{"id":6690,"date":"2011-08-09T14:35:07","date_gmt":"2011-08-09T11:35:07","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/localhost\/wordpress\/2011\/08\/09\/biz-nasil-savasilacagini-nasil-kin-duyulacagini-ve-nasil-sevilecegini-ogrendik-mihail-solohov\/"},"modified":"2011-08-09T14:35:07","modified_gmt":"2011-08-09T11:35:07","slug":"biz-nasil-savasilacagini-nasil-kin-duyulacagini-ve-nasil-sevilecegini-ogrendik-mihail-solohov","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/narteks.net\/index.php\/2011\/08\/09\/biz-nasil-savasilacagini-nasil-kin-duyulacagini-ve-nasil-sevilecegini-ogrendik-mihail-solohov\/","title":{"rendered":"Biz nas\u0131l sava\u015f\u0131laca\u011f\u0131n\u0131, nas\u0131l kin duyulaca\u011f\u0131n\u0131 ve nas\u0131l sevilece\u011fini \u00f6\u011frendik | Mihail \u015eolohov"},"content":{"rendered":"

Sava\u015fta a\u011fa\u00e7lar, insanlar gibidir, herbirinin kendi yazg\u0131lar\u0131 vard\u0131r. Top\u00e7umuzun ate\u015fi alt\u0131na yan\u0131p y\u0131k\u0131lm\u0131\u015f kocaman geni\u015f ormanlar g\u00f6rm\u00fc\u015ft\u00fcm. Ge\u00e7enlerde k\u00f6y\u00fcn birinden s\u00fcr\u00fcl\u00fcp \u00e7\u0131kar\u0131lan Almanlar bir ormana \u00e7ektiler g\u00fc\u00e7lerini. Teslim olmay\u0131p orada tutunmay\u0131 planlad\u0131lar, ama \u00f6l\u00fcm a\u011fa\u00e7larla birlikte t\u0131rpanlay\u0131p y\u0131kt\u0131 onlar\u0131. Alman asker \u00f6l\u00fcleri devrilmi\u015f \u00e7am tomruklar\u0131 alt\u0131nda yat\u0131yordu. Lime lime olmu\u015f bedenleri ye\u015fil e\u011freltiotular\u0131 aras\u0131nda \u00e7\u00fcr\u00fcyordu. toplar\u0131n yarabere i\u00e7inde b\u0131rakt\u0131\u011f\u0131 \u00e7amlar\u0131n re\u00e7ine kokusu, \u00e7\u00fcr\u00fcy\u00fcp \u00e7\u00f6z\u00fclen bedenlerin korkun\u00e7 a\u011f\u0131r, keskin kokusunu bast\u0131ram\u0131yordu. Sanki yery\u00fcz\u00fc bomba kraterlerinin yanm\u0131\u015f sert kenarlar\u0131ndan g\u00f6m\u00fctlerin o bay\u0131lt\u0131c\u0131 kokusunu s\u0131zd\u0131r\u0131yor gibiydi.<\/p>\n

\u00d6l\u00fcm \u015farapnellerimizin topra\u011f\u0131 alt\u00fcst edip yaratt\u0131\u011f\u0131 a\u00e7\u0131k, tarlan\u0131n \u00fczerine suskun bir g\u00f6rkemle kurulmu\u015ftu, a\u00e7\u0131k alan\u0131n nerdeyse tam ortas\u0131nda, bir tans\u0131\u011fa s\u0131\u011f\u0131narak kurtulabilmi\u015f bir ku\u015f a\u011fac\u0131 dimdik duruyordu. Yel \u00e7at\u0131rt\u0131yla k\u0131r\u0131lan dallar\u0131n\u0131 savurmu\u015f, parlak, yap\u0131\u015fkan gen\u00e7 yapraklar\u0131n aras\u0131ndan h\u0131\u015f\u0131rd\u0131yordu. Bu a\u00e7\u0131kl\u0131ktan ge\u00e7memiz gerekiyordu. \u00d6n\u00fcmde y\u00fcr\u00fcyen bir K\u0131z\u0131lordu irtibat\u00e7\u0131s\u0131 a\u011fac\u0131n g\u00f6vdesine dost\u00e7a dokunup, i\u00e7ten, nazik bir \u015fa\u015fk\u0131nl\u0131kla sordu:<\/p>\n

” Nas\u0131l ba\u015fard\u0131n kurtulmay\u0131 sevgilim ?” \u00c7am\u0131n biri k\u00f6k\u00fcne \u00e7arpan bir top mermisiyle, bi\u00e7ilmi\u015f gibi devrilmi\u015fti. Bir zamanlar dimdik durdu\u011fu, yerde \u015fimdi kuru i\u011fne yapraklarla ta\u00e7lanm\u0131\u015f bir re\u00e7ine ak\u0131nt\u0131s\u0131 vard\u0131. Bir me\u015feyse \u00f6l\u00fcmle daha de\u011fi\u015fik bir bi\u00e7imde kar\u015f\u0131la\u015fm\u0131\u015ft\u0131.<\/p>\n

