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Herkes i\u00e7in, kimse i\u00e7in bir kitap<\/p>\nHerkes i\u00e7in, kimse i\u00e7in bir kitap<\/p>\n
I
Zerd\u00fc\u015ft\u2019\u00fcn \u00f6yk\u00fcs\u00fcn\u00fc anlatmama geldi s\u0131ra. Yap\u0131t\u0131n ana d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcn\u00fc olan bengi-d\u00f6n\u00fc\u015f d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcncesi, eri\u015filebilecek o en y\u00fcksek olumlama ilkesi, 1881 y\u0131l\u0131 a\u011fustosuna rastlar: Bir k\u00e2\u011f\u0131t par\u00e7as\u0131na karalanm\u0131\u015ft\u0131r, alt\u0131nda \u015fu yaz\u0131l\u0131d\u0131r: \u201c\u0130nsan ve zaman\u0131n 6000 ayak \u00f6tesinde\u201d. O g\u00fcn Silvaplana g\u00f6l\u00fc k\u0131y\u0131s\u0131ndaki ormanlarda y\u00fcr\u00fcyordum; Surlei yak\u0131nlar\u0131nda, piramid bi\u00e7imi y\u00fckselen kocaman bir kayan\u0131n dibinde mola verdim. Bu d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnce orada geldi bana. \u2013O tarihten birka\u00e7 ay gerilere gitti\u011fimde, bir \u00f6nbelirti olarak, be\u011fenilerimin, \u00f6zellikle musikide birdenbire ta derinden de\u011fi\u015fiverdi\u011fini g\u00f6r\u00fcyorum. Zerd\u00fc\u015ft\u2019\u00fc belki de ba\u015ftanba\u015fa musikiden sayabiliriz, \u2013\u015furas\u0131 a\u00e7\u0131k ki, yepyeni bir kulak istiyordu onun i\u00e7in. Vicenza yak\u0131nlar\u0131ndaki bir k\u00fc\u00e7\u00fck da\u011f kapl\u0131cas\u0131nda, Recoaro\u2019da ge\u00e7irdi\u011fimiz 1881 bahar\u0131, maestro\u2019m ve dostum Peter Gast\u2013 benim gibi \u201cyeniden do\u011fmu\u015f\u201dlardand\u0131 o da \u2013ve ben farkettik ki, musiki denilen Anka ku\u015fu her zamankinden daha bir hafif, daha bir \u0131\u015f\u0131ldayan kanatlarla dolan\u0131yordu \u00fcst\u00fcm\u00fczde. O g\u00fcnden bu yana, 1883 \u015fubat\u0131nda birdenbire inan\u0131lmaz ko\u015fullar alt\u0131nda yapt\u0131\u011f\u0131m do\u011fuma dek ge\u00e7en s\u00fcreyi \u2013\u00f6ns\u00f6zde birka\u00e7 c\u00fcmlesini aktard\u0131\u011f\u0131m son b\u00f6l\u00fcm, tam Richard Wagner\u2019in Venedik\u2019te \u00f6ld\u00fc\u011f\u00fc kutsal saat bitirilmi\u015ftir\u2013 evet, o s\u00fcreyi hesaplad\u0131\u011f\u0131mda, gebeli\u011fimin 18 ay s\u00fcrd\u00fc\u011f\u00fc anla\u015f\u0131l\u0131r.<\/p>\n
T\u0131pat\u0131p bu say\u0131n\u0131n \u00e7\u0131kmas\u0131, benim bir di\u015fi fil oldu\u011fum d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcncesini getirir insan\u0131n akl\u0131na, \u2013Buda\u2019c\u0131lar\u0131n akl\u0131na hi\u00e7 de\u011filse,\u2013 Yak\u0131nda e\u015fsiz bir \u015fey gelece\u011finin y\u00fczlerce belirtisini ta\u015f\u0131yan Gaya Scienza bu araya rastlar: Zerd\u00fc\u015ft\u2019\u00fcn ba\u015flang\u0131c\u0131 bile vard\u0131r onda; d\u00f6rd\u00fcnc\u00fc kitab\u0131n sondan \u00f6nceki par\u00e7as\u0131nda Zerd\u00fc\u015ft\u2019\u00fcn ana d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcncesi vard\u0131r. \u2013Kar\u0131\u015f\u0131k koro ve orkestra i\u00e7in yaz\u0131lm\u0131\u015f \u201cYa\u015fama \u00d6vg\u00fc\u201d de gene bu zamana rastlar; partisyonu iki y\u0131l \u00f6nce Leipzig\u2019de E.W. Fritzsch yay\u0131nevinde \u00e7\u0131km\u0131\u015ft\u0131r. O y\u0131l, i\u00e7inde oldu\u011fum durumun, o sonuna dek olumlayan uttkuyla, tragik tutku dedi\u011fim \u015feyle dolup ta\u015ft\u0131\u011f\u0131m durumun hi\u00e7 de yabana at\u0131lmaz bir belirtisidir bu. \u0130lerde bir g\u00fcn beni anmak i\u00e7in \u00e7al\u0131p s\u00f6yleyecekler onu. \u2013S\u00f6zleri (\u00fczerinde duruyorum, \u00e7\u00fcnk\u00fc yan\u0131lg\u0131d\u0131r al\u0131p y\u00fcr\u00fcm\u00fc\u015f bu konumda) benim de\u011fildir; o s\u0131ralar dost oldu\u011fum gen\u00e7 bir Rus k\u0131z\u0131n\u0131n, Bayan Lou von Salom\u00e8\u2019nin[1] \u015fa\u015f\u0131lacak esininden \u00e7\u0131kmad\u0131r. \u015eiirin son b\u00f6l\u00fcm\u00fcnden herhangi bir anlam \u00e7\u0131karabilen kimse, neden bu \u015fiiri se\u00e7ip be\u011fendi\u011fimi, neden ona hayran oldu\u011fumu anlayabilir: B\u00fcy\u00fckl\u00fck var o s\u00f6zlerde. Ya\u015fama kar\u015f\u0131 bir itiraz say\u0131lm\u0131yor ac\u0131: \u201cArt\u0131k bana verecek mutlulu\u011fun kalmad\u0131 m\u0131, ne \u00e7\u0131kar! Ac\u0131lar\u0131n var daha\u201d. Buras\u0131nda benim musikim de b\u00fcy\u00fckt\u00fcr belki (La \u2013klarneti\u2019nin sonuncu notas\u0131 do diyez de\u011fil, do olacak. Bask\u0131 yanl\u0131\u015f\u0131.) \u2013Ertesi k\u0131\u015f\u0131 Cenova yak\u0131n\u0131nda, Chiavari ile Portofino aras\u0131na sokulan o sevimli, sessiz Rapallo koyunda ge\u00e7irdim. Sa\u011fl\u0131k durumum hi\u00e7 de parlak de\u011fildi; k\u0131\u015f so\u011fuktu, son derece ya\u011fmurluydu. Kald\u0131\u011f\u0131m k\u00fc\u00e7\u00fck han denizin hemen \u00fczerindeydi, \u00f6yle ki geceleri dalga \u00e7\u0131k\u0131nca uyunmuyordu; istemedi\u011fim ne varsa hepsi hemen toplanm\u0131\u015ft\u0131 orada. Gene de, sanki benim ilkemi, yani ger\u00e7ekten birdiyece\u011fi olan \u015feyin \u201cher