![](\"http:\/\/img2.blogcu.com\/images\/c\/e\/m\/cemedib\/imza_yazi_1.gif\")
Ko\u015ftu. Yatak odas\u0131na girdi, soluk solu\u011fa. At\u0131\u015f\u0131n\u0131 yava\u015flatabilirmi\u015f gibi kalbini tuttu, bast\u0131rd\u0131. Teredd\u00fct. Boncuk boncuk sa\u00e7s\u0131z ba\u015f\u0131. Gitti geldi eli. Oymal\u0131 sand\u0131k, \u00e7eyiz saklayan sand\u0131k, i\u015flemeli, naftalin kokulu. Kuytular\u0131nda neler gizler b\u00f6yle?<\/p>\n
O\u011flumu g\u00f6rd\u00fcm, babam\u0131 g\u00f6rd\u00fcm.o\u011flumu onun kuca\u011f\u0131nda. Odan\u0131n kap\u0131s\u0131 yar\u0131 a\u00e7\u0131k, aradan. K\u00fc\u00e7\u00fcc\u00fck sar\u0131 ba\u015f\u0131 ok\u015fayan kocaman , kal\u0131n p\u00fct\u00fcr\u00fck\u00a0 parmaklar. T\u00fct\u00fcn kokan a\u011f\u0131zdan d\u00f6k\u00fclen s\u00f6zc\u00fckleri, onlar\u0131 g\u00f6rd\u00fcm. Tiz bir metal sesi ya da tahtaya s\u00fcrt\u00fcnen t\u0131rnak gibi \u00fcrpertici. Kan\u0131n bedenden yava\u015f yava\u015f \u00e7ekilmesi gibi uykuya \u00e7eken, \u00e7ocu\u011funu h\u0131zla yakla\u015fan bir trenle kar\u015f\u0131 kar\u015f\u0131ya g\u00f6rmek gibi \u00e7\u0131ld\u0131rt\u0131c\u0131 bir his t\u00fcm bedenimi ele ge\u00e7irdi, ona amade ben, ben ona amade. Ellerimle \u00f6rd\u00fc\u011f\u00fcm duvar, bir y\u0131k\u0131nt\u0131 \u015fimdi.<\/em><\/p>\n Eve geldi\u011finde, al\u0131\u015fkanl\u0131klar\u0131n g\u00fcvenli kollar\u0131nda, yapacaklar\u0131n\u0131 d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnmeden yapt\u0131\u011f\u0131 g\u00fcnlerden bir g\u00fcnd\u00fc. O\u011ful salonda, e\u015f mutfakta, Aziz kap\u0131da. Anahtar cepte el zilde. Po\u015fette istavrit, yeni rak\u0131 biraz da roka. Mevsimlerin tek de\u011fi\u015ftirdi\u011fi giysiler, ince kal\u0131n, kal\u0131n ince. Kavrulmu\u015f so\u011fan, rutubet kokusu ve hi\u00e7 \u00e7\u0131kmayan, apartmana yay\u0131lm\u0131\u015f, sinmi\u015f mercimek kokusu. Geceleri k\u00f6r bir kuyuydu, uyku \u00e7ekerdi derine, direnirdim. Sonunda kazanan hep o olurdu, benden daha g\u00fc\u00e7l\u00fcyd\u00fc, bu d\u00fcnyadaki her \u015fey gibi. A\u011fa\u00e7lar, ku\u015flar, b\u00f6cekler, bebekler, toz tanecikleri, kum, su, toprak\u2026 Onlar vard\u0131 ben yok, onlar ya\u015f\u0131yordu ben \u00f6l\u00fc, onlar b\u00fcy\u00fcyordu ben hep \u00e7ocuk, c\u0131l\u0131z, sessiz, tozdan daha toz. Yerin bin kat alt\u0131 olsa, ben saklansam. Bu aniden uyand\u0131r\u0131lmalar olmasa. Yaln\u0131z olsam, kimsesiz. Anneme yalvard\u0131m, inanmad\u0131, geceleri b\u0131rakma onu dedim, dinlemedi. Yerin bin kat alt\u0131 olsa\u2026 Geceler ge\u00e7mek bilmez. K\u00fc\u00e7\u00fcc\u00fck bedenimi nerelere saklasam. Kap\u0131 g\u0131c\u0131rdar, hi\u00e7bir zaman derine inemedi\u011fim uykumdan \u00e7ekip al\u0131r beni, sarsar. Bir \u00fc\u015f\u00fcme gelir kendime sar\u0131l\u0131r\u0131m. B\u00fcy\u00fck, p\u00fct\u00fcr\u00fck parmaklar yorgan\u0131mdan i\u00e7eri s\u00fcz\u00fcl\u00fcr, Say\u0131s\u0131zca y\u0131lan dolar yata\u011f\u0131ma, \u0131s\u0131r\u0131r. Solu\u011fundan yay\u0131lan t\u00fct\u00fcne kar\u0131\u015fm\u0131\u015f so\u011fan, \u00e7\u00fcr\u00fck di\u015f kokusu, midem kalkar.<\/p>\n Sand\u0131k. Aziz elini att\u0131 diplere. \u00c7ekti ald\u0131 y\u0131llar \u00f6nce saklad\u0131\u011f\u0131 hazinesini derinden. Bildik bir tiksinti y\u00fckseldi, bir \u00fc\u015f\u00fcme geldi. G\u00f6rd\u00fc\u011f\u00fc manzara. Korkudan ka\u00e7\u0131\u015f yok Aziz, art\u0131k d\u00f6n\u00fc\u015f yok buradan. Tekrar etti bunu kendine \u00fc\u00e7 kez daha, yar\u0131 duyulur bir sesle. Namlunun ucundayd\u0131 art\u0131k. Ko\u015ftu, o\u011flunu \u00e7ekip ald\u0131, d\u0131\u015far\u0131 git dedi yavrum annen seni \u00e7a\u011f\u0131r\u0131r. E\u011filip aln\u0131ndan \u00f6pt\u00fc sonra sar\u0131ld\u0131. Kap\u0131y\u0131 kilitledi ard\u0131ndan. \u015eimdi art\u0131k ba\u015fba\u015fayd\u0131lar. Hi\u00e7 d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnmedi Aziz, eli hi\u00e7 titremedi, y\u0131llarca bu an\u0131 d\u00fc\u015flemi\u015f gibi, iki el ate\u015f etti.