K\u0131\u015f\u0131n son anlar\u0131nda bir Alman top mermisi ads\u0131z bir dereci\u011fin k\u0131y\u0131s\u0131nda b\u00fcy\u00fcm\u00fc\u015f ya\u015fl\u0131 bir me\u015fe g\u00f6vdesine d\u00fc\u015fm\u00fc\u015ft\u00fc.D\u00fczensiz, e\u011fri yar\u0131k a\u011fac\u0131 ortadan ikiye b\u00f6lm\u00fc\u015ft\u00fc; ama baharda, patlaman\u0131n dereye devirdi\u011fi taraf yaban bir inatla ya\u015fama d\u00f6nm\u00fc\u015f ve taze yapraklarla kaplanm\u0131\u015ft\u0131. Ku\u015fkusuz bug\u00fcn de bu sakatlanm\u0131\u015f me\u015fenin alt dallar\u0131 akan suda y\u00fczerken, y\u00fcksek dallar\u0131 hala t\u0131rt\u0131ll\u0131 yapraklar\u0131n\u0131 e\u011filmez bir g\u00fc\u00e7le kald\u0131rm\u0131\u015f, g\u00fcne\u015fe geriyordu.<\/p>\n

Hafif kambur ve uzun boylu te\u011fmen Gerasimov, geni\u015f omuzlar\u0131n\u0131 yukar\u0131 kabart\u0131p bir kartal g\u00f6r\u00fcn\u00fcm\u00fc alm\u0131\u015f, siperinin giri\u015finde oturup, taburunun bug\u00fcn ba\u015far\u0131yla geri p\u00fcsk\u00fcrtt\u00fc\u011f\u00fc bir d\u00fc\u015fman tank sald\u0131r\u0131s\u0131 s\u0131ras\u0131nda \u00e7at\u0131\u015fmalar\u0131n ayr\u0131nt\u0131lar\u0131n\u0131 anlat\u0131yordu.<\/p>\n

Te\u011fmenin zay\u0131f y\u00fcz\u00fc dingin, neredeyse yan tutmaz bir g\u00f6r\u00fcn\u00fcmdeydi; alev alev g\u00f6zleri k\u0131s\u0131lm\u0131\u015ft\u0131. Zaman zaman iri, bo\u011fumlu parmaklar\u0131n\u0131 birbirine ge\u00e7irerek, k\u0131r\u0131k, kal\u0131n bir sesle konu\u015fuyordu. Dile getirilmez bir \u00fcz\u00fcn\u00e7 ya da derin, bast\u0131r\u0131lm\u0131\u015f d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcncelerin su y\u00fcz\u00fcne \u00e7\u0131kt\u0131\u011f\u0131 bu el devinimleri, g\u00fc\u00e7l\u00fc yap\u0131s\u0131 ve enerjik, erkek y\u00fcz\u00fcyle garip bir \u00e7eli\u015fme yarat\u0131yordu.<\/p>\n

Birden sustu, y\u00fcz\u00fc karmakar\u0131\u015f\u0131k oldu bir an: ya\u011f\u0131z \u015fakaklar\u0131 solgunla\u015ft\u0131, sabit, donuk bak\u0131\u015fl\u0131 g\u00f6zleri biran i\u00e7in ayr\u0131msad\u0131\u011f\u0131m s\u00f6nd\u00fcr\u00fclemez y\u0131rt\u0131c\u0131 bir kinle alevlenirken y\u00fcz\u00fcn\u00fcn etli kaslar\u0131 bir an gerilip gev\u015fedi. \u00dc\u00e7 Alman tutsa\u011f\u0131n\u0131n cephe \u00e7izgimiz y\u00f6n\u00fcnden ormanl\u0131k aras\u0131ndan geldi\u011fini g\u00f6rd\u00fcm, arkalar\u0131nda g\u00fcne\u015ften beyazlam\u0131\u015f yazl\u0131k asker giysileriyle bir k\u0131z\u0131lordu muhaf\u0131z\u0131 vard\u0131, buru\u015fuk kasketini ba\u015f\u0131n\u0131n arkas\u0131na devirmi\u015fti.<\/p>\n

K\u0131z\u0131lordu askeri a\u011f\u0131r ad\u0131mlarla y\u00fcr\u00fcyordu. Elinde \u00f6l\u00e7\u00fcl\u00fc bir tutu\u015fla kavrad\u0131\u011f\u0131, s\u00fcng\u00fcs\u00fc g\u00fcn\u0131\u015f\u0131\u011f\u0131nda par\u0131ldayan bir mavzer vard\u0131. Alman tutsaklarda, \u00e7amurlu \u00e7ar\u0131k tipi ayakkab\u0131lar giydikleri ayaklar\u0131n\u0131 istemeye s\u00fcr\u00fcyerek yava\u015f yava\u015f ilerliyordu.<\/p>\n

