{"id":2559,"date":"2009-12-06T20:21:22","date_gmt":"2009-12-06T17:21:22","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/localhost\/wordpress\/2009\/12\/06\/gozlerimden-cok-yarami-sevdim\/"},"modified":"2009-12-06T20:21:22","modified_gmt":"2009-12-06T17:21:22","slug":"gozlerimden-cok-yarami-sevdim","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/narteks.net\/index.php\/2009\/12\/06\/gozlerimden-cok-yarami-sevdim\/","title":{"rendered":"G\u00d6ZLER\u0130MDEN \u00c7OK YARAMI SEVD\u0130M"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>\u00a0<\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: justify;\">Kalplerinde a\u015fk i\u015faretiyle do\u011far kimileri&#8230; Yery\u00fcz\u00fcne g\u00f6n\u00fcl indiremez onlar&#8230; Hayat\u0131 ve insanlar\u0131 anlarlar,hayata ve insanlara merhamet duyarlar,ama hayat\u0131n ve onun i\u00e7indeki insanlar\u0131n ya\u015fad\u0131klar\u0131 gibi ya\u015famazlar.<br \/>A\u015fk i\u015fareti ile do\u011fanlar ya\u015farken d\u00fcnyaya talip olmazlar&#8230;Bilirler ki ne isteseler,neyi ansalar,ne kazansalar a\u015fk\u0131n d\u0131\u015f\u0131nda hi\u00e7bir \u015fey avutmaz onlar\u0131,teselli etmez&#8230;G\u00f6n\u00fcll\u00fc s\u00fcrg\u00fcnd\u00fcr onlar&#8230;Gizliden gizliye hissederler bunu&#8230;Sonsuz bir \u0131\u015f\u0131ktan kopup gelmi\u015flerdir geldikleri yere&#8230;Kopup geldikleri \u0131\u015f\u0131\u011fa inan\u00e7lar\u0131 ne kadar b\u00fcy\u00fckse,i\u00e7lerinde ki ac\u0131 da o kadar derindir&#8230;Bu ac\u0131 hat\u0131rlat\u0131r onlara kopup geldikleri yeri&#8230;Bu ac\u0131 hat\u0131rlat\u0131r onlara kim olduklar\u0131n\u0131 ve niye varolduklar\u0131n\u0131&#8230;<br \/>Kalplerinde a\u015fk i\u015faretiyle do\u011fsa da baz\u0131 g\u00fcnler yorulur insan kar\u015f\u0131l\u0131ks\u0131z sevgilerinden&#8230;Yorulur kendisini anlatamamaktan&#8230;Sevgilim der,sevgilim der,ama,sevgilim dedi\u011fi yan\u0131nda de\u011fildir,bilir&#8230;Baz\u0131 g\u00fcnler insan soluksuz kal\u0131r,i\u00e7indeki sevgili olmasa bile kar\u015f\u0131s\u0131ndakine deliler gibi sar\u0131l\u0131r&#8230;O olmad\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131 bile bile sonsuz bir umutsuzlukla sar\u0131l\u0131r&#8230;\u0130nsan soluksuz kalmaya g\u00f6rs\u00fcn,sevgili diye b\u00fct\u00fcn yanl\u0131\u015flar\u0131na,b\u00fct\u00fcn ka\u00e7\u0131\u015flar\u0131na,kendine yapt\u0131\u011f\u0131 ihanetlere sar\u0131l\u0131r&#8230;\u0130nsan bir kere i\u00e7indeki a\u015fktan umudunu kesmeye g\u00f6rs\u00fcn,her \u015fey olmak,her yere yeti\u015fmek i\u00e7in bu hayat d\u00fc\u015fer&#8230;Her \u015fey oldu\u011funu,her yere yeti\u015fti\u011fini sand\u0131\u011f\u0131 anda,ortada kendisi yoktur art\u0131k&#8230;Kaybolmu\u015flu\u011fa \u00e7ok yak\u0131nd\u0131r&#8230;Kopup geldi\u011fi \u0131\u015f\u0131\u011fa