{"id":3999,"date":"2010-01-14T19:06:27","date_gmt":"2010-01-14T16:06:27","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/localhost\/wordpress\/2010\/01\/14\/cunku-hersey-sonsuzdu-ya-da-oylesine-bir-belirsizlikten-iceri-kayip-gidiyordu-ki-ozgurluk-ve-eylem-franz-kafka\/"},"modified":"2010-01-14T19:06:27","modified_gmt":"2010-01-14T16:06:27","slug":"cunku-hersey-sonsuzdu-ya-da-oylesine-bir-belirsizlikten-iceri-kayip-gidiyordu-ki-ozgurluk-ve-eylem-franz-kafka","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/narteks.net\/index.php\/2010\/01\/14\/cunku-hersey-sonsuzdu-ya-da-oylesine-bir-belirsizlikten-iceri-kayip-gidiyordu-ki-ozgurluk-ve-eylem-franz-kafka\/","title":{"rendered":"\u00c7\u00fcnk\u00fc her\u015fey sonsuzdu ya da \u00f6ylesine bir belirsizlikten i\u00e7eri kay\u0131p gidiyordu ki | \u00d6zg\u00fcrl\u00fck Ve Eylem – Franz Kafka"},"content":{"rendered":"

<\/strong>Her insan kendine \u00f6zg\u00fcd\u00fcr ve kendine \u00f6zg\u00fcl\u00fc\u011f\u00fcnden \u00f6t\u00fcr\u00fc ya\u015famda bir rol oynamak g\u00fcc\u00fcyle donat\u0131lm\u0131\u015ft\u0131r; yeter ki, kendine \u00f6zg\u00fcl\u00fc\u011f\u00fcnden tat als\u0131n. Benim kendi deneyimlerime\u00a0 g\u00f6re\u00a0 gerek okulda, gerek evde kendine \u00f6zg\u00fcl\u00fck silinip at\u0131lmaya u\u011fra\u015f\u0131l\u0131yordu. Bu yoldan e\u011fitimde kolayl\u0131k sa\u011flan\u0131yor, beri yandan ya\u015fam denilen \u015fey ben \u00e7ocuk i\u00e7in kolayla\u015ft\u0131r\u0131l\u0131yordu. Ancak, zorlamalardan do\u011fan ac\u0131y\u0131 daha \u00f6nce tad\u0131yordum ister istemez. \u00c7\u00fcnk\u00fc ak\u015famleyin heyecanl\u0131 bir anlat\u0131y\u0131 okumaya dalm\u0131\u015fken, kendisinden ba\u015fkas\u0131 i\u00e7in ge\u00e7erlik ta\u015f\u0131mayan birtak\u0131m nedenler \u00f6ne s\u00fcr\u00fclerek okumas\u0131na ara vermesi ve yatmaya gitmesi gerekti\u011fi bir o\u011flan\u0131n kafas\u0131na asla sokulamaz.<\/p>\n

\u00f6rne\u011fin bana art\u0131k zaman\u0131n ge\u00e7 oldu\u011fu an\u0131msat\u0131ld\u0131 da, okuya okuya g\u00f6zlerimi bozaca\u011f\u0131m, .sabahleyin uykumu alamayaca\u011f\u0131m ve yataktan kalkmakta g\u00fc\u00e7l\u00fck \u00e7ekece\u011fim, b\u00fct\u00fcn bunlar\u0131nsa o pespaye ve salak\u00e7a anlat\u0131ya de\u011fmeyece\u011fi s\u00f6ylendi mi, s\u00f6ylenenleri kesinlikle \u00e7\u00fcr\u00fctemiyordum; ama bunu ba\u015faramay\u0131\u015f\u0131m, s\u00f6ylenenlerden hi\u00e7 birinin \u00fczerinde d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcn\u00fclmeye de\u011ferlik a\u015famas\u0131na ula\u015famay\u0131\u015f\u0131mdan ileri geliyordu. \u00c7\u00fcnk\u00fc