{"id":2558,"date":"2009-12-06T20:19:50","date_gmt":"2009-12-06T17:19:50","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/localhost\/wordpress\/2009\/12\/06\/golgem-dusmuyor-artik-evinin-duvarlarina\/"},"modified":"2009-12-06T20:19:50","modified_gmt":"2009-12-06T17:19:50","slug":"golgem-dusmuyor-artik-evinin-duvarlarina","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/narteks.net\/index.php\/2009\/12\/06\/golgem-dusmuyor-artik-evinin-duvarlarina\/","title":{"rendered":"G\u00d6LGEM D\u00dc\u015eM\u00dcYOR ARTIK EV\u0130N\u0130N DUVARLARINA"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>\u00a0<\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: justify;\">Hadi gir i\u00e7eri. Ama g\u00f6zlerindeki o kanayan su\u00e7luluk b\u0131rak kap\u0131da kals\u0131n. Ona ihtiyac\u0131m\u0131z yok art\u0131k. O hayat\u0131n i\u00e7ine birt\u00fcrl\u00fc s\u0131\u011famayan ve tela\u015f\u0131ndan durmadan sigaraya sar\u0131lan yorgun ellerini, nereye baksan hep kar\u015f\u0131nda duran o k\u0131rg\u0131n \u00e7ocuklu\u011funu, uzak denizlerin sisli bu\u011fusuyla her daim \u0131slak dudaklar\u0131n\u0131, ruhumun tek s\u0131\u011f\u0131na\u011f\u0131 o tarifsiz kokunu kap\u0131da b\u0131rak. Tutkunu oldu\u011fum neyin varsa hepsini b\u0131rak kap\u0131da. Yoksa ne kadar istesem de konu\u015famam seninle. Konu\u015famam, yaln\u0131zca a\u011flar\u0131m.<br \/>Ne olur gir i\u00e7eri. Ama girerken tut elinden sevdan\u0131n. Y\u0131llar sonra seni yeniden uza\u011f\u0131ma d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcren, seni o geri d\u00f6n\u00fc\u015f\u00fc olmayan yollara d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcren, y\u00fcre\u011finden a\u015fk\u0131m\u0131, dudaklar\u0131ndan ad\u0131m\u0131, evinden g\u00f6lgemi silip g\u00f6t\u00fcren, o ad\u0131n\u0131 kimselere s\u00f6ylemeden \u00f6lmek istedi\u011fin, o, hi\u00e7 kimseyi bu kadar sevmedim ki, dedi\u011fin sevdan\u0131 al yan\u0131na ve gir i\u00e7eri. \u0130lk a\u015fk\u0131n\u0131n y\u00fcz\u00fcn\u00fc yan\u0131na al. Utanma benden n&#8217;olur. Kalbindeki o s\u0131z\u0131n\u0131n halinden en \u00e7ok a\u015fk\u0131nla kavrulmu\u015f y\u00fcre\u011fim anlar benim&#8230;<br \/>Kapat kap\u0131y\u0131. Kapat, i\u00e7eri hayat girmesin. \u0130\u00e7eri yalanlar girmesin. \u0130hanetler, ihtiraslar, oyunlar, maskeler girmesin i\u00e7eri. \u00c7\u00fcnk\u00fc burada yaln\u0131zca sevdan oturuyor. Hayat\u0131n i\u00e7inde soluk alamayan, kendine kalbinde bir yer bulamayan sevdan oturuyor bu evde. Bak, bu ev benim y\u00fcre\u011fim. Ne zaman kalbinden kovulsam, ne zaman hayat\u0131n ortas\u0131nda \u00f6yle haz\u0131rl\u0131ks\u0131z, \u00f6yle savunmas\u0131z, \u00f6yle yapayaln\u0131z kalakalsam gelip s\u0131\u011f\u0131nd\u0131\u011f\u0131m bu d\u00f6rt duvar benim y\u00fcre\u011fim. Buras\u0131 a\u015fk\u0131m\u0131n mabedi. Buras\u0131 sensizli\u011fimin kalesi. Buras\u0131 delili\u011fim&#8230; Buras\u0131 ba\u015ftan aya\u011fa sensin, sevgilim.