{"id":4710,"date":"2010-10-06T10:24:46","date_gmt":"2010-10-06T07:24:46","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/localhost\/wordpress\/2010\/10\/06\/yasamin-ucuna-yolculuk-tezer-ozlu\/"},"modified":"2010-10-06T10:24:46","modified_gmt":"2010-10-06T07:24:46","slug":"yasamin-ucuna-yolculuk-tezer-ozlu","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/narteks.net\/index.php\/2010\/10\/06\/yasamin-ucuna-yolculuk-tezer-ozlu\/","title":{"rendered":"Ya\u015fam\u0131n Ucuna Yolculuk | Tezer \u00d6zl\u00fc"},"content":{"rendered":"![](\"http:\/\/t1.gstatic.com\/images?q=tbn:FFiJmVr_5ckj9M:http:\/\/www.hicyoktan.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2010\/08\/tezer-%C3%B6zl%C3%BC.jpg&t=1\")
Ya\u015fam\u0131n daha do\u011frusu ya\u015fam\u0131n ortas\u0131nda, t\u00fcm \u00f6zlemlerimin doyumsuz kald\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131 nas\u0131l da alg\u0131l\u0131yorum. Ama art\u0131k yorulmaks\u0131z\u0131n aramak yok. Aranan ya\u015fant\u0131lar arand\u0131. Ya\u015fand\u0131. Bir k\u0131sm\u0131 g\u00f6m\u00fcld\u00fc. Yeniden toprak oldu. Canl\u0131l\u0131klar\u0131n\u0131 duydu\u011fum, canl\u0131l\u0131klar\u0131n\u0131 birlikte b\u00f6l\u00fc\u015ft\u00fc\u011f\u00fcm birtak\u0131m insanlar gitti. Onlar ad\u0131na, onlar\u0131 da \u00f6zlemek, onlar i\u00e7in \u00f6zlemek, onlar i\u00e7in de sevmek. \u0130nsan ya\u015fam\u0131n\u0131n mutlak en \u00f6nemli olgusu sevilen bir insan\u0131 \u00f6zlemek, istemek. Onun yan\u0131ndayken de \u00f6zlemek, istemek. Oysa ya\u015fam genellikle insan\u0131n bir ba\u015f\u0131na kalmas\u0131. Uykuda. Uykuyu araken. Derin uykular\u0131n \u00f6tesinde bile zaman zaman d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnde sezinlemiyor mu insan bir ba\u015f\u0131nal\u0131\u011f\u0131n \u00e7aresizli\u011fini?<\/p>\n
Yollarda. Okurken. Pencereden caddelere bakarken. Giyinirken. Soyunurken. Herhangi bir kahvenin i\u00e7inde oturan insanlara geli\u015fig\u00fczel bakarken. Hi\u00e7 bir \u015fey aramazken. Herhangi bir kahvede oturan insanlar\u0131 g\u00f6rmezken, ba\u015fka olgular d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcn\u00fcrken. Yosun kokusunu yeniden duymaya \u00e7al\u0131\u015f\u0131rken, bir kav\u015fakta kar\u015f\u0131dan kar\u015f\u0131ya ge\u00e7erken, arabalar d\u00fcnyas\u0131nda ya\u015fad\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131 son anda alg\u0131larken, b\u00fcy\u00fck bir bulvar\u0131n t\u00fcm kahvelerinde oturanlardan hi\u00e7 birini tan\u0131mazken, bir ma\u011fazadan geli\u015fig\u00fczel yiyecek se\u00e7erken, ya da bir sat\u0131c\u0131dan herhangi bir mal\u0131 isterken, ayn\u0131 anda \u00f6zlem ve yaln\u0131zl\u0131klar\u0131 d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcn\u00fcrken, gidenleri, gelenleri, b\u00f6l\u00fcnenleri, \u00f6lenleri, do\u011fanlar\u0131, b\u00fcy\u00fcyenleri, ya\u015famak isteyenleri, ya\u015famak istemeyenleri \u00f6zlerken, severken, sevilirken, sevi\u015firken, hep yaln\u0131z de\u011fil miyiz?<\/p>\n
Ya\u015fam \u00f6zlemini doyuracak bir olgu m\u00fcmk\u00fcn m\u00fc.<\/p>\n
Her an\u0131 \u00f6l\u00fcd\u00fcr. <\/p>\n
Sorduklar\u0131 zaman, bana ne i\u015f yapt\u0131\u011f\u0131m\u0131, evli olup olmad\u0131\u011f\u0131m\u0131, kocam\u0131n ne i\u015f yapt\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131, ana babam\u0131n ne olduklar\u0131n\u0131 sorduklar\u0131 zaman, ne gibi ko\u015fullarda ya\u015fad\u0131\u011f\u0131m\u0131, yan\u0131tlar\u0131m\u0131 nas\u0131l memnunlukla onaylad\u0131klar\u0131n\u0131 y\u00fczlerinde okuyorum. Ve hepsine hayk\u0131rmak istiyorum. Onaylad\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131z yan\u0131tlar yaln\u0131z bir y\u00fczey, benim ger\u00e7e\u011fimle ba\u011fda\u015fmayan bir y\u00fczey. Ne d\u00fczenli bir i\u015f, ne iyi bir konut, ne sizin “medeni durum” dedi\u011finiz durumsuzluk, ne de ba\u015far\u0131l\u0131 bir birey olmak, ya da say\u0131lmak benim ger\u00e7e\u011fim de\u011fil. Bu kolay olgulara, siz bu d\u00fczeni b\u00f6ylesine saptad\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131z i\u00e7in ben de eri\u015ftim. Hem de hi\u00e7 bir \u00e7aba harcamadan. Belki de hi\u00e7 istedi\u011fim gibi \u00e7al\u0131\u015fmadan. \u0130stedi\u011finiz d\u00fczene (ayak uydurmak) o denli kolay ki…<\/p>\n
