![](\"http:\/\/sufidergah.files.wordpress.com\/2011\/02\/komsu.jpg\")
\u201cKorkuyorum, diyor. O eve geldi\u011fi anda her yan\u0131m titriyor.\u201d<\/p>\n<\/p>\n
\u201cKorkuyorum, diyor. O eve geldi\u011fi anda her yan\u0131m titriyor.\u201d<\/p>\n
Asans\u00f6r\u00fc beklerken apartman\u0131n demir kap\u0131s\u0131 yava\u015f\u00e7a a\u00e7\u0131ld\u0131. \u0130\u00e7eri dolan so\u011fuk hava an\u0131nda i\u00e7ime i\u015fledi. Gelen oydu. Alt\u0131nc\u0131 kata \u00e7\u0131kmak i\u00e7in merdivenleri kullanmayacakt\u0131r. Yani \u00fcst\u00fcndeki kar\u0131 temizlemeyi bitirdikten sonra yan\u0131ma gelecek, birlikte \u015fu kutunun gelmesini bekleyece\u011fiz sonra da onunla uzun bir yolculu\u011fa \u00e7\u0131kaca\u011f\u0131z, ta alt\u0131nc\u0131 kata kadar. \u201cMerhaba\u201d\u00a0 ve kedi yavrusu miyavlad\u0131. Evde aslan d\u0131\u015far\u0131da yavru bir kedi. Bilmesem kesin aldan\u0131rd\u0131m \u015fu y\u00fcze. Yar\u0131m a\u011f\u0131zla kar\u015f\u0131l\u0131k veriyorum selam\u0131na. Ba\u015f\u0131 hep \u00f6nde. Y\u00fcz\u00fcme baksa d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcncelerimin yans\u0131s\u0131yla kar\u015f\u0131la\u015facak, bundan ka\u00e7\u0131yor belki de. S\u00fct\u00fcn\u00fc d\u00f6km\u00fc\u015f, \u00f6ylece duruyor.<\/p>\n
\u201c\u00c7ocu\u011fum i\u00e7in ona katlanmak zorunday\u0131m. O daha \u00e7ok k\u00fc\u00e7\u00fck. Hem i\u00e7kisi, kumar\u0131 da yok.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201c Ya dayak?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201c \u00c7ocu\u011funu da \u00f6yle \u00e7ok seviyor ki.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYa seni?\u201d<\/p>\n
Sa\u011f eli bandajl\u0131. Bir kavgadan ald\u0131\u011f\u0131 darbeyle yaralanm\u0131\u015f ya da cama yumruk atm\u0131\u015f belki de kar\u0131s\u0131n\u0131 b\u0131\u00e7aklamaya \u00e7al\u0131\u015f\u0131rken elini kesmi\u015f\u2026 D\u00fc\u015f\u00fcncelerimi ele ge\u00e7irmeye \u00e7al\u0131\u015f\u0131yorum, ipini kopar\u0131nca delice ko\u015fmaya ba\u015fl\u0131yorlar. Birazdan asans\u00f6r gelecek, 7-6 yava\u015f\u00e7a yakla\u015f\u0131yor bize. Biz, onunla tek bir zamirde birle\u015fmeye, k\u00fc\u00e7\u00fcc\u00fck bir kutunun i\u00e7ine girip onun b\u0131rakt\u0131\u011f\u0131 havay\u0131 i\u00e7ime \u00e7ekmeye nas\u0131l katlanaca\u011f\u0131m. Ellerimi ne yapaca\u011f\u0131m\u0131 \u015fa\u015f\u0131rd\u0131m. Biraz \u00f6nce nas\u0131l duruyorlard\u0131. Otuz y\u0131ld\u0131r onlar\u0131 ne yapt\u0131\u011f\u0131m\u0131 an\u0131msamaya \u00e7al\u0131\u015ft\u0131m nafile. En iyisi birbirlerinden destek almalar\u0131, el ele tutu\u015fuyorum. Gerilimi bo\u015faltman\u0131n en iyi yolu kendi tenine dokunmakt\u0131r. B\u00fct\u00fcn insanlar b\u00f6yle yapm\u0131yor mu?<\/p>\n
\u201c\u015eu y\u00fcz\u00fcn\u00fcn haline bak, yana\u011f\u0131n morarm\u0131\u015f.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cBilmez gibi konu\u015fuyorsun abla.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cNeden? Bir t\u00fcrl\u00fc anlam\u0131yorum.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cKorku.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cPeki ama neden?\u201d<\/p>\n