ne olursa olsun\u201d ortaya \u00e7\u0131kaca\u011f\u0131n\u0131 kan\u0131tlamak ister gibi, o k\u0131\u015f, o g\u00fc\u00e7 ko\u015fullar i\u00e7inde ortaya \u00e7\u0131kt\u0131 Zerd\u00fc\u015ft\u2019\u00fcm. \u2013\u00d6\u011fleden \u00f6nceleri Zoagli\u2019ye giden g\u00fczelim yolda, \u00e7aml\u0131klar i\u00e7inden ge\u00e7erek g\u00fcneye do\u011fru \u00e7\u0131k\u0131yordum; g\u00f6z alabildi\u011fine denizi g\u00f6r\u00fcyordum aya\u011f\u0131m\u0131n alt\u0131nda. \u00d6\u011fleden sonralar\u0131, sa\u011fl\u0131k durumum elverdik\u00e7e, Santa Margherita koyunu ta Portofino\u2019nun \u00f6tesine dek bir ba\u015ftan bir ba\u015fa dolan\u0131yordum. Bu yerler, bu g\u00f6r\u00fcn\u00fc\u015fler, \u0130mparator \u00dc\u00e7\u00fcnc\u00fc Friedrich\u2019in oralara olan b\u00fcy\u00fck sevgisi y\u00fcz\u00fcnden daha de\u011ferliydi benim g\u00f6z\u00fcmde. 1886 g\u00fcz\u00fcnde yolum gene o k\u0131y\u0131lara d\u00fc\u015ft\u00fc\u011f\u00fcnde, bu k\u00fc\u00e7\u00fck, unutulmu\u015f mutluluk \u00fclkesine onun da son geli\u015fiydi. \u2013Bu iki yol boyunca Zert\u00fc\u015ft\u2019\u00fcn b\u00fct\u00fcn birinci b\u00f6l\u00fcm\u00fc do\u011fdu kafamda; en ba\u015fta Zerd\u00fc\u015ft\u2019\u00fcn kendisi, ki\u015fili\u011fi do\u011fdu: Daha do\u011frusu \u00e7ulland\u0131 \u00fcst\u00fcme…<\/p>\n
II
Bu ki\u015fili\u011fi anlamak i\u00e7in, insan onun \u00e7\u0131kt\u0131\u011f\u0131 fizyolojik ko\u015fullar\u0131, yani benim b\u00fcy\u00fck sa\u011fl\u0131k dedi\u011fim \u015feyi iyice kavram\u0131\u015f olmal\u0131d\u0131r. Bu kavram\u0131 Gaya Scienza\u2019da, be\u015finci kitab\u0131n son b\u00f6l\u00fcm\u00fcnde yapt\u0131\u011f\u0131mdan daha iyi, daha ki\u015fisel bir bi\u00e7imde a\u00e7\u0131klayamam. Orada \u015f\u00f6yle deniyor: \u201cBiz yeniler, ads\u0131zlar, k\u00f6t\u00fc anla\u015f\u0131lanlar, biz, hen\u00fcz karanl\u0131k bir gelece\u011fin erken do\u011fmu\u015f \u00e7ocuklar\u0131, yeni ama\u00e7lar i\u00e7in yeni yollar gerek bize, yeni bir sa\u011fl\u0131k gerek, \u015fimdiye dek onlardan daha g\u00fc\u00e7l\u00fc, daha a\u00e7\u0131kg\u00f6z, daha dayan\u0131kl\u0131, daha atak, daha keyifli bir sa\u011fl\u0131k. Her kim bug\u00fcne dek gelen de\u011ferlerin, dileklerin \u00e7evresini ba\u015ftanba\u015fa dola\u015f\u0131p g\u00f6rmek, bu \u00fclk\u00fcsel \u201cAkdeniz\u201din k\u0131y\u0131lar\u0131nda yelken a\u00e7mak i\u00e7in can at\u0131yorsa, her kim \u00fclkeler bulan, ele gecirilen birinin, bir sanat\u00e7\u0131n\u0131n, bir ermi\u015fin, bir yasa koyucusunun, bir bilgenin, bir bilginin, bir sofunun, eski \u00e7a\u011fda her\u015feyden el etek \u00e7ekmi\u015f tanr\u0131sal birinin neler duydu\u011funu i\u00e7inde ya\u015fay\u0131p bilmek istiyorsa, ona en ba\u015fta b\u00fcy\u00fck sa\u011fl\u0131k gereklidir\u2013 bu da yetmez tek ba\u015f\u0131na, insan onu her g\u00fcn yeni ba\u015ftan elde etmelidir, \u00e7\u00fck\u00fc ondan her an ge\u00e7ilir, ge\u00e7ilmelidir de… \u015eimdi bizler, bunca zaman yollarda olanlar, biz bir \u00fclk\u00fc arayanlar Argonaut\u2019lar[2], belki gerekti\u011finden de \u00e7ok g\u00f6z\u00fcpek olanlar, gemileri batanlar, bunca \u015feye u\u011frayanlar, ama dedi\u011fimiz gibi, ho\u015f g\u00f6r\u00fcld\u00fc\u011f\u00fcnden de \u00e7ok sa\u011flam olanlar, sa\u011flaml\u0131\u011f\u0131 bir tehlike olanlar, sa\u011flamo\u011flu sa\u011flamlar, \u2013bize \u00f6yle geliyor ki, bunlar\u0131n bedeli olarak \u00f6n\u00fcm\u00fczde insan aya\u011f\u0131 de\u011fmemi\u015f bir \u00fclke var, daha kimse a\u015fmam\u0131\u015f s\u0131n\u0131rlar\u0131n\u0131, \u00fclk\u00fc\u2019n\u00fcn bilinen \u00fclkelerinden, t\u00fcm k\u00f6\u015fe buca\u011f\u0131ndan \u00e7ok \u00f6telerd, g\u00fczel, yabanc\u0131, \u00e7\u00f6z\u00fclmemi\u015f, korkun\u00e7 ve tanr\u0131sal \u015feylerle do\u011flu bir d\u00fcnya ki, bilgiye, ele ge\u00e7irmeye susuzlu\u011fumuzdan duramaz olduk art\u0131k \u2013ah bunadn b\u00f6yle bizi hi\u00e7bir \u015fey doyuramaz!… Bizler ki b\u00f6yle bir gelece\u011fi se\u00e7mi\u015fiz, buluncumuz, kafam\u0131z b\u00f6yle bir a\u00e7\u0131kla k\u0131vran\u0131yor, bug\u00fcnk\u00fc insanla yetinebilir miyiz hi\u00e7? Ne yapsak bo\u015funa, elimizde de\u011fil: Onun en de\u011ferli ama\u00e7lar\u0131na, umutlar\u0131na bakarken g\u00fclmemek i\u00e7in zor tutuyoruz kendimizi, belki de art\u0131k hi\u00e7 bakm\u0131yoruz bile… Ba\u015fka bir \u00fclk\u00fcd\u00fcr \u00f6n\u00fcm\u00fczde ko\u015fan, \u015fa\u015f\u0131rt\u0131c\u0131, s\u0131nay\u0131c\u0131, tehlikeli bir \u00fclk\u00fc; kimseyi ayartmak istemiyoruz ona, \u00e7\u00fcnk\u00fc kimseye bu hakk\u0131 kolay kolay tan\u0131m\u0131yoruz: \u015eimdiye dek kutsal, iyi, dokunulamaz, tanr\u0131sal bilinen her\u015feyle bir \u00e7ocuk gibi, yani bilmeksizin oyun oynayan, a\u011fz\u0131na dek g\u00fc\u00e7 ve bereket dolu bir d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcncenin \u00fclk\u00fcs\u00fc; uluslar\u0131n hakl\u0131 olarak de\u011fer bildi\u011fi en y\u00fcce \u015feyleri olsa olsa bir