{"id":4717,"date":"2010-10-15T11:00:56","date_gmt":"2010-10-15T08:00:56","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/localhost\/wordpress\/2010\/10\/15\/iyimserlik-kucuk-seylerden-mutlu-olmak-polyannacilik-sayilmaz-mi-ustun-dokmen\/"},"modified":"2010-10-15T11:00:56","modified_gmt":"2010-10-15T08:00:56","slug":"iyimserlik-kucuk-seylerden-mutlu-olmak-polyannacilik-sayilmaz-mi-ustun-dokmen","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/narteks.net\/index.php\/2010\/10\/15\/iyimserlik-kucuk-seylerden-mutlu-olmak-polyannacilik-sayilmaz-mi-ustun-dokmen\/","title":{"rendered":"\u0130yimserlik, k\u00fc\u00e7\u00fck \u015feylerden mutlu olmak polyannac\u0131l\u0131k say\u0131lmaz m\u0131? | \u00dcst\u00fcn D\u00f6kmen"},"content":{"rendered":"

Mutsuz olmay\u0131, \u015funa buna s\u00f6ylenmeyi, karamsarl\u0131\u011f\u0131 \u00f6ylesine derinden \u00f6\u011frenmi\u015fiz ki, “Bu \u00fclkede ya\u015fanmaz” ve nihayet “Bats\u0131n bu d\u00fcnya” demeye hakk\u0131m\u0131z oldu\u011funu d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcn\u00fcyoruz sonu\u00e7ta. Ve daha da k\u00f6t\u00fcs\u00fc, iyimser birini g\u00f6rd\u00fcklerinde canlar\u0131 s\u0131k\u0131l\u0131yor k\u00f6t\u00fcmserlerin, adeta “\u015euna bir \u015fey s\u00f6yleyeyim de keyfi ka\u00e7s\u0131n” diyorlar i\u00e7lerinden. Y\u0131llard\u0131r seminerlerimde iyimser olman\u0131n \u00f6neminden s\u00f6z etti\u011fimde en az bir ki\u015fi \u00e7\u0131k\u0131p “Hoca iyi de o zaman bu polyannac\u0131l\u0131k olmaz m\u0131?” der. Bu karamsarl\u0131\u011fa prim veren bak\u0131\u015f tarz\u0131 beni \u00fcz\u00fcyor. \u015eimdi s\u00f6z konusu c\u00fcmleye tekrar bakal\u0131m:<\/p>\n

“\u0130yimserlik, k\u00fc\u00e7\u00fck \u015feylerden mutlu olmak polyannac\u0131l\u0131k say\u0131lmaz m\u0131?”<\/p>\n

Bu g\u00f6r\u00fc\u015fte, san\u0131r\u0131m iki hata var. Birincisi “iyimserlik e\u015fittir polyannac\u0131l\u0131k” iddias\u0131d\u0131r ki bu do\u011fru de\u011fildir, ikincisi b\u00f6yle s\u00f6ylendi\u011finde polyannac\u0131l\u0131\u011f\u0131n k\u00f6t\u00fc bir \u015fey oldu\u011fu varsay\u0131lmaktad\u0131r. Polyannac\u0131l\u0131\u011f\u0131n k\u00f6t\u00fc oldu\u011funu kim s\u00f6yledi?<\/p>\n

Polyannac\u0131l\u0131k, kayba u\u011frad\u0131\u011f\u0131m\u0131zda, elimizde kalanlar\u0131 fark etme ve sevinme becerisidir. Polyannac\u0131l\u0131k bir psikolojik savunma mekanizmas\u0131d\u0131r, a\u015f\u0131r\u0131 olmadan yerinde kullan\u0131ld\u0131\u011f\u0131 s\u00fcrece, ki\u015fiyi kayg\u0131dan, s\u0131k\u0131nadan korur, ki\u015finin yar\u0131na kalma ihtimalini art\u0131r\u0131r. Polyannac\u0131l\u0131k, kendini avutmak de\u011fil, barda\u011f\u0131n dolu yan\u0131n\u0131 fark etmektir.<\/p>\n

Diyelim ki birisi bir baca\u011f\u0131n\u0131 kaybetti. \u015e\u00fcphesiz bu k\u00f6t\u00fc bir durumdur. Ancak bu ki\u015finin \u00f6n\u00fcnde iki yol uzan\u0131r:<\/p>\n