her\u015fey sonsuzdu ya da \u00f6ylesine bir belirsizlikten i\u00e7eri kay\u0131p gidiyordu ki, sonsuzlukla bir tutulabilirdi. Zaman da sonsuzdu bunun gibi, yani vakit ge\u00e7 say\u0131lamazd\u0131; g\u00f6z nurum sonsuzdu, yani g\u00f6zlerimi bozmam diye bir \u015feyin s\u00f6z\u00fc edilemezdi. Gece bile sonsuzdu hatta, yani erken kalk\u0131lamayaca\u011f\u0131 gibi bir tasaya yer yoktu; hem ben kitaplar\u0131 salak\u00e7a ve zekice diye ay\u0131rm\u0131yor, beni sar\u0131yorlar m\u0131, sarm\u0131yorlar m\u0131, ona bak\u0131yordum. Okudu\u011fum kitaplar da sar\u0131yordu beni. Bunu elbet b\u00f6yle dile getirip s\u00f6yleyemiyordum; ama okumam\u0131 s\u00fcrd\u00fcrmeme izin vermeleri i\u00e7in yalvar\u0131p yakarmalar\u0131mla ba\u015f a\u011fr\u0131t\u0131yor ya da yasaklamalara kar\u015f\u0131n okumam\u0131 s\u00fcrd\u00fcrmekten geri kalm\u0131yordum.<\/p>\n

Bu, benim kendime \u00f6zg\u00fcl\u00fc\u011f\u00fcmd\u00fc. Bu \u00f6zg\u00fcl\u00fc\u011f\u00fcm\u00fc bask\u0131 alt\u0131na almak isteyerek, gaz lambas\u0131n\u0131 s\u00f6nd\u00fcr\u00fcp beni \u0131\u015f\u0131ks\u0131z b\u0131rak\u0131yor, davran\u0131\u015flar\u0131 i\u00e7in de \u015f\u00f6yle bir neden ileri s\u00fcr\u00fcyorlard\u0131: Baksana, herkes uyumaya gidiyor, eh, sen de uyuyacaks\u0131n herhalde. B\u00f6yle oldu\u011funu g\u00f6r\u00fcyor, akl\u0131ma yatmamas\u0131na kar\u015f\u0131n \u00e7aresiz buna inan\u0131yordum. \u00c7ocuklar kadar \u00e7ok devrimler ger\u00e7ekle\u015ftirmek isteyen kimse yoktur. Ama de\u011feri teslim edilecek s\u00f6z konusu bask\u0131lamay\u0131 bir yana b\u0131rak\u0131rsak, hemen her konudaki gibi bu konuda da genel \u00f6rneklerden kalk\u0131l\u0131p sivrili\u011finin k\u00f6rletilmesi bile ba\u015far\u0131lamayan bir diken varl\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131 hep koruyordu. Diyece\u011fim, \u00f6zellikle b\u00f6yle ak\u015famlar, d\u00fcnyada benim kadar istekle kitap okuyacak hi\u00e7 kimsenin \u00e7\u0131kmayaca\u011f\u0131 gibi bir san\u0131ya kapt\u0131r\u0131yordum kendimi. Hani \u015fimdilik ba\u015fvurulan genellik \u00f6rne\u011fini \u00e7\u00fcr\u00fctmekte i\u015fime pek yaram\u0131yordu bu; kald\u0131 ki, i\u00e7imde \u00f6n\u00fcne ge\u00e7ilemeyecek kadar g\u00fc\u00e7l\u00fc bir okuma hevesinin ya\u015fad\u0131\u011f\u0131na inanmad\u0131klar\u0131n\u0131 g\u00f6r\u00fcyordum. Ancak yava\u015f yava\u015f ve \u00e7ok sonralar\u0131, belki bendeki heves art\u0131k tavsamaya ba\u015flad\u0131\u011f\u0131 i\u00e7in, di\u011fer bir\u00e7ok kimsenin de okumaya kar\u015f\u0131 bendeki gibi g\u00fc\u00e7l\u00fc