tehlike, \u00e7\u00f6kme, al\u00e7alma ya da en az\u0131ndan bir dinlenme, k\u00f6rl\u00fck, arada s\u0131rada kendini unutma sayan birinin \u00fclk\u00fcs\u00fc; insanca, \u00fcstinsanca bir iyili\u011fin, iyilikseverli\u011fin \u00fclk\u00fcs\u00fc, ki \u00e7o\u011fu zaman insanl\u0131k d\u0131\u015f\u0131 g\u00f6z\u00fckecektir, \u00f6rne\u011fin \u015fimdiye dek yery\u00fcz\u00fcnde \u00f6nemsenmeyen her\u015feyin, g\u00f6steri\u015fli duru\u015flar\u0131n, s\u00f6zlerin, seslerin, bak\u0131\u015flar\u0131n, t\u00f6re\u2019nin, b\u00fcy\u00fck \u00f6devlerin yan\u0131ba\u015f\u0131nda durup da, elinde olmadan onlar\u0131 her\u015feyiyle alaya ald\u0131\u011f\u0131nda, \u2013ama b\u00fcy\u00fck \u00f6nemseyi\u015f as\u0131l onunla ba\u015flayacak, as\u0131l soru imi onunla konacak, ruhun yazg\u0131s\u0131 de\u011fi\u015fecek, saatin yelkovan\u0131 ilerleyecek, tragedya ba\u015flayacak\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n
III<\/p>\n
O g\u00fc\u00e7l\u00fc \u00e7a\u011flarda ozanlar\u0131n esin dedikleri \u015fey nedir, ondokuzuncu y\u00fczy\u0131l sonunda bunu a\u00e7\u0131k\u00e7a bilen var m\u0131? Yoksa, ben anlatay\u0131m. \u2013\u0130\u00e7inizde az\u0131c\u0131k bo\u015f inan olmayag\u00f6rs\u00fcn, insan\u00fcst\u00fc g\u00fc\u00e7lerin cisimlenmesi, yaln\u0131zca onlar\u0131n s\u00f6zc\u00fcs\u00fc, arac\u0131s\u0131 oldu\u011funuza inanmaktan kendinizi alamazs\u0131n\u0131z. \u0130nsan\u0131 en derinden sarsan, alt\u00fcst eden bir\u015feyin birdenbire anlat\u0131lmaz bir do\u011fruluk ve incelikle g\u00f6r\u00fcl\u00fcr; duyulur olmas\u0131 anlam\u0131na gelen \u201cvahiy\u201d s\u00f6zc\u00fc\u011f\u00fc var ya, bu olaya t\u0131pat\u0131p uyar i\u015fte. \u0130nsan aramaks\u0131z\u0131n duyar, kimden geldi\u011fini sormaks\u0131z\u0131n al\u0131r; bir \u015fim\u015fek gibi \u00e7akar d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnce, zorunlulukla, en son bi\u00e7imi i\u00e7inde, \u2013benim i\u00e7in se\u00e7me diye bir \u015fey yoktu hi\u00e7. Bir kendinden ge\u00e7medir, korkun\u00e7 gerilimi zaman olur g\u00f6zya\u015flar\u0131yla bo\u015fan\u0131r; y\u00fcr\u00fcrken elinizde olmadan bir h\u0131zlar\u0131n, bir yava\u015flars\u0131n\u0131z; hi\u00e7 kendinizde de\u011filsinizdir, ama tepeden t\u0131rna\u011fa ge\u00e7irdi\u011finiz o ince \u00fcrpertiler sa\u011fna\u011f\u0131n\u0131 apa\u00e7\u0131k duyars\u0131n\u0131z; bir derin butluluktur, en b\u00fcy\u00fck ac\u0131lar, en korkun\u00e7 \u015fey orada kar\u015f\u0131t etki yapmaz, tersine gerekli duyulur, istenir, bu \u0131\u015f\u0131k bollu\u011funda sorunlu bir renktir o da; bi\u00e7imlerle dolu engin uzaylar\u0131 kaplayan bir ritim ba\u011flant\u0131lar\u0131 sezi\u015fi, \u2013ki uzunluk, geni\u015f dalgal\u0131 bir ritim gereksinmesi neredeyse esin g\u00fcc\u00fcn\u00fcn bir \u00f6l\u00e7\u00fcs\u00fcd\u00fcr, onun bask\u0131s\u0131n\u0131, gerilimini bir anlamda gidermektir… Hi\u00e7bir \u015fey elinizde de\u011fildir, gene de bir \u00f6zg\u00fcrl\u00fck duygusu, bir saltl\u0131k, bir g\u00fc\u00e7, bir tanr\u0131sall\u0131k f\u0131rt\u0131nas\u0131 i\u00e7indeymi\u015f gibi olup biter hepsi… \u0130mgenin, benzetinin art\u0131k size ba\u011fl\u0131 olmay\u0131\u015f\u0131 i\u015fin en ilgin\u00e7 yan\u0131d\u0131r, imge nedir, benzeti nedir, hi\u00e7birini bilmez olursunuz. Her\u015fey elinizin alt\u0131ndad\u0131r, en do\u011fru, en yal\u0131n deyim. Zerd\u00fc\u015ft\u2019\u00fcn bir s\u00f6z\u00fcyle s\u00f6yleyelim, \u015feyler sanki kendiliklerinden gelirler, kendilerini sunarlar benzeti olarak (\u2013\u201cHer \u015fey senin konu\u015fman\u0131 ok\u015famaya geliyor burda, y\u00fcz\u00fcne g\u00fcl\u00fcyor senin: \u00c7\u00fcnk\u00fc senin s\u0131rt\u0131na binmek istiyor hepsi. Burada her benzetinin s\u0131rt\u0131na binip, her do\u011fruya ko\u015fturuyorsun. Burada t\u00fcm varl\u0131\u011f\u0131n s\u00f6zleri, s\u00f6z hazineleri sana a\u00e7\u0131l\u0131veriyor; burada t\u00fcm varl\u0131k s\u00f6z almak istiyor, senden konu\u015fmay\u0131 \u00f6\u011frenmek istiyor t\u00fcm olu\u015f\u2013\u201c). \u0130\u015fte esin konusunda benim ya\u015fad\u0131\u011f\u0131m bu. \u201cBenimki de b\u00f6yleydi\u201d diyebilecek birini bulmak i\u00e7in, hi\u00e7 \u015f\u00fcphe yok, binlerce y\u0131l gerilere gitmeli insan.<\/p>\n
IV<\/p>\n