inanc\u0131 azalm\u0131\u015ft\u0131r&#8230;Daha az ac\u0131 \u00e7ekiyordur art\u0131k&#8230;Ama daha mutsuzdur eskisinden&#8230;.Daha mutsuzdur,o \u0131\u015f\u0131\u011f\u0131 ac\u0131 \u00e7ekerek \u00f6zledi\u011fi g\u00fcnlerden&#8230;<br \/>Soluksuz kald\u0131\u011f\u0131m kendime bile saklad\u0131\u011f\u0131m g\u00fcnlerden bir g\u00fcnd\u00fc&#8230;Kaybolmu\u015flu\u011fa yak\u0131nd\u0131m&#8230;\u0130\u00e7imdeki ac\u0131 h\u0131zla eksiliyordu&#8230;I\u015f\u0131k soluyordu,soluyordu t\u0131pk\u0131 sesim gibi&#8230;Soluyordu i\u00e7imdeki a\u015fk i\u015fareti gibi&#8230;\u00d6ylesine kaybolmu\u015ftum ki bulam\u0131yordum art\u0131k i\u00e7imde neyi yitirdi\u011fimi,neyi kirletti\u011fimi&#8230;\u00d6yle uzakla\u015fm\u0131\u015ft\u0131m ki kendimden,kendimi bulmak i\u00e7in birine ihtiyac\u0131m vard\u0131&#8230;<br \/>Onunla nerede ve nas\u0131l tan\u0131\u015ft\u0131\u011f\u0131m\u0131z \u00f6nemli de\u011fil&#8230;.Ger\u00e7ekten de\u011fil&#8230;Kaybolmu\u015f insanlar birbirini \u00e7abuk buluyor&#8230;.Umutsuzluk umutsuzlu\u011fu \u00e7a\u011f\u0131r\u0131yor&#8230;<br \/>Konu\u015fmaya susam\u0131\u015ft\u0131k&#8230;Sanki ikimizde dilini,k\u00fclt\u00fcr\u00fcn\u00fc bilmedi\u011fimiz uzak \u00fclkelerden hen\u00fcz d\u00f6nm\u00fc\u015f gibiydik bu \u00fclkeye&#8230;Oysa b\u00f6yle bir \u015fey yoktu&#8230;Hep buradayd\u0131k&#8230;Hep o \u0131\u015f\u0131\u011f\u0131m\u0131zdan kayboldu\u011fumuz yerde&#8230;O \u0131\u015f\u0131\u011f\u0131 orada b\u0131rak\u0131p bu d\u00fcnyaya,bu hayata g\u00f6n\u00fcl indirdi\u011fimiz,her \u015fey ve her yerde oldu\u011fumuzu sand\u0131\u011f\u0131m\u0131z yerde&#8230;Hep o soluksuz kald\u0131\u011f\u0131m\u0131z yerde&#8230;Daha vakit var,o \u0131\u015f\u0131\u011fa sonra d\u00f6nerim, dedi\u011fimiz bu yerdeydik ikimizde&#8230;<br \/>Belki ayn\u0131 gece,belki y\u0131llar boyunca konu\u015ftu\u011fumuz yerden bana geldik&#8230;susuz ve yorgun&#8230;Ya\u015famaya k\u00f6pekler gibi a\u00e7,ama \u00f6l\u00fcme d\u00fcnden raz\u0131&#8230;<br \/>Bana geldik&#8230;Belki i\u00e7imizdeki ac\u0131y\u0131 avutur,koptu\u011fumuz \u0131\u015f\u0131\u011f\u0131 ikna eder,biraz olsun hi\u00e7 ya\u015famam\u0131\u015f,hi\u00e7bir \u015fey bilmiyormu\u015f gibi yapar,i\u00e7imizden bir \u00f6m\u00fcr \u00e7alar,yitirdi\u011fimiz ve anlayamad\u0131\u011f\u0131m\u0131z ne varsa uzakta b\u0131rak\u0131r,buradan,bu hayattan yolumuza devam ederiz,sanmaya geldik&#8230;<br \/>\u0130\u00e7tik,\u015f\u0131mard\u0131k,a\u011flad\u0131k,hayat\u0131 \u00f6zledik,\u00e7\u0131\u011fl\u0131k att\u0131k;ard\u0131m\u0131zda b\u0131rakt\u0131\u011f\u0131m\u0131z ve bir kez olsun sahiden d\u00f6n\u00fcp bakmad\u0131\u011f\u0131m\u0131z onca k\u0131r\u0131l kalp,onca vazge\u00e7i\u015f,onca erteleyi\u015f,onca unutu\u015f bir gecede ba\u011f\u0131\u015flan\u0131r