bir istek duydu\u011fu, ama kendini tuttu\u011fu yolunda bir \u00e7e\u015fit kan\u0131 belirdi i\u00e7imde. \u0130\u015fte o zaman bana yap\u0131lan haks\u0131zl\u0131\u011f\u0131 anlad\u0131m, mahzun kalk\u0131p yatmalara gittim, aile i\u00e7indeki ya\u015fam\u0131mla ilerki t\u00fcm ya\u015fam\u0131m\u0131 bir bak\u0131ma belirleyen h\u0131nc\u0131n i\u00e7imde ilk filizlenip ye\u015fermesi bu d\u00f6neme rastlar. Ger\u00e7i okuma yasa\u011f\u0131 tek bir \u00f6rnek hepsi, ama karakteristik bir \u00f6rnek; \u00e7\u00fcnk\u00fc ilgili yasa\u011f\u0131n derinden derine etkisi alt\u0131nda kald\u0131m. Kendine \u00f6zg\u00fcl\u00fc\u011f\u00fcm benimsenmedi, ama ben onu varl\u0131\u011f\u0131mda hissetti\u011fimden bu konuda pek duyarl\u0131 ve hep tetikteydim\u00a0 bana kar\u015f\u0131 g\u00f6sterilen davran\u0131\u015fa, beni bir mahk\u00fbm edi\u015f diye bakt\u0131m ister istemez. Peki, daha bu a\u00e7\u0131k\u00e7a sergilenen kendine \u00f6zg\u00fcl\u00fck b\u00f6yle ho\u015f kar\u015f\u0131lanmazsa, ufak bir uygunsuz yan\u0131n\u0131 g\u00f6r\u00fcp i\u00e7imde sakl\u0131 tutarak a\u00e7\u0131\u011fa vurmad\u0131\u011f\u0131m kendine \u00f6zg\u00fcl\u00fckler ne fena \u015feyler olmal\u0131yd\u0131, kimbilir. \u00f6rne\u011fin ertesi g\u00fcnk\u00fc derslere \u00e7al\u0131\u015facakken, ak\u015fam tutup kitap okuyordum. Belki \u00f6devden ka\u00e7\u0131\u015f diye bak\u0131lacak ger\u00e7ekte pek k\u00f6t\u00fc bir davran\u0131\u015ft\u0131 bu; ama benim i\u00e7in \u00f6nemli olan mutlak de\u011ferlendirme de\u011fildi, ben benzetme yoluyla de\u011ferlendirmelere bak\u0131yordum yaln\u0131z.<\/p>\n

B\u00f6yle bir de\u011ferlendirme a\u00e7\u0131s\u0131ndan, g\u00f6sterdi\u011fim savsakl\u0131k san\u0131r\u0131m uzun boylu okumalardan daha k\u00f6t\u00fc say\u0131lmazd\u0131; kald\u0131 ki, yol a\u00e7aca\u011f\u0131 sonu\u00e7lar okula ve otoritelere kar\u015f\u0131 korkumdan \u00f6t\u00fcr\u00fc pek s\u0131n\u0131rl\u0131yd\u0131. Okuma y\u00fcz\u00fcnden yer yer u\u011frad\u0131\u011f\u0131m kay\u0131plar\u0131, o vakitler pek g\u00fc\u00e7l\u00fc belle\u011fimden yararlanarak, sabah yataktan kalk\u0131nca ya da sonradan okulda gideriyordum. Ancak \u00f6nemli olan, \u00e7ok okumamdan duyulan ho\u015fnutsuzlu\u011fu kendim al\u0131p daha ilerlere g\u00f6t\u00fcr\u00fcyor, bunu i\u00e7imde gizli tuttu\u011fum \u00f6devden ka\u00e7\u0131\u015f \u00f6zelli\u011fine de uyguluyor, dolay\u0131s\u0131yla alabildi\u011fine hazin bir sonuca ula\u015f\u0131yordum. Sanki can yakmas\u0131 istenmeyen bir kam\u00e7\u0131 salt bir uyarma i\u00e7in birine dokundurulur da, o kimse