\u00a0<\/p>\n
\u0130\u00e7imin de d\u0131\u015f\u0131m\u0131n da olmad\u0131\u011f\u0131, ya da i\u00e7imi de d\u0131\u015f\u0131m\u0131 da bilmedi\u011fim bir d\u00fcnya zaman\u0131yd\u0131; san\u0131r\u0131m 8-9 ya\u015flar\u0131ndayd\u0131m.
Ac\u0131y\u0131, kederi, ne\u015feyi hen\u00fcz ayr\u0131\u015ft\u0131rmam\u0131\u015ft\u0131m.
Hayatt\u0131; yekp\u00e2reydi. Her \u015fey, bir \u015feydi. <\/p>\n
Soka\u011f\u0131n sonuna do\u011fru uzay\u0131p giden bir tepenin a\u011fz\u0131na oturmu\u015ftu.
Y\u00fcz\u00fcnde yaz esmerli\u011fi, a\u011fz\u0131n\u0131 r\u00fczgara kar\u015f\u0131 a\u00e7m\u0131\u015f; m\u0131r\u0131ldan\u0131yor muydu yoksa r\u00fczgar\u0131 m\u0131 yalamaya \u00e7al\u0131\u015f\u0131yordu? Anlamam\u0131\u015ft\u0131m.
Beyaz bir yaz g\u00fcn\u00fcyd\u00fc. \u0130lk o g\u00fcn g\u00f6rm\u00fc\u015ft\u00fcm onu.<\/p>\n
Mevsimler birinden \u00f6b\u00fcr\u00fcne devrilirken, elimizi ar\u0131 sokarken, bisikletten d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcp dizlerimizi kanat\u0131rken can\u0131m\u0131za bir \u015fey olurdu; hissederdim. Ama ac\u0131ya dahil de\u011fildi yine de bunlar.
Hayatt\u0131, yekp\u00e2reydi i\u015fte.
Zaman, hayat\u0131 par\u00e7alara ay\u0131r\u0131p “par\u00e7a par\u00e7a” g\u00f6rmeye ba\u015flad\u0131\u011f\u0131m\u0131zda, ac\u0131, o yekp\u00e2reli\u011fi yitirdi\u011fimizde olu\u015facakt\u0131.
\u015eimdilik d\u00fcnya geni\u015f ve \u0131l\u0131kt\u0131. Biz kendi \u0131l\u0131k d\u00fcnyam\u0131z\u0131n i\u00e7inde sal\u0131nan, u\u00e7u\u015fan perilerdik. <\/p>\n
G\u00fcn ortas\u0131nda yazl\u0131k sineman\u0131n arka duvar\u0131ndan atlar, orada kurard\u0131m h\u0131\u015f\u0131rt\u0131l\u0131 sessizli\u011fimi. Sayamayaca\u011f\u0131m kadar \u00e7ok say\u0131da, ye\u015filli mavili tahta sandalyelerin aras\u0131nda, geceden kalm\u0131\u015f ve \u00f6\u011flen g\u00fcne\u015fiyle gevremi\u015f milyonlarca \u00e7ekirdek kabu\u011funun ortas\u0131na yay\u0131l\u0131r, \u0131l\u0131k g\u00fcne\u015fin ensemi yalamas\u0131na g\u00f6zlerimi yumard\u0131m. Nereden geldi\u011fimin, niye geldi\u011fimin sorusunun olmad\u0131\u011f\u0131 zamanlard\u0131.
Biz periler o zamanlar en \u00e7ok \u0131l\u0131k, beyaz yaz g\u00fcnlerini severdik.
K\u0131\u015f mart demekti; ve mart hakk\u0131nda hi\u00e7 de i\u00e7 a\u00e7\u0131c\u0131 olmayan bilgilerim vard\u0131.
Mecaz bilmezdim. Annem mart dokuz donludur derdi.
Yaz\u0131n ilk g\u00fcnleri benim “\u00f6ylesine olu\u015f”um gibiydi. Il\u0131k ve u\u00e7ucu, yekp\u00e2re ve sonsuz ve doya doya beyaz g\u00fcn.<\/p>\n
Perili\u011fimin ye\u015fil vadisindeydim, u\u00e7u\u015fmaktayd\u0131m ama sanki vadi bitmekteydi.
