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\u00c7ocukken gidilen evler iki t\u00fcrl\u00fcyd\u00fc: Annemin se\u00e7ti\u011fi dostluklar ve gitmek zorunda kald\u0131\u011f\u0131 yerler. Annemin g\u00f6nl\u00fcnce kurdu\u011fu dostluklar\u0131 severdim ben. \u00c7o\u011fu d\u00fcnyadan elini, ete\u011fini\u00a0 \u00e7ekmi\u015f kimselerdi. \u00d6yle yerlere gidece\u011fimizde annemin ince k\u0131vr\u0131mlarla bi\u00e7imlenmi\u015f dudaklar\u0131 sevin\u00e7le \u00e7\u00f6z\u00fcl\u00fcyor; ruj, dudaklarda hafif\u00e7e gezinip k\u0131z\u0131la d\u00f6n\u00fc\u015ft\u00fcr\u00fcyor k\u0131rm\u0131z\u0131s\u0131n\u0131. Kap\u0131dan kedi ad\u0131mlar\u0131yla \u00e7\u0131k\u0131yoruz. Annem, dikkatle sokak kap\u0131s\u0131n\u0131 kilitlemiyor. Sonra sokak yazsa daha bir i\u00e7 a\u00e7\u0131c\u0131 serinlikte, sonbahar\u0131 ya\u015f\u0131yorsak iyicene iliklerimizi \u0131s\u0131tan \u0131l\u0131k g\u00fcne\u015flerle dolard\u0131. Yollarda d\u00f6n\u00fcp d\u00f6n\u00fcp gerime bak\u0131yorum. \u015eifa’n\u0131n denize \u00e7\u0131kan burnunda sak\u0131za\u011fa\u00e7lar\u0131 vard\u0131. Art\u0131k deniz banyolar\u0131ndan vazge\u00e7ilmi\u015f g\u00fcnlerde, gen\u00e7ler onlar\u0131n altlar\u0131na otururlard\u0131. Yo\u011furt\u00e7u taraf\u0131ndan sandallar \u00e7\u0131k\u0131yor; Kurba\u011fal\u0131dere’nin a\u011fz\u0131na gelince ya Kalam\u0131\u015f k\u0131y\u0131lar\u0131na uzan\u0131rlar ya da \u015eifa’dan Moda’ya kadar gezinirlerdi. \u00d6\u011flen g\u00fcne\u015finin omuzlara e\u011fili\u015fi, ok\u015fay\u0131\u015f\u0131.
Annemin yeniden gen\u00e7k\u0131z gibi yollardan ge\u00e7ti\u011fi s\u0131ralarda, ya\u011fmurlardan bile g\u00f6nenirdim. Bu ya\u011fmurlar ergenlik y\u0131llar\u0131m\u0131n ve \u015fimdinin ya\u011fmurlar\u0131na yabanc\u0131d\u0131r. R\u00fczg\u00e2r \u00fc\u015f\u00fctmezdi; so\u011fuk r\u00fczg\u00e2rlar ya\u011fmurlu\u011fumun yakas\u0131n\u0131, eteklerini a\u00e7\u0131p u\u00e7urtmazd\u0131. Ya\u011fmurda y\u00fcr\u00fcy\u00fc\u015flerimiz annemle. Tramvaylar\u0131n, otob\u00fcslerin, vapurlar\u0131n, ender bindi\u011fimiz otomobillerin pencerelerine iri damlalar vururdu. Damlan\u0131n b\u00fct\u00fcnle\u015ferek cama \u00e7arp\u0131\u015f\u0131; da\u011f\u0131larak kendince su yollar\u0131 a\u00e7\u0131yor. Binlerce resim \u00e7izerdim kafamda. Annemi g\u00f6r\u00fcrd\u00fcm, ku\u015flar uyduruyorum, ayy\u0131ld\u0131zl\u0131 T\u00fcrk bayraklar\u0131… Ya\u011fmurun \u00e7i\u00e7ekd\u00fcrb\u00fcn\u00fcnden binlerce \u015fekil ge\u00e7erdi arka arkaya. Bulutlarla da hep bu oyunu oynard\u0131k. \u0130ncil\u00e2 Abla’yla. \u0130ncil\u00e2 Abla, annemin isteyerek, \u00f6zleyerek gitti\u011fi evin k\u0131z\u0131yd\u0131.