Sonra, hasta d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcp birka\u00e7 hafta Cenova\u2019da yatt\u0131m. Arkas\u0131ndan bir yasl\u0131 bahar ge\u00e7irdim Roma\u2019da; ya\u015fam\u0131 oldu\u011fu gibi kabullenmi\u015ftim, \u2013kolay i\u015f de\u011fildi bu. \u0130stemeden d\u00fc\u015ft\u00fc\u011f\u00fcm, Zert\u00fc\u015ft ozan\u0131 i\u00e7in yery\u00fcz\u00fcn\u00fcn bu en yak\u0131\u015f\u0131k almaz yeri can\u0131mdan bezdirmi\u015fti beni asl\u0131nda. Ka\u00e7\u0131p kurtulmak, Roma\u2019n\u0131n kar\u015f\u0131t\u0131na, Roma\u2019ya d\u00fc\u015fmanl\u0131ktan kurulmu\u015f olan Aquila\u2019ya gitmek istedim; ben de g\u00fcn\u00fcn birinde yak\u0131n akrabalar\u0131mdan birinin, tam gerekti\u011fi gibi bir tanr\u0131s\u0131z ve kilise d\u00fc\u015fman\u0131n\u0131n, Hohenstaufen\u2019lerden o b\u00fcy\u00fck imparator \u0130kinci Friedrich\u2019in[3] an\u0131s\u0131na b\u00f6yle bir yer kuraca\u011f\u0131m. Ama talihsizlik yakam\u0131 b\u0131rakm\u0131yordu: Gene Roma\u2019ya d\u00f6nd\u00fcm. H\u0131ristiyanl\u0131k d\u00fc\u015fman\u0131 bir semt aramaktan usanarak, sonunda Piazza Barberini\u2019ye[4] fit oldum. Korkar\u0131m bir seferinde k\u00f6t\u00fc kokulardan elimden geldi\u011fince kurtulmak d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcncesiyle, bir feylesof i\u00e7in sessiz bir odalar\u0131 olup olmad\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131 Plazzo del Quirinale\u2019de[4] bile sordum. \u2013Ad\u0131 ge\u00e7en piazza\u2019ya bakan y\u00fcksek bir odada oturuyordum, Roma aya\u011f\u0131m\u0131n alt\u0131ndayd\u0131; a\u015fa\u011f\u0131lardan \u00e7e\u015fmenin \u015f\u0131r\u0131lt\u0131s\u0131 duyuluyordu. Bug\u00fcne dek yaz\u0131lm\u0131\u015f en yapayaln\u0131z t\u00fcrk\u00fc, Gece T\u00fcrk\u00fcs\u00fc, i\u015fte orada yaz\u0131ld\u0131; o s\u0131ralar karasevdal\u0131 ezgiyle bozmu\u015ftum, anlat\u0131l\u0131r \u015fey de\u011fildi; bir de ba\u011flamas\u0131 vard\u0131, hep \u015fu s\u00f6zlerle duyuyordum: \u201c\u00d6l\u00fcms\u00fcz olmaktan \u00f6lm\u00fc\u015f!\u201d… Yaz\u0131n, Zerd\u00fc\u015ft d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcncesinin kafamda ilk olarak \u015fim\u015fek gibi \u00e7akt\u0131\u011f\u0131 o kutsal yere[5] d\u00f6n\u00fcnce, ikinci b\u00f6l\u00fcm\u00fc buldum. On g\u00fcn yetti. Ne birinci b\u00f6l\u00fcm, ne de \u00fc\u00e7\u00fcnc\u00fc ve sonuncusu[6], hi\u00e7biri daha uzun s\u00fcrmedi. Ertesi k\u0131\u015f, ya\u015fam\u0131mda ilk kez par\u0131ldayan sessiz, mutlu Nice g\u00f6\u011f\u00fc alt\u0131nda \u00fc\u00e7\u00fcnc\u00fc b\u00f6l\u00fcm\u00fc buldum, \u2013Ve i\u015fim bitti. Hepsi bir y\u0131l bile s\u00fcrmedi. Nice \u00e7evresindeki y\u00fckseklerde bir s\u00fcr\u00fc sakl\u0131 k\u00f6\u015fe, ya\u015fad\u0131\u011f\u0131m unutulmaz anlarla kutsalla\u015fm\u0131\u015ft\u0131r benim g\u00f6z\u00fcmde, \u201cEski ve Yeni Levhalar \u00dcst\u00fcne\u201d ad\u0131n\u0131 ta\u015f\u0131yan can al\u0131c\u0131 b\u00f6l\u00fcm, istasyondan kayalar i\u00e7inde kurulmu\u015f e\u015fsiz Arap K\u00f6y\u00fc Eza\u2019ya \u00e7\u0131karken yaz\u0131ld\u0131, \u2013yarat\u0131c\u0131 g\u00fc\u00e7 ne denli bol akarsa, kas \u00e7evikli\u011fi de o denli art\u0131yor bende. Beden co\u015fmu\u015ftur: \u201cRuh\u201du kar\u0131\u015ft\u0131rmayal\u0131m i\u015fin i\u00e7ine… \u00c7ok zaman beni dansederken g\u00f6rebildiniz; yorgunluk nedir bilmeden o da\u011f senin, bu da\u011f benim, yedi sekiz saat dola\u015fabiliyordum. \u0130yi uyuyor, bol bol g\u00fcl\u00fcyordum, \u2013bundan daha din\u00e7, daha sab\u0131rl\u0131 olamazd\u0131m.<\/p>\n
V<\/p>\n
Bu onar g\u00fcnl\u00fck \u00e7al\u0131\u015fmalar\u0131 bir yana b\u0131rak\u0131rsak, Zerd\u00fc\u015ft\u2019\u00fc yazd\u0131\u011f\u0131m y\u0131llar, \u00f6zellikle ondan sonras\u0131 benzersiz bunal\u0131m y\u0131llar\u0131 oldu. Pahal\u0131ya malolur \u00f6l\u00fcms\u00fczl\u00fck: Kar\u015f\u0131l\u0131\u011f\u0131 olarak bir \u00e7ok kez \u00f6l\u00fcr daha ya\u015farken insan.\u2013 B\u00fcy\u00fck i\u015fin \u00f6\u00e7 almas\u0131 dedi\u011fim bir \u015fey vard\u0131r: Her b\u00fcy\u00fc i\u015f, yap\u0131t olsun, edim olsun bir kez tamamland\u0131 m\u0131, o an yap\u0131c\u0131s\u0131na kar\u015f\u0131 oluverir. O zaten bu i\u015fi yapt\u0131\u011f\u0131 i\u00e7in d\u00fc\u015fm\u00fc\u015ft\u00fcr\u2013, art\u0131k yap\u0131t\u0131na katlanamaz olur, onun y\u00fcz\u00fcne bakamaz. Ge\u00e7mi\u015finde b\u00f6yle kimsenin istemeyi bile d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnemeyece\u011fi bir \u015fey, insanl\u0131k yazg\u0131s\u0131n\u0131n d\u00fc\u011f\u00fcmlendi\u011fi bir \u015fey bulmak ve bunun y\u00fck\u00fcn\u00fc ta\u015f\u0131mak \u015fimdi!… Ezer insan\u0131 bu\u2026 B\u00fcy\u00fck i\u015fin \u00f6\u00e7 almas\u0131! \u2013\u0130nsan\u0131n \u00e7evresinde duydu\u011fu o \u00fcrk\u00fcn\u00e7 sessizli\u011fe gelince, o da ayr\u0131 bir \u015feydir. Yedi katt\u0131r yaln\u0131zl\u0131\u011f\u0131n derisi; bir \u015fey i\u015flemez i\u00e7ine. \u0130nsanlara yakla\u015f\u0131rs\u0131n, dostlar\u0131n\u0131 selamlars\u0131n: Gene bir \u0131ss\u0131zl\u0131k, gene bir tek bak\u0131\u015f yok kar\u015f\u0131l\u0131k veren. Olsa olsa bir ba\u015fkald\u0131rma. Her birinde ba\u015fka t\u00fcrl\u00fc olmak \u00fczere, bana yak\u0131n herkeste g\u00f6rd\u00fcm bu ba\u015fkald\u0131rmay\u0131; san\u0131r\u0131m, kar\u015f\u0131dakini en \u00e7ok yaralayan \u015fey, aram\u0131zda bir ayr\u0131m oldu\u011funu birdenbire sezdirmektir, \u2013sayg\u0131 duymadan ya\u015fayamayan soylu yarad\u0131l\u0131\u015flara pek az rastlan\u0131r. \u2013Bir \u00fc\u00e7\u00fcnc\u00fcs\u00fc de, k\u00fc\u00e7\u00fck sokmalara kar\u015f\u0131 a\u015f\u0131r\u0131 duyarl\u0131\u011f\u0131d\u0131r