\u00a0<\/p>\n
Dokuz y\u00fcz otuz alt\u0131. Tarih d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcld\u00fc. Ni\u00e7in?
Do\u011fumu \u00f6nemlidir – yani kendisi i\u00e7in.
Buru\u015fuk y\u00fczler, bezler aras\u0131nda bir canl\u0131
Ba\u015fpama\u011f\u0131n\u0131 emdi (y\u0131kanmam\u0131\u015f ve kanl\u0131)
Cahildi, ne bilsin libidonun ad\u0131n\u0131
Duymu\u015ftu belki belki a\u015fk\u0131n kokusunu, tad\u0131n\u0131
Sonradan uzun olan yumuk parmaklar\u0131nda.<\/p>\n
\u0130lk resminde beyazd\u0131 kunda\u011f\u0131 gibi y\u00fcz\u00fc.
Bir ta\u015fra kona\u011f\u0131nda ya\u015fad\u0131 ilk g\u00fcnd\u00fcz\u00fc.
B\u00fcy\u00fckanne, Osmanl\u0131 sabr\u0131yla a\u011f\u0131r a\u011f\u0131r
Sal\u0131yor be\u015figini. Dede bunak ve sa\u011f\u0131r.
Gelin \u00fcrkek ve \u015fa\u015fk\u0131n, dede doksan\u0131 a\u015fk\u0131n,
G\u00f6zlerinde kalmam\u0131\u015f hi\u00e7biri a\u015fk\u0131n.
Ne zaman yeme\u011fini yedigini bilmiyor.
g\u00f6rd\u00fcg\u00fc kar\u0131s\u0131 m\u0131 gelini mi bilmiyor.<\/p>\n
As\u0131rl\u0131k ayaklar\u0131, evde bir hastal\u0131kt\u0131
Geceleri dola\u015fan. Dalg\u0131n karn\u0131 ac\u0131kt\u0131;
Kalkt\u0131 yer yatag\u0131ndan, iki ayakl\u0131 h\u00fcz\u00fcn.
Selim’in be\u015figine u\u011frad\u0131, beyaz t\u00fcl\u00fcn
Alt\u0131nda yatan teni ok\u015fad\u0131. Titrek elin
Tuttu\u011fu son canl\u0131yd\u0131. Snaki, ‘ Mutfa\u011fa gelin! ‘
Diyen bir sese do\u011fru y\u00f6nelirken, bir a\u011fr\u0131
Sapland\u0131. \u00d6l\u00fc buldu onu sabah r\u00fczgar\u0131<\/p>\n
\u0130lk r\u00fczgar\u0131n teriyle (bilincin e\u015figinde)
Islanarak uyand\u0131; k\u0131vrand\u0131 be\u015figinde
Kundag\u0131yla b\u00fcy\u00fck ve beyaz bir elma kurdu
Esirlik t\u00fcrk\u00fcs\u00fcn\u00fc b\u00fct\u00fcn eve duyurdu.
Baba geni\u015f yatakta d\u00f6nd\u00fc; yorgan\u0131 kapt\u0131;
Anne, meme vermenin sanc\u0131s\u0131yla harapt\u0131.
\u0130lk ve son kocas\u0131n\u0131n, ‘ \u00c7ocuga bak M\u00fczeyyen! ‘
M\u0131r\u0131lt\u0131s\u0131yla kalkt\u0131 kad\u0131n kokan yerinden.<\/p>\n
Corridos adas\u0131nda Permanlar aras\u0131nda
Elinde kendi gibi kuru bir barracinda
Tutarak, i on ikinci derece bir denklemi
Kayg\u0131s\u0131z \u00e7\u00f6zmesiyle, Ferrania Sandolem’i
\u0130ndirerek taht\u0131ndan kad\u0131n saltanat\u0131na
Son veren Panton Hipyos ya da \u00f6nce at\u0131na
Sonra kad\u0131na tapan Hun gibi Numan I\u015f\u0131k
(oysa ilk y\u0131llar\u0131nda anneme nas\u0131l a\u015f\u0131k) .
Uykulu g\u00f6g\u00fcsleri-kim bilir ne kadar tazeydi.
\u0130\u0130pek geceliginin i\u00e7inde sert ve diri
(mektuplar\u0131nda Numan Bey, a\u015fk\u0131n\u0131 esli T\u00fcrk\u00e7e
-evlenmeden elbette- anlat\u0131rm\u0131\u015f anneme)
Kayarken karanl\u0131kta, dede bir ta\u015f y\u0131g\u0131n\u0131
Gibi, gen\u00e7 lohusan\u0131n ac\u0131tt\u0131 aya\u011f\u0131n\u0131.