En \u00f6ndeki Alman (kestane rengi f\u0131r\u00e7a b\u0131y\u0131kl\u0131, sakallar\u0131 iyice kabarm\u0131\u015f, \u00e7\u00f6k\u00fck avurtlu, otuzlar\u0131nda bir adam) siperimizin tam kar\u015f\u0131s\u0131na geldi. Ge\u00e7erken kurt gibi bir bak\u0131\u015f f\u0131rlatt\u0131 bize, palaskas\u0131na as\u0131l\u0131 mi\u011fferini \u015f\u00f6yle bir yoklayarak ge\u00e7ip gitti. Birden te\u011fmen Gerasimov \u00f6fkeyle aya\u011fa kalkarak K\u0131z\u0131lordu askerinin arkas\u0131ndan keskin, ac\u0131 bir sesle ba\u011f\u0131rd\u0131:<\/p>\n

” Ne yap\u0131yorsun sen, gezintiye mi \u00e7\u0131kard\u0131n adamlar\u0131 ? k\u0131p\u0131rda biraz ! Daha \u00e7abuk ge\u00e7ir \u015funlar\u0131, sana s\u00f6yl\u00fcyorum !”<\/p>\n

Bir\u015feyler daha ba\u011f\u0131racakm\u0131\u015f gibi yapt\u0131, ama heyecanla yutkundu, keskin bir d\u00f6n\u00fc\u015fle siperin merdivenlerinden a\u015fa\u011f\u0131ya ko\u015ftu. Konu\u015fmalar\u0131m\u0131z s\u0131ras\u0131nda orada bulunan siyasi denet\u00e7i \u015fa\u015fk\u0131n bak\u0131\u015flar\u0131m\u0131 g\u00f6r\u00fcnce al\u00e7ak sesle konu\u015ftu:<\/p>\n

” Elimizden bir\u015fey gelmez, sinirleri y\u00fcz\u00fcnden. Almanlara tutsak d\u00fc\u015fm\u00fc\u015ft\u00fc, bilmiyor musunuz ? Olanak buldu\u011funuzda konu\u015fun bir. M\u00fcthi\u015f k\u00f6t\u00fc deneyimler ge\u00e7irmi\u015f, o zamandan beri de ya\u015fayan Nazilerin g\u00f6r\u00fcnt\u00fclerine bile dayanam\u0131yor. Evet, ya\u015fayanlar\u0131n \u00f6l\u00fclerine bakabiliyor, dahas\u0131 sevindi\u011fini bile s\u00f6yleyebilirim. Ama tutsaklar\u0131 g\u00f6rd\u00fc\u011f\u00fc zaman ya g\u00f6zlerini kapay\u0131p solgun ve terleyen y\u00fcz\u00fcyle bu k\u00f6\u015fede oturuyor, ya da d\u00f6n\u00fcp ba\u015fka bir yere gidiyor.” Siyasi Denet\u00e7i bana biraz e\u011filerek f\u0131s\u0131ld\u0131yor. ” Onunla iki kez sald\u0131r\u0131ya kat\u0131ld\u0131m, bir beygirin g\u00fcc\u00fc var adamda, neler yapt\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131 g\u00f6rmeliydiniz… Ben \u00e7ok adam g\u00f6rd\u00fcm b\u00f6yle, ama onun s\u00fcng\u00fcy\u00fc ve namluyu kullan\u0131\u015f\u0131… m\u00fcthi\u015f bir \u015feydi!”<\/p>\n

Geceleyin Alman top\u00e7usu zorlu bir ate\u015fe ba\u015flad\u0131. At\u0131\u015flar teknikti, e\u015fit zaman kesitleri i\u00e7inde. Uzaktan silah\u0131n sesini duyuyorduk \u00f6nce, ard\u0131ndan top mermisi \u00e7elikten bir \u00e7\u0131\u011fl\u0131k kopararak \u00fczerimizden ge\u00e7ip gidiyordu, y\u00fcksek gecede y\u0131ld\u0131zlar vard\u0131. G\u00fcmb\u00fcrt\u00fc y\u00fckselip diniyordu, ve arkam\u0131zda bir yerlerde, cemselerin cephe \u00e7izgimize askeri ta\u015f\u0131d\u0131\u011f\u0131 yol y\u00f6n\u00fcnde madeni bir ayd\u0131nl\u0131k sar\u0131 k\u0131v\u0131lc\u0131mlar sa\u00e7arak bir alev y\u00fckseliyor, g\u00f6kg\u00fcr\u00fclt\u00fcs\u00fc gibi bir patlama geliyordu ard\u0131ndan.<\/p>\n