derinin, t\u00fcm k\u00fc\u00e7\u00fck \u015feylere kar\u015f\u0131 bir \u00e7e\u015fit \u00e7aresizliktir. Bunun nedeni de, bence her yarat\u0131c\u0131 edimin, var\u0131m\u0131z\u0131 yo\u011fumuzu, b\u00fct\u00fcn benli\u011fimizi koydu\u011fumuz her edimin savunma g\u00fc\u00e7lerinde gerektirdi\u011fi o korkun\u00e7 t\u00fcketimdir. K\u00fc\u00e7\u00fck savunma yetenekleri ortadan kalkm\u0131\u015ft\u0131r sanki: G\u00fc\u00e7 b\u00fct\u00fcnlemesi yapamazlar art\u0131k. \u2013\u00c7ekinmeden \u015funu da s\u00f6yleyeyim, insan daha k\u00f6t\u00fc sindirim yapar, yerinden k\u0131m\u0131ldamak istemez, so\u011fu\u011fa kar\u015f\u0131 dayan\u0131kl\u0131l\u0131\u011f\u0131 azal\u0131r, g\u00fcvensiz olur, \u2013\u00e7o\u011fu zaman nedenler \u00fczerinde bir yan\u0131lmad\u0131r g\u00fcvensizlik, \u2013Bir sefer, bu halimle, bir inek s\u00fcr\u00fcs\u00fcn\u00fcn yakla\u015ft\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131, s\u00fcr\u00fcy\u00fc daha g\u00f6rmeden, i\u00e7imde yumu\u015fak, insanca d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcncelerin do\u011fmas\u0131ndan anlam\u0131\u015ft\u0131m: Kan\u0131 s\u0131cakt\u0131r onlar\u0131\u2026<\/p>\n
VI<\/p>\n
Bir yap\u0131t\u0131n yeri apayr\u0131d\u0131r. Ozanlar\u0131 bir yana b\u0131rakal\u0131m: Belki de hi\u00e7bir \u015fey b\u00f6ylesine bir g\u00fc\u00e7 bollu\u011fu i\u00e7inde yarat\u0131lmam\u0131\u015ft\u0131r daha. \u201cDionysosca\u201d kavram\u0131m en y\u00fcksek uygulan\u0131\u015f\u0131n\u0131 buldu burada; onunla \u00f6l\u00e7\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnce, insano\u011flunun yapt\u0131\u011f\u0131 \u00f6b\u00fcr i\u015flerin hepsi zavall\u0131ca, ola\u011fan \u015feyler olarak g\u00f6r\u00fcn\u00fcr. Bir Goethe, bir Shakespeare bu korkun\u00e7 tutku i\u00e7inde, bu y\u00fcksekliklerde bir an bile soluk alamazlard\u0131; Dante Zerd\u00fc\u015ft\u2019\u00fcn yan\u0131nda yaln\u0131zca bir inanand\u0131r, do\u011fruyu kendi yaratan, d\u00fcnyay\u0131 y\u00f6neten bir kafa bir yazg\u0131 de\u011fildir. Veda\u2019lar\u0131n ozanlar\u0131 rahiptirler, Zerd\u00fc\u015ft\u2019\u00fcn eline su bile d\u00f6kemezler; do\u011frulu\u011funa do\u011frudur ya, daha bir \u015fey de\u011fildir bunlar, hi\u00e7biri bu yap\u0131t\u0131n apayr\u0131 yerini, i\u00e7inde ya\u015fad\u0131\u011f\u0131 g\u00f6kmavisi yaln\u0131zl\u0131\u011f\u0131 belirtemezler. Ta bengili\u011fe dek \u015funu s\u00f6ylemeye hakk\u0131 vard\u0131r Zerd\u00fc\u015ft\u2019\u00fcn: \u201c\u00c7emberler \u00e7iziyorum \u00e7evreme, kutsal s\u0131\u011f\u0131rlar; gitgide azal\u0131yor benimle \u00e7\u0131kanlar daha y\u00fcksek da\u011flara, \u2013s\u0131rada\u011flar kuruyorum gitgide daha kutsal da\u011flardan.\u201d T\u00fcm b\u00fcy\u00fck ki\u015filerin d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnce g\u00fcc\u00fcn\u00fc, iyili\u011fini bir araya getirseniz gene de Zerd\u00fc\u015ft\u2019\u00fcn bir tek konu\u015fmas\u0131n\u0131 \u00e7\u0131karamazs\u0131n\u0131z. Bir sonsuz merdivendir O\u2019nun \u00fczerinde inip \u00e7\u0131kt\u0131\u011f\u0131; herkesten daha \u00f6tesini g\u00f6rm\u00fc\u015f, daha \u00f6tesini istemi\u015f, daha \u00f6tesini ba\u015farm\u0131\u015ft\u0131r. Gelmi\u015f ge\u00e7mi\u015f bu en olumlu d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcncenin her s\u00f6z\u00fc gene de bir kar\u015f\u0131 durmad\u0131r; t\u00fcm kar\u015f\u0131tl\u0131klar\u0131 i\u00e7inde toplam\u0131\u015f, onlardan en a\u015fa\u011f\u0131 g\u00fc\u00e7leri, en tatl\u0131, en delice, en korkun\u00e7 olan \u015fey o bir tek \u00e7e\u015fmeden \u00f6l\u00fcms\u00fcz bir g\u00fcvenle akar. Y\u00fckseklik nedir, derinlik nedir, hi\u00e7biri bilinemezdi Zerd\u00fc\u015ft\u2019ten \u00f6nce, hele do\u011fru hi\u00e7 bilinmezdi. Do\u011frunun bu vahyinde bir tek yer yok ki, \u00f6nc\u00fcleri bulunsun, en b\u00fcy\u00fcklerden biri \u00f6nceden sezmi\u015f olsun. Ne bilgelik, ne ruhlar\u0131n derinli\u011fine ini\u015f, ne de konu\u015fma sanat\u0131 diye bir \u015fey vard\u0131 Zerd\u00fc\u015ft\u2019ten \u00f6nce: En tan\u0131d\u0131r, en g\u00fcnl\u00fck olan \u015fey burada hi\u00e7 duyulmam\u0131\u015f nesnelerden s\u00f6z ediyor. Tutkusundan tir tir titriyor deyi\u015f; uzdillilik burada musiki olmu\u015f; y\u0131ld\u0131r\u0131mlar savruluyor daha \u00f6nce bilinmeyen geleceklere. Dilin kendi \u00f6z\u00fcne, imgeye bu d\u00f6n\u00fc\u015f\u00fc yan\u0131nda, \u015fimdiye dek bilinen en b\u00fcy\u00fck, en g\u00fc\u00e7l\u00fc simgecilik bir \u00e7ocuk oyunca\u011f\u0131 kal\u0131r. \u2013Zerd\u00fc\u015ft nas\u0131l da herkese iniyor, nas\u0131l da biliyor g\u00f6n\u00fcl almay\u0131! \u00dcstelik has\u0131mlar\u0131na, papazlara nas\u0131l ok\u015farcas\u0131na dokunuyor, onlarla birlikte ac\u0131 \u00e7ekiyor!