Ac\u0131 bir \u00e7\u0131\u011fl\u0131k kesti Selimin nefesini
Belki o anda duydu korkunun ilk sesini.<\/p>\n
Evin arka bah\u00e7esi otlar ve tahta perde.
An\u0131lar ba\u015flad\u0131 m\u0131? Pasl\u0131 bir kilim yerde,
koruyor d\u0131\u015f d\u00fcnyadan. \u0130lk b\u00f6cekler elinden
Kay\u0131p ge\u00e7iyor. Nine d\u00fc\u015fm\u00fcyor dilinden
Belirsiz anlamlarla uuytan ninnileri
Hu diyen dervi\u015fleri \u00fcrk\u00fcn\u00e7 ecinnileri.
Dandini ve dasdana, kov bostanc\u0131 danay\u0131
Yemesin lahanay\u0131, yemesin lahanay\u0131.<\/p>\n
Bir ya\u015f\u0131nda k\u0131zam\u0131k, iki ya\u015f\u0131nda s\u0131tma,
Yakalad\u0131 Selim’i. Yavtum terleme ko\u015fma!
Terli bir uyan\u0131\u015ftan sonra tam \u00fc\u00e7 ya\u015f\u0131nda
Di\u015fti yata\u011fa bayg\u0131n. A\u011flayarak ba\u015f\u0131nda
Kuran okur annesi; bir a\u00e7\u0131lsa g\u00f6zlerin.
Ne diyorsun Allah\u0131m duyulmuyor s\u00f6zlerin.
Baba m\u0131r\u0131ldan\u0131yor; Selim I\u015f\u0131k, g\u00fczel \u015fey!
A\u011fl\u0131yor g\u00fcr\u00fclt\u00fcyle; hey rahmetli Numan Bey!<\/p>\n
Kasaban\u0131n tek doktoru topal Muvakkar.
Muvakkar’\u0131n tek g\u00f6z\u00fc birazc\u0131k \u015fehla bakar.
‘Topal doktor kalksana, lambalar\u0131 yaksana,
Selim elden gidiyor, \u00e7aresine baksana.’
Muvakkar’\u0131n g\u00f6z\u00fcvarm\u0131\u015f derler annemde
Babama severek varm\u0131\u015f derler annem de.
O zaman ka\u00e7 senesi; t\u0131p bildi\u011finiz gibi.
B\u00fct\u00fcn umut Allahtan; hep bildiginiz gibi.<\/p>\n
‘Zat\u00fcrre Geceyi atlat\u0131rsa \u00fcmit var.
K\u0131\u015f\u0131n olsa giderdi.’ (d\u0131\u015far\u0131da \u0131slak bahar) .
Birden g\u00f6z\u00fcn\u00fc a\u00e7t\u0131: karanl\u0131k pencereler,
Ya\u011fmur izleri. Selim, ‘Atat\u00fcrk’\u00fc g\u00f6rd\u00fcm, ‘der.
Ta\u015frada yeti\u015firken \u00f6\u011frendigi tek dildi
T\u00fcrk\u00e7e, cahil Selim’in. Bu kadar diyebildi.
Oysa bilseydi (can\u0131m) biraz da Frans\u0131zca
‘Voila Atat\u00fcrk maman’ derdi muhakkak orda.<\/p>\n
Az geli\u015fmi\u015f baban\u0131n az geli\u015fmi\u015f tek o\u011flu,
\u015eimdi hat\u0131rlad\u0131mda g\u00f6zlerim doldu.
Donuk ayd\u0131nl\u0131g\u0131nda idare lambas\u0131n\u0131n,
\u00dczerine e\u011filen g\u00f6lgenin (babas\u0131n\u0131n)
Varl\u0131\u011f\u0131ndan habersiz, soluk bir ate\u015f gibi
K\u00fc\u00e7\u00fc\u00e7\u00fck yata\u011f\u0131nda. Bir ayd\u0131nl\u0131k belirdi:
‘\u0130\u015fte g\u00fcne\u015f do\u011fuyor. Kurtuldu, ya\u015fayacak! ‘
Yamal\u0131 bir y\u0131ld\u0131zd\u0131 ilerde \u0131\u015f\u0131yacak.<\/p>\n
\u0130zin ver Selim biraz, Hegel, Fichte diyelim,
Felsefeyle ili\u015fkin bir de ekmek yiyelim
B\u00f6yle byurdu Karg\u0131, thus spake King Solomon
Yerindedir bu yarg\u0131, evet hakl\u0131 Platon,
Felsefeyi seviniz, fakat koparmay\u0131n\u0131z.