At\u0131\u015flar aras\u0131ndaki zaman kesitlerinde, orman yeniden suskunun, egemenli\u011fine girdi\u011finde, sivrisinek v\u0131z\u0131lt\u0131lar\u0131n\u0131 bile duyabilirdiniz. Ve ate\u015ften \u00fcrken kurba\u011falar yandaki batakl\u0131kta kayg\u0131yla v\u0131rakl\u0131yordu.<\/p>\n

Bir f\u0131nd\u0131k \u00e7al\u0131s\u0131n\u0131n dibinde duruyorduk, kopard\u0131\u011f\u0131 bir dal par\u00e7as\u0131yla sivrisinekleri uzakla\u015ft\u0131rmaya \u00e7al\u0131\u015f\u0131rken, acelesiz anlatt\u0131 \u00f6yk\u00fcs\u00fcn\u00fc. An\u0131msad\u0131\u011f\u0131m kadar\u0131n\u0131 aynen veriyorum.<\/p>\n

“Sava\u015fa dek Do\u011fu Sibirya’daki i\u015fletmelerde m\u00fchendis olarak \u00e7al\u0131\u015ft\u0131m. Ge\u00e7en y\u0131l\u00a0 9 Temmuz’da askere al\u0131nd\u0131m. Bir ailem var: Kar\u0131m, iki o\u011flum. Son sava\u015fta babam yaraland\u0131ktan sonra sakatlanm\u0131\u015ft\u0131. Evet. Ayr\u0131ld\u0131\u011f\u0131m\u0131zda, tahmin edece\u011fin gibi, kar\u0131m a\u011flad\u0131:” B\u00fct\u00fcn g\u00fcc\u00fcyle savun anayurdumuzu Utkuya ula\u015fmam\u0131z i\u00e7in, gerekti\u011finde ya\u015fam\u0131n\u0131 ver.” O zaman g\u00fclerek ona \u015f\u00f6yle dedi\u011fimi an\u0131ms\u0131yorum: “Nesin sen ? Kar\u0131m m\u0131, propagandac\u0131m m\u0131 ? Az \u00e7ok b\u00fcy\u00fcd\u00fcm art\u0131k ben Utkumuza gelince, onu fa\u015fistlerin boyunlar\u0131n\u0131 s\u0131ka s\u0131ka, s\u00f6ke, s\u00f6ke alaca\u011f\u0131z, merak etme.”” Do\u011fal ki, daha g\u00fc\u00e7l\u00fcyd\u00fc babam. Ama o da bana ayr\u0131l\u0131k \u00f6\u011f\u00fctlerini vermeden edemedi. ” An\u0131msa Viktor” dedi, “Gerasimov ad\u0131 s\u0131radan bir \u015fey de\u011fil. Sen, atalar\u0131n gibi do\u011fu\u015ftan i\u015f\u00e7isin. Senin b\u00fcy\u00fck b\u00fcy\u00fckbaban Stragonov’a \u00e7al\u0131\u015ft\u0131. Ailemiz y\u00fczy\u0131llard\u0131r demir \u00fcretti \u00fclkemiz i\u00e7in. Sen de bu sava\u015fta demirden oldu\u011funu g\u00f6receksin. H\u00fck\u00fcmet senin h\u00fck\u00fcmetin, sava\u015fa dek bir komutan olarak bildi seni o. Sen de d\u00fc\u015fmana aman vermemelisin.”<\/p>\n

“Ba\u015f\u0131m \u00fcst\u00fcne baba.”<\/p>\n

” istasyona giderken partinin il\u00e7e komitesi b\u00fcrosuna u\u011frad\u0131m. Sekreterimiz, karakuru bir herifti. Kar\u0131m ve babam bana adamak\u0131ll\u0131 bir s\u00f6ylev \u00e7ektiklerine g\u00f6re, bizim sekreter de bu konuda beni bor\u00e7lu b\u0131rakmayacak herhalde diye d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcn\u00fcyordum. Ku\u015fkusuz yar\u0131m saat s\u00fcrecek k\u0131sa bir konu\u015fma yapacak ! Oysa tam kar\u015f\u0131t\u0131 oldu. “Otur, Gerasimov” dedi. “Yola \u00e7\u0131kmadan \u00f6nce, gelenek oldu\u011fu \u00fczre bir iki dakika otural\u0131m.”<\/p>\n

