![](\"http:\/\/images.gittigidiyor.com\/636\/ANKARA-HACI-BAYRAM-CAMII-FOTOKARTI__6368740_0.jpg\")
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\u00d6lmek \u00fczere uzand\u0131 yata\u011fa, Ba\u015fucuna ge\u00e7ti akrabalar\u0131. Gen\u00e7 haf\u0131z Kuran’dan y\u00fcksek sesle bir sure okudu. Hasta, elleri yorgan \u00fcst\u00fcnde, g\u00f6zlerini dikti tavana, kendisini \u00f6l\u00fcm sessizli\u011fine verdi. Korkacak, Tanr\u0131dan ma\u011ffiret dileyecek yerde, kan\u0131nda d\u00fcnyam\u0131z\u0131n a\u011fr\u0131lar\u0131n\u0131 duydu, bu a\u011fr\u0131lar yay\u0131ld\u0131 omuzlar\u0131na, ellerine, diz kapaklar\u0131na. Uzun yolculu\u011fa \u00e7\u0131kan her namuslu insan gibi, her \u015feyi yerli yerinde, tertemiz b\u0131rakm\u0131\u015ft\u0131. Tanr\u0131ya k\u00fc\u00e7\u00fck bir borcu yoktu. Defteri kapam\u0131\u015f, m\u00fch\u00fcrlemi\u015fti. Vicdan\u0131 rahatt\u0131. Nedir ki, Kimi k\u00f6t\u00fc d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnceler ge\u00e7iyordu g\u00f6nl\u00fcnden gene de, Ah Rabbim! G\u00fc\u00e7hal elini kald\u0131rd\u0131. B\u00f6ylece kar\u0131s\u0131n\u0131 yan\u0131na \u00e7a\u011f\u0131rm\u0131\u015f oldu, kar\u0131s\u0131 geldi yan\u0131na, kulak kesildi.<\/p>\n
B\u00fct\u00fcn s\u00f6ylediklerimi hat\u0131rl\u0131yor musun?\u00a0\u00a0 Hat\u0131rl\u0131yorum.\u00a0\u00a0 Paralar\u0131 bo\u015funa harcama. L\u00e2z\u0131m olur.\u00a0\u00a0 Tamam.\u00a0\u00a0 Benim \u00fcst\u00fcme koca alma, paralar\u0131n\u0131 savurur, sana b\u0131rakt\u0131\u011f\u0131m tarla ve evi sat\u0131p seni sokakta b\u0131rak\u0131r.\u00a0\u00a0 Beyim, b\u00f6yle \u015feyler nas\u0131l d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnebilirsin? Hac\u0131bey ku\u015fkuyla bak\u0131yordu kar\u0131s\u0131n\u0131n g\u00f6zlerine, y\u00fcz\u00fcne. Kad\u0131n sakindi. Ay gibi uzakt\u0131 odadan. Rabbim, iyi ki beni k\u0131sa zamanda al\u0131p g\u00f6t\u00fcr\u00fcyorsun bu d\u00fcnyadan. Ben yaln\u0131z iki y\u0131l onu g\u00f6rebildim. Kar\u0131m sa\u011flam ve g\u00fcrb\u00fcz, omuzlar\u0131 k\u00f6yl\u00fc kad\u0131nlar\u0131n\u0131nki gibi, M\u0131s\u0131r illerinde Bayram’\u0131 \u00e7al\u0131\u015ft\u0131rmamal\u0131yd\u0131m, bunu o yapmal\u0131yd\u0131, ama ben \u00fcstelik Bayram’\u0131n ekme\u011fine tereya\u011f\u0131 s\u00fcrd\u00fcm, \u00e7\u00f6rek yedirttim. Oysa kar\u0131mdan g\u00f6zlerini ay\u0131rmad\u0131, izledi her hareketini, g\u00f6zleriyle emdi onu. Kar\u0131m anas\u0131n\u0131n g\u00f6z\u00fc, her