Birinci yol, bir bacak gitti\u011fi i\u00e7in ya\u015famdan elini \u00e7ekmek, s\u00fcrekli \u00fcz\u00fclmek, art\u0131k hi\u00e7bir \u015feyden keyif almamakt\u0131r, ikinci yol ise \u015fudur: Ki\u015fi e\u011fer geriye d\u00f6n\u00fc\u015f yoksa, mevcut durumu kabullenir, elinde kalan bacak i\u00e7in sevinir, ya\u015famdan elini \u00e7ekmez, ya\u015fama sevincini kaybetmez,<\/p>\n

ikinci yol polyannac\u0131l\u0131kt\u0131r. Polyannac\u0131n\u0131n \u00f6mr\u00fc, birinciye oranla daha kaliteli ge\u00e7er.<\/p>\n

Polyannac\u0131 tav\u0131r, \u00c7in atas\u00f6z\u00fcn\u00fc hat\u0131rlat\u0131yor. \u015e\u00f6yle demi\u015f \u00c7inli:<\/p>\n

Tanr\u0131m, bana de\u011fi\u015ftirebilece\u011fim \u015feyleri de\u011fi\u015ftirme g\u00fcc\u00fc ver. De\u011fi\u015ftiremeyece\u011fim \u015feyleri Kabullenmemi sa\u011fla, \u0130kisini ay\u0131rt edebilmem i\u00e7in de ak\u0131l ver.<\/p>\n

De\u011fi\u015ftiremeyece\u011fimiz kay\u0131plar kar\u015f\u0131s\u0131nda, ya\u015fama sevincimizi kaybetmemek polyannac\u0131l\u0131kt\u0131r. Karamsarl\u0131\u011fa oranla da herhalde daha ger\u00e7ek\u00e7i bir tav\u0131rd\u0131r.<\/p>\n

Bir toplant\u0131da polyannac\u0131l\u0131\u011f\u0131 tart\u0131\u015f\u0131yorduk, bir dostum \u015funlar\u0131 anlatt\u0131:<\/p>\n

“\u00dc\u00e7 ye\u011fenim vard\u0131. Marmara depreminde \u00fc\u00e7\u00fc de enkaz alt\u0131ndayd\u0131. Bir tanesine ula\u015ft\u0131k, \u00e7\u0131kard\u0131k, \u00f6lm\u00fc\u015ft\u00fc. Mahvolduk. Daha sonra, ayn\u0131 enkaz\u0131n alt\u0131ndan di\u011ferleri sa\u011f \u00e7\u0131kt\u0131. \u00d6lene \u00fcz\u00fcld\u00fck, ama sa\u011flam \u00e7\u0131kanlara sevindik. \u00d6lene \u00fcz\u00fclmemek, sa\u011flam \u00e7\u0131kanlara sevinmemek m\u00fcmk\u00fcn de\u011fildi.”<\/p>\n

Yukar\u0131daki tav\u0131r, bir polyannac\u0131l\u0131k say\u0131labilir. Ama sadece \u00f6lene \u00fcz\u00fcl\u00fcp sa\u011flam \u00e7\u0131kanlara sevinmeselerdi, en az\u0131ndan ay\u0131p olurdu.<\/p>\n

Tats\u0131z olaylar kar\u015f\u0131s\u0131nda, kafam\u0131z\u0131 kuma g\u00f6m\u00fcp bir \u015fey yokmu\u015f gibi davranmak, ba\u015f\u0131m\u0131za ne gelirse gelsin mutlu dola\u015fmak, polyannac\u0131l\u0131k de\u011fil, “deveku\u015flu\u011fu” olsa gerek.<\/p>\n

Polyannac\u0131l\u0131k, ya\u015fama devam edebilmek i\u00e7in, gerekti\u011finde s\u0131k\u0131nt\u0131larla ba\u015f edebilme sanat\u0131d\u0131r.<\/p>\n

SABAH SABAH A\u011eA\u00c7 OLMAK Ger\u00e7ek Bir \u00f6yk\u00fc:<\/p>\n

B\u00fcy\u00fck k\u0131z\u0131m k\u00fc\u00e7\u00fckken -san\u0131r\u0131m anaokuluna gidiyordu- sabahlar\u0131 yata\u011f\u0131nda be\u015f dakika otururdu, ben de kar\u015f\u0131s\u0131na otururdum. K\u00fc\u00e7\u00fck, spontan bir oyun oynard\u0131k. Ben, bir hayvan, e\u015fya veya bitki rol\u00fcne girerdim, o kendisi olurdu ve kar\u015f\u0131l\u0131kl\u0131 bir drama veya fabl diyebilece\u011fimiz bir \u015fey sergilerdik.<\/p>\n