” K\u0131sa bir s\u00fcre oturduk sonra, suskunduk, sonra aya\u011fa kalkt\u0131, g\u00f6r\u00fcn\u00fc\u015f\u00fc bu\u011fulanm\u0131\u015f gibiydi. Eh, dedim, ne tans\u0131klar g\u00f6rd\u00fck bug\u00fcn !” her\u015fey \u00e7ok a\u00e7\u0131k ve anla\u015f\u0131l\u0131r, Gerasimov yolda\u015f ! Senin daha uzun, kep\u00e7e kulakl\u0131 bir \u00e7ocukken.Gen\u00e7 \u00f6nder yakal\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131 ta\u015f\u0131d\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131 an\u0131ms\u0131yorum. Sonra bir Gen\u00e7 kom\u00fcnist olarak an\u0131ms\u0131yorum seni, ve son on y\u0131ld\u0131r da bir kom\u00fcnist olarak tan\u0131d\u0131m seni, Git ve aman verme o s\u00fcr\u00fcngenlere ! Parti \u00f6rg\u00fct\u00fc sana g\u00fcveniyor !” Sonra ya\u015fam\u0131mda ilk kez birbirimizi \u00f6pt\u00fck sekreterle. Ve kahretsin, onun hi\u00e7 de d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnd\u00fc\u011f\u00fcm gibi bir herif olmad\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131 an\u0131msad\u0131m:<\/p>\n

“Sonra kar\u0131m az \u00e7ok ne\u015feli, ayd\u0131nl\u0131k bir y\u00fcze kavu\u015ftu. Bilirsiniz, bir kad\u0131n\u0131n kocas\u0131n\u0131 cepheye u\u011furlamas\u0131 hi\u00e7 de \u00f6yle ne\u015felendirici bir\u015fey de\u011fildir. O da bir ara \u00fcz\u00fcnt\u00fcs\u00fcnd\u00fcn b\u0131rakt\u0131 kendini. Yeniden ve yeniden \u00f6nemli bir\u015feyler s\u00f6ylemeye \u00e7al\u0131\u015ft\u0131, ama kafas\u0131n\u0131n i\u00e7inde esen bir yel vard\u0131, ve bu onun d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcncelerini al\u0131p g\u00f6t\u00fcrm\u00fc\u015ft\u00fc. Sonra tren kalkt\u0131, benim vagonun yan\u0131s\u0131ra y\u00fcr\u00fcyor, elimi s\u0131k\u0131 s\u0131k\u0131 tutuyordu.<\/p>\n

“Bak viktor, dikkat et kendine. \u00dc\u015f\u00fcteyim deme cephede.” “B\u0131rak !” dedim, “B\u0131rak Nadya. Ne olursa olsun \u00fc\u015f\u00fctmeyece\u011fim. Zaten iklim \u00e7ok \u0131l\u0131man oralarda.” Ondan ayr\u0131lmak \u00e7ok ac\u0131yd\u0131 benim i\u00e7in; onun o sevgi dolu, aptalca s\u00f6zleri giderdi biraz \u00fcz\u00fcnt\u00fcm\u00fc. Almanlara \u00f6fkeleniyordum: “Evet” diye d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnd\u00fcm, ” Hain kom\u015fular\u0131m\u0131z sald\u0131rd\u0131lar bize. S\u0131k\u0131 tutunsunlar \u015fimdi, ilk f\u0131rsatta z\u0131mbalayaca\u011f\u0131z sizi.”<\/p>\n

Gerasimov cephe \u00e7izgisinde ba\u015flayan makinal\u0131 t\u00fcfek ate\u015flerinin de\u011fi\u015fimine kulak vererek birka\u00e7 dakika sesiz kald\u0131. Makinal\u0131lar sustu\u011funda b\u0131rakt\u0131\u011f\u0131 yerden s\u00fcrd\u00fcrd\u00fc.<\/p>\n

“Sava\u015fa dek \u00e7al\u0131\u015fmalar\u0131m\u0131z Alman makinalar\u0131nca destekleniyordu. O makinalar\u0131 monte ederken her par\u00e7ay\u0131 ayr\u0131nt\u0131lar\u0131yla inceliyor, iyice bak\u0131yordum, inkar edilmez bir\u015fey vard\u0131 bu makinalar\u0131 ak\u0131ll\u0131 eller bi\u00e7imlemi\u015fti. Alman yazarlar\u0131n kitaplar\u0131n\u0131 okuyor, \u00e7ok seviyordum onlar\u0131, Alman halk\u0131ndan sayg\u0131yla s\u00f6zederdim. Do\u011fru, bazen b\u00f6ylesine end\u00fcstrile\u015fip uzmanla\u015fm\u0131\u015f bir ulusun Hitler rejimini omuzlar\u0131nda ta\u015f\u0131mas\u0131na k\u00f6p\u00fcrm\u00fcyordum de\u011fil, ama sonu\u00e7ta bu kendilerini ilgilendirirdi. Sonra Bat\u0131 Avrupa’da sava\u015f ba\u015flad\u0131.<\/p>\n