asans\u00f6r katlardan birer birer ge\u00e7iyor. Bir yolunu bulup uzakla\u015fsam buradan, ama o zaman korktu\u011fumu d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcn\u00fcr. B\u00f6yleleri korkuyla beslenir, kokusunu bile al\u0131rlar korkunun. Duyargalar\u0131 ba\u015fka t\u00fcrl\u00fc \u00e7al\u0131\u015f\u0131r bunlar\u0131n. Ellerine bak, nas\u0131l da b\u00fcy\u00fckler.<\/p>\n
\u201cGe\u00e7en y\u0131l karde\u015flerim bana sahip \u00e7\u0131kmak i\u00e7in bir araya geldiler. Bizi bo\u015famaya kararl\u0131lard\u0131.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cNe g\u00fczel i\u015fte, bir de yaln\u0131z\u0131m diyorsun.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cDur hele. A\u011fabeyim bunu kenara \u00e7ekti, b\u00f6yle b\u00f6yle, bu i\u015fin sonu yok, bo\u015fan\u0131n bitsin bu i\u015f dedi.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201c\u0130yi demi\u015f, yok tabi.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cBu e\u011fmi\u015f ba\u015f\u0131n\u0131 peki demi\u015f.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cBak sen, eee sonra?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cSonras\u0131 tam bir felaket. El s\u0131k\u0131\u015fm\u0131\u015flar, a\u011fabeyim memnun arkas\u0131n\u0131 d\u00f6nm\u00fc\u015f, d\u00f6ner d\u00f6nmez de bu \u00e7\u0131karm\u0131\u015f b\u0131\u00e7a\u011f\u0131, her zaman \u00e7orab\u0131nda saklad\u0131\u011f\u0131 bir \u00e7ak\u0131s\u0131 vard\u0131r, a\u011fabeyimin omzuna saplam\u0131\u015f.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cVe sen h\u00e2l\u00e2.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cEvet, ben h\u00e2l\u00e2. Art\u0131k sahip \u00e7\u0131kan kimse de yok.\u201d<\/p>\n
D\u0131\u015far\u0131s\u0131 karanl\u0131k ve so\u011fuk. R\u00fczg\u00e2r\u0131n u\u011fultusu kulaklar\u0131mda. Asans\u00f6r birazdan gelecek ve kap\u0131s\u0131n\u0131n a\u00e7\u0131lmas\u0131yla i\u00e7inden y\u00fczlerce ku\u015f sald\u0131r\u0131ya ge\u00e7ecek. Birden metal kap\u0131da y\u00fcz\u00fcn\u00fcn so\u011fuklu\u011fuyla kar\u015f\u0131la\u015ft\u0131m. G\u00f6zlerini dikmi\u015f, sabit bana bak\u0131yor. D\u00fc\u015f\u00fcncelerimi okuyor olabilir mi? Y\u00fcz\u00fcmdeki ifadeyi g\u00f6rmek i\u00e7in kendime bakmak istiyorum, ama buna cesaretim yok. Ka\u015flar\u0131m \u00e7at\u0131k ya da a\u011fz\u0131m k\u0131m\u0131ldam\u0131\u015f olmal\u0131. \u0130\u00e7imden ge\u00e7enleri sesli s\u00f6ylemi\u015f olamam, e\u011fer \u00f6yleyse. \u0130yice kendimi kaybettim. Nesrin\u2019e s\u00f6ylediklerimden haberi olduysa. Bizim ili\u015fkimizden sana ne, kar\u0131 koca aras\u0131na neden giriyorsun deyip, \u00e7ak\u0131s\u0131n\u0131 \u00e7\u0131kar\u0131rsa. Sa\u00e7malama. 1-0 Asans\u00f6r\u00fcn kap\u0131s\u0131 yava\u015f\u00e7a a\u00e7\u0131ld\u0131. \u0130lk ad\u0131m atan ben oluyorum, adeta z\u0131playarak. Ard\u0131mdan binip bana arkas\u0131n\u0131 d\u00f6n\u00fcyor, bu durum az da olsa rahatlat\u0131yor beni. Kap\u0131 art\u0131k kapal\u0131, o ve ben ayn\u0131 havay\u0131 solumaya ba\u015flad\u0131k i\u015fte. Alt\u0131 numaraya bas\u0131yor. Ayn\u0131 katta oturdu\u011fumuzu biliyor. Katlar\u0131 ge\u00e7tik\u00e7e evime biraz daha yakla\u015f\u0131yorum. Bunu d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnmek bile biraz olsun rahatlat\u0131yor beni.<\/p>\n
