyordu. Doyuma ula\u015f\u0131p son derin bir nefes verdikten sonra a\u011flayan bir \u00e7ift g\u00f6z ile kar\u015f\u0131la\u015fm\u0131\u015ft\u0131m. Tek hissetti\u011fim pi\u015fmanl\u0131k olmu\u015ftu…g\u00fcnahkar bir nedamet..<\/p>\n
O andan, ak\u015fam evi terk edene kadar a\u011fz\u0131ndan bir kelime dahi havalanmad\u0131. Hep sustun, hep sustum, konu\u015famazd\u0131m ki, hatta y\u00fcz\u00fcne dahi bakamazd\u0131m senin. Bakmad\u0131m. Bakmad\u0131n.<\/p>\n
Sen \u00e7\u0131karken masada duran kestane \u015fekerlerine tak\u0131lm\u0131\u015ft\u0131 g\u00f6z\u00fcm. Akl\u0131ma, sokakta oynayan \u00e7ocuklar\u0131n bilyeleri gelmi\u015fti.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
D\u00fcn sabah\u0131n 6\u2019s\u0131nda kap\u0131ma dayanm\u0131\u015f, b\u00fck\u00fck boynunla bana s\u0131\u011f\u0131nm\u0131\u015ft\u0131n. Ellerini, s\u0131ms\u0131k\u0131 kapatt\u0131\u011f\u0131 elerini, kap\u0131 ard\u0131ndan uzat\u0131p \u201cbir bunlar var sana verebilece\u011fim\u201d demi\u015ftin. Avu\u00e7lar\u0131nda kestane \u015fekerleri duruyordu. Y\u00fcz\u00fcn yoksullu\u011fundan utan\u0131rcas\u0131na saklanmaya \u00e7abal\u0131yordu benden. Dayanamay\u0131p hayat\u0131mda ilk defa g\u00f6rd\u00fc\u011f\u00fcm seni i\u00e7eri ald\u0131m. Aya\u011f\u0131n\u0131 e\u015fikten atarken odama, sanki iffetsiz bir kad\u0131n\u0131n yapt\u0131klar\u0131n\u0131 yap\u0131yormu\u015fum duygusuna kap\u0131lm\u0131\u015ft\u0131m. Seni neden i\u00e7eriye […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[140],"tags":[],"class_list":{"0":"post-1587","1":"post","2":"type-post","3":"status-publish","4":"format-standard","6":"category-erkan-kucuk-makale"},"yoast_head":"\n