“Evet, \u015fimdi cepheye do\u011fru yola \u00e7\u0131km\u0131\u015ft\u0131m ve d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcn\u00fcyordum. “Almanlar teknikte g\u00fc\u00e7l\u00fc, ordular\u0131 da \u00f6yle k\u00fc\u00e7\u00fcmsenecek gibi de\u011fil. Kahretsin, b\u00f6ylesi bir d\u00fc\u015fmanla \u00e7arp\u0131\u015f\u0131p onu yenmek ilgin\u00e7 olmal\u0131. Bizim de 1941’de ellerimiz armut toplam\u0131yordu. Bu d\u00fc\u015fmandan \u00f6zel bir nezaket beklemedi\u011fimi de belirtmeliyim. Kar\u015f\u0131n\u0131zdakiler fa\u015fistse ne nezaketi bekleyebilirsiniz ki ? Ama Hitler ordusunun oldu\u011funu kan\u0131tlad\u0131\u011f\u0131 b\u00f6ylesine bir kaba k\u00fclhanbeyi s\u00fcr\u00fcs\u00fcyle \u00e7arp\u0131\u015faca\u011f\u0131m\u0131 hi\u00e7 d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnmemi\u015ftim. Neyse, konuya sonra gelece\u011fim.<\/p>\n

” Birli\u011fimiz Temmuz sonunda cepheye ula\u015ft\u0131. 27’sinin sabah\u0131 ilk \u00e7at\u0131\u015fmam\u0131za girdik. \u00d6nceleri korkun\u00e7tu. Havan ate\u015fi alt\u0131nda topra\u011fa \u00e7ivilenip kald\u0131k. Ama ak\u015fama do\u011fru yava\u015f yava\u015f al\u0131\u015ft\u0131k ve k\u00fc\u00e7\u00fck bir ders verdik adamlara: k\u00f6y\u00fcn birinden s\u00fcr\u00fcp \u00e7\u0131kard\u0131k onlar\u0131. Bu ilk \u00e7at\u0131\u015fmam\u0131zda onbe\u015f kadar tutsak ald\u0131k. \u015eu an daha iyi an\u0131ms\u0131yorum: \u0130\u00e7eri koyduk onlar\u0131, korkudan bembeyazd\u0131 y\u00fczleri, saat onda adamlar\u0131m \u00e7at\u0131\u015fmay\u0131 b\u0131rakt\u0131lar, her biri tutsaklara ne verebilirse verdi: bizi sefertas\u0131na lahana \u00e7orbas\u0131 koyup verdi, bir di\u011feri t\u00fct\u00fcn, bir \u00fc\u00e7\u00fcnc\u00fcs\u00fc \u00e7aya \u00e7a\u011f\u0131rd\u0131 adamlar\u0131. S\u0131rtlar\u0131na “kamerad” diye vurup soruyorlard\u0131: “Ne i\u00e7in d\u00f6v\u00fc\u015f\u00fcyorsunuz, kameraden ?”<\/p>\n

“Ama adamlar\u0131m\u0131zdan biri, bir er, bu etkili sahneye bakt\u0131 bakt\u0131, ve \u015f\u00f6yle dedi: “Ba\u015flar\u0131na \u00fc\u015f\u00fc\u015ft\u00fcn\u00fcz dostlar\u0131n\u0131z\u0131n,’! Hepsi yolda\u015f oldu \u015fimdi! Bir de bu yolda\u015flar\u0131m\u0131z\u0131n cephe \u00e7izgisinin gerisinde yaral\u0131lar\u0131m\u0131za ve sivil halka neler yapt\u0131klar\u0131n\u0131 g\u00f6rmelisiniz.” Bunu demesiyle ba\u015f\u0131m\u0131zdan so\u011fuk sular d\u00f6k\u00fcld\u00fc oda d\u00f6n\u00fcp y\u00fcr\u00fcd\u00fc.<\/p>\n

“Biz s\u00fcre sonra sald\u0131r\u0131ya ge\u00e7tik, ve ger\u00e7ekten de neler oldu\u011funu g\u00f6rd\u00fck: yak\u0131l\u0131p y\u0131k\u0131lm\u0131\u015f k\u00f6yler, y\u00fczlerce kad\u0131n, \u00e7ocuk ve ya\u015fl\u0131 vurulmu\u015ftu, tutsak edilen K\u0131z\u0131lordu adamlar\u0131n\u0131n bedenlerinden par\u00e7alar kopar\u0131lm\u0131\u015ft\u0131, kad\u0131nlar, gen\u00e7 k\u0131zlar, dahas\u0131 okul \u00e7ocuklar\u0131 tecav\u00fcz edilip hunharca \u00f6ld\u00fcr\u00fclm\u00fc\u015ft\u00fc.<\/p>\n