Bir sabah uyand\u0131, oturup battaniyeye sar\u0131ld\u0131 ve “Hadi bana bir a\u011fa\u00e7 ol” dedi. O sabah, can\u0131m s\u0131kk\u0131nd\u0131, keyfim yoktu; son g\u00fcnlerde irili ufakl\u0131 bir \u00e7ok olay moralimi bozmu\u015ftu. \u0130\u00e7ime bakt\u0131m, oyun oynamak istemedi\u011fimi hissettim ve d\u00fcr\u00fcst\u00e7e bunu k\u0131z\u0131ma s\u00f6ylemeye karar verdim. “Can\u0131m benim” dedim “bu sabah keyfim yok, can\u0131m s\u0131k\u0131l\u0131yor, a\u011fa\u00e7 olmak istemiyorum. ” Bir an durdu ve parma\u011f\u0131n\u0131 uzatarak “Baba tamam” dedi “o zaman \u00fczg\u00fcn bir a\u011fa\u00e7 ol. ” Tekrar i\u00e7ime bakt\u0131m, ne\u015feli bir a\u011fa\u00e7 olmak istemiyordum, ama \u00fczg\u00fcn bir a\u011fa\u00e7 olabilirdim.<\/p>\n

Ve \u00fczg\u00fcn a\u011fa\u00e7 oldum. Birilerinin meyvelerimi ta\u015flad\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131, insanlar\u0131n can\u0131m\u0131 s\u0131kt\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131 anlatt\u0131m. Anlatt\u0131k\u00e7a, hafifledim, ferahlad\u0131m. Be\u015f dakika bitti\u011finde rahatlam\u0131\u015ft\u0131m. (\u0130fade edilen s\u0131k\u0131nt\u0131, \u00e7o\u011funlukla bizi rahatlat\u0131r.)<\/p>\n

K\u0131ssadan hisse: Ya\u015fam\u0131n her zerresi kutsald\u0131r, de\u011ferlendirilmelidir. G\u00fczelliklerden g\u00fczellikler \u00e7\u0131kar; ama s\u0131k\u0131nt\u0131lardan da g\u00fczellikler \u00e7\u0131karmak m\u00fcmk\u00fcnd\u00fcr.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Mutsuz olmay\u0131, \u015funa buna s\u00f6ylenmeyi, karamsarl\u0131\u011f\u0131 \u00f6ylesine derinden \u00f6\u011frenmi\u015fiz ki, “Bu \u00fclkede ya\u015fanmaz” ve nihayet “Bats\u0131n bu d\u00fcnya” demeye hakk\u0131m\u0131z oldu\u011funu d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcn\u00fcyoruz sonu\u00e7ta. Ve daha da k\u00f6t\u00fcs\u00fc, iyimser birini g\u00f6rd\u00fcklerinde canlar\u0131 s\u0131k\u0131l\u0131yor k\u00f6t\u00fcmserlerin, adeta “\u015euna bir \u015fey s\u00f6yleyeyim de keyfi ka\u00e7s\u0131n” diyorlar i\u00e7lerinden. Y\u0131llard\u0131r seminerlerimde iyimser olman\u0131n \u00f6neminden s\u00f6z etti\u011fimde en az bir ki\u015fi \u00e7\u0131k\u0131p […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[52],"tags":[],"class_list":{"0":"post-4717","1":"post","2":"type-post","3":"status-publish","4":"format-standard","6":"category-psikoloji"},"yoast_head":"\n\u0130yimserlik, k\u00fc\u00e7\u00fck \u015feylerden mutlu olmak polyannac\u0131l\u0131k say\u0131lmaz m\u0131? | \u00dcst\u00fcn D\u00f6kmen - narteks.net<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/narteks.net\/index.php\/2010\/10\/15\/iyimserlik-kucuk-seylerden-mutlu-olmak-polyannacilik-sayilmaz-mi-ustun-dokmen\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"tr_TR\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"\u0130yimserlik, k\u00fc\u00e7\u00fck \u015feylerden mutlu olmak polyannac\u0131l\u0131k say\u0131lmaz m\u0131? | \u00dcst\u00fcn D\u00f6kmen\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Mutsuz olmay\u0131, \u015funa buna s\u00f6ylenmeyi, karamsarl\u0131\u011f\u0131 \u00f6ylesine derinden \u00f6\u011frenmi\u015fiz ki, “Bu \u00fclkede ya\u015fanmaz” ve nihayet “Bats\u0131n bu d\u00fcnya” demeye hakk\u0131m\u0131z oldu\u011funu d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcn\u00fcyoruz sonu\u00e7ta. 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