kam\u00e7\u0131y\u0131 kavrar, lif lif ay\u0131r\u0131r, tek tek liflerin u\u00e7lar\u0131n\u0131 kendi v\u00fccuduna y\u00f6neltir, hatta yabanc\u0131 el hen\u00fcz k\u0131m\u0131ldamaks\u0131z\u0131n kam\u00e7\u0131n\u0131n sap\u0131ndan tutarken, o kafas\u0131ndaki plana g\u00f6re bunlar\u0131 kendi kendisine bat\u0131rmaya, bunlarla kendi i\u00e7erisini t\u0131rmalamaya ba\u015flar, onun gibi t\u0131pk\u0131. Ger\u00e7i o zamanlar b\u00f6ylesi durumlarda kendimi a\u011f\u0131r cezaland\u0131rmalara giri\u015fmedim; ama \u015furas\u0131 muhakkak ki, kendime \u00f6zg\u00fcl\u00fcklerden sonunda s\u00fcrekli bir kendine g\u00fcvenle geli\u015fip \u00e7\u0131kan ger\u00e7ek yarar\u0131 sa\u011flam\u0131\u015f de\u011filim. Tersine: Kendimdeki \u00f6zelliklerden birini a\u00e7\u0131\u011fa vuru\u015fum, benim ya \u00f6zelli\u011fi bask\u0131layandan nefret etmem ya da \u00f6zelli\u011fin varl\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131 yoksamam gibi bir sonu\u00e7 do\u011furuyordu; yani iki ayr\u0131 sonu\u00e7; ve bazen bunlar yalanc\u0131ktan birbiriyle birle\u015febiliyordu. Diyelim bir \u00f6zelli\u011fi gizleyip a\u00e7\u0131\u011fa vurmad\u0131m, o vakit de kendi kendimden ya da al\u0131nyaz\u0131mdan nefret ediyor, kendime k\u00f6t\u00fc ya da lanetlenmi\u015f bir g\u00f6zle bak\u0131yordum. Ad\u0131 ge\u00e7en iki grup \u00f6zelli\u011fin birbirine oran\u0131, y\u0131llar ge\u00e7tik\u00e7e d\u0131\u015f bak\u0131mdan pek de\u011fi\u015fti. \u0130\u00e7erisine ayak atabilece\u011fim ya\u015fam’a yakla\u015ft\u0131k\u00e7a, a\u00e7\u0131\u011fa vurdu\u011fum \u00f6zellikler giderek artt\u0131. Ama bu, kurtulu\u015fa kavu\u015fturamad\u0131 beni; gizleyip a\u00e7\u0131\u011fa vurmad\u0131\u011f\u0131m \u00f6zelliklerin say\u0131s\u0131 azalmad\u0131, daha bir derinli\u011fine y\u00fcr\u00fct\u00fclen g\u00f6zlemler, her\u015feyi a\u00e7\u0131\u011fa vurma gibi bir olana\u011f\u0131n asla bulunmad\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131 ortaya koydu. Hatta yap\u0131lm\u0131\u015f s\u00f6zde eksiksiz itiraflar\u0131n bile i\u00e7te bir k\u00f6k\u00fc kald\u0131\u011f\u0131 anla\u015f\u0131l\u0131yordu sonradan. Ama bu olmasa bile, can al\u0131c\u0131 kesintiler araya girmeksizin ruhsal \u00f6rg\u00fctlenmenin b\u00fct\u00fcn\u00fcnde bir gev\u015feme ba\u015f g\u00f6sterir g\u00f6stermez, i\u00e7imde sakl\u0131 bir \u00f6zellik beni \u00f6ylesine sars\u0131yordu ki, normal uyum g\u00fcc\u00fcm\u00fc t\u00fcm\u00fcyle kullan\u0131yor, yine de bir yer bulup tutunam\u0131yordum. Ama hepsi bu kadarla kalsa yine iyiydi.<\/p>\n