“Belle\u011fimde \u00f6zellikle kalan bir k\u0131z vard\u0131 \u015fimdi. Onbir ya\u015flar\u0131nda bir k\u0131z \u00f6\u011frenci. Almanlar yakalay\u0131p bir bah\u00e7eye s\u00fcr\u00fcklemi\u015f, \u0131rz\u0131na ge\u00e7ip \u00f6ld\u00fcrm\u00fc\u015flerdi. \u00c7i\u011fnenmi\u015f patates saplar\u0131 aras\u0131nda yat\u0131yordu, k\u00fc\u00e7\u00fcc\u00fck bir k\u0131z, sade bir \u00e7ocuk, ilkokul kitaplar\u0131, defterleri, kan i\u00e7inde sa\u00e7\u0131lm\u0131\u015f \u00e7evresine. Okula gidiyormu\u015f. Y\u00fcz\u00fc b\u0131\u00e7akla korkun\u00e7 bir bi\u00e7imde darmada\u011f\u0131n edilmi\u015fti; elinde a\u00e7\u0131k bir okul \u00e7antas\u0131n\u0131n kulpunu tutuyordu. Bedenini bir siper parkas\u0131yla \u00f6rt\u00fcp \u00e7evresinde dikildik sessizce. Sonra arkada\u015flar yine sessizce \u00e7ekilip gittiler. Ama ben \u00f6ylece kalakald\u0131m orada, an\u0131ms\u0131yorum, deli gibi m\u0131r\u0131ldan\u0131yordum:” Barkov ve Polonkin, Fiziki Co\u011frafya ilk ve ortaokullar i\u00e7in ders kitab\u0131.” \u015eimdi orada otlar i\u00e7inde duran kitab\u0131 iyi tan\u0131yordum, okumu\u015ftum onu. Kendi k\u0131z\u0131m da \u015fimdi be\u015finci s\u0131n\u0131fda bu kitab\u0131 kullan\u0131yordu.<\/p>\n

“Evet. Razhin’den uzak de\u011fildi buras\u0131. Skivra yak\u0131n\u0131nda bir derede tutsak edildikten sonra i\u015fkence edilerek \u00f6ld\u00fcr\u00fclm\u00fc\u015f K\u0131z\u0131lordu askerleri g\u00f6rd\u00fck. Siz hi\u00e7 kasap d\u00fckkan\u0131nda \u015f\u00f6yle bir oyaland\u0131n\u0131z m\u0131 ? Evet, buras\u0131 da az \u00e7ok b\u00f6yle g\u00f6r\u00fcn\u00fcyordu i\u015fte. Deredeki a\u011fa\u00e7 dallar\u0131nda kan revan i\u00e7inde elsiz, ayaks\u0131z, derileri yar\u0131 y\u00fcz\u00fclm\u00fc\u015f cesetler as\u0131l\u0131yd\u0131… Dere yata\u011f\u0131nda \u00f6ld\u00fcr\u00fclerek \u00fcst\u00fcste y\u0131\u011f\u0131lm\u0131\u015f sekiz ki\u015fi daha vard\u0131. Bu i\u015fkence edilmi\u015f adamlar\u0131n hangisine neyin ait oldu\u011funu s\u00f6ylemek olanaks\u0131zd\u0131. T\u00fcm g\u00f6rebildi\u011fimiz iri par\u00e7alar halinde kesilmi\u015f bir et y\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131yd\u0131, bu y\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131n \u00fczerinde de \u00fcst\u00fcste dizilmi\u015f tabak s\u00fctunu gibi K\u0131z\u0131lordu adamlar\u0131n\u0131n kepleri duruyordu.<\/p>\n

“G\u00f6rmek zorunda kald\u0131\u011f\u0131m her \u015feyi s\u00f6zc\u00fcklere d\u00f6kebilece\u011fimi mi d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcn\u00fcyorsun ?Olanaks\u0131z bu ! Hi\u00e7bir s\u00f6zc\u00fck betimleyemez onlar\u0131, insan\u0131n kendi g\u00f6zleriyle g\u00f6rmesi gerek. Her neyse, yeterince konu\u015ftum.” Te\u011fmen yeniden uzun uzun sustu.<\/p>\n

“Burada sigara i\u00e7ebilir miyiz ? diye sordum. “Evet.Avucunun i\u00e7inde i\u00e7.” diye yan\u0131tlad\u0131 gittik\u00e7e k\u0131s\u0131kla\u015fan bir sesle.<\/p>\n

Bir iki nefes \u00e7ektikten sonra s\u00fcrd\u00fcrd\u00fc. “Fa\u015fistlerin t\u00fcm bu yap\u0131p ettiklerini g\u00f6rd\u00fck\u00e7e deli gibi oluyorduk, ba\u015fka t\u00fcrl\u00fc de olamazd\u0131 zaten. T\u00fcm\u00fcm\u00fcz insanlarla de\u011fil de kandan deliye d\u00f6nm\u00fc\u015f yoz bir k\u00f6pek soyuyla kar\u015f\u0131 kar\u015f\u0131ya oldu\u011fumuzu anl\u0131yorduk. Makine par\u00e7alar\u0131 end\u00fcstrisindeki ustal\u0131klar\u0131n\u0131 insanlar\u0131m\u0131z\u0131 \u00f6ld\u00fcrmekte, \u0131rzlar\u0131na ge\u00e7mekte ve i\u015fkencede de kulland\u0131klar\u0131n\u0131 g\u00f6rebiiyorduk… Sonra geri \u00e7ekilmemiz gerekti, yine de devler gibi d\u00f6v\u00fc\u015f\u00fcyorduk.<\/p>\n