<br \/>Sana sevgilim diyorum hala, ba\u011f\u0131\u015fla beni. Sen art\u0131k bir ba\u015fkas\u0131n\u0131n sevgilisisin. Yaln\u0131zca bu c\u00fcmleyi kurmamak i\u00e7in bile \u00f6lmek isterdim. Seni sonsuza dek kaybetti\u011fim bu g\u00fcnleri hi\u00e7 ya\u015famadan \u00f6lmek isterdim. Ad\u0131m dudaklar\u0131nda yok olmadan, tenim teninde hen\u00fcz solmadan, daha b\u00f6ylesi yabanc\u0131n olmadan&#8230; G\u00f6zlerine bakt\u0131\u011f\u0131mda kendimin de\u011fil, bir ba\u015fka a\u015fk\u0131n aksini g\u00f6rmeden \u00f6nce \u00f6lmek isterdim. Ama yapamad\u0131m. Nice kaybedi\u015flerden, nice savrulu\u015flardan sonra, art\u0131k bu a\u015fk\u0131 hayat\u0131n pen\u00e7esinden kurtard\u0131k, o d\u00fcnyevi ihtiraslardan, oyunlardan s\u0131yr\u0131ld\u0131k ve \u015fimdi art\u0131k Tanr\u0131&#8217;ya yakla\u015ft\u0131k dedi\u011fim anda, hayat\u0131, d\u00fcnyay\u0131 ve kaderi yendik dedi\u011fim anda, kalbin kalbimin yan\u0131nda atarken, \u00e7ocuklu\u011fum \u00e7ocuklu\u011funun ellerinden tutarken, i\u00e7inde o annemin rahmi kadar huzurlu kokunu soluyarak nefes ald\u0131\u011f\u0131m y\u00fcre\u011fini b\u0131rak\u0131p gidemedim. \u00c7\u00fcnk\u00fc zaten hayattan kopmu\u015ftum ve cennetteydim. A\u015fk\u0131nla \u00f6ylesine sarho\u015ftum ki birg\u00fcn cennetimden kovulaca\u011f\u0131ma hi\u00e7 inanmak istemedim.<br \/>Evimin, \u015fu talan olmu\u015f y\u00fcre\u011fimin da\u011f\u0131n\u0131kl\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131 ba\u011f\u0131\u015fla. Sensizli\u011fe benimle beraber a\u011flad\u0131 bu duvarlar. Rutubetleri ondan, ald\u0131rma. Otur \u015f\u00f6yle, bir sigara yak. Konu\u015fal\u0131m. S\u00f6zc\u00fcklerle de\u011fil, sevdam\u0131zla konu\u015fal\u0131m. Anlatal\u0131m her\u015feyi. Sonra s\u00f6z bitsin. \u00d6l\u00fcme kadar yaln\u0131zca susal\u0131m. Anlatal\u0131m ki bu sevda kanatlar\u0131ndan k\u0131rg\u0131nl\u0131klarla ba\u011fl\u0131 kalmas\u0131n bu \u00e7irkef hayata. Kurtulsun y\u00fcklerinden, ba\u011f\u0131\u015flas\u0131n hayat\u0131 ve sonsuzlu\u011fa u\u00e7abilsin huzurla.