an beni aldatmaya haz\u0131r, d\u00fc\u011f\u00fcnde bile k\u00f6t\u00fc \u015feyler ge\u00e7iyor g\u00f6nl\u00fcnden. Ayaklar\u0131 ke\u00e7ininki gibi canl\u0131, her zaman bir aya\u011f\u0131n\u0131 karn\u0131m, \u00f6tekini de yorgan \u00fcst\u00fcne atard\u0131. Rabbim, g\u00fcnah\u0131m\u0131 affet, ben i\u015fte bu y\u00fczden \u00fc\u015f\u00fcd\u00fcm, hasta d\u00f6\u015fe\u011fine d\u00fc\u015ft\u00fcm, bir daha kalkamad\u0131m. Ko\u015farcas\u0131na y\u00fcr\u00fcrd\u00fc, ye\u015fil bayrak gibi dalgalan\u0131rd\u0131 \u00e7intanlar\u0131 y\u00fcr\u00fcrken, g\u00f6z\u00fcm \u00f6n\u00fcnde herkesle cilvele\u015firdi. Benden memnun de\u011fildi, halime g\u00fclerdi b\u0131y\u0131kalt\u0131 hep.\u00a0\u00a0 Ben \u00f6l\u00fcnce Avdo’yu evde tutma, kov!\u00a0\u00a0 Emredersiniz beyim.\u00a0\u00a0 H\u0131rs\u0131zd\u0131r o, her \u015feyini \u00e7alacak, so\u011fana \u00e7evirecek seni. Onu hizmet\u00e7i almakla yan\u0131ld\u0131m. O b\u00f6yle bir eve l\u00e2y\u0131k de\u011fil. T\u00fcrk\u00fc s\u00f6yleyerek i\u015fler yap\u0131lmaz, \u00f6yle de\u011fil mi?\u00a0\u00a0 \u00d6yledir, beyim.\u00a0\u00a0 Ah sen, sen, ben seni bilmez miyim, f\u0131rsat olsa, sokaktan ge\u00e7enleri g\u00f6rmek i\u00e7in \u015fimdi bile pencere ba\u015f\u0131na ge\u00e7erdin…\u00a0\u00a0 Allah korusun beyim… Yan kom\u015funun tavuklar\u0131 avlumuza gelince, \u015fey, onlar\u0131 g\u00f6rmek i\u00e7in…\u00a0\u00a0 \u00dcstelik dalga ge\u00e7iyorsun… Ah, \u015f\u00f6yle bir kalkarsam…\u00a0 Y\u00fcz\u00fcn\u00fc kan b\u00fcr\u00fcd\u00fc. S\u0131kt\u0131 yumru\u011funu. Kald\u0131rmak istedi ba\u015f\u0131n\u0131, kald\u0131ramad\u0131. Kar\u0131s\u0131, yast\u0131\u011f\u0131 az daha \u00e7ekti, yorgan\u0131 omuzlar\u0131na \u00e7ekti. Adam\u0131n y\u00fcz\u00fc sapsar\u0131yd\u0131. Ba\u015f\u0131n\u0131 \u00e7evirdi, dald\u0131, nerde ise g\u00f6zleri kapanacakt\u0131. Hafif\u00e7e dua etmeye ba\u015flad\u0131, bu d\u00fcnyan\u0131n iyilik ve g\u00fczelliklerinden ayr\u0131lmaya haz\u0131rlan\u0131yordu. Y\u00fcz\u00fcnde, son dakikalar i\u00e7in korudu\u011fu yi\u011fitlik okunuyordu. \u0130\u015fte gitti, \u00f6l\u00fcmle d\u00f6v\u00fc\u015ft\u00fc\u011f\u00fcm onun umurunda bile de\u011fil. Aln\u0131ma bir \u0131slak bez koyabilirdi. Bug\u00fcn beni g\u00f6t\u00fcrecekler. Dostlar\u0131m tabutumu geni\u015f omuzlar\u0131nda ta\u015f\u0131yacaklar. Ama ben art\u0131k bu d\u00fcnyada olmayaca\u011f\u0131m. K\u00f6\u015fedeki yerim aylarca bo\u015f kalacak, ayya\u015f\u0131n