Ama insan\u0131n ger\u00e7ek yetene\u011fini, t\u00fcm ya\u015fam\u0131n\u0131, kan\u0131n\u0131, akl\u0131n\u0131, varolu\u015funu verdi\u011fi i\u00e7 d\u00fcnyas\u0131n\u0131n olgular\u0131n\u0131n sizler i\u00e7in hi\u00e7 bir de\u011feri yok ki. B\u0131rak\u0131yorsun insan onlar\u0131 kendisiyle birlikte g\u00f6ms\u00fcn. Ama hay\u0131r, hi\u00e7 de\u011filse susarak hepsini y\u00fcz\u00fcn\u00fcze hayk\u0131rmak istiyorum. Sizin d\u00fczeninizle, ak\u0131l anlay\u0131\u015f\u0131n\u0131zla, namus anlay\u0131\u015f\u0131n\u0131zla, ba\u015far\u0131 anlay\u0131\u015f\u0131n\u0131zla hi\u00e7 ba\u011fda\u015fan y\u00f6n\u00fcm yok. Aran\u0131zda dola\u015fmak i\u00e7in giyiniyorum. \u0130yi giyinene iyi yer verdi\u011finiz i\u00e7in. Aran\u0131zda dola\u015fmak i\u00e7in \u00e7al\u0131\u015f\u0131yorum. \u0130stedi\u011fimi \u00e7al\u0131\u015fmama izin verdi\u011finiz i\u00e7in. \u0130\u00e7g\u00fcd\u00fclerimi hi\u00e7 bir i\u015fte uygulamama izin vermedi\u011finiz i\u00e7in. Hi\u00e7 bir \u00e7aba harcamadan bunlar\u0131 yapabiliyorum, bir \u015fey yap\u0131ld\u0131 san\u0131yorsunuz.<\/p>\n
Ya\u015fam\u0131m boyunca i\u00e7imi kemirttiniz. Evlerinizle. Okullar\u0131n\u0131zla. \u0130\u015f yerlerinizle. \u00d6zel ya da resmi kurulu\u015flar\u0131n\u0131zla i\u00e7imi kemirttiniz. \u00d6lmek istedim, dirilttiniz. Yaz\u0131 yazmak istedim, a\u00e7 kal\u0131rs\u0131n, dediniz. A\u00e7 kalmay\u0131 denedim, serum verdiniz. Delirdim, kafama elektrik verdiniz. Hi\u00e7 aile olunmayacak bir insanla bir araya geldim, gene aile olduk. Ben b\u00fct\u00fcn bunlar\u0131n d\u0131\u015f\u0131nday\u0131m. \u015eimdi tek konu\u011fu oldu\u011fum bu otelden ayr\u0131l\u0131rken, hangi otob\u00fcs ya da tren istasyonuna, hangi havaalan\u0131 ya da hangi limana do\u011fru gidece\u011fimi bilmedi\u011fim bu sabahta, iyi, ba\u015far\u0131l\u0131, d\u00fczenli bir insandan ba\u015fka her \u015fey oldu\u011fumu duyuyorum. <\/p>\n
\u0130nsan \u00e7o\u011fu kez her \u015feyin son buldu\u011fu duygusuna kap\u0131l\u0131yor, oysa ya\u015fam\u0131n sonsuzlu\u011funu alg\u0131layabilmek i\u00e7in bile yeterli de\u011fil bir insan \u00f6mr\u00fc.<\/p>\n
* * *<\/p>\n
\u201c\u2026Her zaman benimle birlikte olan, birlikte ta\u015f\u0131d\u0131\u011f\u0131m, ya\u015fad\u0131\u011f\u0131m s\u00f6zc\u00fcklerime d\u00f6nmem gerek. S\u00f6zc\u00fcklerim olmadan o g\u00f6ky\u00fcz\u00fcne nas\u0131l dayanabilirdim. O caddeye, o geceye, gecelere, uykuyla uyan\u0131kl\u0131k aras\u0131nda \u00f6ylesine yat\u0131p uyuyamad\u0131\u011f\u0131m i\u00e7in sinirlendi\u011fim ve her \u015feyi d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcn\u00fcp, kalk\u0131p d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnd\u00fcklerimi s\u00f6zc\u00fcklere \u00e7eviremedi\u011fim gecelere. Ya da uykunun \u00f6l\u00fcms\u00fc derinli\u011finde var olu\u015fumuzun k\u00fc\u00e7\u00fckl\u00fc\u011f\u00fcn\u00fc alg\u0131lad\u0131\u011f\u0131m gecelere. Bu ya\u015fam, beni ancak i\u00e7imde esen r\u00fczgarlar\u0131, i\u00e7imde seven sevgileri, i\u00e7imde \u00f6len \u00f6l\u00fcm\u00fc, i\u00e7imden ta\u015fmak isteyen ya\u015fam\u0131, s\u00f6zc\u00fcklere d\u00f6n\u00fc\u015ft\u00fcrebildi\u011fim zaman ve s\u00f6zc\u00fckler, o r\u00fczgara, o \u00f6l\u00fcme, o sevgiye yakla\u015fabildi\u011fi zaman dolduruyor.