Diyelim hi\u00e7 s\u0131r saklamad\u0131m da, hepsini i\u00e7imden f\u0131rlat\u0131p att\u0131m d\u0131\u015far\u0131; o kadar uza\u011fa f\u0131rlat\u0131p att\u0131m ki, \u00e7\u0131r\u0131l\u00e7\u0131plak ar\u0131nm\u0131\u015f kald\u0131m ortada; bir an ge\u00e7meden yine eski karga\u015fa b\u00fct\u00fcn\u00fcyle gelip \u00fczerime \u00e7ullan\u0131yordu; \u00e7\u00fcnk\u00fc \u00f6yle san\u0131yorum ki, giz denilen \u015fey b\u00fct\u00fcn\u00fcyle belirlenip de\u011ferlendirme konusu yap\u0131lamaz; dolay\u0131s\u0131yla, genel \u00f6rnek taraf\u0131ndan al\u0131narak gerisin geri sunulur bana bunlar ve yeni ba\u015ftan \u00fczerime y\u00fcklenirdi. Hani bir aldan\u0131\u015f de\u011fildir bu, hi\u00e7 de\u011filse ya\u015fayanlar aras\u0131nda kimsenin kendi kendisinden kurtulamayaca\u011f\u0131n\u0131 g\u00f6steren kendine \u00f6zg\u00fc bir bili\u015ftir. Diyelim bir kimse bir dostuna cimrili\u011fini itiraf etti; o an i\u00e7in dostuna, yani bu hat\u0131r\u0131 say\u0131l\u0131r yarg\u0131 organ\u0131na kar\u015f\u0131 cimrilikten kurtulur g\u00f6r\u00fcn\u00fcrde. Ayr\u0131ca, o anda dost kimse duruma nas\u0131l bak\u0131yor, yani bir cimrili\u011fin varl\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131 yads\u0131yor mu, yoksa cimrilikten nas\u0131l kurtulaca\u011f\u0131 konusunda \u00f6\u011f\u00fctler mi veriyor ya da cimrili\u011fi tutmu\u015f savunuyor mu, farketmez. Dostun, .kendisine yap\u0131lan itiraftan \u00f6t\u00fcr\u00fc dostlu\u011fu sona erdiri\u015fi bile belki kesin \u00f6nem ta\u015f\u0131maz. Tersine; i\u015fin can al\u0131c\u0131 yan\u0131, belki nedamet getirmi\u015f de\u011fil de, a\u00e7\u0131k y\u00fcrekli bir g\u00fcnahk\u00e2r gibi gizlerini yasalar\u0131n eline teslim ederek, yine o can\u0131m ve\u00a0 en \u00f6nemlisi\u00a0 \u00f6zg\u00fcr \u00e7ocuklu\u011fu yeniden ele ge\u00e7irmektir. Ancak, ger\u00e7ekte ele ge\u00e7irilen, hepsi k\u0131sa s\u00fcreli bir maskaral\u0131kt\u0131r ve arkadan g\u00f6zya\u015f\u0131 izler bunu. \u00c7\u00fcnk\u00fc masan\u0131n \u00fczerinde bir yerde cimriyle dost aras\u0131nda para durur ve paray\u0131 m\u00fclkiyetine ge\u00e7irmekten kendini al\u0131koyamayan cimrinin eli giderek daha \u00e7abuk davran\u0131p paraya uzan\u0131r. Yolun yar\u0131s\u0131na gelene kadar itiraf\u0131n etkisi azal\u0131r giderek, ama h\u00e2l\u00e2 kurtulu\u015fa kavu\u015fturucu niteli\u011fini korur. Ne var ki, bundan \u00f6te ayn\u0131 g\u00fcc\u00fc g\u00f6steremez, ileri do\u011fru k\u0131m\u0131ldanan eli ayd\u0131nlatmakla kal\u0131r. Ancak eylemden \u00f6nce ya da sonra etkin itiraflarda bulunma olana\u011f\u0131 