{"id":4138,"date":"2010-02-03T12:31:00","date_gmt":"2010-02-03T09:31:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/localhost\/wordpress\/2010\/02\/03\/gercek-benim-gunlukler-jean-paul-sartre\/"},"modified":"2010-02-03T12:31:00","modified_gmt":"2010-02-03T09:31:00","slug":"gercek-benim-gunlukler-jean-paul-sartre","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/narteks.net\/index.php\/2010\/02\/03\/gercek-benim-gunlukler-jean-paul-sartre\/","title":{"rendered":"Ger\u00e7ek ‘Ben’im | G\u00fcnl\u00fckler – Jean Paul Sartre"},"content":{"rendered":"

<\/strong>Sartre’\u0131n “tuhaf sava\u015f” s\u0131ras\u0131nda tuttu\u011fu 15 g\u00fcnl\u00fckten be\u015fi biliniyordu. Sava\u015f\u0131n ba\u015flar\u0131nda yazd\u0131\u011f\u0131 ilk g\u00fcnl\u00fck ise ge\u00e7ti\u011fimiz g\u00fcnlerde bir kitap merakl\u0131s\u0131n\u0131n ar\u015fivlerini Fransa Ulusal K\u00fct\u00fcphanesi’ne satmas\u0131yla bulundu ve on g\u00fcn \u00f6nce Fransa’da yay\u0131nland\u0131. Bu ilk g\u00fcnl\u00fckte Sartre “kibirle” kendine g\u00fcl\u00fcyor.<\/p>\n

<\/span>Sene 1939. \u0130kinci D\u00fcnya sava\u015f\u0131 ba\u015flam\u0131\u015f. Sartre 34 ya\u015f\u0131nda, asker. Kendisiyle 1975 y\u0131l\u0131nda yap\u0131lan bir s\u00f6yle\u015fide Jean Paul Sartre, sava\u015f\u0131n hayat\u0131n\u0131 ikiye b\u00f6ld\u00fc\u011f\u00fcn\u00fc s\u00f6yl\u00fcyor: “34 ya\u015f\u0131mdayken ba\u015flad\u0131, 40 ya\u015f\u0131mdayken bitti ve benim i\u00e7in hakikaten gen\u00e7likten olgunluk \u00e7a\u011f\u0131na ge\u00e7i\u015f oldu.”<\/p>\n

1939 y\u0131l\u0131nda, Sartre ilk ba\u015far\u0131s\u0131n\u0131 “Bulant\u0131” ile yakalam\u0131\u015f, ayn\u0131 anda hem ikinci roman\u0131 hem de felsefi eser \u00fczerinde \u00e7al\u0131\u015fan h\u0131rsl\u0131 gen\u00e7 bir entelekt\u00fceldir. Ve seferberlik an\u0131 gelip \u00e7atar; onu korunakl\u0131 d\u00fcnyas\u0131ndan \u00e7ekip al\u0131p birden bamba\u015fka bir ger\u00e7ekli\u011fe atar: “O zamana kadar, kendimi her \u015feye hakim san\u0131yordum” diyor ayn\u0131 s\u00f6yle\u015fide. “D\u00fcnyan\u0131n, di\u011fer herkesle ili\u015fkilerimin ve di\u011fer herkesin benimle ili\u015fkilerinin a\u011f\u0131rl\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131n bilincine varabilmem i\u00e7in kendi \u00f6zg\u00fcrl\u00fc\u011f\u00fcm\u00fcn inkar\u0131 anlam\u0131na gelen seferberlikle kar\u015f\u0131 kar\u015f\u0131ya kalmam gerekiyormu\u015f demek ki.” Sartre’\u0131n biyografisini yazan Annie Cohen-Solal, sava\u015f \u00f6ncesinde neredeyse toplumd\u0131\u015f\u0131 ya\u015fayan, bireyci, d\u00fcnya i\u015fleriyle ilgilenmeyen, tamamen apolitik bir yazar olan Sartre’\u0131n sava\u015f s\u0131ras\u0131nda birka\u00e7 ay i\u00e7inde nas\u0131l politikaya at\u0131ld\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131 uzun uzun anlat\u0131yor.<\/p>\n