<br \/>Biliyorum. Seni b\u00f6ylesi sonsuz bir a\u015fkla severek \u00e7ok b\u00fcy\u00fck bir g\u00fcnah i\u015fledim ben. Hayat\u0131n girdaplar\u0131nda savrulup duran ruhuna o yar\u0131m ruhumun a\u011f\u0131rl\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131 y\u00fckleyerek \u00e7ok b\u00fcy\u00fck g\u00fcnah i\u015fledim. Ne yapt\u0131ysan sevdim seni, ne ya\u015fad\u0131ysan sevdim. A\u015fk\u0131n o bulup bulup kaybetme oyunlar\u0131ndan yapt\u0131\u011f\u0131n z\u0131rh\u0131n i\u00e7ine saklad\u0131\u011f\u0131n kalbini ne yaparsan yap y\u0131k\u0131lmayarak, vazge\u00e7meyerek ve hep affederek savunmas\u0131z b\u0131rakt\u0131m. Hi\u00e7 solmayan bir sevda \u00e7i\u00e7e\u011fi olup bozdum ezberini. Direncini k\u0131rd\u0131m, kalbine girdim. Seni bir kalbi fethetmenin, ona her an kaybedebilme ihtimaliyle ba\u011flanman\u0131n, bir a\u015fk i\u00e7in \u00e7\u0131rp\u0131nman\u0131n o karanl\u0131k hazz\u0131ndan mahrum b\u0131rakt\u0131m. Affet beni, seni a\u015fk\u0131n o d\u00fcnyevi oyunlar\u0131ndan mahrum b\u0131rakt\u0131m. Belki de bunun i\u00e7in g\u00f6zya\u015flar\u0131yla kazand\u0131\u011f\u0131n ve yitirmekten \u00e7ok korktu\u011fun bir sevgiliyi sever gibi de\u011fil, sesini birt\u00fcrl\u00fc susturamad\u0131\u011f\u0131n vicdan\u0131n\u0131 ya da o kusursuz ve daimi sevgisinden bunald\u0131\u011f\u0131n ve bu y\u00fczden incitmekten asla \u00e7ekinmedi\u011fin anneni sever gibi sevdin beni. Ama hi\u00e7 a\u015f\u0131k olmad\u0131n. Bu y\u00fczden su\u00e7lama kendini. As\u0131l su\u00e7lu, bu hayatta kendine yer bulamayan, nereye gitse ya eksik ya fazla kalan, hayat\u0131 bir oyun gibi g\u00f6rmeyi ve kurallar\u0131na g\u00f6re oynamay\u0131 hep reddeden benim o isyankar, o yaral\u0131 ve yabanc\u0131 ruhum&#8230; Sen de\u011filsin sevgilim.<br \/>Hayat\u0131nda \u00f6nce bir s\u0131\u011f\u0131nt\u0131 gibi ya\u015famaya, sonra seni kaybetmeye, ard\u0131ndan seni payla\u015fmaya, sonunda tam da sana kavu\u015ftum san\u0131rken a\u015fk\u0131n de\u011fil vicdan\u0131n olmaya, senin i\u00e7in akl\u0131na ne gelirse ona d\u00f6n\u00fc\u015fmeye raz\u0131 oldum hep, katland\u0131m. Hi\u00e7 pi\u015fman olmad\u0131m seni sevmekten. Sana hi\u00e7 k\u0131r\u0131lmad\u0131m. Hep anlad\u0131m seni. Hayat\u0131n i\u00e7inde soluk alan ve hayat kadar ac\u0131mas\u0131zla\u015fan o karanl\u0131k yan\u0131n\u0131, buralara ait olmayan, annenin k\u0131rg\u0131n \u00f6mr\u00fcn\u00fcn k\u0131y\u0131lar\u0131nda unutulmu\u015f, o yaral\u0131, o sevgiye hasret \u00e7ocuklu\u011funun, hayatla uzla\u015famam\u0131\u015f a\u015fk k\u0131rg\u0131n\u0131, yitik ilk gen\u00e7li\u011finin ve her\u015feyin fark\u0131nda olman\u0131n \u00e7aresizli\u011fiyle derinle\u015fen y\u00fcz\u00fcndeki \u00e7izgilerin a\u015fk\u0131na ba\u011f\u0131\u015flad\u0131m.