vard\u0131r. Eylem, kendi d\u0131\u015f\u0131nda hi\u00e7 bir \u015feyin varl\u0131\u011f\u0131na izin vermez; masa \u00fczerindeki paray\u0131 dev\u015firen el i\u00e7in s\u00f6z ve pi\u015fmanl\u0131kla bir kurtulu\u015f sa\u011flanamaz. Bunun i\u00e7in ya eylem, yani elin kendisi yok edilecektir, ya da cimrilik…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Her insan kendine \u00f6zg\u00fcd\u00fcr ve kendine \u00f6zg\u00fcl\u00fc\u011f\u00fcnden \u00f6t\u00fcr\u00fc ya\u015famda bir rol oynamak g\u00fcc\u00fcyle donat\u0131lm\u0131\u015ft\u0131r; yeter ki, kendine \u00f6zg\u00fcl\u00fc\u011f\u00fcnden tat als\u0131n. Benim kendi deneyimlerime\u00a0 g\u00f6re\u00a0 gerek okulda, gerek evde kendine \u00f6zg\u00fcl\u00fck silinip at\u0131lmaya u\u011fra\u015f\u0131l\u0131yordu. Bu yoldan e\u011fitimde kolayl\u0131k sa\u011flan\u0131yor, beri yandan ya\u015fam denilen \u015fey ben \u00e7ocuk i\u00e7in kolayla\u015ft\u0131r\u0131l\u0131yordu. Ancak, zorlamalardan do\u011fan ac\u0131y\u0131 daha \u00f6nce tad\u0131yordum ister […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[138],"tags":[],"class_list":{"0":"post-3999","1":"post","2":"type-post","3":"status-publish","4":"format-standard","6":"category-edebiyat-dunya"},"yoast_head":"\n\u00c7\u00fcnk\u00fc her\u015fey sonsuzdu ya da \u00f6ylesine bir belirsizlikten i\u00e7eri kay\u0131p gidiyordu ki | \u00d6zg\u00fcrl\u00fck Ve Eylem - Franz Kafka - narteks.net<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/narteks.net\/index.php\/2010\/01\/14\/cunku-hersey-sonsuzdu-ya-da-oylesine-bir-belirsizlikten-iceri-kayip-gidiyordu-ki-ozgurluk-ve-eylem-franz-kafka\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"tr_TR\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"\u00c7\u00fcnk\u00fc her\u015fey sonsuzdu ya da \u00f6ylesine bir belirsizlikten i\u00e7eri kay\u0131p gidiyordu ki | \u00d6zg\u00fcrl\u00fck Ve Eylem - Franz Kafka\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Her insan kendine \u00f6zg\u00fcd\u00fcr ve kendine \u00f6zg\u00fcl\u00fc\u011f\u00fcnden \u00f6t\u00fcr\u00fc ya\u015famda bir rol oynamak g\u00fcc\u00fcyle donat\u0131lm\u0131\u015ft\u0131r; yeter ki, kendine \u00f6zg\u00fcl\u00fc\u011f\u00fcnden tat als\u0131n. Benim kendi deneyimlerime\u00a0 g\u00f6re\u00a0 gerek okulda, gerek evde kendine \u00f6zg\u00fcl\u00fck silinip at\u0131lmaya u\u011fra\u015f\u0131l\u0131yordu. Bu yoldan e\u011fitimde kolayl\u0131k sa\u011flan\u0131yor, beri yandan ya\u015fam denilen \u015fey ben \u00e7ocuk i\u00e7in kolayla\u015ft\u0131r\u0131l\u0131yordu. 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