Annemin onlar\u0131 nereden tan\u0131d\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131 \u00e7\u0131karam\u0131yorum. Belki uzaktan bir yak\u0131nl\u0131k, h\u0131s\u0131ml\u0131k vard\u0131 aram\u0131zda. Bizim geldi\u011fimizi g\u00f6r\u00fcnce delicesine sevinirlerdi. \u0130ffet Han\u0131m beni kucaklar, sa\u00e7lar\u0131m\u0131 defalarca \u00f6p\u00fcp koklard\u0131. Ta\u015fl\u0131ktan girilince kar\u015f\u0131m\u0131za d\u00fc\u015fen odaya ko\u015fard\u0131m. Burada \u0130ffet Han\u0131m’\u0131n annesi ya\u015f\u0131yor. \u0130ffet Han\u0131m’\u0131n annesi, ben hat\u0131rlad\u0131\u011f\u0131mda \u00e7ok ya\u015fl\u0131 bir kad\u0131nd\u0131. V\u00fccudunun yorgunlu\u011funa kar\u015f\u0131n, akl\u0131 din\u00e7ti. \u0130htiyarl\u0131\u011f\u0131ndan yerinden kalkm\u0131yor, sabahtan ak\u015fama kadar bir k\u00f6\u015fe koltu\u011funda dua ediyordu. Mor kadife \u00fczerine s\u0131rma i\u015flemeli kesesinden elyazmas\u0131 Kur’an’\u0131n\u0131 \u00e7\u0131kar\u0131r, hi\u00e7 s\u0131k\u0131lmadan ezbere bildi\u011fi ayetleri tekrar tekrar okurdu. Onun elini \u00f6perdim. Bu el, her vakit tuhaf, bayg\u0131n bir menek\u015fe kolonyas\u0131 kokard\u0131. Kolonyas\u0131 Nuhbe Han\u0131m’\u0131n ba\u015fucunda dururdu. Yuvarlak, tombul \u015fi\u015fenin kapa\u011f\u0131 sincap rengiydi.
Nuhbe Han\u0131m k\u0131na yakard\u0131 sa\u00e7lar\u0131na. \u00d6n\u00fc i\u015flemeli beyaz t\u00fclbentlerle \u00f6rterdi sa\u00e7lar\u0131n\u0131. \u0130ncecikti sa\u00e7\u0131n\u0131 \u00f6rtt\u00fc\u011f\u00fc t\u00fclbentler. Yata\u011f\u0131n\u0131n ayak ucuna konmu\u015f boh\u00e7as\u0131nda kal\u0131n t\u00fclbentler vard\u0131, lavanta torbac\u0131klar\u0131yla sarma\u015f dola\u015f. Nuhbe Han\u0131m az\u0131c\u0131k k\u0131p\u0131rdan\u0131p hareket etti\u011finde terliyordu ve k\u0131z\u0131 s\u0131rt\u0131na kal\u0131nca t\u00fclbentlerden koyard\u0131. Elbiselerinin yakalar\u0131na rokoko yapraklar i\u015flenmi\u015f; ikide bir ellerini bu yapraklara de\u011fdiriyor Nuhbe Han\u0131m. Benle b\u00fcy\u00fck insanm\u0131\u015f\u0131m gibi konu\u015fuyor. \u0130ffet Han\u0131m’a, “\u00c7ocu\u011fa bir bardak t\u00fckenmez versenize can\u0131m,” diyor. \u0130ffet Han\u0131m h\u00e2l\u00e2 t\u00fckenmez kurard\u0131 k\u0131\u015f aylar\u0131nda. Benim i\u00e7in taze meyveler, balbademler, i\u00e7f\u0131st\u0131klar\u0131 getirir; sessizce bir yana b\u0131rak\u0131rd\u0131. Ger\u00e7ekte onurun saklatd\u0131\u011f\u0131 bir yoksulluk, odalardan ta\u015fl\u0131\u011fa, ta\u015fl\u0131ktan mutfa\u011fa belli belirsiz sinmi\u015fti.
\u0130ncil\u00e2 Abla’lar\u0131n evi. Bahariye’nin arka sokaklar\u0131ndayd\u0131. Buradaki \u00fc\u00e7 k\u00e2rgir konaklar\u0131, zenginlik \u00e7a\u011flar\u0131n\u0131 kapad\u0131klar\u0131ndan kiraya verilmi\u015fti. Ev sahipleri, herhalde pek \u00f6nceden kar\u015f\u0131 yakaya ta\u015f\u0131nm\u0131\u015flard\u0131. Baz\u0131 g\u00fcnlerde, havan\u0131n a\u00e7\u0131k ve ayd\u0131nl\u0131k oldu\u011fu g\u00fcnlerde at arabas\u0131yle gelirdik \u0130ncil\u00e2 Abla’lara. \u00d6teden soka\u011fa sapar sapmaz dantelal\u0131 mendil kenarlar\u0131n\u0131 hat\u0131rlatan \u00e7at\u0131 \u00e7\u0131kmalar\u0131 g\u00f6r\u00fcn\u00fcrd\u00fc. Tahta oymalar \u00e7ok g\u00fczeldi. Nicedir kona\u011f\u0131n y\u00fcz\u00fc ya\u011fl\u0131boya g\u00f6rmedi\u011finden karar\u0131p \u00e7irkinle\u015fmi\u015fti. Dam\u0131nda hep sazlar bitmi\u015fti. K\u0131r\u0131k d\u00f6k\u00fckt\u00fc pencerelerin kepenkleri. Bah\u00e7eden girince, konakta kimselerin ya\u015famad\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131 d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcn\u00fcyordu insan. Duta\u011fa\u00e7lar\u0131yle akasyalar bak\u0131ms\u0131zl\u0131ktan yaban\u0131lla\u015fm\u0131\u015flard\u0131 ..