\u2013 \u0130nsan burada her an a\u015f\u0131lmaktad\u0131r, \u201c\u00fcstinsan\u201d kavram\u0131 en b\u00fcy\u00fck ger\u00e7ek olmu\u015ftur burada, \u2013\u015fimdiye dek insanda b\u00fcy\u00fck bilinen ne varsa, hepsi de sonsuz u\u00e7urumlar boyu a\u015fa\u011f\u0131da kalm\u0131\u015ft\u0131r. Bu mutlu sessizlik, bu t\u00fcy gibi ayaklar, bir an eksik olmayan bu hay\u0131nl\u0131k, bu kab\u0131na s\u0131\u011fmazl\u0131k, Zerd\u00fc\u015ft\u2019\u00fcn ki\u015fili\u011fini yapan ba\u015fka ne varsa, hi\u00e7biri b\u00fcy\u00fckl\u00fc\u011f\u00fcn ayr\u0131lmaz par\u00e7as\u0131 olarak d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcn\u00fclmemi\u015ftir daha \u00f6nce. Zerd\u00fc\u015ft kendini i\u015fte bu y\u00fczden, b\u00f6yle geni\u015f uzaylarda ya\u015fay\u0131p, en \u00e7eli\u015fik \u015feylere b\u00f6ylesine a\u00e7\u0131k oldu\u011fu i\u00e7in, en y\u00fcksek varolu\u015f bi\u00e7imi saymaktad\u0131r; kendisini bunu nas\u0131l tan\u0131mlad\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131 duyunca, onu ba\u015fka bir \u015feye benzetmekten vazge\u00e7er art\u0131k insan.<\/p>\n
\u2013en uzun merdiveni olan ruh, en derine inebilen, en geni\u015f, en b\u00fcy\u00fck ruh, kendi i\u00e7inde en \u00e7ok dolan\u0131p gezebilen, yolunu en \u00e7ok \u015fa\u015f\u0131rabilen,<\/p>\n
o en zorunlu olan, seve seve at\u0131lan rastlant\u0131n\u0131n i\u00e7ine, o varolan ruh, olu\u015fu isteyen, varl\u0131kl\u0131 ruh, istemeyi ve a\u00e7l\u0131\u011f\u0131 isteyen,\u2013<\/p>\n
kendi kendinden ka\u00e7an, en geni\u015f \u00e7evrelerde yakalayan kendini,<\/p>\n
en bilge ruh, kula\u011f\u0131na \u00e7\u0131lg\u0131nl\u0131\u011f\u0131n en tatl\u0131 \u015feyler f\u0131s\u0131ldad\u0131\u011f\u0131,<\/p>\n
kendini en \u00e7ok seven, i\u00e7inde t\u00fcm \u015feylerin ileriye ve geriye akt\u0131\u011f\u0131, al\u00e7ald\u0131\u011f\u0131, kabard\u0131\u011f\u0131\u2013<\/p>\n
Ama bu Dionysos kavram\u0131n\u0131n ta kendisi i\u015fte. \u2013Ba\u015fka bir d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcn\u00fc\u015f yolu da oraya g\u00f6t\u00fcr\u00fcr bizi. Zerd\u00fc\u015ft \u00f6rne\u011findeki psikolojik sorun \u015fudur: \u015eimdiye dek evet denen her \u015feye, duyulmam\u0131\u015f \u00f6l\u00e7\u00fcde, s\u00f6zle ve eylemle hay\u0131r diyen kimse, nas\u0131l gene de yads\u0131yan bir d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcncenin tam tersi oluyor; yazg\u0131lar\u0131n en a\u011f\u0131r\u0131n\u0131, y\u0131k\u0131ml\u0131 bir \u00f6devi ta\u015f\u0131yan d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnce, nas\u0131l gene b\u00f6yle hafif, b\u00f6ylesine az yersel oluyor \u2013bir dans\u00e7\u0131d\u0131r Zerd\u00fc\u015ft\u2013; ger\u00e7e\u011fi en kaz\u0131s\u0131 y\u00fcreklilikle, en korkun\u00e7 olarak g\u00f6ren, o \u201cu\u00e7urum gibi derin\u201d d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnceyi d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnen kimse, nas\u0131l oluyor da varl\u0131\u011fa, onun bengi d\u00f6n\u00fc\u015f\u00fcne kar\u015f\u0131 durmuyor, \u2013tam tersine evrensel olumlay\u0131\u015f\u0131n, \u201co sonsuz, s\u0131n\u0131rs\u0131z evet ve amin deyi\u015f\u201din ta kendisidir\u2026 \u201cTa u\u00e7urumlar\u0131n dibine dek ta\u015f\u0131yorum bu kutsayan evet-deyi\u015fi\u201d\u2026 \u0130\u015fte gene vard\u0131k Dionysos\u2019a.<\/p>\n
VII<\/p>\n
\u2013Kendi kendine kal\u0131nca hangi dili konu\u015fur b\u00f6yle bir tin? Dithyrambos dilini. Bulucusu benim dithyrambos\u2019un. Zed\u00fc\u015ft\u2019\u00fcn g\u00fcn do\u011fmadan \u00f6nce kendi kendisiyle nas\u0131l konu\u015ftu\u011funu bir dinleyin: Bu z\u00fcmr\u00fctten mutlulu\u011fu, bu tanr\u0131sal sevecenli\u011fi \u015fak\u0131yan dil yoktur benden \u00f6nce. B\u00f6yle bir Dionysos\u2019un en derin yas\u0131 bile gene dithyrambos olur; \u00f6rnek olarak Gece T\u00fcrk\u00fcs\u00fc\u2019n\u00fc veriyorum. \u2013\u0131\u015f\u0131k ve g\u00fc\u00e7 bollu\u011fu y\u00fcz\u00fcnden, g\u00fcne\u015f gibi yarat\u0131lm\u0131\u015f olmak y\u00fcz\u00fcnden sevemeyi\u015fin o \u00f6l\u00fcms\u00fcz yak\u0131nmas\u0131n\u0131.<\/p>\n
Gecedir: Y\u00fcksek sesle konuyor t\u00fcm f\u0131\u015fk\u0131ran \u00e7e\u015fmeler \u015fimdi. Ve benim ruhum da bir \u00e7e\u015fmedir f\u0131\u015fk\u0131ran.<\/p>\n
Gecedir: Yeni uyan\u0131yor sevenlerin t\u00fcrk\u00fcleri. Ve benim ruhum da bir sevenin t\u00fcrk\u00fcs\u00fcd\u00fcr.<\/p>\n
Dinmeyen, dinme bilmez bir \u015fey var i\u00e7imde, ses olmak istiyor. \u0130\u00e7imde sevgiye susam\u0131\u015fl\u0131k var, sevginin dilini konu\u015fuyor kendisi.<\/p>\n
I\u015f\u0131\u011f\u0131m ben: Gece olayd\u0131m ke\u015fke! Ama budur i\u015fte benim yaln\u0131zl\u0131\u011f\u0131m, \u00e7epe\u00e7evre \u0131\u015f\u0131kla sar\u0131lm\u0131\u015f olmam.<\/p>\n
Ah, karanl\u0131k olayd\u0131m, gece olayd\u0131m! Nas\u0131l emerdim \u0131\u015f\u0131\u011f\u0131n memelerinden!<\/p>\n
\u00dcstelik kutsard\u0131m bir de sizleri, \u0131\u015f\u0131l \u0131\u015f\u0131l y\u0131ld\u0131zc\u0131klar, ate\u015fb\u00f6ceklerini g\u00f6\u011f\u00fcn! O \u0131\u015f\u0131ktan arma\u011fanlar\u0131n\u0131zla mutlu olurdum.<\/p>\n
Ama \u00f6z \u0131\u015f\u0131\u011f\u0131mla ya\u015f\u0131yorum ben, gene ben i\u00e7iyorum benden ta\u015fan alevleri.<\/p>\n