Sartre, b\u00fct\u00fcn varl\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131 etkileyen bu d\u00f6n\u00fc\u015f\u00fcm s\u00fcrecini ya\u015fad\u0131\u011f\u0131 1939 y\u0131l\u0131n\u0131n eyl\u00fcl ay\u0131ndan 1940 haziran\u0131na kadar d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcncelerini ve ya\u015fad\u0131klar\u0131n\u0131 15 deftere kaydediyor: “Tuhaf sava\u015f”. Bu g\u00fcnl\u00fcklerde, sava\u015f, asosyal bir yazar\u0131n \u00f6l\u00fcm kar\u015f\u0131s\u0131nda ve i\u00e7inde bulundu\u011fu tarihsel \u015fartlardaki tuhaf durumu, arkada\u015flar\u0131, gen\u00e7lik, kad\u0131nlar, ateizm konular\u0131nda sayfalarca yaz\u0131yor. G\u00fcnl\u00fcklerden be\u015fi Sartre’\u0131n evlatl\u0131k edindi\u011fi k\u0131z\u0131 Arlette Elkaim-Sartre taraf\u0131ndan 1983 y\u0131l\u0131nda, yazar\u0131n \u00f6l\u00fcm\u00fcnden \u00fc\u00e7 y\u0131l sonra Fransa’da yay\u0131nlanm\u0131\u015ft\u0131. Di\u011ferleriyse ortada yoktu, kim bilir belki sava\u015f s\u0131ras\u0131nda, belki daha sonraki y\u0131llarda kaybolmu\u015ftu. \u0130\u015fte bu kay\u0131p g\u00fcnl\u00fcklerden ilki – eyl\u00fcl-ekim 1939 – ge\u00e7enlerde ortaya \u00e7\u0131kt\u0131. 30 y\u0131ld\u0131r bu defteri elinde tutan bir koleksiyoncu g\u00fcnl\u00fc\u011f\u00fc Frans\u0131z Ulusal K\u00fct\u00fcphanesi’ne satt\u0131. Ve Frans\u0131z Gallimard Yay\u0131nevi de 14 \u015fubat g\u00fcn\u00fc Sartre’\u0131n g\u00fcnl\u00fc\u011f\u00fcn\u00fc yay\u0131nlad\u0131.<\/p>\n

Bu g\u00fcnl\u00fckte Sartre’\u0131 daha \u00f6nce hi\u00e7 g\u00f6rmedi\u011fimiz gibi g\u00f6r\u00fcyoruz. Sartre tan\u0131d\u0131\u011f\u0131m\u0131z, bildi\u011fimiz ya\u015fam\u0131n\u0131n hen\u00fcz e\u015fi\u011finde. G\u00f6revli oldu\u011fu askeri meteoroloji biriminde yine bol bol okuyor, roman\u0131 “Ak\u0131l \u00c7a\u011f\u0131” \u00fczerinde \u00e7al\u0131\u015f\u0131yor, mektuplar yaz\u0131yor, g\u00fcnl\u00fcklerine notlar al\u0131yor ve do\u011fal olarak en \u00e7ok sava\u015fa, sava\u015f-\u00f6ncesindeki g\u00f6r\u00fc\u015flerine, 20’li y\u0131llardaki pasifizmine, 30’lu y\u0131llardaki kay\u0131ts\u0131zl\u0131\u011f\u0131na (“Asla politika yapmak istemedim”) de\u011finiyor.<\/p>\n

Sartre asker ka\u00e7akl\u0131\u011f\u0131ndansa, cepheye gidip \u00e7arp\u0131\u015fmay\u0131 tercih etmesini, i\u00e7inde bulundu\u011fu d\u00f6nemi kabul etmekle a\u00e7\u0131kl\u0131yor, asker ka\u00e7a\u011f\u0131n\u0131n ‘bug\u00fcn’\u00fc reddetti\u011fini, gelece\u011fe seslendi\u011fini s\u00f6yl\u00fcyor. “Ben bug\u00fcne seslenmek istiyorum. Tutucu bir insan\u0131m. D\u00fcnyay\u0131 oldu\u011fu gibi tutmak istiyorum, bana nas\u0131l g\u00fczel g\u00f6r\u00fcn\u00fcyorsa \u00f6yle de\u011fil – tam tersine onu k\u0131yas\u0131ya ele\u015ftiriyorum – \u00e7\u00fcnk\u00fc d\u00fcnyan\u0131n i\u00e7indeyim ve kendimi de onunla birlikte y\u0131kmadan, onu y\u0131kamayaca\u011f\u0131m\u0131 biliyorum.”<\/p>\n

Bu yazd\u0131klar\u0131na ra\u011fmen, k\u0131sa bir s\u00fcre sonra, Simone de Beauvoir’a yazd\u0131\u011f\u0131 bir mektupta “Kendimle ilgili olarak d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcncelerim \u00e7ok net: sava\u015ftan nefret ediyorum; ama 1920-1939 aras\u0131nda onu engellemek i\u00e7in k\u0131l\u0131m\u0131 bile k\u0131p\u0131rdatmad\u0131m. Bug\u00fcn, hi\u00e7 yak\u0131nmadan, bu \u00f6ng\u00f6r\u00fcs\u00fczl\u00fc\u011f\u00fcn bedelini \u00f6d\u00fcyorum. Hatay\u0131 nerede yapt\u0131m? Kesinlikle sava\u015f\u0131n oldu\u011fu \u015fu g\u00fcnlerde ya da engellenmesinin m\u00fcmk\u00fcn olmad\u0131\u011f\u0131 y\u0131llarda de\u011fil. Hen\u00fcz k\u00f6t\u00fc bir r\u00fcya olarak belirmeye ba\u015flad\u0131\u011f\u0131, \u00fczerine ak\u0131l y\u00fcr\u00fctebilece\u011fim ve politik bir yakla\u015f\u0131m geli\u015ftirebilece\u011fim y\u0131llarda hatay\u0131 yapt\u0131m.”<\/p>\n