\u201cBiliyor musun, asl\u0131nda seninle g\u00f6r\u00fc\u015fmemi istemiyor.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cNedenmi\u015f o?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cSen yaln\u0131z ya\u015f\u0131yorsun ya.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cee ne olmu\u015f yani?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201c Bilmem, akl\u0131ma girersin diye herhalde.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cBu adamdan sana hay\u0131r yok.\u201d<\/p>\n
Bir kat sonra evimde olaca\u011f\u0131m. Asans\u00f6rde hep kar\u015f\u0131ya bo\u015flu\u011fa bak\u0131lmal\u0131, kar\u015f\u0131dakinin y\u00fcz\u00fcne bakmak ay\u0131pt\u0131r, ama ensesine bak\u0131labilir, g\u00f6rg\u00fcye ayk\u0131r\u0131 de\u011fil bu durum. G\u00f6zlerimi uzam\u0131\u015f ense t\u0131ra\u015f\u0131ndan alam\u0131yorum, art\u0131k berbere gitme vakti gelmi\u015f. \u0130\u00e7erinin havas\u0131 azald\u0131 sanki, t\u00fcm oksijeni t\u00fcketti. Art\u0131k saniyeler kald\u0131, dayan biraz. G\u00f6zlerim ayaklar\u0131ndan pa\u00e7alar\u0131na kay\u0131yor. Hi\u00e7bir \u015fey belli olmuyor. Bir insan neden hep yan\u0131nda \u00e7ak\u0131 ta\u015f\u0131r? Demek ki o da. Sonunda durduk, art\u0131k evime \u00e7ok yak\u0131n\u0131m. Kap\u0131n\u0131n a\u00e7\u0131lmas\u0131yla b\u00fcy\u00fck bir soluk al\u0131yorum. O aceleci ben ise son derece a\u011f\u0131rdan al\u0131yorum. \u00c7antam\u0131 kar\u0131\u015ft\u0131rma numaras\u0131, kad\u0131nlar\u0131n son s\u0131\u011f\u0131na\u011f\u0131. Anahtar\u0131n \u015f\u0131k\u0131rt\u0131s\u0131, kilit t\u0131k\u0131rt\u0131s\u0131 ve i\u015fte son nokta kap\u0131n\u0131n \u00e7arp\u0131l\u0131\u015f\u0131. O art\u0131k evinde. \u00c7antamdan h\u0131zla anahtar\u0131m\u0131 \u00e7\u0131kar\u0131p iki denemeden sonra do\u011fru anahtar\u0131 yerle\u015ftiriyorum kilide, g\u00f6z\u00fcm s\u00fcrekli arkamda. Ve i\u015fte onun sesi, adeta k\u00fckr\u00fcyor. \u00a0Kap\u0131m\u0131 h\u0131zla a\u00e7\u0131p giriyorum i\u00e7eri. Ard\u0131mdan kapat\u0131p \u00fc\u00e7 defa kilitliyorum sonra.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
\u201cKorkuyorum, diyor. O eve geldi\u011fi anda her yan\u0131m titriyor.\u201d Asans\u00f6r\u00fc beklerken apartman\u0131n demir kap\u0131s\u0131 yava\u015f\u00e7a a\u00e7\u0131ld\u0131. \u0130\u00e7eri dolan so\u011fuk hava an\u0131nda i\u00e7ime i\u015fledi. Gelen oydu. Alt\u0131nc\u0131 kata \u00e7\u0131kmak i\u00e7in merdivenleri kullanmayacakt\u0131r. Yani \u00fcst\u00fcndeki kar\u0131 temizlemeyi bitirdikten sonra yan\u0131ma gelecek, birlikte \u015fu kutunun gelmesini bekleyece\u011fiz sonra da onunla uzun bir yolculu\u011fa \u00e7\u0131kaca\u011f\u0131z, ta alt\u0131nc\u0131 kata kadar. […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[189],"tags":[],"class_list":{"0":"post-6025","1":"post","2":"type-post","3":"status-publish","4":"format-standard","6":"category-ozlen-yildiz"},"yoast_head":"\n