sand\u0131k&#8230;<br \/>Ama olmad\u0131&#8230;Bunu ilk ve son kez sevi\u015firken anlad\u0131k&#8230;Birbirimizin \u00e7\u0131plak bedenlerine dokundu\u011fumuzda&#8230;Ayn\u0131 anda,belki de pe\u015f pe\u015fe,derinden,\u00e7ok derinden \u00f6ks\u00fcz kalan bir \u00e7ocuk gibi kesik kesik a\u011flamaya ba\u015flad\u0131k&#8230;Engel olmaya \u00e7al\u0131\u015fsak da,yine de kahredici bir ho\u015flu\u011fu vard\u0131 bu a\u011flay\u0131\u015f\u0131n i\u00e7imizde&#8230;Bu hayatta sevgili olarak birlikte gidecek bir yerimiz yoktu&#8230;Ge\u00e7mi\u015fimiz bizi geri \u00e7a\u011f\u0131r\u0131yordu&#8230;Gidecek bir yerimiz yoktu,ama kaybolmam\u0131\u015ft\u0131k&#8230;Bu y\u00fczden kahredici bir bo\u015flu\u011fu vard\u0131 g\u00f6z ya\u015flar\u0131m\u0131z\u0131n&#8230;<br \/>Sonra sabah oldu&#8230;Sonra ac\u0131 ve \u00f6zlemin yerini utanga\u00e7 bir bo\u015fluk ald\u0131&#8230;B\u00fct\u00fcn o eksik hazlar\u0131n yerini derin bir su\u00e7luluk duygusu ald\u0131&#8230;<br \/>Sonra o gitti,yaramda hi\u00e7 unutamayaca\u011f\u0131m bir \u00fcrperti b\u0131rakarak gitti&#8230;Yaram ki,kimse onun kadar beni anlayamaz,yaram ki onun kadar kimse beni sevemez&#8230;G\u00f6zlerimden \u00e7ok i\u00e7imdeki yaram\u0131 sevdim ben&#8230;\u00c7\u00fcnk\u00fc ondan ba\u015fka kimse bana beni g\u00f6steremedi&#8230;Herkese,ama herkese yalan s\u00f6yledim,ama bir tek o biliyordu hepsini&#8230;Bir tek o g\u00f6rd\u00fc beni kendimi aldat\u0131rken&#8230;Onu unutmaya \u00e7ok \u00e7al\u0131\u015ft\u0131m&#8230;Yok saymaya&#8230;Hayat diye i\u00e7ine girmedi\u011fim akvaryum kalmad\u0131&#8230;Her mevsim mutluluk modayd\u0131&#8230;O akvaryumlar\u0131n i\u00e7inde mutluymu\u015fum gibi yapt\u0131m&#8230;Yaram\u0131 unutup herkes ne yap\u0131yorsa onu yapmaya \u00e7al\u0131\u015ft\u0131m&#8230;Akvaryumun i\u00e7inde,herkes gibi camlar\u0131n d\u0131\u015f\u0131nda bir yeri \u00f6zledim&#8230;Bana ait olmayan bir hayatta,hi\u00e7bir ortak yan\u0131m olmayan insanlarla akvaryumun d\u0131\u015f\u0131n\u0131 \u00f6zledim&#8230;Yaram\u0131 unutup,neyi \u00f6zlediklerini bilmeyen insanlar\u0131n \u00f6zleyi\u015flerini sevdim&#8230;Bilmiyorum,belki bunu da kendi yaram\u0131 unutmak i\u00e7im yapt\u0131m hep&#8230;Anlad\u0131m ki,nereye gitsem sonunda yarama d\u00f6n\u00fcyorum&#8230;Ne yapsam,ne etsem d\u00f6nd\u00fc\u011f\u00fcm tek yer yine o eski kalbim&#8230;B\u00fct\u00fcn o oyunlardan bana kalan o eski yadigar&#8230;Ne kadar sevse de insan,t\u00fckenip,yoruldu\u011fu bir saat var&#8230;Herkesin bencil bir \u00f6mr\u00fc var&#8230;\u0130\u015fte en \u00e7ok o zaman hat\u0131rlar\u0131m o eski kalbimi,onca insana kendimden \u00f6\u00e7 al\u0131rcas\u0131na da\u011f\u0131tt\u0131\u011f\u0131m kalbimi,\u00e7ok sevdi\u011fim bir yabanc\u0131 gibi hat\u0131rlar\u0131m&#8230;Mahcup bir \u00f6zlemle \u00e7a\u011f\u0131r\u0131r\u0131m onu da\u011f\u0131tt\u0131\u011f\u0131m yerlerden;hayatlardan,yorgun ve bencil sevgilerden&#8230; Utanarak&#8230;Sanki kendi kalbimi geri \u00e7a\u011f\u0131rmak bir su\u00e7mu\u015f gibi \u00e7a\u011f\u0131r\u0131r\u0131m&#8230;G\u00fczellik ve soyluluk sakl\u0131d\u0131r o kalpte&#8230;Kalbimdeki kimsesiz kalm\u0131\u015f g\u00fczelli\u011fe ve soylulu\u011fa vurgunumdur ben&#8230;Onu her arzulay\u0131\u015f\u0131mda kar\u015f\u0131ma Tanr\u0131 \u00e7\u0131kar&#8230;Beni b\u00f6yle eksik,b\u00f6yle yar\u0131m,b\u00f6yle susuz,b\u00f6yle bir ba\u015f\u0131na O b\u0131rakm\u0131\u015ft\u0131r&#8230;Tanr\u0131 vard\u0131r ve benim bu sonsuz susuzlu\u011fum ondand\u0131r&#8230;<br \/>Bu susuzlu\u011fu hissetti\u011fim andan beridir hayattan korkmamay\u0131 \u00f6\u011frendim&#8230;Kime dokunsam Tanr\u0131&#8217;ya sonsuz bir yakar\u0131\u015f;kime dokunsam o b\u00fcy\u00fck kopu\u015fun sanc\u0131s\u0131yd\u0131;kime dokunsam kendimdeki ilk a\u011fr\u0131ya dokunu\u015f gibiydi&#8230;Kime dokunsam eksik,ve yanl\u0131\u015f bir Tanr\u0131&#8217;ya dokunmak gibiydi&#8230;<br \/>Tanr\u0131&#8217;y\u0131 unutmak,i\u00e7imdeki a\u015fk\u0131 unutmak gibidir bazen&#8230;B\u00f6yle zamanlarda kalk\u0131p giden her \u015feyin pe\u015fine tak\u0131l\u0131r\u0131m&#8230;B\u00fct\u00fcn zamanlar\u0131n,b\u00fct\u00fcn trenlerin,b\u00fct\u00fcn vaatlerin ve h\u0131zlar\u0131n arkas\u0131ndan giderim&#8230;Farkl\u0131 olmak ad\u0131na,kendim olmak ad\u0131na,herkes gibi olmak ad\u0131na ko\u015far\u0131m giden her \u015feyin ard\u0131ndan&#8230;\u0130\u00e7imdeki Tanr\u0131y\u0131,i\u00e7imdeki a\u015fk\u0131 soluksuz,kimsesiz b\u0131rakarak ko\u015farak giderim her \u015feyin ard\u0131ndan&#8230;Kendimi hat\u0131rlamamak i\u00e7in her an\u0131m\u0131,her dakikam\u0131 t\u0131ka basa bu hayatla doldururum&#8230;i\u00e7imdeki a\u015fk\u0131,i\u00e7imdeki susuzlu\u011fu unutabilmek i\u00e7in bir projeye,bir yaz boz tahtas\u0131na d\u00f6n\u00fc\u015ft\u00fcr\u00fcr\u00fcm kendimi&#8230;Her yerde ve herkesle olmak i\u00e7in kendimi bo\u015flukta bir yerde yeniden yaratmaya \u00e7al\u0131\u015f\u0131r\u0131m&#8230;Herkesle ve her yerde olmak i\u00e7in,beni her yere bir an \u00f6nce yeti\u015fmek i\u00e7in,kendime bana ait olmayan bir kalp,bir y\u00fcz al\u0131p kimsenin bilmedi\u011fi,u\u011framad\u0131\u011f\u0131 bir bo\u015flu\u011fa yerle\u015firim&#8230;Herkes ve her \u015fey olmaz i\u00e7in,beni \u00e7a\u011f\u0131rd\u0131klar\u0131 her yerde olmak i\u00e7in bu bo\u015flukta ya\u015fad\u0131m kimsesiz,bu bo\u015flukta y\u00fcz\u00fcme \u00e7arpan kap\u0131lar,bu bo\u015flukta h\u0131zland\u0131k\u00e7a gecikti\u011fim,bu bo\u015flukta \u00e7\u0131rp\u0131nd\u0131k\u00e7a yitirdi\u011fim her \u015fey bana a\u015fks\u0131z ge\u00e7en y\u0131llar\u0131m\u0131 