\u0130ncil\u00e2 Abla’lar, hemen bah\u00e7eye a\u00e7\u0131lan en alt katta oturuyorlard\u0131. Ama pencereleri kapal\u0131 durdu\u011fundan mevsimlerin rengi, \u0131\u015f\u0131\u011f\u0131, kokular\u0131 kona\u011f\u0131n kilerinden bozma eve giremezlerdi. Evin i\u00e7i suskunluk ve s\u0131cak; \u0130ncil\u00e2 Abla’n\u0131n ye\u015fil marul yapraklar\u0131yle besledi\u011fi kanaryas\u0131n\u0131n \u00f6t\u00fc\u015fleriyle da\u011f\u0131l\u0131rd\u0131. Ta\u015fl\u0131kta duvarlar ak badanayd\u0131. Nuhbe Han\u0131m’\u0131n odas\u0131nda g\u00fclkurusu. Kire\u00e7 badanan\u0131n \u00fczerine yap\u0131\u015fm\u0131\u015f f\u0131r\u00e7a k\u0131llar\u0131n\u0131 ay\u0131klamaya bay\u0131l\u0131rd\u0131m.
Nuhbe Han\u0131m’\u0131n e\u015fyas\u0131 y\u0131llard\u0131r yenilenmemi\u015fti. Evin k\u00f6keni gibiydi e\u015fya. Duvara dayal\u0131, parlakl\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131 yitirmi\u015f pirin\u00e7 topuzlarla bezeli y\u00fcksek, demirden karyolas\u0131; sa\u011fl\u0131 sollu, yast\u0131klarla t\u0131ka basa doldurulmu\u015f koltuk; \u00fczerinde iki b\u00fcy\u00fck gaz lambas\u0131n\u0131n durdu\u011fu aynal\u0131 konsol… \u015eimdi sadece bunlar\u0131 an\u0131msayabiliyorum. Sonralar\u0131 Nuhbe Han\u0131m’\u0131n yan\u0131ndan ay\u0131rmad\u0131\u011f\u0131 \u0130ncil\u00e2 Abla’n\u0131n mevlut \u015fekerlerini bir de.
\u0130ffet Han\u0131m’a, kolay kolay, Nuhbe Han\u0131m’\u0131n k\u0131z\u0131d\u0131r denemezdi. Ufak tefekti, i\u00e7i tez kad\u0131nd\u0131. \u00c7ok \u00e7\u00f6km\u00fc\u015ft\u00fc, ya\u015f\u0131n\u0131 kestiremezdim bu y\u00fczden. Annesine sigara saran elleri, t\u00fct\u00fcnden olacak, sapsar\u0131yd\u0131. Modas\u0131 ge\u00e7mi\u015f uzun elbiseler giyerdi. Giysileri de\u011fi\u015fir, g\u00f6\u011fs\u00fcne takt\u0131\u011f\u0131 elmas i\u011fne de\u011fi\u015fmezdi: Ne dal\u0131 oldu\u011fu anla\u015f\u0131lmayan bir alt\u0131n \u00e7ubu\u011fa oturtulmu\u015f ta\u015flar. Ta\u015flar\u0131n t\u00fcm\u00fcne su ka\u00e7m\u0131\u015ft\u0131, kara karayd\u0131. Sa\u00e7lar\u0131 topuzdu \u0130ffet Han\u0131m’\u0131n. Ba\u015f\u0131ndaki kemik tokalar\u0131, firketeleri ne zaman saymaya kalksam, sonunu getiremezdim.
D\u0131\u015farda ya\u015fanan kalabal\u0131klardan, e\u011flencelerden, sevin\u00e7lerden, hatta \u00fcz\u00fcnt\u00fclerden ve kederlerden bu eve s\u0131zabilen bir tek bizlerdik: Annemle ben.
\u0130ncil\u00e2 Abla, ge\u00e7mi\u015f zamanlardan kalma bir perik\u0131z\u0131 gibiydi. K\u0131z\u0131l sa\u00e7lar\u0131n\u0131 omuzlar\u0131na d\u00f6ker, a\u011f\u0131r a\u011f\u0131r tarard\u0131. Papatya sular\u0131yle y\u0131kan\u0131yordu k\u0131z\u0131l sa\u00e7lar\u0131. Papatya kayn\u0131yor ocakta. \u0130kimiz ufal\u0131yoruz papatyalar\u0131. \u0130ncil\u00e2 Abla’yla karanfil kurusu kaynat\u0131p esans yap\u0131yoruz. Onunla birlikte olmaktan mutluluk duyard\u0131m. \u0130li\u015firdim kuca\u011f\u0131na. Defterime kenars\u00fcs\u00fc yapard\u0131 Faber kalemlerimle. \u00c7ukulata yald\u0131zlar\u0131n\u0131 biriktiriyor, k\u0131r\u0131\u015f\u0131klar\u0131 ince parmaklar\u0131yle d\u00fczeltiyor; ben gelince bana verecek. Kimi vakitler annesi gibi sa\u00e7lar\u0131n\u0131 topluyor, ama onun topuzu s\u0131k\u0131 de\u011fil. Aralardan ka\u00e7an yumu\u015fak bukleler ensesine d\u00fc\u015ferdi.