<br \/>Sevdim seni sevgili, sevdim&#8230; Seni o birt\u00fcrl\u00fc kucaklayamad\u0131\u011f\u0131m, ama ba\u015f\u0131m\u0131 kald\u0131r\u0131p bakmasam bile hep orada, yukarda oldu\u011funu bildi\u011fim g\u00f6ky\u00fcz\u00fcne duydu\u011fum hasret gibi&#8230; Seni o suyundan hi\u00e7 i\u00e7medi\u011fim, topra\u011f\u0131na hi\u00e7 basmad\u0131\u011f\u0131m, insanlar\u0131n\u0131 hi\u00e7 tan\u0131mad\u0131\u011f\u0131m, ama her\u015feyden ka\u00e7\u0131p s\u0131\u011f\u0131nmak istedi\u011fim o uzak \u00fclkelerin hayali gibi&#8230; Seni a\u015fk\u0131n i\u00e7in g\u00f6z\u00fcm\u00fc hi\u00e7 k\u0131rpmadan arkamda b\u0131rakt\u0131\u011f\u0131m, g\u00f6zya\u015flar\u0131n\u0131 ve o yaral\u0131 \u00f6mr\u00fcn\u00fc vicdan\u0131m gibi hep i\u00e7imde saklad\u0131\u011f\u0131m annemin kar\u015f\u0131l\u0131\u011f\u0131 bu hayatta m\u00fcmk\u00fcn olmayan dualar\u0131 gibi&#8230; Seni o rahmimden kanaya kanaya s\u00f6k\u00fcp atmak zorunda kald\u0131\u011f\u0131m, ama kalbimde a\u015fk\u0131nla besleyerek b\u00fcy\u00fctt\u00fc\u011f\u00fcm sevdam\u0131z\u0131n o masum \u00e7ekirde\u011fini tarifsiz bir hasretle \u00f6zler gibi&#8230; Seni \u00f6ylece, seni \u00e7\u0131r\u0131l\u00e7\u0131plak, seni kadere isyan eder gibi, seni Tanr\u0131&#8217;ya e\u015f ko\u015far gibi&#8230; Sevdim seni sevgili, sevdim&#8230;<br \/>Beni bir kez \u00f6ld\u00fcr\u00fcp sensizli\u011fe g\u00f6md\u00fc\u011f\u00fcn o y\u0131llarda, o yabanc\u0131s\u0131 oldu\u011fum hayat\u0131n \u0131ss\u0131zl\u0131\u011f\u0131nda soluk almadan \u00f6mr\u00fcm\u00fc yaln\u0131zca Tanr\u0131&#8217;dan g\u00f6zya\u015flar\u0131yla diledi\u011fim o mucize i\u00e7in bekletirken&#8230; Sonra Tanr\u0131 sesimi duyup o mucizeyi, yani seni, yani o hayat\u0131n i\u00e7ine birt\u00fcrl\u00fc s\u0131\u011famayan ve tela\u015f\u0131ndan durmadan sigaraya sar\u0131lan yorgun ellerini, nereye baksan hep kar\u015f\u0131nda duran o k\u0131rg\u0131n \u00e7ocuklu\u011funu, uzak denizlerin sisli bu\u011fusuyla her daim \u0131slak dudaklar\u0131n\u0131 ve ruhumun tek s\u0131\u011f\u0131na\u011f\u0131 o tarifsiz kokunu yeniden bana verdi\u011finde&#8230; Kalbim kalbinde atarken, \u00e7ocuklu\u011fum \u00e7ocuklu\u011funun ellerinden tutarken&#8230; Mutlulu\u011fa dokunarak, mutlulu\u011fumun fark\u0131nda olarak, mutluluktan a\u011flayarak&#8230; Ama bir yan\u0131m seni her an yeniden kaybedecek gibi hep tetikte&#8230; Sensizli\u011fin o dipsiz u\u00e7urumunun k\u0131y\u0131lar\u0131nda korkusuzca dans ederek, seni benden \u00e7alan hayat\u0131n o ac\u0131mas\u0131z pen\u00e7esini her an arkamda hissederek&#8230; Her