Bilmiyorum almadaki mutluluk nedir; \u00e7o\u011fu zaman bana \u00f6yle geldi ki, \u00e7almak daha da b\u00fcy\u00fck mutluluktur almaktan.<\/p>\n
Budur benim yoksullu\u011fum, elim durup dinlenmeden ba\u011f\u0131\u015fl\u0131yor; budur \u00e7ekemedi\u011fim, bekleyen g\u00f6zler g\u00f6r\u00fcyorum hep, \u00f6zleyi\u015fin ayd\u0131nlanm\u0131\u015f gecelerini.<\/p>\n
Vay, ba\u011f\u0131\u015flayanlar\u0131n mutsuzlu\u011fu, vay! G\u00fcne\u015fimin kararmas\u0131! Vay susamaya susam\u0131\u015f olmak! Vay a\u00e7l\u0131ktan k\u0131vranmak doymu\u015flu\u011fun i\u00e7inde!<\/p>\n
Ger\u00e7i benden al\u0131yorlar: Ama elim ruhlar\u0131na dokunuyor mu daha? Bir u\u00e7urum vard\u0131r vermekle almak aras\u0131nda, \u2013ve en k\u00fc\u00e7\u00fck u\u00e7urumdur en zor kapanan.<\/p>\n
Bir a\u00e7l\u0131k b\u00fcy\u00fcyor g\u00fczelli\u011fimden: Ayd\u0131nlatt\u0131klar\u0131ma ac\u0131 vermek istiyorum, soymak istiyorum bir \u015fey ba\u011f\u0131\u015flad\u0131klar\u0131m\u0131 \u2013hay\u0131nl\u0131\u011fa b\u00f6ylesine susam\u0131\u015f\u0131m ben.<\/p>\n
Dolulu\u011fum b\u00f6yle \u00f6\u00e7 kuruyor, b\u00f6yle bir kalle\u015flik s\u0131z\u0131yor yaln\u0131zl\u0131\u011f\u0131mdan.<\/p>\n
Ba\u011f\u0131\u015flaya ba\u011f\u0131\u015flaya \u00f6ld\u00fc ba\u011f\u0131\u015flaman\u0131n mutlulu\u011fu; kendi bollu\u011fundan bezdi erdemim!<\/p>\n
Durmadan ba\u011f\u0131\u015flayan i\u00e7in tehlike, utanmay\u0131 unutmakt\u0131r; hep da\u011f\u0131tan kimsenin elleri, y\u00fcre\u011fi nas\u0131r ba\u011flar da\u011f\u0131tmaktan.<\/p>\n
G\u00f6z\u00fcm ya\u015farm\u0131yor art\u0131k yalvaran\u0131n utanmas\u0131 \u00f6n\u00fcnde; sertle\u015fen elim art\u0131k duymuyor o dolu ellerin titreyi\u015fini.<\/p>\n
G\u00f6z\u00fcmde o ya\u015f damlas\u0131 nereye gitti, y\u00fcre\u011fimde o belirsiz \u00fcrperi\u015f? Vay, yapayaln\u0131zl\u0131\u011f\u0131 t\u00fcm ba\u011f\u0131\u015flayanlar\u0131n! Vay, t\u00fcm \u0131\u015f\u0131ldayanlar\u0131n suskusu!<\/p>\n
Iss\u0131z uzayda nice g\u00fcne\u015f d\u00f6n\u00fcyor: Karanl\u0131k ne varsa, hepsine konu\u015fuyorlar \u0131\u015f\u0131klar\u0131yla \u2013yaln\u0131z bana susuyorlar.<\/p>\n
I\u015f\u0131yanlara kar\u015f\u0131 budur d\u00fc\u015fmanl\u0131\u011f\u0131 \u0131\u015f\u0131\u011f\u0131n: Ac\u0131madan gider kendi yoluna.<\/p>\n
I\u015f\u0131yanlara kar\u015f\u0131 kat\u0131 y\u00fcrekli, g\u00fcne\u015flere kar\u015f\u0131 so\u011fuk \u2013b\u00f6yle d\u00f6ner hep g\u00fcne\u015f.<\/p>\n
Bir kas\u0131rga gibi d\u00f6ner g\u00fcne\u015fler y\u00f6r\u00fcngeleri \u00fczerinde.<\/p>\n
Amans\u0131z istemlerine uyup giderler: Budur so\u011fuklu\u011fu onlar\u0131n.<\/p>\n
Yaln\u0131z sizler, ey karanl\u0131k, ey gecesel olanlar, siz \u0131s\u0131n\u0131rs\u0131n\u0131z onlar\u0131n \u0131\u015f\u0131\u011f\u0131nda! Yaln\u0131z siz susuzlu\u011funuzu dindirirsiniz, emersiniz \u0131\u015f\u0131\u011f\u0131n memelerinden!<\/p>\n
Ah, d\u00f6rt bir yan\u0131m buz; donmu\u015f \u015feylere de\u011fmekten yan\u0131yor elim! Ah, i\u00e7imde susuzluk var, sizin susuzlu\u011funuz i\u00e7in yan\u0131p tutu\u015fuyor.<\/p>\n
Gecedir: Neden b\u00f6yle \u0131\u015f\u0131\u011f\u0131m ben! Geceye susam\u0131\u015fl\u0131k! Yaln\u0131zl\u0131k!<\/p>\n
Gecedir: Bir p\u0131nar gibi kayn\u0131yor i\u00e7imden iste\u011fim, \u2013konu\u015fmak istiyorum.<\/p>\n
Gecedir: Y\u00fcksek sesle konu\u015fuyor t\u00fcm f\u0131\u015fk\u0131ran \u00e7e\u015fmeler \u015fimdi. Ve benim ruhum da bir \u00e7e\u015fmedir f\u0131\u015fk\u0131ran.<\/p>\n
Gecedir: \u015eimdi uyan\u0131yor i\u015fte sevenlerin t\u00fcrk\u00fcleri. Ve benim ruhum da bir sevenin t\u00fcrk\u00fcs\u00fcd\u00fcr. \u2013<\/p>\n
VIII<\/p>\n
B\u00f6yle bir \u015fey ne yaz\u0131lm\u0131\u015f, ne duyulmu\u015f, ne de \u00e7ekilmi\u015ftir: Bir tanr\u0131, bir Dionysos \u00e7ekebilir bu ac\u0131y\u0131. Bu \u201c\u0131\u015f\u0131k i\u00e7inde g\u00fcne\u015f yaln\u0131zl\u0131\u011f\u0131\u201d dithyrambos\u2019una verilecek yan\u0131t Ariadne[7] olurdu\u2026 Ama Ariadne kimdir, benden ba\u015fka bilen mi var!… Bu t\u00fcr bilmecelerin \u00e7\u00f6z\u00fcm\u00fcn\u00fc bulamad\u0131 hi\u00e7 kimse; burada bir bilmece oldu\u011funu g\u00f6rd\u00fcklerinden de \u015f\u00fcpheliyim. \u2013Zerd\u00fc\u015ft bir seferinde, \u00f6devini \u2013ki benim de \u00f6devimdir\u2013 \u00f6yle bir kesinlikle belirtmi\u015ftir ki, yanl\u0131\u015f anlayamaz art\u0131k hi\u00e7 kimse: Ge\u00e7mi\u015ftekileri de temize \u00e7\u0131karmaya, kurtarmaya dek varan bir olumlay\u0131\u015ft\u0131r bu.<\/p>\n
\u0130nsanlar aras\u0131nda, gelece\u011fin k\u0131r\u0131k par\u00e7alar\u0131 aras\u0131nda gibi dola\u015f\u0131yorum: O g\u00f6rd\u00fc\u011f\u00fcm gelece\u011fin.<\/p>\n
Derdim g\u00fcn\u00fcm bu benim, k\u0131r\u0131k par\u00e7a, bilmece, \u00fcrk\u00fcn\u00e7 rastlant\u0131 olan her \u015feyi toplamak, tek bir \u015fey yaratmak.<\/p>\n
Nas\u0131l katlan\u0131rd\u0131m insan olmaya, ayn\u0131 zamanda ozan, bilici, rastlant\u0131n\u0131n kurtar\u0131c\u0131s\u0131 olmasayd\u0131 inan?<\/p>\n