Ba\u015fka gelen giden yok muydu oraya? Sanki \u00fcst katlarda kimse oturmuyordu ve biz, kimsenin ya\u015famad\u0131\u011f\u0131 bir kona\u011fa tan\u0131kt\u0131k. \u00d6b\u00fcr kirac\u0131larla merdiven ba\u015f\u0131nda, bah\u00e7ede, dut a\u011fa\u00e7lar\u0131n\u0131n g\u00f6lgeli\u011finde, hi\u00e7bir yerde hi\u00e7bir yerde kar\u015f\u0131la\u015fmad\u0131k. Nuhbe Han\u0131m’\u0131n s\u00f6z\u00fcn\u00fc etti\u011fi insanlar ge\u00e7mi\u015f, g\u00f6\u00e7m\u00fc\u015flerdi. Solgun y\u00fczleri, sark\u0131k yanaklar\u0131yle \u00e7ektikleri foto\u011fraflar\u0131 g\u00f6sterirdi bana eski tan\u0131d\u0131klar\u0131n\u0131n. An\u0131lar\u0131yle yetiniyordu. \u0130ffet Han\u0131m’sa b\u00f6yle \u015feyleri d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnmeye, anmaya f\u0131rsat bulamazd\u0131 san\u0131r\u0131m. Evi evirip \u00e7eviren, kotarand\u0131 \u0130ffet Han\u0131m. \u0130ncil\u00e2’yla birlikte b\u00fct\u00fcn g\u00fcnler \u00e7al\u0131\u015f\u0131rlard\u0131. Kasna\u011fa ge\u00e7mi\u015f i\u015fler biter bitmez, \u0130ffet Han\u0131m satmaya g\u00f6t\u00fcr\u00fcrd\u00fc. \u0130ncil\u00e2’n\u0131n babas\u0131ndan kalan az\u0131c\u0131k emekli ayl\u0131\u011f\u0131na, dul ve yetim maa\u015f\u0131na \u0130ffet Han\u0131m’\u0131n zorlukla satt\u0131\u011f\u0131 i\u015flemelerin, g\u00f6z nurunun, el eme\u011finin pek ucuza gider kar\u015f\u0131l\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131 eklerlerdi. \u00dc\u00e7\u00fc bir ba\u015flar\u0131na erkeksiz ya\u015f\u0131yorlard\u0131. Belki de d\u0131\u015f d\u00fcnyayla ilgisiz ya\u015famlar\u0131 bundand\u0131. \u0130ffet Han\u0131m’\u0131n elinde en canl\u0131 iplikler h\u00fczne bulan\u0131r; en g\u00f6z kama\u015ft\u0131r\u0131c\u0131 \u00e7i\u00e7ekler ac\u0131 \u00e7\u00f6kertirdi. Oysa \u0130ncil\u00e2 Abla’n\u0131n suzen\u00eeleri, sarmalar\u0131, hesapi\u015fleri huzur verirdi i\u00e7imize.
Annem, onlara gitti\u011fimizde daima hediyeler g\u00f6t\u00fcr\u00fcrd\u00fc. S\u0131rayla Nuhbe Han\u0131m’a, \u0130ffet Teyzeye ve \u0130ncil\u00e2 Abla’ya. Ama bu hediyeler, annemin gitmek zorunda kald\u0131\u011f\u0131 yerlere g\u00f6t\u00fcrd\u00fc\u011f\u00fc buket \u00e7i\u00e7eklere, l\u00fcks fondanlara benzemezdi. Paketleri gizlice ta\u015fl\u0131ktaki ayaklar\u0131 sallant\u0131l\u0131 yemek masas\u0131na b\u0131rak\u0131rd\u0131. \u0130ffet Han\u0131m hemen farkeder, “K\u0131z\u0131m ne diye zahmet ediyorsun,” derdi. Sesindeki titreyi\u015f, bende onlardan, o ta\u015fl\u0131ktan ve odalardan ka\u00e7mak ihtiyac\u0131n\u0131 uyand\u0131r\u0131rd\u0131.
Ta\u015fl\u0131kta ayakkab\u0131lar\u0131m\u0131z\u0131 \u00e7\u0131kart\u0131rd\u0131k. Naftalin kokulu terlikler getirirdi \u0130ncil\u00e2 Abla. Terlikler ayaklar\u0131ma biraz b\u00fcy\u00fck geliyor. \u00c7ay vakti k\u0131zarm\u0131\u015f k\u00fc\u00e7\u00fck ekmeklere s\u00fcr\u00fcl\u00fc re\u00e7el ve tereya\u011f\u0131yla kahvalt\u0131 ediyoruz. Birden i\u015ftah\u0131m kapan\u0131rd\u0131. \u0130ncil\u00e2 Abla’n\u0131n g\u00f6zlerini arad\u0131m. Bak\u0131\u015flar\u0131m\u0131z birle\u015fti\u011finde dinerdi midemin sinsi bulant\u0131s\u0131.