Bu konuda, Sartre daha sonra geli\u015ftirece\u011fi \u00fcnl\u00fc tezlerine bir giri\u015f yapmaya ba\u015flayarak “\u00e7a\u011f\u0131-i\u00e7inde-varl\u0131k” teorisinin taslaklar\u0131n\u0131 ortaya koyuyor bir anlamda: “Ben kendimi XX. y\u00fczy\u0131lda se\u00e7tim. Heidegger gibi konu\u015fmak gerekirse, XX. y\u00fczy\u0131l ve onun sorunlar\u0131yla ben’im… Tarihsel oldu\u011fum i\u00e7in mutlak’\u0131m. S\u00f6ylemek istedi\u011fim \u015fu: e\u011fer tarih taraf\u0131ndan s\u00fcr\u00fcklendi\u011fim, bir anlamda ona maruz kald\u0131\u011f\u0131m d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcn\u00fcl\u00fcrse, ben o zaman yaln\u0131zca g\u00f6receli olurum. Ama e\u011fer, tam tersine, kendimi tarih i\u00e7inde kurdu\u011fum anla\u015f\u0131l\u0131rsa, o zaman i\u015fte ben -yerimde- bir mutlak’\u0131m.”<\/p>\n

Buradaki Heidegger g\u00f6ndermesi de Sartre’\u0131n o d\u00f6nemde ya\u015fad\u0131\u011f\u0131 d\u00f6n\u00fc\u015f\u00fcm\u00fcn bir i\u015fareti asl\u0131nda. Sava\u015f\u0131n hemen \u00f6ncesinde Heidegger okumas\u0131, kendi deyi\u015fiyle, Sartre i\u00e7in “g\u00f6kten g\u00f6nderilmi\u015f gibi” olmu\u015f. Ve sava\u015ftan sonra, Sartre art\u0131k Heidegger’in felsefesini – insan\u0131 savunmadan tabii – savunacakt\u0131r. 1943 y\u0131l\u0131nda yay\u0131nlanan “Varl\u0131k ve Hi\u00e7lik” adl\u0131 yap\u0131t\u0131n\u0131n merkezini de Husserl’in d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcncesinin a\u00e7mazlar\u0131ndan \u00e7\u0131kmas\u0131na b\u00fcy\u00fck \u00f6l\u00e7\u00fcde yard\u0131mc\u0131 olan Heidegger’in felsefesinden etkiler olu\u015fturacakt\u0131r. B\u00fct\u00fcn bunlar Sartre’\u0131n sava\u015f s\u0131ras\u0131nda ya\u015fad\u0131\u011f\u0131 derin d\u00f6n\u00fc\u015f\u00fcm\u00fcn sonu\u00e7lar\u0131d\u0131r.<\/p>\n

Sartre 23 eyl\u00fcl 1939’da Simone de Beauvoir’a \u015f\u00f6yle yaz\u0131yor: “Kendimi \u00f6l\u00fcms\u00fcz san\u0131yorum. Bu belki o kadar da yanl\u0131\u015f bir d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnce de\u011fil. \u00d6l\u00fcm\u00fc hi\u00e7 hesaplam\u0131yorum. Ayr\u0131ca bir \u015fey daha var: yaz\u0131lar\u0131m\u0131 hi\u00e7 birbirinden ayr\u0131 \u00fcr\u00fcnler olarak g\u00f6rmedim, onlar\u0131 tek bir yap\u0131t\u0131n par\u00e7alar\u0131 olarak tasavvur ettim. Bu yap\u0131t\u0131n s\u0131n\u0131rlar\u0131yla ayn\u0131. Yap\u0131t\u0131n esas\u0131n\u0131 hep 60’l\u0131 ya\u015flar\u0131m i\u00e7in yazaca\u011f\u0131m\u0131 d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnd\u00fcm. Yetmi\u015f ya\u015f\u0131ndan \u00f6nce \u00f6lmeyece\u011fimi bana d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnd\u00fcren sa\u00e7ma ama derin \u00e7ocuklu\u011fa bakarsak… Hayat\u0131m\u0131n sonuyla \u00f6l\u00fcm\u00fcm\u00fc birbirinden ay\u0131ran bir bo\u015fluk olaca\u011f\u0131n\u0131 d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcn\u00fcyorum. Bir ba\u015fka deyi\u015fle, \u00f6l\u00fcm\u00fcmden \u00f6nce hayat\u0131m bitmi\u015f olacak. (…)”<\/p>\n