Demekle \u00f6zetliyor: bu d\u00fcnyada yaln\u0131z\u0131z.
\u00d6z\u00fcr dilerim senden bu sutunda a\u00e7\u0131k\u00e7a,
\u00c7o\u00e7ukluk g\u00fcnlerimde kap\u0131lm\u0131\u015ft\u0131m \u00e7ocuk\u00e7a.<\/p>\n
Kelimenin anlam\u0131: sevmek demek Yunanca.
Filo. Sofyay\u0131 sevmek oluyor Filosofya.
Hat\u0131rlars\u0131n pasajda Lefter’in meyhanesi,
Servis yapar, \u015fark\u0131 s\u00f6yler; biraz k\u0131s\u0131kt\u0131 sesi,
‘O Sofya mu, Sofya mu. Sensiz i\u00e7mek olur mu? ‘
K\u0131r sa\u00e7l\u0131 laternac\u0131 biraz mahsun dururdu,
‘\u0130n nino veritas’. Ders sofistlerden Duzikos,
Tarih felsefesinde, ‘Armoniko Muzikos…’<\/p>\n
‘Gene sap\u0131tt\u0131n Selim. Seni kim durduracak? ‘
S\u00f6ylemi\u015ftim S\u00fcleyman: ben ba\u015flamazsam ancak
Durdurulabilirim. Ayr\u0131ca fakir dilim
Ba\u011fl\u0131 hece vezniyle, ta\u015f kesildi sa\u011f elim.
Hecenin \u00e7arm\u0131h\u0131na \u00e7ivilenmi\u015f ellerim.
Kafiye tanr\u0131s\u0131na kurban oldum. Efendim?
‘bir \u015fark\u0131n\u0131n sonuna kadar sabredemedin.’
Bundan kaybediyorum, b\u00f6yle oldu\u011fum i\u00e7in.<\/p>\n
Ne olur tutma art\u0131k beni hece vezniyle
Allah\u0131n, senin ve t\u00fcm sevenlerin izniyle
\u00c7\u00f6z\u00fcls\u00fcn zincirlerim, tutulan kol \u00e7al\u0131\u015fs\u0131n.
Bir espri u\u011fruna harcatmay\u0131n, al\u0131\u015fs\u0131n
Selim I\u015f\u0131k insana. S\u00f6ylesin \u015fark\u0131s\u0131n\u0131
Kesintisiz, acemi. Ey \u00f6l\u00fc ruh! k\u0131yam et!
Be\u011fendin mi S\u00fcleyman? ‘Be\u011fenmedim devam et.’<\/p>\n
O\u011fuz ATAY<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
\u00a0 Dokuz y\u00fcz otuz alt\u0131. Tarih d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcld\u00fc. Ni\u00e7in?Do\u011fumu \u00f6nemlidir – yani kendisi i\u00e7in.Buru\u015fuk y\u00fczler, bezler aras\u0131nda bir canl\u0131Ba\u015fpama\u011f\u0131n\u0131 emdi (y\u0131kanmam\u0131\u015f ve kanl\u0131)Cahildi, ne bilsin libidonun ad\u0131n\u0131Duymu\u015ftu belki belki a\u015fk\u0131n kokusunu, tad\u0131n\u0131Sonradan uzun olan yumuk parmaklar\u0131nda. \u0130lk resminde beyazd\u0131 kunda\u011f\u0131 gibi y\u00fcz\u00fc.Bir ta\u015fra kona\u011f\u0131nda ya\u015fad\u0131 ilk g\u00fcnd\u00fcz\u00fc.B\u00fcy\u00fckanne, Osmanl\u0131 sabr\u0131yla a\u011f\u0131r a\u011f\u0131rSal\u0131yor be\u015figini. Dede bunak ve sa\u011f\u0131r.Gelin […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[187],"tags":[],"class_list":{"0":"post-5938","1":"post","2":"type-post","3":"status-publish","4":"format-standard","6":"category-oguz-atay"},"yoast_head":"\n