T\u00fcm ge\u00e7mi\u015fi kurtarmak, \u201cb\u00f6yleydi\u201d denilen her \u015feyi yeni ba\u015ftan yaratmak \u201cben b\u00f6yle isterdim\u201d diye, \u2013benim i\u00e7in bu olurdu ancak kurtulu\u015f.<\/p>\n
Zerd\u00fc\u015ft ba\u015fka bir yerde de, olabildi\u011fince kat\u0131 y\u00fcreklilikle, kendisi i\u00e7in \u201cinsan\u201d ancak ne olabilir, bunu anlat\u0131yor, \u2013bir sevgi, hele ac\u0131ma konusu de\u011fil hi\u00e7,\u2013 insandan o b\u00fcy\u00fck tiksinmeyi de yenmi\u015ftir Zerd\u00fc\u015ft: Onun g\u00f6z\u00fcnde insan bi\u00e7imlenmemi\u015f \u00f6zdektir, yontucusunu bekleyen \u00e7irkin bir ta\u015ft\u0131r.<\/p>\n
Art\u0131k hi\u00e7 istememek, art\u0131k de\u011fer bi\u00e7memek, art\u0131k hi\u00e7 yaratmamak: Bu b\u00fcy\u00fck yorgunluk benden \u0131rak olsun hep!<\/p>\n
Bilip tan\u0131rken bile, istemimin do\u011furtmaktan, olu\u015ftan ald\u0131\u011f\u0131 tad\u0131 duyuyorum yaln\u0131zca; benim bilgim bir \u00e7ocuk gibi ar\u0131ksa, ondan do\u011furtma istemi oldu\u011fu i\u00e7indir.<\/p>\n
Bu istem tanr\u0131dan, tanr\u0131lardan uza\u011fa al\u0131p g\u00f6t\u00fcrd\u00fc beni: Yaratacak ne kal\u0131rd\u0131, tanr\u0131lar\u2026 varolsayd\u0131?<\/p>\n
Ama beni hi\u00e7 durmadan insana do\u011fru \u00e7ekti bu yan\u0131p tutu\u015fan yaratma iste\u011fim; ta\u015f\u0131 b\u00f6yle arar \u00e7eki\u00e7 de.<\/p>\n
Bilseniz, nas\u0131l beni yontu uyuyor ta\u015fta benim i\u00e7in, o yontular yontusu! Ah, ta\u015flar\u0131n en sertinde, en \u00e7irkininde mi uyumal\u0131yd\u0131 b\u00f6yle!<\/p>\n
Azg\u0131nca vuruyor \u015fimdi \u00e7ekicim, ac\u0131madan vuruyor onu tutsak eden ta\u015fa. Yongalar savruluyor: Vars\u0131n savrulsun!<\/p>\n
Onu tamamlayaca\u011f\u0131m; bir b\u00f6lge geldi g\u00f6r\u00fcnd\u00fc \u00e7\u00fcnk\u00fc bana, \u2013t\u00fcm \u015feylerin en e\u015fsizi, en t\u00fcy gibisi g\u00f6r\u00fcnd\u00fc bana bir kez!<\/p>\n
G\u00f6lge olup geldi bana \u00fcstinsan\u0131n g\u00fczelli\u011fi: Bundan b\u00f6yle bana ne\u2026 tanr\u0131lardan!…<\/p>\n
Bu ko\u015fuklar dolay\u0131s\u0131yla s\u0131ras\u0131 gelmi\u015fken, bir ba\u015fka g\u00f6r\u00fc\u015f\u00fc de belirtmek isterim: \u00c7ekicin sertli\u011fi, yoketmenin kendisinden al\u0131nan tad. Dionysosca bir \u00f6dev i\u00e7in gerekli ba\u015fl\u0131ca ko\u015fullardand\u0131r. \u201cSert olun\u201d buyru\u011fu, t\u00fcm yaratanlar\u0131n sert oldu\u011funu en b\u00fcy\u00fck kesinlikle bili\u015f, ger\u00e7ek belirtisidir Dionysosca bir yarad\u0131l\u0131\u015f\u0131n. \u2013<\/p>\n
ECCE HOMO<\/p>\n
Ki\u015fi Nas\u0131l Kendisi Olur
Friedrich Nietzsche
\u00c7eviren: Can Alkor
Yap\u0131 Kredi Yay\u0131nlar\u0131
Kaz\u0131m Ta\u015fkent Klasik Yap\u0131tlar Dizisi
\u0130kinci Bask\u0131, 1999
Sf. 73-83<\/p>\n
——————————————————————————–<\/p>\n
[1] (1861-1937): Roman, \u00f6yk\u00fc ve deneme yazar\u0131.<\/p>\n
[2] Argo adl\u0131 gemiyle Kolchis\u2019e, alt\u0131n yapra\u011f\u0131 ele ge\u00e7irmeye giden Yunan yi\u011fitleri: \u0130ason, Herakles, Orpheus vb\u2026<\/p>\n
[3] (1194-1250): Sicilya kral\u0131, 1220\u2019den sonra da Kutsal Roma Cermen \u0130mparatoru. Papalara kar\u015f\u0131 sava\u015fm\u0131\u015f, afaroz edilmi\u015fti.<\/p>\n
[4] Piazza Barberini: Roma\u2019da bir alan. Plazzo del Quirinale: \u0130talya kral\u0131n\u0131n oturdu\u011fu saray.<\/p>\n
[5] Sils Maria.<\/p>\n
[6] Zert\u00fc\u015ft ba\u015flang\u0131\u00e7ta 3 b\u00f6l\u00fcm olarak yay\u0131mlanm\u0131\u015ft\u0131. D\u00f6rd\u00fcnc\u00fc b\u00f6l\u00fcm sonradan eklenmedir.<\/p>\n
[7] Mimos\u2019un k\u0131z\u0131. Theteus Minotauros\u2019u \u00f6ld\u00fcrmek \u00fczere labirent\u2019e onun ipli\u011fiyle inmi\u015f. Sonra birlikte ka\u00e7m\u0131\u015flar; ama Theseus Ariadne\u2019yi Naksos adas\u0131nda yapayaln\u0131z b\u0131rak\u0131p gitmi\u015f. Neyse ki Dionysos gelmi\u015f de, k\u0131z\u0131 kendine e\u015f olarak alm\u0131\u015f.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Herkes i\u00e7in, kimse i\u00e7in bir kitap IZerd\u00fc\u015ft\u2019\u00fcn \u00f6yk\u00fcs\u00fcn\u00fc anlatmama geldi s\u0131ra. Yap\u0131t\u0131n ana d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcn\u00fc olan bengi-d\u00f6n\u00fc\u015f d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcncesi, eri\u015filebilecek o en y\u00fcksek olumlama ilkesi, 1881 y\u0131l\u0131 a\u011fustosuna rastlar: Bir k\u00e2\u011f\u0131t par\u00e7as\u0131na karalanm\u0131\u015ft\u0131r, alt\u0131nda \u015fu yaz\u0131l\u0131d\u0131r: \u201c\u0130nsan ve zaman\u0131n 6000 ayak \u00f6tesinde\u201d. O g\u00fcn Silvaplana g\u00f6l\u00fc k\u0131y\u0131s\u0131ndaki ormanlarda y\u00fcr\u00fcyordum; Surlei yak\u0131nlar\u0131nda, piramid bi\u00e7imi y\u00fckselen kocaman bir kayan\u0131n […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[73],"tags":[],"class_list":{"0":"post-4302","1":"post","2":"type-post","3":"status-publish","4":"format-standard","6":"category-friedrich-wilhelm-nietzsche"},"yoast_head":"\n