Kehanet mi demeli? Hakikaten de Sartre, \u00fcnl\u00fc \u00fc\u00e7 ciltlik “Flaubert” maceras\u0131 hari\u00e7 eserini 60 ya\u015f\u0131nda tamamlad\u0131. Daha sonra ise k\u00f6r bir seyirci olarak kendi hayat\u0131n\u0131 seyretti. Sartre \u00f6zg\u00fcrl\u00fc\u011fe inan\u0131yordu, ama ayn\u0131 zamanda kadere de inan\u0131yordu: \u00f6zg\u00fcrl\u00fck kaderle ba\u015fedebilmenin ki\u015fisel bir yoluydu, onun varolu\u015f\u00e7ulu\u011funda.<\/p>\n

Sartre’\u0131n ya\u015fad\u0131\u011f\u0131 derin d\u00f6n\u00fc\u015f\u00fcme, hayat\u0131n\u0131n en \u00f6nemli, belki de tek d\u00f6n\u00fcm noktas\u0131na \u0131\u015f\u0131k tutan bu g\u00fcncesinden al\u00e7akg\u00f6n\u00fcll\u00fcl\u00fck ve kibir ile ilgili bir b\u00f6l\u00fcm\u00fc \u00f6zetleyerek ilk kez T\u00fcrk\u00e7eye aktar\u0131yoruz.<\/p>\n

13 Ekim cuma<\/p>\n

(…) Al\u00e7akg\u00f6n\u00fcll\u00fcl\u00fc\u011f\u00fc tan\u0131m\u0131yorum, ama bununla beraber, hatalar\u0131m\u0131 hi\u00e7 de kem k\u00fcm etmeden g\u00f6rebiliyorum, \u00e7\u00fcnk\u00fc kendi kendimle aramda hi\u00e7bir maddi dayan\u0131\u015fma yok. Al\u00e7akg\u00f6n\u00fcll\u00fcl\u00fckte, d\u00fcnk\u00fc Ben’ini ya\u015famaktan gelen fazla mahrem, fazla hassas -ayn\u0131 zamanda derinden ve canl\u0131 da- bir yan vard\u0131r. Bu su\u00e7u i\u015fleyen Ben, hatay\u0131 g\u00f6ren Ben’dir de. Burada belki bir de, g\u00f6\u011f\u00fcslenenden daha fazla i\u00e7tenlik ve daha fazla cesaret, kendi kendini bir t\u00fcr s\u00fcrekli k\u0131l\u0131\u015f vard\u0131r. Fakat hayat\u0131m\u0131n her an\u0131 \u00f6l\u00fc bir yaprak gibi benden kopup gidiyor. O derece ki, an\u0131n i\u00e7inde ya\u015fam\u0131yorum, daha \u00e7ok gelecekte ya\u015f\u0131yorum. Var\u0131labilmek i\u00e7in a\u015f\u0131lm\u0131\u015f bir hayat\u0131 varsayan hedefimden \u00f6t\u00fcr\u00fc… Ergenlik \u00e7a\u011f\u0131mdan beri beni me\u015fgul eden, yakam\u0131 b\u0131rakmayan ilerleme yan\u0131lsamas\u0131 y\u00fcz\u00fcnden… Bana s\u00f6z edilen herhangi bir Ben i\u00e7in \u015f\u00f6yle d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcn\u00fcyorum: ben ondan daha iyiyim. Bana bir \u00f6nceki g\u00fcn\u00fcn hatalar\u0131, d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcncesizlikleri hat\u0131rlat\u0131ld\u0131\u011f\u0131nda, bunu seve seve kabullenirim \u00e7\u00fcnk\u00fc bir daha ayn\u0131 duruma d\u00fc\u015fmeyece\u011fime ikna olmu\u015fumdur. Sonu\u00e7ta, asl\u0131nda bunun tek bir nedeni vard\u0131r, onunla benim aramda hep zamansal bir mesafe vard\u0131r. \u0130nsan\u0131n ya da geleneklerin ilemesine kesinlikle inanm\u0131yorum – en az\u0131ndan b\u00f6yle bir \u015feye ald\u0131rm\u0131yorum – kendi bireysel ilerlememe inan\u0131yorum. Bir \u00f6nceki g\u00fcnden daha az zeki oldu\u011fumu, daha cesaretsiz oldu\u011fumu vs. d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnmek tahamm\u00fcl edilemez ve bunu her i\u015fitmek zorunda kal\u0131\u015f\u0131m benim i\u00e7in bir yaralanma, bir \u015fa\u015fk\u0131nl\u0131k oluyordu.<\/p>\n