Ba\u015fka hi\u00e7 bir \u015fey.<\/p>\n
\u00a0<\/p>\n
\u015eimdi sen bir an\u0131s\u0131n. Tenin herhangi bir yerde s\u00fcrd\u00fcrecek ya\u015fam\u0131n\u0131. Hi\u00e7bir sevginin ard\u0131ndan gidemem. Sevgi inand\u0131r\u0131c\u0131 de\u011fildir. D\u00fc\u015f\u00fcncelerin buldu\u011fu, d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcncelerin bi\u00e7imlendirdi\u011fi bir durumdur. D\u00fc\u015f\u00fcn\u00fcld\u00fc\u011f\u00fc oranda b\u00fcy\u00fcr, derinle\u015fir, b\u00fcy\u00fct\u00fcl\u00fcr, derinle\u015ftirilir. Ne denli d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcn\u00fcl\u00fcrse, o denli b\u00fcy\u00fcr. O denli dayan\u0131lmaz boyutlara ula\u015f\u0131r, ula\u015ft\u0131r\u0131l\u0131r. Ger\u00e7ekle\u015ftirilemez. Soyutla\u015f\u0131r. Ve hi\u00e7bir zaman bitmez. Ya\u015fam gibi. \u00d6l\u00fcm gibi.\u201d<\/p>\n
Tezer \u00d6zl\u00fc, Ya\u015fam\u0131n Ucuna Yolculuk,\u00a0 Ada Yay\u0131nlar\u0131 <\/strong><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"Ya\u015fam\u0131n daha do\u011frusu ya\u015fam\u0131n ortas\u0131nda, t\u00fcm \u00f6zlemlerimin doyumsuz kald\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131 nas\u0131l da alg\u0131l\u0131yorum. Ama art\u0131k yorulmaks\u0131z\u0131n aramak yok. Aranan ya\u015fant\u0131lar arand\u0131. Ya\u015fand\u0131. Bir k\u0131sm\u0131 g\u00f6m\u00fcld\u00fc. Yeniden toprak oldu. Canl\u0131l\u0131klar\u0131n\u0131 duydu\u011fum, canl\u0131l\u0131klar\u0131n\u0131 birlikte b\u00f6l\u00fc\u015ft\u00fc\u011f\u00fcm birtak\u0131m insanlar gitti. Onlar ad\u0131na, onlar\u0131 da \u00f6zlemek, onlar i\u00e7in \u00f6zlemek, onlar i\u00e7in de sevmek. \u0130nsan ya\u015fam\u0131n\u0131n mutlak en \u00f6nemli olgusu sevilen bir […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[114],"tags":[],"class_list":{"0":"post-4710","1":"post","2":"type-post","3":"status-publish","4":"format-standard","6":"category-turkiye-den-oykuler"},"yoast_head":"\n
Ya\u015fam\u0131n Ucuna Yolculuk | Tezer \u00d6zl\u00fc - narteks.net<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/narteks.net\/index.php\/2010\/10\/06\/yasamin-ucuna-yolculuk-tezer-ozlu\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"tr_TR\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Ya\u015fam\u0131n Ucuna Yolculuk | Tezer \u00d6zl\u00fc\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Ya\u015fam\u0131n daha do\u011frusu ya\u015fam\u0131n ortas\u0131nda, t\u00fcm \u00f6zlemlerimin doyumsuz kald\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131 nas\u0131l da alg\u0131l\u0131yorum. Ama art\u0131k yorulmaks\u0131z\u0131n aramak yok. Aranan ya\u015fant\u0131lar arand\u0131. Ya\u015fand\u0131. Bir k\u0131sm\u0131 g\u00f6m\u00fcld\u00fc. Yeniden toprak oldu. Canl\u0131l\u0131klar\u0131n\u0131 duydu\u011fum, canl\u0131l\u0131klar\u0131n\u0131 birlikte b\u00f6l\u00fc\u015ft\u00fc\u011f\u00fcm birtak\u0131m insanlar gitti. 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