Bunca eski, yal\u0131n e\u015fyan\u0131n ortas\u0131nda \u00e7ay fincanlar\u0131 harikul\u00e2deydi. Bunlar porselendi. Kulplar\u0131ysa \u00e7aya e\u011filmi\u015f, \u00e7ay\u0131 yudumlamaya haz\u0131r g\u00fcm\u00fc\u015f ku\u015flard\u0131… \u00c7ay i\u00e7tikten sonra \u0130ncil\u00e2 Abla bize ut \u00e7alard\u0131. “ek deveci develeri engine \/ \u015eimdi ra\u011fbet g\u00fczel ile zengine” diye bir G\u00fcney-Anadolu t\u00fcrk\u00fcs\u00fc s\u00f6ylerdi. Nuhbe Han\u0131m, bu t\u00fcrk\u00fc s\u00f6ylendi\u011finde \u0130ncil\u00e2 Abla’ya nedense darg\u0131n, k\u00fcsm\u00fc\u015f bakard\u0131. Ya da bana \u00f6yle geliyordu. \u00c7\u00fcnk\u00fc ak\u015fam\u0131n karard\u0131\u011f\u0131 saatlerde kap\u0131n\u0131n g\u0131c\u0131rdayarak sokaktan a\u00e7\u0131lmayaca\u011f\u0131n\u0131 bilmek, bende \u00e7\u00f6zemedi\u011fim duygular\u0131n ba\u015flang\u0131c\u0131 say\u0131l\u0131r. S\u00f6zgelimi bize sunulan g\u00fcm\u00fc\u015f ku\u015flu fincanlar\u0131n k\u0131r\u0131ld\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131 duyard\u0131m. Kafesteki kanaryan\u0131n bir sabah \u00f6ld\u00fc\u011f\u00fcn\u00fc. Bah\u00e7edeki camlar\u0131 boydan boya \u00e7atlak limonlukta s\u0131k\u0131\u015fm\u0131\u015f ar\u0131lar\u0131. Biz eve d\u00f6nd\u00fc\u011f\u00fcm\u00fczde babam\u0131 beklerdik.
\u015ea\u015f\u0131rmam gereken konulardan biri, \u0130ffet Han\u0131m’la \u0130ncil\u00e2 Abla’n\u0131n bize hi\u00e7 gelmemeleriydi. Nuhbe Han\u0131m’\u0131n ya\u015fl\u0131l\u0131\u011f\u0131na, y\u00fcr\u00fcyemeyecek kerte yorgun olu\u015funa ba\u011flard\u0131m bunu.
Bir g\u00fcn ola\u011fan\u00fcst\u00fc bir \u015feyle kar\u015f\u0131la\u015ft\u0131k \u0130ncil\u00e2 Abla’larda. Nuhbe Han\u0131m’lara annemle benden ba\u015fka misafir gelmezken, ilkyaz \u00f6\u011fleden sonras\u0131nda, gen\u00e7 ve yak\u0131\u015f\u0131kl\u0131 bir adam, ta\u015fl\u0131ktaki masay\u0131 \u00e7evreleyen iskemlelerden birine oturmu\u015f, kahve i\u00e7iyordu. Pencerelerin kepenkleri aralanm\u0131\u015ft\u0131 \u00fcstelik. \u0130\u00e7eriye yans\u0131yabilen, nihayet odalar\u0131 dolduran g\u00fcn \u0131\u015f\u0131\u011f\u0131 ans\u0131z\u0131n eski e\u015fyay\u0131 b\u00fcy\u00fclemi\u015f, \u015fenlendirmi\u015fti. Gen\u00e7 adam\u0131n sa\u00e7lar\u0131ndan bir demet aln\u0131na d\u00f6k\u00fclm\u00fc\u015ft\u00fc. \u0130ffet Han\u0131m annemi kar\u015f\u0131lad\u0131\u011f\u0131nda, o da aya\u011fa kalkt\u0131.
“Ne iyi ettiniz de geldiniz,” dedi \u0130ffet Han\u0131m, “eri\u015fte kesmi\u015ftim ben de.”
\u0130ncil\u00e2 Abla ibri\u015fimleri, elvan elvan iplikleri topluyordu tel\u00e2\u015fla. “Kusura bakmay\u0131n,” dedi anneme.
“Biz yabanc\u0131 m\u0131y\u0131z \u0130ncil\u00e2?”
“Cahit,” dedi \u0130ffet Han\u0131m. “Tan\u0131yacaks\u0131n S\u00fcheyl\u00e2, Hasan amcayla K\u00e2mran yengenin o\u011flu.”
Annem g\u00fcl\u00fcms\u00fcyordu. Hasan amcayla K\u00e2mran yengenin adlar\u0131n\u0131 ilk kez i\u015fitiyordum.
“M\u00fchendis \u00e7\u0131km\u0131\u015f bu sene Cahit. Binbir g\u00fc\u00e7l\u00fckle aray\u0131p bulmu\u015f buras\u0131n\u0131 sa\u011folsun.”
Ben hemen m\u00fchendis olmaya karar veriyordum. Gen\u00e7 adam, hemen benim Cahit a\u011fbim oluyordu ve ben, b\u00fcy\u00fcy\u00fcnce t\u0131pk\u0131 ona benziyordum. Geni\u015f omuzlu, uzun boylu, insan\u0131n elini s\u0131karken g\u00fcven\u00e7 veren.
Cahit a\u011fbi sayg\u0131yla annemin elini s\u0131kt\u0131. Benim de. Galiba hayat\u0131mda alays\u0131z elimi s\u0131kan birinci insand\u0131 o.