Oldu\u011fum durumdan, yapt\u0131\u011f\u0131mdan sempatiyle s\u00f6z etmiyorum, anlamak i\u00e7in neredeyse hi\u00e7 \u00e7aba sarfetmiyorum. Onu g\u00fcl\u00fc\u015flere terk ediyorum ve g\u00fcl\u00fcyorum. Yaln\u0131zca ona sald\u0131ranlar\u0131n onunla aramda ortak \u00e7izgiler buldu\u011funu g\u00f6rd\u00fc\u011f\u00fcm oranda onu savunuyorum. Dolay\u0131s\u0131yla, kendimi hep, ya\u015famakta oldu\u011fum g\u00fcnde, hayat\u0131m\u0131n en y\u00fcksek noktas\u0131nda buluyorum. Ayn\u0131 zamanda, ve bizzat hatalar\u0131m\u0131 kabul etmemden \u00f6t\u00fcr\u00fc, kendimi tarafs\u0131z bir seyircinin, bir hakemin mutlak alan\u0131na yerle\u015ftirmek \u00fczere bendeki insan\u0131n derisini y\u00fcz\u00fcyor, kabu\u011funu soyuyorum. Bu seyirci “kendi” adam\u0131na bakan a\u015fk\u0131n, etten kemikten s\u0131yr\u0131lm\u0131\u015f bir bilin\u00e7tir. Kendi kendimi t\u0131pk\u0131 ba\u015fkas\u0131n\u0131 yarg\u0131lad\u0131\u011f\u0131m ciddiyetle yarg\u0131lar\u0131m. Ama tam da i\u015fte o zaman kendi kendimden ka\u00e7\u0131yorum demektir. Bizzat kendi kendini yarg\u0131lama eylemi, b\u00fcy\u00fck bir zevkle ger\u00e7ekle\u015ftirdi\u011fim bir “g\u00f6r\u00fcngesel indirgeme”dir. B\u00f6ylece, \u00e7ok az bir bedelle kendimi bendeki insan\u0131n \u00fczerine yerle\u015ftirebilirim. \u00c7ok ender olarak f\u0131rsat arar\u0131m. Bir tart\u0131\u015fmada, kavgada, e\u011fer haks\u0131zl\u0131k etmi\u015fsem, hemen sonra, hatalar\u0131m\u0131 kabul ederim, fakat bu itirafa ra\u011fmen, kar\u015f\u0131mdakinin benden daha fazlas\u0131n\u0131 istedi\u011fini g\u00f6r\u00fcp derin \u015fa\u015fk\u0131nl\u0131klara s\u00fcr\u00fcklendi\u011fim \u00e7ok olmu\u015ftur.<\/p>\n

O zaman \u015f\u00f6yle demek isterim: “Baksana, o art\u0131k ben de\u011fil; o art\u0131k ayn\u0131 \u015fey de\u011fil”. Her an, bir t\u00fcr kendinden ka\u00e7\u0131\u015f olan \u00f6zg\u00fcrl\u00fck teorimi bu denli a\u015fikar k\u0131lan da ku\u015fkusuz bu. Hi\u00e7bir zaman asla pi\u015fmanl\u0131k duymam. Ama bunu kesinlikle, durmadan bir dediklerini defalarca tekrarlayan, kendi kendileriyle a\u00e7 g\u00f6zl\u00fc bir dayan\u0131\u015fma i\u00e7indeki baz\u0131 g\u00f6rm\u00fc\u015f ge\u00e7irmi\u015f ruhlar gibi de\u011fil, daha \u00e7ok kendimi “y\u00fcz\u00fcst\u00fc b\u0131rakarak”, olay\u0131n i\u00e7indeki mevcut Ben’i hissetmeden, kendime so\u011fuk bir horg\u00f6r\u00fcyle bakarak sa\u011fl\u0131yorum. Kendimi t\u0131pk\u0131 su\u00e7 orta\u011f\u0131n\u0131 y\u00fcz\u00fcst\u00fc b\u0131rak\u0131r gibi b\u0131rak\u0131yorum. Ve e\u011fer bir ba\u015fkas\u0131na kar\u015f\u0131 davran\u0131\u015flar\u0131m\u0131n sorumlulu\u011funu ta\u015f\u0131yorsam – en az\u0131ndan bundan eminim, her zaman b\u00f6yle davrand\u0131m – bunu kar\u015f\u0131mdakine c\u00f6mert\u00e7e \u00f6dedi\u011fim duygusuyla yap\u0131yorum. \u00d6rne\u011fin, bug\u00fcn bir sava\u015f oldu\u011funu biliyorum ve bunu \u00f6ng\u00f6rmeyen – \u00f6ng\u00f6remeden \u015f\u00fcpheye d\u00fc\u015fen – Ben’le dalga ge\u00e7iyorum. Kendi kendimle dalga ge\u00e7iyorum \u00e7\u00fcnk\u00fc mevcut Ben’imi ge\u00e7mi\u015fe uzatarak, 3 eyl\u00fclde sava\u015f\u0131n patlad\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131 bilen mevcut Ben’imin bunu hep bildi\u011fi izlenimine kap\u0131l\u0131yorum. Bu da ona, 2 eyl\u00fcl g\u00fcn\u00fc hala \u015f\u00fcphe i\u00e7indeki zavall\u0131 kaybolmu\u015f Ben’e g\u00f6re b\u00fcy\u00fck bir \u00fcst\u00fcnl\u00fck sa\u011fl\u0131yor.<\/p>\n