gece y\u00fcz\u00fcm\u00fc masumiyetinin o benzersiz yurdu olan boynuna g\u00f6m\u00fcp uykuya dalmadan \u00f6nce bu huzuru bana ba\u011f\u0131\u015flayan Tanr\u0131&#8217;ya minnetle g\u00fcl\u00fcmseyerek&#8230; Ve i\u015fte tam da o anda \u00f6lmeye, sonsuzlu\u011fa kar\u0131\u015fmaya haz\u0131r oldu\u011fumu ona sessizce f\u0131s\u0131ldayarak&#8230; Sevdim seni sevgili, hep sevdim&#8230;<br \/>Otur kar\u015f\u0131ma hadi, bir sigara yak. Konu\u015fal\u0131m. Anlat bana sevdan\u0131&#8230; \u0130lk a\u015fk\u0131n\u0131n y\u00fcz\u00fcn\u00fc anlat&#8230; O, hi\u00e7kimseyi bu kadar sevmedim ki, dedi\u011fin, o ad\u0131n\u0131 kimselere s\u00f6ylemeden \u00f6lmek istedi\u011fin sevdan\u0131 anlat bana. Kalbindeki o s\u0131z\u0131n\u0131n dilinden en \u00e7ok a\u015fk\u0131nla kavrulmu\u015f bu y\u00fcre\u011fim, sevdan\u0131n u\u011fruna solup giden \u015fu \u00e7ocuk \u00f6mr\u00fcm anlar. Anlat hadi ne olur. Ama sak\u0131n bana hayattan s\u00f6z etme. Sak\u0131n bana, hayat b\u00f6yle bir yer, her\u015fey bitip t\u00fckeniyor, her a\u015fk hayata yenik d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcyor, deme&#8230; Hayat\u0131n i\u00e7inde soluk alan ve hayat kadar ac\u0131mas\u0131zla\u015fan o karanl\u0131k yan\u0131nla de\u011fil, buralara ait olmayan, annenin k\u0131rg\u0131n \u00f6mr\u00fcn\u00fcn k\u0131y\u0131lar\u0131nda unutulmu\u015f, o yaral\u0131, o sevgiye hasret \u00e7ocuklu\u011funla, hayatla birt\u00fcrl\u00fc uzla\u015famayan o a\u015fk k\u0131rg\u0131n\u0131, yitik ilkgen\u00e7li\u011finle ve her\u015feyin fark\u0131nda olman\u0131n \u00e7aresizli\u011fiyle g\u00fcn ge\u00e7tik\u00e7e daha da derinle\u015fen y\u00fcz\u00fcndeki \u00e7izgilerle konu\u015f benimle. Hayat d\u0131\u015farda kald\u0131, bak. Burada yaln\u0131zca sevdan oturuyor. Sevdan\u0131n dilinden konu\u015f benimle. Ben hayat\u0131n dilinden anlayamam. Biz bu sevday\u0131 hayat\u0131n i\u00e7inde ya\u015famad\u0131k. Biz bu sevday\u0131 hayat\u0131n diliyle ya\u015famad\u0131k. Biliyorum bu \u015fizofren a\u015fk\u0131m hep korkuttu seni. Bu uyumsuz varl\u0131\u011f\u0131m, ger\u00e7ekli\u011fin i\u00e7inde ya\u015fayan ve en az hayat kadar ac\u0131mas\u0131z olan o yan\u0131n\u0131 \u00e7ok korkuttu. Benimle hayata yabanc\u0131la\u015fmaktan korktun. Bu y\u00fczden yaln\u0131zca \u00f6yk\u00fclerinde a\u011flad\u0131n o uyumsuz varl\u0131\u011f\u0131ma. Yaln\u0131zca \u00f6yk\u00fclerinde e\u011fildin bu sevdan\u0131n \u00f6n\u00fcnde. Sen beni yaln\u0131zca \u00f6yk\u00fclerinde sevdin&#8230;<br \/>\u015eimdi ilk a\u015fk\u0131m\u0131n y\u00fcz\u00fc diye sar\u0131ld\u0131\u011f\u0131n