D\u00fcn gibi hat\u0131rl\u0131yorum: O g\u00fcn kandil simitleri yedik Nuhbe Han\u0131m’\u0131n odas\u0131na dolu\u015fup. Nuhbe Han\u0131m baya\u011f\u0131 gen\u00e7le\u015fmi\u015fti. Cahit a\u011fbinin getirdi\u011fi siyah-beyaz damal\u0131 ba\u015f\u00f6rt\u00fcs\u00fcn\u00fc g\u00f6stermi\u015fti anneme. Onlar\u0131 aray\u0131p soran bir ba\u015fka insan\u0131n gizli gururunu ta\u015f\u0131yordu. “Cahit a\u011fbine \u015fiir okusana” dediler bana. Cahit a\u011fbime ba\u015f\u0131m\u0131 \u00e7eviriyor, sonra utan\u00e7la yere e\u011fiyordum. Bah\u00e7eye \u00e7\u0131kt\u0131k; \u0130ncil\u00e2 Abla, Cahit a\u011fbi \u00fc\u00e7\u00fcm\u00fcz. Camlar\u0131 boydan boya \u00e7atlak limonlukta kuru otlara oturduk. Ta\u015fl\u0131\u011fa girip p\u0131tp\u0131t terliklerimizi giydi\u011fimizde g\u00fcne\u015f bat\u0131yordu. Nuhbe Han\u0131m’\u0131n odas\u0131 alacakaranl\u0131\u011fa b\u00fcr\u00fcnm\u00fc\u015ft\u00fc. Cahit a\u011fbi, alacakaranl\u0131kta, \u0130ncil\u00e2 Abla’y\u0131 seyrediyordu sezdirmeden. Cahit a\u011fbiye defterimi, \u0130ncil\u00e2 Abla’n\u0131n yapt\u0131\u011f\u0131 kenar s\u00fcslerini g\u00f6sterdim. \u00c7arp\u0131m cetvelini \u00e7\u0131kard\u0131m okul \u00e7antamdan. Boncuklar\u0131n yerlerini de\u011fi\u015ftirdim. Pergelle suda halkalar \u00e7izdi defterime Cahit a\u011fbi. Nuhbe Han\u0131m, oradan oraya ko\u015fturan \u0130ffet Han\u0131m’\u0131n terli y\u00fcz\u00fcne bir \u015feyler m\u0131r\u0131ldanarak \u00fcfledi. \u0130ncil\u00e2 Abla ud \u00e7almad\u0131. Eri\u015ftelerimizi patiska bir torbaya koydu \u0130ffet Han\u0131m; “Sana da verece\u011fim Cahit,” dedi. “Size gelip yerim teyzeci\u011fim.” Hasan amcan\u0131n, K\u00e2mran yengenin yinelenen adlar\u0131. Nuhbe Han\u0131m’\u0131n kadife kesesinden \u00e7\u0131kan elyazmas\u0131 Kur’an. Ayr\u0131l\u0131rken annem, \u0130ncil\u00e2 Abla’y\u0131 sevecenlikle kucakl\u0131yor.
\u0130lkyaz aylar\u0131nda Cahit a\u011fbiye hep rastlad\u0131k Nuhbe Han\u0131m’larda. Misafir odas\u0131 \u015fimdi, bize oldu\u011fu gibi, onun i\u00e7in de a\u00e7\u0131l\u0131yordu. \u0130\u015fe girmi\u015fti Cahit a\u011fbi. M\u00fchendisli\u011fin \u00f6n\u00fc \u015fimdi a\u00e7\u0131kt\u0131lar, herkes m\u00fchendis olmak istiyordular… Kad\u0131k\u00f6y\u00fc’ne ge\u00e7ti\u011finde, ne yap\u0131p ne edip, Nuhbe Han\u0131m’larda eri\u015fte yiyordu.
\u0130ffet Han\u0131m kasnaklar\u0131 konsolun g\u00f6z\u00fcne kald\u0131rm\u0131\u015f durmadan bir \u015feyler dikiyordu. Sayfalar\u0131n\u0131 \u00e7evirdi\u011fim Manidifata’lar da yoktu ortal\u0131kta. Ta\u015fl\u0131ktaki masan\u0131n alt\u0131na beyaz k\u00e2\u011f\u0131tlar yay\u0131l\u0131yor, kuma\u015flar bi\u00e7iliyordu. Soka\u011fa \u00e7\u0131kt\u0131\u011f\u0131m\u0131zda anneme sordum:
“Anne, Cahit a\u011fbi onlar\u0131n nesi oluyor?”
“\u0130ncil\u00e2 Abla’yla evlenecekler. Allah y\u00fcz\u00fcn\u00fc g\u00fcld\u00fcrs\u00fcn \u0130ncil\u00e2’n\u0131n.”
“\u0130ncil\u00e2 Abla gidecek mi buradan?”