Buradan g\u00f6r\u00fcn\u00fc\u015fteki al\u00e7akg\u00f6n\u00fcll\u00fc\u011f\u00fcm\u00fcn bir ba\u015fka ve\u00e7hesine geliyoruz: \u015e\u00f6yle ya da b\u00f6yle davranm\u0131\u015f oldu\u011fum ya da d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnm\u00fc\u015f oldu\u011fum i\u00e7in beni \u00f6vd\u00fckleri oluyor ve ben kar\u015f\u0131 \u00e7\u0131k\u0131yorum, her \u015feyden sonra, \u00f6yle olmad\u0131\u011f\u0131m\u0131 s\u00f6yl\u00fcyorum. Ge\u00e7mi\u015f hayat\u0131m\u0131n en g\u00fc\u00e7l\u00fc ya da en y\u00fcksek anlar\u0131 ge\u00e7mi\u015f olduklar\u0131 andan itibaren beni art\u0131k ilgilendirmiyor. Do\u011fal e\u011filimim, bug\u00fcn \u00e7ok daha iyi oldu\u011fumu d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnerek ge\u00e7mi\u015ftekileri a\u015fa\u011f\u0131 \u00e7ekmektir. Stendhal’de \u00e7ok dokunakl\u0131 olan kendi kendiyle dayan\u0131\u015fma hali, onu en iyi anlar\u0131n\u0131 tasvir etmekten al\u0131koyar \u00e7\u00fcnk\u00fc onlardan s\u00f6z ederek onlar\u0131n kendisi i\u00e7in de\u011fer kaybedece\u011fini d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcn\u00fcr, bence \u00e7ok b\u00fcy\u00fck bir hata bu. Benim hayat\u0131m\u0131n bu kadar a\u00e7\u0131k olmas\u0131n\u0131n bir nedeni de b\u00fcy\u00fck \u00f6l\u00e7\u00fcde budur. Her \u015fey benden kopup gidiyor ve ben her\u015feyi herkese veriyorum, \u00e7\u00fcnk\u00fc zaten kopuyorum. Kendimin pruvas\u0131nda derin bir yaln\u0131zl\u0131k… \u00d6yle san\u0131yorum ki \u00e7ok say\u0131da duygunun benden uzak olmas\u0131n\u0131n nedeni bu(1).<\/p>\n

Bunlar kibirim \u00fczerine s\u00f6yleyeceklerime bir giri\u015f olabilir. Olduk\u00e7a \u00fcz\u00fcc\u00fc ve \u00e7\u00f6l gibi yaln\u0131zla\u015ft\u0131r\u0131c\u0131 bir kibir, yani i\u015fin asl\u0131, kibirli k\u0131lan hi\u00e7bir \u015fey yok. Bununla birlikte, kimi kibirli ki\u015filerin bedbaht ve k\u0131r\u0131lgan kibirinden tamamen farkl\u0131 benimkisi(2). “Hi\u00e7bir \u015feyin” kibiri: ne zekam\u0131n, ki o konuda hi\u00e7bir fikrim yok, ne hemen benden kopuveren ve bir daha i\u00e7ine giremedi\u011fim yaz\u0131lar\u0131m\u0131n, ne son zamana kadar hakk\u0131nda d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnmedi\u011fim hayat\u0131m\u0131n ne de kendi kendimle dayan\u0131\u015fmay\u0131 reddetti\u011fime g\u00f6re Ben’in kibiri bu. Zaman zaman m\u00fczi\u011fin, \u015farab\u0131n ya da baz\u0131 \u00e7ok ola\u011fand\u0131\u015f\u0131 ko\u015fullar\u0131n etkisiyle ba\u015f\u0131m\u0131n d\u00f6n\u00fcp de kendi kendime “sen dahisin” dedi\u011fim ve t\u0131pk\u0131 XVIII. y\u00fczy\u0131ldaki gibi g\u00f6z\u00fcmden bir damla ya\u015f s\u00fcz\u00fcld\u00fc\u011f\u00fc olmu\u015ftur. ama bu duyarl\u0131l\u0131k n\u00f6betleri fazla uzun s\u00fcrmez ve benim kibirimin alt\u0131nda yatan kesinlikle bunlar de\u011fildir. Hatta zaman zaman, kendime deha malederek, arzular\u0131m\u0131n alt\u0131nda bir seviyede kald\u0131\u011f\u0131m hissine kap\u0131l\u0131r\u0131m. B\u00f6yle bir \u015feyle yetiniyor olmak zaten k\u00fc\u00e7\u00fclt\u00fcc\u00fcd\u00fcr. Asl\u0131nda bu kibir, d\u00fcnya kar\u015f\u0131s\u0131nda mutlak bir bilince sahip olman\u0131n gururdur. Kah bir bilin\u00e7 olmaya, kah b\u00fct\u00fcn d\u00fcnyay\u0131 bilmeye hayran kal\u0131r\u0131m. D\u00fcnyaya dayanan bir bilin\u00e7, i\u015fte kibirlendi\u011fim \u015fey bu. Ve nihayet, hi\u00e7 bir duyguya kap\u0131lmadan ve \u00e7ok kat\u0131 bir \u015fekilde kendi kendimi mahkum etti\u011fim zaman yine bu ilkel dayanma haline d\u00f6nerim.<\/p>\n