\u00a0\u00a0 <\/p>\n Aziz | \u00d6zlen Y\u0131ld\u0131z<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" Ko\u015ftu. Yatak odas\u0131na girdi, soluk solu\u011fa. At\u0131\u015f\u0131n\u0131 yava\u015flatabilirmi\u015f gibi kalbini tuttu, bast\u0131rd\u0131. Teredd\u00fct. Boncuk boncuk sa\u00e7s\u0131z ba\u015f\u0131. Gitti geldi eli. Oymal\u0131 sand\u0131k, \u00e7eyiz saklayan sand\u0131k, i\u015flemeli, naftalin kokulu. Kuytular\u0131nda neler gizler b\u00f6yle? O\u011flumu g\u00f6rd\u00fcm, babam\u0131 g\u00f6rd\u00fcm.o\u011flumu onun kuca\u011f\u0131nda. Odan\u0131n kap\u0131s\u0131 yar\u0131 a\u00e7\u0131k, aradan. K\u00fc\u00e7\u00fcc\u00fck sar\u0131 ba\u015f\u0131 ok\u015fayan kocaman , kal\u0131n p\u00fct\u00fcr\u00fck\u00a0 parmaklar. T\u00fct\u00fcn kokan a\u011f\u0131zdan […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[189],"tags":[],"class_list":{"0":"post-6029","1":"post","2":"type-post","3":"status-publish","4":"format-standard","6":"category-ozlen-yildiz"},"yoast_head":"\n
\u201cO geldi.\u201d dedi Sona aceleci, po\u015fetlere hamle yaparak.
\u201cKim?\u201d po\u015fetleri geri \u00e7ekti Aziz, ilk kez.
\u201cAniden kap\u0131da bitiverdi. \u015ea\u015fakald\u0131m.\u201d\u00a0 Geri ad\u0131m att\u0131 Sona ve kocas\u0131n\u0131n g\u00f6zlerine bakmaya cesaret etti.
\u201c\u2026..\u201d
\u201cG\u00f6rsen nas\u0131l ya\u015flanm\u0131\u015f, adam bitmi\u015f.\u201d
\u201cYeter, tamam.\u201d
\u201cYaln\u0131zl\u0131k kolay de\u011fil. Aziz\u201d
\u201cTamam kes art\u0131k.\u201d
\u201cO senin baban.\u201d
Aziz\u2019in i\u00e7inden gelen hayk\u0131rmakt\u0131, sustu. Sona sustu. Bir u\u00e7urum, bir s\u0131r vard\u0131. S\u00f6ylemedi\u011fi, belki de s\u00f6ylemek istese de dile getiremedi\u011fi Aziz\u2019in.\u00a0 Sezse de bir kere olsun sormad\u0131 Sona, ama emindi bir hik\u00e2yesi vard\u0131 Aziz\u2019in biliyordu, bunu bilmek de benim s\u0131rr\u0131m diye d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnd\u00fc, avundu. <\/p>\n
Babas\u0131n\u0131 g\u00f6r\u00fcr, duyar ama dokunmazd\u0131 Aziz ilk gen\u00e7li\u011finden beri. Son g\u00f6r\u00fc\u015f\u00fc, duyu\u015fu da y\u0131llar \u00f6nceydi. Bir tren istasyonunda, onu g\u00f6zleriyle, s\u00f6zc\u00fckleriyle itmi\u015fti adeta, bozk\u0131r\u0131n ortas\u0131ndaki kimsesiz memleketine. Art\u0131k rengi griye d\u00f6nm\u00fc\u015f, her daim nemli ihtiyar g\u00f6zleriyle bakm\u0131\u015ft\u0131 babas\u0131 o\u011fluna. \u00c7atall\u0131 sesi titremi\u015f, d\u00fczelmeyen kambur parmaklar\u0131n\u0131 Aziz\u2019e uzatm\u0131\u015ft\u0131, son bir umutla. Aziz babas\u0131n\u0131 oldu\u011fu yerde b\u0131rak\u0131p h\u0131zla uzakla\u015fm\u0131\u015ft\u0131 ondan. Onun g\u00f6remeyece\u011finden emin oldu\u011fu bir yer bulup gizlenmi\u015fti ard\u0131na. Gitti\u011fini g\u00f6rmeliydi. G\u00f6rd\u00fc, derin bir soluk ald\u0131.
Kar\u0131s\u0131 gebe, babas\u0131 yolda, Aziz gene de huzursuz. Ya geri d\u00f6nerse, ya gelirse, o\u011flum, ya sana yakla\u015f\u0131rsa. Diner mi f\u0131rt\u0131na? Aziz besler. Ya\u015famak bir y\u00fckt\u00fc Aziz\u2019in boynunda. \u00d6d\u00fcn\u00e7 al\u0131nm\u0131\u015f gibi korkarak, s\u0131rt\u0131nda a\u011f\u0131rl\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131 duyarak, geri verecekmi\u015f gibi as\u0131l sahibine el s\u00fcrmeden, y\u0131pratmaktan \u00e7ekinir gibi kelimeleri tasarruflu, sesi en alt telden. <\/p>\n