\u0130ncil\u00e2 Abla’y\u0131 yitirmekten \u00fcrk\u00fcyordum. \u00c7ocuk kalbime han\u00e7erler bat\u0131yordu. \u0130ncil\u00e2 Abla limonlukta yine ut \u00e7al\u0131yor, Cahit a\u011fbi g\u00fcr sesiyle “Etme beyhude figan vazge\u00e7 g\u00f6n\u00fcl” \u015fark\u0131s\u0131n\u0131 okuyordu. Nuhbe Han\u0131m, odas\u0131n\u0131n penceresini ard\u0131na kadar a\u00e7m\u0131\u015f, dinliyordu. Kafesteki kanarya g\u00fcne\u015flerde bah\u00e7eye \u00e7\u0131kart\u0131l\u0131yordu. Ot g\u00f6vermi\u015f, harap bah\u00e7eler azm\u0131\u015ft\u0131. Nuhbe Han\u0131m’\u0131n sedefli kavuklar\u0131na yerle\u015ftirilmi\u015f c\u0131l\u0131z k\u00fcpe\u00e7i\u00e7ekleri bile tomurcuklanm\u0131\u015ft\u0131. Ben kona\u011f\u0131n oymal\u0131 dam \u00e7\u0131kmalar\u0131ndan ho\u015flanm\u0131yordum, limonlukta y\u00fckselen kal\u0131n erkek sesini sevmiyordum, Cahit a\u011fbi dostum olmuyordu.
\u0130ffet Han\u0131m’lar\u0131n odas\u0131ndaki cilal\u0131 tahta sand\u0131k a\u00e7\u0131l\u0131p kapan\u0131yordu. Okul \u00e7\u0131k\u0131\u015flar\u0131nda genellikle buraya geliyorduk annemle. Tahta sand\u0131\u011f\u0131n a\u00e7\u0131l\u0131p kapan\u0131\u015flar\u0131na. “Eskiden,” diyordu Nuhbe Han\u0131m, “k\u0131zlar\u0131n \u00e7eyizinde bir teli ipekten, bir teli ketenden k\u0131v\u0131r k\u0131v\u0131r dokunmu\u015f hil\u00e2li g\u00f6mlekler makbuld\u00fc.” Herkes g\u00fcl\u00fcyordu onun anlatt\u0131klar\u0131na. Aral\u0131k kepenklerden \u015fi\u015fman dut sinekleri giriyordu odaya. Hevessiz, co\u015fkusuz g\u00fcnlerim. \u0130ncil\u00e2 Abla’y\u0131, o duta\u011fa\u00e7lar\u0131n\u0131n g\u00f6lgeledi\u011fi evden ayr\u0131 d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnemiyordum. \u0130ncil\u00e2 Abla bir perik\u0131z\u0131 olmaktan uzakla\u015f\u0131yor, etiyle-kemi\u011fiyle ger\u00e7e\u011fe d\u00f6n\u00fc\u015f\u00fcyordu. \u00c7ar\u015faflardan s\u0131caktutaca\u011f\u0131na, her \u015fey haz\u0131rlan\u0131yordu \u00e7eyizde.
“O u\u011fursuz mum \u00e7i\u00e7eklerinden,” diyordu da, ba\u015fka bir \u015fey demiyordu annem. Ni\u015fan elbisesi dikilirken s\u00f6z bozuldu. Cahit a\u011fbinin geli\u015fleri seyrekle\u015fmi\u015fti. Limonlu\u011fa ge\u00e7ip \u015fark\u0131lar s\u00f6ylemiyordu art\u0131k. \u0130ncil\u00e2 Abla’y\u0131 kucaklay\u0131\u015flar\u0131nda so\u011fuktu, b\u0131kk\u0131nd\u0131. Oturup kalkmas\u0131, giyinip ku\u015fan\u0131\u015f\u0131 ba\u015fkala\u015fm\u0131\u015ft\u0131. Defterime g\u00f6nyesiyle \u00fc\u00e7genler yapmad\u0131 boy boy. Mum \u00e7i\u00e7ekleri limonlukta kendi kendilerine bitmi\u015flerdi. “Y\u0131llarca otun \u00fcremedi\u011fi limonlukta.”
Cahit A\u011fbi’nin \u0130ncil\u00e2 Abla’yla ni\u015fanlanmay\u0131\u015f\u0131n\u0131n nedeni belirsizdi. Annem konu\u015fmuyordu sordu\u011fum vakit. Ben onlara gitmedi\u011fimizde \u00e7ar\u00e7abuk unutuyordum. Zaten tatil yakla\u015f\u0131yordu, yaz\u0131n esrikli\u011fi vurmu\u015ftu ba\u015f\u0131ma.
\u0130ffet Han\u0131m’\u0131 k\u0131pk\u0131rm\u0131z\u0131 g\u00f6zlerle buluyorduk. U\u00e7uk pembe tafta ni\u015fan elbisesi eski gard\u0131roba as\u0131lm\u0131\u015ft\u0131. “\u00dcz\u00fclmeyin \u0130ffet Abla.” diyordu annem.. “nerde \u0130ncil\u00e2 gibi bir k\u0131z bu zamanda. K\u0131smeti kapanmad\u0131 ya.” Kendi de inanm\u0131yordu s\u00f6ylediklerine pek. Kanarya eski yerine kondu. \u0130ncil\u00e2 Abla’n\u0131n y\u00fcz\u00fcnde ya\u015famadan t\u00fckenmi\u015f umut \u0131\u015f\u0131\u011f\u0131 g\u00fcl\u00fcmsemeler. Sonra sonra zay\u0131flamaya ba\u015flad\u0131. \u0130nce v\u00fccudu ate\u015flerle kavruluyordu. “Bu yap\u0131l\u0131r m\u0131yd\u0131,” dedi annem, “bu yapayaln\u0131z, s\u0131\u011f\u0131naks\u0131z insanlara yap\u0131l\u0131r m\u0131yd\u0131 bu!”