biri, her sabah ak\u015fam, ben, Hac\u0131 beyin orada oturdu\u011funu bilmeden yerime ge\u00e7ip oturacak… Eh, d\u00fcnya! Kar\u0131msa, hemen sokaklara d\u00f6k\u00fclecek… \u0130lk g\u00fcn, ikinci g\u00fcn, \u00fc\u00e7\u00fcnc\u00fc g\u00fcn, hay\u0131r, hemen yolculara g\u00f6z k\u0131rpacak. Evet, hemen ayakkab\u0131c\u0131 Mehmede sokulacak. Fuarda neye ensesini k\u0131rmad\u0131m onun? Ard\u0131nda durmu\u015f, parmaklar\u0131yla bo\u015fluklar\u0131n\u0131 elliyordu. Kar\u0131msa, ondan beter. Parmak dokunu\u015flar\u0131n\u0131 hissediyor, y\u00fcz\u00fc al pancar oluyordu. Nerde ise kuca\u011f\u0131na d\u00fc\u015fecekti. Bunun yalan oldu\u011funu kimse inand\u0131ramaz bana. Efendim, evli bir kad\u0131n\u0131n hizmet\u00e7iyi odas\u0131na \u00e7a\u011f\u0131rd\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131 hi\u00e7 duydunuz mu? Hizmet\u00e7inin \u00fcst\u00fcnde ak bir g\u00f6mlek, ince, ipekten, b\u00fct\u00fcn v\u00fccudu meydanda, d\u00fc\u011fmeleri bile iliklenmemi\u015f, niyeti halinden belli. Kurak ovalara ya\u011fmuru \u00e7a\u011f\u0131rm\u0131\u015f. Yalan s\u00f6yl\u00fcyorsun, yalan, gelmeseydim, k\u0131srak gibi alt\u0131na yatacakt\u0131n, kirletecektin evlilik d\u00f6\u015fe\u011fimizi. Bense, bu ya\u015fl\u0131 g\u00fcnlerimde bana hizmet etsin diye onu bu eve… Bazen de, v\u00fccudum yetti\u011fi kadar \u015fu yorgan alt\u0131nda az\u0131c\u0131k cilvele\u015fmek istedim onunla. \u015eu kurumu\u015f kemiklerimi \u0131s\u0131t\u0131r diye d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnd\u00fcm Oysa, daha \u00fc\u00e7\u00fcnc\u00fc hafta, alev gibi parlay\u0131verdi. Eh, Tanr\u0131m, ben \u015fimdi sana son nefesimi verirken, sen benim son dakikalar\u0131m\u0131 da zehirle dolduruyorsun! \u0130\u015fte, i\u015fte, d\u0131\u015far\u0131da hepsi toplanm\u0131\u015f. Bekliyorlar son nefesimi vereyim de, al\u0131n terimle kazand\u0131\u011f\u0131m mal\u0131m\u0131 m\u00fclk\u00fcm\u00fc al\u0131p payla\u015fs\u0131nlar. Ba\u015fta kar\u0131m \u00f6yle diliyor… Yatt\u0131\u011f\u0131m bu d\u00f6\u015fe\u011fi de\u011fi\u015ftirecek, yerime ba\u015fka birini getirecek… Kimi? Herhalde o kirli ayakkab\u0131c\u0131y\u0131 ya da Avdo’yu? Belki gene o tilki gen\u00e7 haf\u0131z gelecek, parmaklar\u0131yla g\u00f6\u011fs\u00fcn\u00fc, bald\u0131rlar\u0131n\u0131 ok\u015fayarak sakinle\u015ftirecek onu? Aman ne g\u00fczel bir g\u00fcn, uykusunu alm\u0131\u015f emzikteki k\u00fc\u00e7\u00fckler gibi