ve u\u011fruna ad\u0131m\u0131 dudaklar\u0131ndan, kalbimi kalbinden, g\u00f6lgemi evinin duvarlar\u0131ndan s\u00f6k\u00fcp att\u0131\u011f\u0131n o sevdan\u0131n, yaral\u0131 y\u00fcre\u011fine ra\u011fmen hayat\u0131n ortas\u0131nda dimdik ayakta duruyor olmas\u0131 bir tesad\u00fcf m\u00fc sence? Hayatla yaralanm\u0131\u015f iki k\u0131rg\u0131n y\u00fcrekten, onun i\u00e7inde varolmay\u0131 reddederek yaln\u0131zca a\u015fk\u0131 kendine vatan bileni ve bu y\u00fczden \u00e7\u0131r\u0131l\u00e7\u0131plak, savunmas\u0131z ve g\u00fc\u00e7s\u00fcz kalarak y\u0131k\u0131lm\u0131\u015f olan\u0131 de\u011fil, hayat\u0131n tam da ortas\u0131nda ona meydan okuyarak ya\u015fayan\u0131, sevgiye duydu\u011fu g\u00fcvensizli\u011fi yaral\u0131 y\u00fcre\u011fine kalkan yaparak ayakta kalmay\u0131 ba\u015farm\u0131\u015f olan\u0131 se\u00e7men bir tesad\u00fcf m\u00fc? Hayattan kopmu\u015f bir roman kahraman\u0131ndan s\u0131k\u0131l\u0131p, hayat\u0131n i\u00e7inde m\u00fccadele eden bir ger\u00e7eklik kahraman\u0131n\u0131 tercih etmen bir tesad\u00fcf m\u00fc?<br \/>Anlat bana ne olur&#8230; Kaybedecek bir\u015feyimiz yok art\u0131k. Birazdan \u015fu kap\u0131dan \u00e7\u0131k\u0131p gideceksin. Aram\u0131za hayat girecek&#8230; Aram\u0131za ba\u015fka bir sevdayla anlamlanan say\u0131s\u0131z anlar, say\u0131s\u0131z mekanlar, geri d\u00f6n\u00fc\u015f\u00fc olmayan an\u0131lar, s\u00f6zler ve koca bir ya\u015fam girecek. Gitti\u011fin o sonsuzluk yolculu\u011fundan seni bir daha geri \u00e7a\u011f\u0131rmayaca\u011f\u0131m. Duvarlar\u0131 g\u00f6zya\u015flar\u0131mla rutubetlenen bu d\u00f6rt duvar y\u00fcre\u011fimde ge\u00e7irece\u011fim karanl\u0131k gecelerde bana o mucizeyi yeniden g\u00f6ndermesi i\u00e7in Tanr\u0131&#8217;ya yeniden yalvarmayaca\u011f\u0131m. O hayat\u0131n i\u00e7ine birt\u00fcrl\u00fc s\u0131\u011famayan ve tela\u015f\u0131ndan durmadan sigaraya sar\u0131lan yorgun ellerinin, nereye baksan hep kar\u015f\u0131nda duran o k\u0131rg\u0131n \u00e7ocuklu\u011funun, uzak denizlerin sisli bu\u011fusuyla her daim \u0131slak dudaklar\u0131n\u0131n ve ruhumun tek s\u0131\u011f\u0131na\u011f\u0131 o tarifsiz kokunun \u00f6zlemiyle \u00e7\u0131ld\u0131rsam bile, merhametin i\u00e7in yalvar\u0131p sana bir kez daha ayn\u0131 ac\u0131mas\u0131zl\u0131\u011f\u0131 yapmayaca\u011f\u0131m. Kimi geceler ba\u015fka bir sevdaya sar\u0131l\u0131p uyudu\u011fun yata\u011f\u0131ndan ans\u0131z\u0131n uyan\u0131p do\u011fruldu\u011funda, o koyu sevdas\u0131yla bo\u015flukta kanayan g\u00f6zlerimin hayali &#8216;nereye gidiyorsun sevgilim&#8217; demeyecek sana&#8230; Korkma benden