hat\u0131rlat\u0131r&#8230;Bana Tanr\u0131s\u0131z \u00f6mr\u00fcm\u00fc,y\u00fcz\u00fcmden yoksun ge\u00e7en anlar\u0131m\u0131 hat\u0131rlat\u0131r&#8230;B\u00f6yle zamanlarda defalarca \u00e7i\u011fneyip ge\u00e7erim kendimi&#8230;Verdi\u011fim s\u00f6zleri,etti\u011fim yeminleri&#8230;Atar\u0131m kendimi herkesin ortas\u0131na&#8230;Gizlerimi atar\u0131m hoyrat g\u00f6zlerin \u00f6n\u00fcne&#8230;\u00d6nce ben ba\u015flar\u0131m kendimi ya\u011fmalamaya&#8230;O g\u00fcvenmedi\u011fim hayat\u0131 ve zaman\u0131 yan\u0131ma alarak gizledi\u011fim ne varsa ortaya d\u00f6kerek&#8230;\u00d6\u00e7 al\u0131rcas\u0131na kendimden&#8230;D\u00f6kerim her \u015feyi ortaya&#8230;Herkesin kendinden kurtulmak i\u00e7in k\u0131\u015fk\u0131rtt\u0131\u011f\u0131 yurtsuz ve kimsesiz bir gece i\u00e7in&#8230;<br \/>B\u00f6ylesi gecelerde herkes o eski yaras\u0131na haks\u0131zl\u0131k etmi\u015ftir;b\u00f6ylesi gecelerin sabah\u0131nda herkes ezbere ve \u00e7abuk \u00e7abuk konu\u015fur ve kimse kimsenin g\u00f6zlerine korkusuzca bakmaz&#8230;Herkes bir an \u00f6nce,eksik ve yanl\u0131\u015f da olsa bir gece \u00f6nceki \u00f6mr\u00fcne d\u00f6nmek ister&#8230;Herkes susuz b\u0131rakt\u0131\u011f\u0131 o eski kalbine d\u00f6nmek ister&#8230;<br \/>Bunlar\u0131 bilince,bunlar\u0131 hissederek ya\u015fay\u0131nca kimseye k\u0131zam\u0131yor insan&#8230;\u00d6fke d\u00f6n\u00fcp dola\u015f\u0131p geliyor yine i\u00e7te patl\u0131yor&#8230;\u0130\u00e7imde patl\u0131yor&#8230;\u00c7\u00fcnk\u00fc kime k\u0131z\u0131p,kimi lanetlesem en sonunda onu i\u00e7imde buluyorum&#8230;Su\u00e7lad\u0131\u011f\u0131m herkeste biraz ben var\u0131m&#8230;Kimi yarg\u0131lasam elimde kan\u0131 var&#8230;Kime ba\u011flansam onda haks\u0131zl\u0131k etti\u011fim \u00f6mr\u00fcm ,susuz b\u0131rakt\u0131\u011f\u0131m Tanr\u0131&#8217;m var&#8230;Kime ko\u015fup sar\u0131lsam onda kollar\u0131 ba\u011fl\u0131 erdemim var&#8230;Ba\u015fkalar\u0131n\u0131 yarg\u0131lad\u0131k\u00e7a kendini tutsak eden,ba\u015fkalar\u0131n\u0131 k\u00fc\u00e7\u00fcmsedik\u00e7e k\u00fc\u00e7\u00fclen sevgim var&#8230;Oysa ne yapsam o yurtsuz gecem,susuz b\u0131rakt\u0131\u011f\u0131m a\u015fk\u0131m beni hi\u00e7 unutmaz&#8230;Sorar hesab\u0131n\u0131&#8230;Defalarca gidip gelerek \u00f6mr\u00fcmden,kimlerdi,diye sorar o kanayan y\u00fcz bana,kimdi b\u00fct\u00fcn gece onda yarg\u0131lad\u0131klar\u0131n&#8230;\u0130tildi\u011fim ve s\u0131\u011f\u0131nd\u0131\u011f\u0131m y\u00fcz\u00fcmden tek bir yan\u0131t \u00e7\u0131kar,tek bir ses&#8230;O ses der ki,b\u00fct\u00fcn gece yarg\u0131lad\u0131klar\u0131n asl\u0131nda sensin&#8230;Bilirsin ki o \u0131ss\u0131z gecede bunu sana s\u00f6yleyen senin sesindir&#8230;Sahibini ancak bu \u0131ss\u0131z gecede bulmu\u015ftur&#8230;\u0130\u00e7inde soluksuz b\u0131rakt\u0131\u011f\u0131n