Fakat \u015fimdi, bu d\u00fcnyaya dayanma halinin herkes i\u00e7in ge\u00e7erli oldu\u011fu s\u00f6ylenebilir. Kesinlikle do\u011frudur. \u0130\u015fte bu nedenle de bu kibir denen \u015fey her bilincin tekli\u011fi ile insanl\u0131k durumunun genelli\u011fi aras\u0131nda sal\u0131n\u0131r. \u0130nsanl\u0131k bilincinin durumunu \u00fcstlenen bir bilin\u00e7 oldu\u011fum i\u00e7in kibir duyuyorum. Ve bu akl\u0131 ba\u015f\u0131nda kibir bir anda eri\u015filmez olur. “G\u00f6zde” nitelikleriyle, kudretiyle, g\u00fczelli\u011fiyle, zekas\u0131yla ve hatta erdemleriyle \u00f6v\u00fcnen ki\u015fi umutsuzluk ve al\u00e7akg\u00f6n\u00fcll\u00fcl\u00fck i\u00e7inde bir \u00f6znedir, \u00e7\u00fcnk\u00fc o, bu \u015fekilde ayn\u0131 zamanda, bir di\u011ferinin yarg\u0131lamas\u0131n\u0131 ve k\u0131yaslamas\u0131n\u0131 kabul etmi\u015ftir. Ama ben kibirimin nesnesini bir di\u011feirnin yarg\u0131lamas\u0131ndan ve her t\u00fcr k\u0131yaslamadan ka\u00e7\u0131r\u0131yorum. \u00c7\u00fcnk\u00fc benim gurur duydu\u011fum \u015fey, beni biricik k\u0131lan (herkes ayn\u0131 \u015fekilde, kendi t\u00fcr\u00fcnde biriciktir) \u015fey ve ilk ba\u015fta di\u011ferinin yarg\u0131s\u0131nda ka\u00e7an \u015feydir. Di\u011ferinin varl\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131 benim i\u00e7in m\u00fcmk\u00fcn k\u0131lan da bilin\u00e7tir. Kosakiewicz’lerin bedenlerine, cazibelerine, merhametlerine k\u0131r\u0131lgan ve k\u0131yaslanabilir nesneler olarak i\u015fleyen umutsuz kibir… Kosakiewicz’lerin hatalar\u0131 kar\u015f\u0131s\u0131ndaki al\u00e7akg\u00f6n\u00fcll\u00fcl\u00fc\u011f\u00fc… Ben hi\u00e7bir zaman al\u00e7akg\u00f6n\u00fcll\u00fc de\u011filim, hi\u00e7bir zaman umutsuz da de\u011filim, \u00e7\u00fcnk\u00fc kendimle gurur duymuyorum, – tam da kartezyen Cogito d\u00fczeyinde – bilincimle kibir duyuyorum. Varl\u0131ktan, varl\u0131\u011f\u0131n mutlak teminat\u0131ndan ayr\u0131lmayan bir kibirdir bu.<\/p>\n

Benim varolma tarz\u0131m olan bir kibir. Bana onsekiz ya\u015f\u0131mdayken, \u00f6lmemin b\u00fcy\u00fck bir yanl\u0131\u015f olaca\u011f\u0131n\u0131, benim \u00f6lemeyece\u011fimi, safl\u0131kla s\u00f6yleten kibir. Bu daha \u00e7ok \u015f\u00f6yle bir \u015feydir: b\u00f6ylesi bir mutlak yokolamaz. B\u00f6ylesi bir varl\u0131k teminat\u0131 art\u0131k olamama endi\u015fesi bar\u0131nd\u0131ramaz. Ve bu hi\u00e7bir \u015feyin kan\u0131t\u0131 de\u011fildir, \u00e7\u00fcnk\u00fc yaln\u0131zca, bilin\u00e7 kendi yokolu\u015funu tasavvur edemez demeye gelir. \u015eimdi herkesin bilinci oldu\u011fu s\u00f6ylenebilir. Peki herkesin kibirinin b\u00f6yle olmamas\u0131 nereden kaynaklan\u0131yor? Benim kibirimi, d\u0131\u015far\u0131da kaybolmak yerine, kendi kendini g\u00f6\u011f\u00fcsleyen bir bilincin y\u00fckselmesinin kalbinde diye tahayy\u00fcl ediyorum. \u0130\u015fte bu nedenle de kibirimi metafizik olarak adland\u0131r\u0131yorum. Bu anlamda, benim metafizik iyimserli\u011fimden, kaderime olan inanc\u0131mdan hi\u00e7 fark\u0131 yok. B\u00fct\u00fcn bunlar\u0131n hepsi bir.<\/p>\n