g\u00fczel, ayd\u0131n, mert. Tanr\u0131m, sen bana hayat\u0131mda b\u00f6yle bir g\u00fcn ba\u011f\u0131\u015flamad\u0131n, ba\u011f\u0131\u015flasayd\u0131n belki ben de teferi\u00e7e\u00a0 \u00e7\u0131kar, ba\u015ftan ba\u015fa dola\u015f\u0131rd\u0131m ovalar\u0131m\u0131, o orospuyu yan\u0131ma al\u0131r, \u00e7ardakta yat\u0131r\u0131r, a\u00e7\u0131k pencerelerden gelen temiz havay\u0131 koklard\u0131m g\u00f6\u011f\u00fcslerinde, fildi\u015fi gibi beyaz v\u00fccudunda. Bunu senden dilemeyi de hi\u00e7 akl\u0131ma getirmedim. Her zaman bu k\u00fcfl\u00fc odada, karanl\u0131kta, bu kal\u0131n yorgan alt\u0131nda ezildim, ezildim onun yanan ate\u015fleri alt\u0131nda… Tekrar elini kald\u0131rd\u0131, ama ta\u015f gibi d\u00fc\u015ft\u00fc eli yorgan \u00fcst\u00fcne. G\u00f6zleri \u00f6n\u00fcnde kar\u0131s\u0131n\u0131n hayali b\u00fcy\u00fcd\u00fc.\u00a0\u00a0 Evlenmiyeceksin, de\u011fil mi?\u00a0\u00a0 \u0130\u015fitmiyorum…\u00a0\u00a0 Kaltak!\u00a0\u00a0 Ne diyorsun? Sa\u00e7lar\u0131 uzaklarda kalan g\u00fcnleri an\u0131msat\u0131yordu. \u0130\u015fte… Nas\u0131l oldu da, \u015fu g\u00fczel kulaklar\u0131n\u0131 bir kerecik olsun \u0131s\u0131rmad\u0131m. Var g\u00fcc\u00fcyle ba\u011f\u0131rmak istedi:\u00a0\u00a0 Yan\u0131na kimseyi alma!\u00a0\u00a0 Ne diyorsun? Halsizdi, \u00e7\u0131\u011fl\u0131kla ac\u0131 duydu\u011funu belirtmesin diye \u00f6d\u00fc kopuyordu. E\u011fdi ba\u015f\u0131n\u0131, y\u00fcz\u00fcnde keder vard\u0131. Kar\u0131s\u0131 aya\u011fa kalkt\u0131, durdu, neden sonra uzakla\u015ft\u0131 yan\u0131ndan. Art\u0131k kendisinde olmad\u0131\u011f\u0131na, etraf\u0131 g\u00f6rmedi\u011fine, hi\u00e7 bir \u015fey duymad\u0131\u011f\u0131na inan\u0131yordu. Biti\u015fikteki odaya \u00e7\u0131kmal\u0131,\u00a0\u00a0 \u00f6ld\u00fc, demeliydi. Aynan\u0131n kar\u015f\u0131s\u0131na ge\u00e7ti, d\u00fczeltti yemenisini. Islatt\u0131 parma\u011f\u0131n\u0131, sol g\u00f6z\u00fcndeki s\u00fcrmesini sildi.\u00a0 Gezme, gezinti (teferr\u00fc\u00e7) Biri a\u00e7t\u0131 kap\u0131y\u0131.\u00a0\u00a0 Durum nas\u0131l?… Gen\u00e7 kad\u0131n teti\u011fini bozmadan bakt\u0131 d\u00f6\u015fe\u011fe. Sonra parmaklar\u0131na basarak yan\u0131na yakla\u015ft\u0131, kap\u0131y\u0131 Avdo kapad\u0131. Avdo \u00e7ok canl\u0131yd\u0131, yerinde adeta z\u0131pl\u0131yordu, k\u0131l\u0131k k\u0131yafetinde art\u0131k ev sahiplik bir hal vard\u0131. Kad\u0131n f\u0131s\u0131ldayarak:\u00a0\u00a0 Onun b\u00fct\u00fcn g\u00f6mleklerini odanda b\u0131rakt\u0131m.