G\u00f6z\u00fcm kendi i\u00e7ime ve d\u0131\u015f\u0131ma bakmaya ayr\u0131lmaktayd\u0131.
Sanki d\u00fcnyaya “yay\u0131lma hali” \u00e7atlamaya ba\u015flayacakt\u0131. <\/p>\n
Bacak boyumun yetmedi\u011fi bir bisikletle bisiklete binmeyi \u00f6\u011freniyordum.
Bir \u00f6\u011fretenim yoktu, karar vermi\u015f kalk\u0131\u015fm\u0131\u015ft\u0131m, o kadar…
Boyumdan b\u00fcy\u00fck heyulay\u0131 s\u00fcr\u00fcyerek d\u0131\u015far\u0131 \u00e7\u0131kart\u0131r, bah\u00e7e duvar\u0131na yaslar, aya\u011f\u0131m\u0131n alt\u0131na yerle\u015ftirdi\u011fim y\u00fcksek\u00e7e bir ta\u015f yard\u0131m\u0131yla atlard\u0131m bisikletin tepesine. Pedallara bast\u0131\u011f\u0131mda, duydu\u011fum tek kural\u0131 uygular, \u00f6n\u00fcme de\u011fil ileriye bakard\u0131m. Soka\u011f\u0131n sonundaki bay\u0131ra dek giderdim b\u00f6ylece. Ama soka\u011f\u0131n sonunda, her seferinde d\u00fc\u015ferek inerdim durdurmay\u0131 bilemedi\u011fim o kocaman tekerlerin \u00fcst\u00fcnden.
Ka\u015f, kafa, diz filan yarard\u0131m. Ka\u015f\u0131m, kafam, dizim filan ac\u0131rd\u0131, ve bunlar\u0131n hi\u00e7biri ac\u0131 de\u011fildi. <\/p>\n
O g\u00fcnlerden biriydi. \u00d6\u011flenin \u0131ss\u0131zl\u0131\u011f\u0131 vard\u0131 sokakta. Ve ben birazdan d\u00fc\u015fece\u011fim noktaya do\u011fru h\u0131zla pedal \u00e7eviriyordum. Onu tepenin a\u011fz\u0131nda oturmu\u015f g\u00f6rd\u00fcm. Eve, evlere, bah\u00e7elere ve hatta a\u011fa\u00e7lara olan k\u00fcsm\u00fc\u015fl\u00fc\u011f\u00fcyle, \u00f6ylece oturmu\u015f, anneannesi hari\u00e7 her \u015feyden istifa etmeyi d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnen y\u00fcz\u00fcyle kar\u015f\u0131la\u015ft\u0131m. O r\u00fczgar\u0131 yalamaya \u00e7al\u0131\u015f\u0131yordu. Benimse durdurmay\u0131 da d\u00f6nd\u00fcrmeyi de bilemedi\u011fim bisikletten d\u00fc\u015ferek inme vaktim gelmi\u015fti.
Toparlanmaya, bacaklar\u0131m ve avu\u00e7 i\u00e7lerimdeki tozlu ac\u0131y\u0131 silkelemeye \u00e7al\u0131\u015f\u0131rken beni seyretti\u011fini ve bana g\u00fcld\u00fc\u011f\u00fcn\u00fc g\u00f6rd\u00fcm. Bir de mahcup olu\u015fu; insan\u0131n rengi de\u011fi\u015fiyor, \u0131s\u0131s\u0131 art\u0131yordu. <\/p>\n
Bu \u00e2n\u0131 b\u00f6ylesine net hat\u0131ra etmi\u015f olan zihnim, sonras\u0131n\u0131 hat\u0131rlam\u0131yor. Nas\u0131l oldu da tan\u0131\u015fm\u0131\u015ft\u0131k, ben mi onun yan\u0131na gitmi\u015ftim yoksa o mu benim yan\u0131ma gelmi\u015fti, bilmiyorum. Bildi\u011fim bir yabanc\u0131ya, \u00f6tekine yak\u0131nl\u0131k duymu\u015ftum. Esmer tenli, beyaz g\u00fcl\u00fc\u015fl\u00fc bir \u00f6teki “peri”.