Annemin misafir g\u00fcn\u00fcnde beyaz eldivenler ge\u00e7irmi\u015f, g\u00fcne\u015f \u015femsiyeli bir kad\u0131n, “\u0130ncil\u00e2’y\u0131 da bundan sonra kimse almaz,” dedi. “Az gezmedi o m\u00fchendis \u00e7ocukla. Limonlukta \u015fark\u0131lar\u0131n bini bir parayd\u0131. G\u00f6kleri \u00e7\u0131nlatt\u0131 \u00e2vazeleri.” Hallerini bilmeyi\u015flerinden s\u00f6z edildi \u0130ffet Han\u0131m’lar\u0131n; K\u0131z\u0131lay’a sat\u0131lan hesapi\u015fleri, m\u00fcrver i\u011fneler, civan ka\u015flar\u0131.
Ni\u015fan bozulmas\u0131ndan bir yaz ge\u00e7mi\u015fti. Koskoca bir yaz ge\u00e7mi\u015fti. Cahit a\u011fbiyi yan\u0131nda k\u0131saca boylu, \u00e7ok \u015f\u0131k bir k\u0131zla Moda’da g\u00f6rm\u00fc\u015ft\u00fck. Deniz Kul\u00fcb\u00fc’ne giriyordu. Gen\u00e7k\u0131z\u0131n sa\u00e7lar\u0131 bukle bukle kesilmi\u015fti. Per\u00e7emleri, yoku\u015fta Cahit a\u011fbiye yaslan\u0131\u015flar\u0131… Deniz Kul\u00fcb\u00fc’nde caz \u00e7al\u0131yordu. Kay\u0131klarla gelip dans edenleri seyrediyordu halk. Cahit a\u011fbi, anneme selam vermek istemi\u015fti: Hasan amcayla K\u00e2mran yengenin o\u011flu, “Tan\u0131yacaks\u0131n S\u00fcheyl\u00e2.” Buz gibi durmu\u015ftu annem. Bana el sallam\u0131\u015ft\u0131 Cahit a\u011fbi, kolumdan \u00e7ekip s\u00fcr\u00fcklemi\u015fti annem.
D\u00fc\u011f\u00fcnler ya\u015fan\u0131yor. Gelin g\u00fclery\u00fczle iniyor merdivenlerden. \u00c7ocuklar geziniyor ortal\u0131kta. Kad\u0131nlar aynalarda yap\u0131l\u0131 sa\u00e7lar\u0131n\u0131 d\u00fczeltiyorlar. D\u00fc\u011f\u00fcn pastas\u0131 kesiliyor.
Ben hi\u00e7 d\u00fc\u011f\u00fcnlere gitmiyorum.
\u0130\u00e7inde akide \u015fekerleriyle bir tek lokumun oldu\u011fu pembe k\u00e2\u011f\u0131d\u0131 a\u00e7m\u0131\u015ft\u0131m. Pembe k\u00e2\u011f\u0131t k\u00fclahta \u0130ncil\u00e2 Abla’m\u0131n soluk bask\u0131l\u0131 foto\u011fraf\u0131n\u0131 g\u00f6rm\u00fc\u015ft\u00fcm. Limonlu\u011fa kar ya\u011f\u0131yordu. Kar, \u00e7atlak camlardan i\u00e7eriye ya\u011f\u0131p eriyordu.
Kuru ayaz\u0131n ard\u0131ndan ya\u011fmurlar geldi.
“Ho\u015f geldiniz, “dedi annem.
“\u015eak\u0131r \u015fak\u0131r ya\u011fmur, man\u015fonumu \u0131slatt\u0131,” dedi annemin g\u00fcne\u015f \u015femsiyeli konu\u011fu. \u00c7izmelerini \u00e7\u0131kard\u0131. Man\u015fonunun t\u00fcylerini kabartt\u0131. Soba yanan odaya girerken, “\u0130\u015fittiniz mi?” diye sordu. “Sizin \u0130ncil\u00e2’n\u0131n Cahit, eski el\u00e7ilerden Regaip beyin k\u0131z\u0131yla ni\u015fanlanm\u0131\u015f, y\u0131ld\u0131r\u0131m nikah\u0131yla evleneceklermi\u015f.” Bir an sustu anlaml\u0131 g\u00f6z s\u00fczmelerle. “Regaip bey \u00e7ok seviniyormu\u015f. Sevinir elbet, Cahit hem g\u00fczel \u00e7ocuk hem de istikbali a\u00e7\u0131k.”
Annem, misafir han\u0131ma muzlu pastadan tutmuyordu.
(*)Selim \u0130leri, Dostluklar\u0131n Son G\u00fcn\u00fc, Bilgi Yay\u0131nevi, Ankara 1975, ss: 33-44<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"