\u00a0\u00a0 Ya ayakkab\u0131lar\u0131n\u0131, diye sordu hizmet\u00e7i\u00a0\u00a0 Onlar\u0131 da b\u0131rakt\u0131m.\u00a0\u00a0 Ben art\u0131k izbede yatmak istemiyorum…\u00a0\u00a0 Yar\u0131n ak\u015fam, halk da\u011f\u0131l\u0131nca, gel. Avdo kucaklamak istedi.\u00a0\u00a0 \u015eimdi dokunma. G\u00fcnaht\u0131r… \u00f6nce onu g\u00f6t\u00fcrs\u00fcnler… Sonra…\u00a0\u00a0 Onun i\u015fi bitti art\u0131k…\u00a0\u00a0 Haydi \u00e7\u0131k d\u0131\u015far\u0131, d\u0131\u015farda olanlar \u015f\u00fcphelenecekler.\u00a0\u00a0 Ayakkab\u0131lar\u0131 da b\u0131rak, diyorsun, \u00f6yle mi?\u00a0\u00a0 Evet, ayakkab\u0131lar\u0131 da. Hac\u0131 bey \u00f6ld\u00fc. Bu d\u00fcnyadan nefret duyarak \u00f6ld\u00fc, d\u00fcnyadan gidenlere neden b\u00f6yle hakaret ediliyor diye \u00e7ok \u00fcz\u00fcld\u00fc. Neden, her \u015feyi alt\u00fcst eden kanun\u00a0\u00a0 \u00f6l\u00fcm’d\u00fcr diye son dakikas\u0131nda bile \u00f6fkelendi. Kom\u015fular ac\u0131 ac\u0131 a\u011flad\u0131lar. Gen\u00e7 haf\u0131z fatiha okudu. Hac\u0131 beyin kar\u0131s\u0131 da, kokulu mendiliyle g\u00f6zlerini s\u0131k s\u0131k silerek a\u011flad\u0131\u011f\u0131m g\u00f6stermek istedi. Avdo da s\u0131k s\u0131k a\u00e7\u0131p kapad\u0131 g\u00f6zkapaklar\u0131n\u0131, ama tek bir damla ya\u015f ak\u0131tmad\u0131. G\u00f6zleriyle ev sahibesinin k\u0131\u00e7lar\u0131n\u0131 g\u00f6steren ipek \u00e7intanlar\u0131na, zaman zaman da \u00f6len efendisinin yeni ayakkab\u0131lar\u0131na bak\u0131yordu. D\u00fcn ak\u015fam onlar\u0131 ge\u00e7irmi\u015fti aya\u011f\u0131na, Tam ona g\u00f6re yap\u0131lm\u0131\u015ft\u0131lar sanki…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
\u00d6lmek \u00fczere uzand\u0131 yata\u011fa, Ba\u015fucuna ge\u00e7ti akrabalar\u0131. Gen\u00e7 haf\u0131z Kuran’dan y\u00fcksek sesle bir sure okudu. Hasta, elleri yorgan \u00fcst\u00fcnde, g\u00f6zlerini dikti tavana, kendisini \u00f6l\u00fcm sessizli\u011fine verdi. Korkacak, Tanr\u0131dan ma\u011ffiret dileyecek yerde, kan\u0131nda d\u00fcnyam\u0131z\u0131n a\u011fr\u0131lar\u0131n\u0131 duydu, bu a\u011fr\u0131lar yay\u0131ld\u0131 omuzlar\u0131na, ellerine, diz kapaklar\u0131na. Uzun yolculu\u011fa \u00e7\u0131kan her namuslu insan gibi, her \u015feyi yerli yerinde, tertemiz b\u0131rakm\u0131\u015ft\u0131. […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[115],"tags":[],"class_list":{"0":"post-4095","1":"post","2":"type-post","3":"status-publish","4":"format-standard","6":"category-ceviri-oykuler"},"yoast_head":"\n