art\u0131k. A\u015fk\u0131na rakip de\u011filim. \u00d6mr\u00fcne rakip de\u011filim. Seni kadere emanet ettim. Seni ilk a\u015fk\u0131n\u0131n y\u00fcz\u00fcne emanet ettim. K\u0131rg\u0131n de\u011filim ne sana, ne de seni elimden alan bu ac\u0131mas\u0131z hayata&#8230; Beni onca kaybedi\u015ften ve g\u00f6zya\u015f\u0131ndan sonra bu d\u00fcnyadaki cennetine \u00e7a\u011f\u0131ran, sonra annemin rahmi gibi huzur kokan uykular\u0131m\u0131z\u0131 sonsuza kadar yeniden elimden alan Tanr\u0131&#8217;ya bile k\u0131rg\u0131n de\u011filim ben&#8230;<br \/>\u015eimdi git art\u0131k sevgilim. Sana sevgilim diyorum hala, ba\u011f\u0131\u015fla beni. Sen art\u0131k bir ba\u015fkas\u0131n\u0131n sevgilisisin. Yaln\u0131zca bu c\u00fcmleyi kurmamak i\u00e7in bile \u00f6lmek isterdim. Seni sonsuza dek kaybetti\u011fim bu g\u00fcnleri hi\u00e7 ya\u015famadan \u00f6lmek isterdim. Ad\u0131m dudaklar\u0131nda yok olmadan, tenim teninde hen\u00fcz solmadan, daha b\u00f6ylesi yabanc\u0131n olmadan&#8230; G\u00f6zlerindeki o \u00e7ocuksu su\u00e7lulu\u011fu giderken denize at. Ona ihtiyac\u0131n yok art\u0131k. Affet kendini&#8230; Beni affet&#8230; Affet bu yaral\u0131 sevdam\u0131&#8230; O hayat\u0131n i\u00e7ine birt\u00fcrl\u00fc s\u0131\u011famayan ve tela\u015f\u0131ndan durmadan sigaraya sar\u0131lan yorgun ellerini, nereye baksan hep kar\u015f\u0131nda duran o k\u0131rg\u0131n \u00e7ocuklu\u011funu, uzak denizlerin sisli bu\u011fusuyla her daim \u0131slak dudaklar\u0131n\u0131, ruhumun tek s\u0131\u011f\u0131na\u011f\u0131 o tarifsiz kokunu yan\u0131na al giderken&#8230; Tutkunu oldu\u011fum neyin varsa hepsini al\u0131p git&#8230; \u015eizofren a\u015fk\u0131n\u0131n son mektubu bu sana&#8230; \u015eimdi s\u00f6z bitti art\u0131k.<br \/>Konu\u015famam art\u0131k seninle&#8230; Konu\u015famam, yaln\u0131zca a\u011flar\u0131m&#8230;<br \/>U\u00e7urumun dibinde nas\u0131l g\u00f6r\u00fcnd\u00fc\u011f\u00fcm\u00fc<br \/>Merak ederdim hep.<br \/>Y\u00fcz\u00fcm\u00fcn aynadaki bo\u015flu\u011funa hep bakmak isterdim.<br \/>\u0130nan\u00e7lar\u0131m\u0131n k\u0131r\u0131l\u0131p d\u00f6k\u00fcld\u00fc\u011f\u00fc yeri anlamak i\u00e7in<br \/>kalabal\u0131klar i\u00e7indeki yaln\u0131zl\u0131\u011f\u0131ma dokunmak isterdim&#8230;<br \/>A\u015fkt\u0131 ad\u0131n u\u00e7urumda, yan\u0131 ba\u015f\u0131mda<br \/>aynadaki suretimdi y\u00fcz\u00fcm,<br \/>ayk\u0131r\u0131 kanard\u0131 bana.<br \/>\u0130nan\u00e7lar\u0131m\u0131n \u00e7o\u011fu yalanm\u0131\u015f<br \/>alay ederdi benimle.