Tanr\u0131&#8217;n\u0131n sesi,i\u00e7inde \u00f6yle kimsesiz,\u00f6yle kanlar i\u00e7inde b\u0131rakt\u0131\u011f\u0131n sahipsiz y\u00fcz\u00fcn\u00fcn sesidir&#8230;Ne olur sus ve \u00f6fkelenme der bu ses bana&#8230;Boyun e\u011f bu sese&#8230;Kabullen onu&#8230;Bir kez olsun kendi sesinin \u00f6n\u00fcnde e\u011fil der&#8230;Bir kez olsun kulak ver ona&#8230;Kulak ver ona,onun neleri yitirdi\u011fini,neleri sonsuza dek kaybetti\u011fini bir kez olsun anlar\u0131n a\u011fz\u0131ndan duy&#8230;Y\u00fcz\u00fcnden akan kan\u0131 bir kez olsun \u00f6p&#8230;Sadece g\u00f6zya\u015f\u0131 de\u011fil onlar&#8230;Dokun onlara,dokun kendi kan\u0131na,yitirdi\u011fin ve \u00f6zlemini \u00e7ekti\u011fin her \u015feyi kendi kan\u0131nda bulacaks\u0131n&#8230;Orada b\u00fct\u00fcn yarg\u0131lad\u0131klar\u0131n var&#8230;Orada reddetti\u011fin b\u00fct\u00fcn \u00f6mr\u00fcn var&#8230;Bu hayattan tiksinip lanetledi\u011fin ne varsa,hepsi kan\u0131nda sakl\u0131&#8230;Seni terk edip ihmal edenler,seni bir t\u00fcrl\u00fc anlamak istemeyenler,seni yarg\u0131lay\u0131p d\u0131\u015far\u0131da b\u0131rakanlar orada&#8230;Orada,seni deliler gibi sevenler ve senin i\u00e7ine bir t\u00fcrl\u00fc giremeyenler&#8230;Ne olur bir kes olsun onca insana da\u011f\u0131tt\u0131\u011f\u0131n kendini geriye \u00e7a\u011f\u0131r&#8230;Ne olur bir kez olsun anla,\u00f6mr\u00fcnden daha uza\u011fa gidemezsin&#8230;Onca y\u0131l susuz b\u0131rakt\u0131\u011f\u0131n Tanr\u0131ndan daha uza\u011fa gidemezsin&#8230;Ne olur anla,onca y\u0131l kimsesiz b\u0131rakt\u0131\u011f\u0131n y\u00fcz\u00fcnden daha uza\u011fa gidemezsin&#8230;Ne olur bir kez olsun anla,yar\u0131n\u0131 yok sayarak hi\u00e7bir yere gidemezsin&#8230;<br \/>Ya\u015famak ne ki,hem kendini,hem sevdiklerini durmaks\u0131z\u0131n kimsesiz b\u0131rakmak de\u011fil?..Ya\u015famak y\u00fcz\u00fcn\u00fc onca yemine ra\u011fmen ortada b\u0131rakmak de\u011fil mi?Ya\u015famak her gitti\u011fin yerde b\u0131rakt\u0131\u011f\u0131n y\u00fczleri kanayarak \u00f6zlemek de\u011fil mi?..<br \/>Ya\u015famak,i\u00e7indeki o sonsuz ve tesellisiz ac\u0131n\u0131n tesellisini bu hayatta aramak de\u011fil mi?..<br \/>Bu hayat\u0131n ne yengisi,ne yenilgisi teselli etti beni&#8230;Ne zaman kazand\u0131m,ne zaman,art\u0131k kurtuldum,desem,daha derin bir bo\u015fluk a\u00e7\u0131ld\u0131 \u00f6n\u00fcme&#8230;Bu hayat\u0131n kurallar\u0131yla ne zaman \u00e7\u0131ksam yola,kazand\u0131k\u00e7a kaybettim,y\u00fckseldik\u00e7e al\u00e7ald\u0131m&#8230;Ne akl\u0131mdan kurtuldum,ne delirdim&#8230;<br \/>\u0130\u00e7imdeki erdem \u00f6ylesine soluksuz kalm\u0131\u015ft\u0131 ki,ne zaman a\u015fk\u0131n bir g\u00fczellik g\u00f6rsem erteledi\u011fim hayat\u0131m gelirdi akl\u0131ma&#8230;\u0130\u00e7imdeki erdemi su\u00e7 ve g\u00fcnahla s\u0131namaya ge\u00e7 ba\u015flam\u0131\u015ft\u0131m \u00e7\u00fcnk\u00fc&#8230;<br \/>\u00c7\u00fcnk\u00fc ne zaman yasad\u0131\u015f\u0131 bir gece ya\u015fasam anlams\u0131zca ve kimsesiz bir a\u011flay\u0131\u015f gelirdi i\u00e7imden&#8230;<br \/>Ne zaman beni bana hissettiren birine sar\u0131lsam;\u00e7ok uzaktan,\u00e7ok eski bir duygu bana ra\u011fmen,bana inat yan\u0131mdan ge\u00e7ip giderdi&#8230;Kimi sevsem hi\u00e7 olmad\u0131\u011f\u0131 kadar yaln\u0131zla\u015f\u0131rd\u0131&#8230;Kimi sevsem b\u00fct\u00fcn o yanl\u0131\u015f hayat\u0131m gizlendi\u011fi yerden \u00e7\u0131k\u0131p gelirdi&#8230;Kimi anlamaya \u00e7al\u0131\u015fsam hayat\u0131m\u0131n bo\u015flu\u011fu \u00e7arpard\u0131 y\u00fcz\u00fcme&#8230;Kime elimi uzatsam o unutulmu\u015f \u00f6mr\u00fcmle kar\u015f\u0131la\u015f\u0131rd\u0131m&#8230;<br \/>Kendimi daha fazla ne kadar t\u00fcketebilirdim&#8230;Kime sar\u0131lsam verip de tutamad\u0131\u011f\u0131m s\u00f6zler \u00e7\u0131kard\u0131 kar\u015f\u0131ma&#8230;<br \/>\u0130nsan her sabah do\u011fan g\u00fcne\u015ften utan\u0131r&#8230;\u0130nsan er ya da ge\u00e7 gelen mevsimlerden utan\u0131r&#8230;<br \/>\u0130nsan onca y\u0131l susuz b\u0131rakt\u0131\u011f\u0131 Tanr\u0131s\u0131ndan utan\u0131r&#8230;<br \/>\u0130nsan bunca i\u015farete,bunca \u00f6zleme ra\u011fmen bir t\u00fcrl\u00fc gidemedi\u011fi yerden utan\u0131r&#8230;<br \/>\u0130nsan yalan bir hayattan onca y\u0131l bir kurtulu\u015f bekledi\u011fine utan\u0131r&#8230;<\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: justify;\">Cezmi ERS\u00d6Z<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>\u00a0 Kalplerinde a\u015fk i\u015faretiyle do\u011far kimileri&#8230; Yery\u00fcz\u00fcne g\u00f6n\u00fcl indiremez onlar&#8230; Hayat\u0131 ve insanlar\u0131 anlarlar,hayata ve insanlara merhamet duyarlar,ama hayat\u0131n ve onun i\u00e7indeki insanlar\u0131n ya\u015fad\u0131klar\u0131 gibi ya\u015famazlar.A\u015fk i\u015fareti ile do\u011fanlar ya\u015farken d\u00fcnyaya talip olmazlar&#8230;Bilirler ki ne isteseler,neyi ansalar,ne kazansalar a\u015fk\u0131n d\u0131\u015f\u0131nda hi\u00e7bir \u015fey avutmaz onlar\u0131,teselli etmez&#8230;G\u00f6n\u00fcll\u00fc s\u00fcrg\u00fcnd\u00fcr onlar&#8230;Gizliden gizliye hissederler bunu&#8230;Sonsuz bir \u0131\u015f\u0131ktan kopup gelmi\u015flerdir geldikleri [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[18],"tags":[],"class_list":{"0":"post-2559","1":"post","2":"type-post","3":"status-publish","4":"format-standard","6":"category-cezmi-ersoz"},"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO Premium plugin v24.9 (Yoast SEO v24.9) - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>G\u00d6ZLER\u0130MDEN \u00c7OK YARAMI SEVD\u0130M - narteks.net<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" 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