Kibirimin sonucu olarak: moral varl\u0131k olma (kendi ilkelerime g\u00f6re) kayg\u0131m kendimi y\u00fckseltmeyi de\u011fil, tam tersine, kendime lay\u0131k olmay\u0131 hedefliyor. Sonu\u00e7ta, yarat\u0131l\u0131\u015ftan bir moral yetkinlik d\u00fczeyine eri\u015fti\u011fim yollu karanl\u0131k ve derin bir inanca sahibim. S\u00f6z konusu olan yaln\u0131zca, daha sonraki davran\u0131\u015flar\u0131mla onu hak etmektir. Her yeni durum, beni k\u00fc\u00e7\u00fcltebilecek ve kendime yara\u015f\u0131r bir \u015fekilde kendimi g\u00f6stermem gereken bir tuzak, bir pusudur.<\/p>\n

(1) Onsekiz ya\u015f\u0131ndayken, Sartre g\u00fcnl\u00fc\u011f\u00fcne \u015f\u00f6yle yaz\u0131yordu: “Ben’imi arad\u0131m: onun, arkada\u015flar\u0131mla, do\u011fayla, sevdi\u011fim kad\u0131nlarla ili\u015fkilerimde kendini g\u00f6sterdi\u011fini g\u00f6rd\u00fcm. Ben’de kollektif bir ruh, bir grup ruhu, topra\u011f\u0131n ruhu, kitaplar\u0131n ruhunu buldum. Ama as\u0131l olarak Ben denen \u015feyi, insanlar\u0131n, e\u015fyalar\u0131n d\u0131\u015f\u0131ndaki, hi\u00e7bir ko\u015fula ba\u011fl\u0131 olmayan, ger\u00e7ek Ben’imi bulamad\u0131m.” (Gen\u00e7lik d\u00f6nemi yaz\u0131lar\u0131)<\/p>\n

(2) Ayn\u0131 g\u00fcnl\u00fckte Sartre \u015f\u00f6yle diyor: “\u0130nsan\u0131n kendisiyle kibirlenmesi i\u00e7in zeki, g\u00fczel ya da g\u00fc\u00e7l\u00fc oldu\u011funu sanmas\u0131 gerekmez. \u0130nsan hem aptal oldu\u011funa inan\u0131p hem de kendisiyle kibirlenebilir. Kibir kendi kendini besleyen bir e\u011filimdir. Fakat kayda de\u011fer bir zihinsel inan\u00e7la desteklenmeyen kibir, al\u0131nganl\u0131k, \u00e7ekingenlik, k\u00f6t\u00fcl\u00fck verir.”<\/p>\n

Jean Paul Sartre<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Sartre’\u0131n “tuhaf sava\u015f” s\u0131ras\u0131nda tuttu\u011fu 15 g\u00fcnl\u00fckten be\u015fi biliniyordu. Sava\u015f\u0131n ba\u015flar\u0131nda yazd\u0131\u011f\u0131 ilk g\u00fcnl\u00fck ise ge\u00e7ti\u011fimiz g\u00fcnlerde bir kitap merakl\u0131s\u0131n\u0131n ar\u015fivlerini Fransa Ulusal K\u00fct\u00fcphanesi’ne satmas\u0131yla bulundu ve on g\u00fcn \u00f6nce Fransa’da yay\u0131nland\u0131. Bu ilk g\u00fcnl\u00fckte Sartre “kibirle” kendine g\u00fcl\u00fcyor. Sene 1939. \u0130kinci D\u00fcnya sava\u015f\u0131 ba\u015flam\u0131\u015f. Sartre 34 ya\u015f\u0131nda, asker. Kendisiyle 1975 y\u0131l\u0131nda yap\u0131lan bir s\u00f6yle\u015fide […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[103],"tags":[],"class_list":{"0":"post-4138","1":"post","2":"type-post","3":"status-publish","4":"format-standard","6":"category-felsefe-genel"},"yoast_head":"\nGer\u00e7ek 'Ben'im | G\u00fcnl\u00fckler - Jean Paul Sartre - narteks.net<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/narteks.net\/index.php\/2010\/02\/03\/gercek-benim-gunlukler-jean-paul-sartre\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"tr_TR\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Ger\u00e7ek 'Ben'im | G\u00fcnl\u00fckler - Jean Paul Sartre\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Sartre’\u0131n “tuhaf sava\u015f” s\u0131ras\u0131nda tuttu\u011fu 15 g\u00fcnl\u00fckten be\u015fi biliniyordu. 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