<br \/>\u00c7ok ge\u00e7 anlad\u0131m, kalabal\u0131klar aras\u0131ndaki<br \/>senmi\u015fsin dokunamad\u0131\u011f\u0131m&#8230;<br \/>Yaln\u0131zl\u0131\u011f\u0131m diye k\u00fc\u00e7\u00fcmsedi\u011fim senin sevginmi\u015f,<br \/>Geceleri ans\u0131z\u0131n uyan\u0131p<br \/>\u0130ncitip durdu\u011fum senin yoklu\u011funmu\u015f&#8230;<br \/>Onca sevi\u015fmeden sonra de\u011fi\u015fmemi\u015fsem,<br \/>sihirli bir ayd\u0131nl\u0131kta,<br \/>i\u00e7imde bir yer sana sonsuz hasret kald\u0131\u011f\u0131 i\u00e7inmi\u015f&#8230;<br \/>\u0130\u015fte onca yalan ge\u00e7en hayat\u0131mda<br \/>buymu\u015f tek ger\u00e7ekli\u011fim&#8230;<\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: justify;\">Cezmi ERS\u00d6Z<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>\u00a0 Hadi gir i\u00e7eri. Ama g\u00f6zlerindeki o kanayan su\u00e7luluk b\u0131rak kap\u0131da kals\u0131n. Ona ihtiyac\u0131m\u0131z yok art\u0131k. O hayat\u0131n i\u00e7ine birt\u00fcrl\u00fc s\u0131\u011famayan ve tela\u015f\u0131ndan durmadan sigaraya sar\u0131lan yorgun ellerini, nereye baksan hep kar\u015f\u0131nda duran o k\u0131rg\u0131n \u00e7ocuklu\u011funu, uzak denizlerin sisli bu\u011fusuyla her daim \u0131slak dudaklar\u0131n\u0131, ruhumun tek s\u0131\u011f\u0131na\u011f\u0131 o tarifsiz kokunu kap\u0131da b\u0131rak. Tutkunu oldu\u011fum neyin [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[18],"tags":[],"class_list":{"0":"post-2558","1":"post","2":"type-post","3":"status-publish","4":"format-standard","6":"category-cezmi-ersoz"},"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO Premium plugin v24.9 (Yoast SEO v24.9) - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>G\u00d6LGEM D\u00dc\u015eM\u00dcYOR ARTIK EV\u0130N\u0130N DUVARLARINA - narteks.net<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/narteks.net\/index.php\/2009\/12\/06\/golgem-dusmuyor-artik-evinin-duvarlarina\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"tr_TR\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"G\u00d6LGEM D\u00dc\u015eM\u00dcYOR ARTIK EV\u0130N\u0130N DUVARLARINA\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"\u00a0 Hadi gir i\u00e7eri. Ama g\u00f6zlerindeki o kanayan su\u00e7luluk b\u0131rak kap\u0131da kals\u0131n. Ona ihtiyac\u0131m\u0131z yok art\u0131k. O hayat\u0131n i\u00e7ine birt\u00fcrl\u00fc s\u0131\u011famayan ve tela\u015f\u0131ndan durmadan sigaraya sar\u0131lan yorgun ellerini, nereye baksan hep kar\u015f\u0131nda duran o k\u0131rg\u0131n \u00e7ocuklu\u011funu, uzak denizlerin sisli bu\u011fusuyla her daim \u0131slak dudaklar\u0131n\u0131, ruhumun tek s\u0131\u011f\u0131na\u011f\u0131 o tarifsiz kokunu kap\u0131da b\u0131rak. 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