En az benim kadar sessizdi. Benden de sessizdi. Kendi sessizli\u011fimi bir kenara koyup, onun bana dokunan sessizli\u011fini k\u0131rmaya \u00e7al\u0131\u015ft\u0131m.
Bir \u015fey ho\u015funa gitti\u011fine g\u00fcl\u00fcmserdi.
G\u00fcl\u00fcmsedi\u011finde d\u00fcnyada bir beyaz delik a\u00e7\u0131l\u0131rd\u0131.
Ben o yaz o beyaz delikten i\u00e7eri atlad\u0131m.<\/p>\n
K\u0131\u015f (tekrar) gelmi\u015fti. \u0130\u00e7erilere, yaza benzeyen s\u0131cak odalara, camlar\u0131ndan damlalar s\u00fcz\u00fclen pencere arkalar\u0131na geri \u00e7a\u011fr\u0131lm\u0131\u015ft\u0131k.
K\u0131\u015ft\u0131; b\u00fcy\u00fck sessizli\u011fiydi d\u00fcnyan\u0131n.
Neden, sebep, \u00f6zlem, isyan tan\u0131mazd\u0131k. Ve tabii b\u00f6ylece al\u0131nganl\u0131k ve k\u0131rg\u0131nl\u0131k da. Ne ben onu arad\u0131m ne de o beni. K\u0131\u015f gelmi\u015fti i\u015fte, ve biz i\u00e7eriye \u00e7a\u011fr\u0131lm\u0131\u015ft\u0131k o kadar.
Yaz beni kendi vadimden \u00e7\u0131karm\u0131\u015f, onun beyaz g\u00fcl\u00fc\u015f\u00fcyle tan\u0131\u015ft\u0131rm\u0131\u015f, onunla doyurmu\u015ftu.
Ne k\u0131\u015ftan yak\u0131nacak ne yaz\u0131 \u00f6zleyecek sebebim vard\u0131.
Yazl\u0131k sineman\u0131n tahta sandalyeleri b\u00fcy\u00fck alan\u0131n bir k\u00f6\u015fesinde \u00fcst \u00fcste istif edilmi\u015f, \u00fcstleri geni\u015f bir naylonla \u00f6rt\u00fclm\u00fc\u015ft\u00fc.
Hayatt\u0131; h\u00e2l\u00e2 yekp\u00e2reydi.
K\u0131\u015f gelmi\u015fti i\u015fte ve biz i\u00e7eriye \u00e7a\u011fr\u0131lm\u0131\u015ft\u0131k.<\/p>\n
Birhan KESK\u0130N<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
\u00a0 \u0130\u00e7imin de d\u0131\u015f\u0131m\u0131n da olmad\u0131\u011f\u0131, ya da i\u00e7imi de d\u0131\u015f\u0131m\u0131 da bilmedi\u011fim bir d\u00fcnya zaman\u0131yd\u0131; san\u0131r\u0131m 8-9 ya\u015flar\u0131ndayd\u0131m.Ac\u0131y\u0131, kederi, ne\u015feyi hen\u00fcz ayr\u0131\u015ft\u0131rmam\u0131\u015ft\u0131m.Hayatt\u0131; yekp\u00e2reydi. Her \u015fey, bir \u015feydi. Soka\u011f\u0131n sonuna do\u011fru uzay\u0131p giden bir tepenin a\u011fz\u0131na oturmu\u015ftu.Y\u00fcz\u00fcnde yaz esmerli\u011fi, a\u011fz\u0131n\u0131 r\u00fczgara kar\u015f\u0131 a\u00e7m\u0131\u015f; m\u0131r\u0131ldan\u0131yor muydu yoksa r\u00fczgar\u0131 m\u0131 yalamaya \u00e7al\u0131\u015f\u0131yordu? Anlamam\u0131\u015ft\u0131m. Beyaz bir yaz g\u00fcn\u00fcyd\u00fc. […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[70],"tags":[],"class_list":{"0":"post-6334","1":"post","2":"type-post","3":"status-publish","4":"format-standard","6":"category-birhan-keskin"},"yoast_head":"\n