“Benim b\u00f6l\u00fcktekilerin hemen t\u00fcm\u00fc Sibiryal\u0131lard\u0131. Yine de Ukrayna topraklar\u0131n\u0131 \u00fcmitsiz de olsak \u015fiddetle savunduk. Hem\u015fehrilerimden bir\u00e7o\u011fu Ukrayna’da \u00f6ld\u00fc, ama biz fa\u015fistlerin \u00fczerine daha bir \u00f6fkeyle sald\u0131r\u0131yorduk. Evet, \u00e7ekiliyorduk, ama bu arada iyi de bir ders veriyorduk onlara.”<\/p>\n

Sigaras\u0131ndan istekle bir nefes \u00e7ektikten sonra, daha de\u011fi\u015fik, yumu\u015fak bir sesle konu\u015fmaya ba\u015flad\u0131.<\/p>\n

“iyi toprak var Ukrayna’da, ve do\u011fa masallardaki gibi orada. Her k\u00f6y, her kasaba bizim buradakilere benziyordu, belki de orada hi\u00e7 \u00e7ekinmeden o denli \u00e7ok kan\u0131m\u0131z\u0131 d\u00f6kt\u00fc\u011f\u00fcm\u00fczden. Kanla ba\u011fl\u0131d\u0131r insan derlerdi orada. Ve bir k\u00f6y teslim etti\u011fimiz de y\u00fcreklerimiz par\u00e7alard\u0131. Kahrederdik. \u00c7ekilirken hi\u00e7birimiz di\u011ferinin y\u00fcz\u00fcne bakamazd\u0131.<\/p>\n

“Bir zaman fa\u015fistlerin elinde tutsak kalaca\u011f\u0131m hi\u00e7 gelmemi\u015fti akl\u0131ma, ama bu da oldu. Eyl\u00fcl’de ilk yaram\u0131 ald\u0131m, yine de aktif hizmette kald\u0131m. Ay\u0131n 21’inde Poltava b\u00f6lgesindeki bir \u00e7at\u0131\u015fmada yeniden yaralan\u0131p tutsak d\u00fc\u015ft\u00fcm.<\/p>\n

“Alman tanklar\u0131 sa\u011f kanad\u0131m\u0131zdan y\u0131kt\u0131lar savunmay\u0131, ard\u0131ndan piyadeleri akt\u0131. Ku\u015fatman\u0131n i\u00e7inde kal\u0131p \u00e7arp\u0131\u015ft\u0131k, o g\u00fcn \u00e7ok a\u011f\u0131r kay\u0131plar verdi b\u00f6l\u00fc\u011f\u00fcm. D\u00fc\u015fman tank sald\u0131r\u0131s\u0131n\u0131 geri p\u00fcsk\u00fcrtt\u00fck iki kez. Sekiz tank ve bir silah kamyonunu yak\u0131p tahrip ettik. M\u0131s\u0131r tarlalar\u0131 aras\u0131nda y\u00fczyirmi Nazi yat\u0131yordu. Ama sonra havan toplar\u0131yla ate\u015f ya\u011fd\u0131rd\u0131lar, \u00f6\u011fleden saat d\u00f6rde de\u011fin elimizde tuttu\u011fumuz tepeyi teslim etmemiz i\u00e7in zorlad\u0131k\u00e7a zorluyorlard\u0131. Korkun\u00e7 bir s\u0131cak vard\u0131. Tek bir bulut yoktu g\u00f6ky\u00fcz\u00fcnde, o denli s\u0131cakt\u0131 ki g\u00fcne\u015f, soluk almak bile g\u00fc\u00e7t\u00fc. Havan mermileri m\u00fcthi\u015f bir s\u0131kl\u0131kla patl\u0131yordu \u00fczerimizde. Adamlar\u0131m\u0131z\u0131n susuzluktan dudaklar\u0131n\u0131n kapkara oldu\u011funu an\u0131ms\u0131yorum, ve belli belirsiz, k\u0131zg\u0131n bir sesle buyru\u011fumu verdim. Bir havan mermisi tam \u00f6n\u00fcmde patlad\u0131\u011f\u0131nda, bir \u00e7ukurluk boyunca ko\u015fuyorduk. San\u0131r\u0131m kapkara bir toprak ve duman s\u00fctunu g\u00f6rd\u00fcm, ve ba\u015fka bir\u015fey g\u00f6remedim. \u015earapnel par\u00e7alar\u0131ndan biri mi\u011fferimi delmi\u015fti, bir di\u011feri sol omuzuma sapland\u0131.<\/p>\n

“Ne kadar zaman bayg\u0131n yatt\u0131\u011f\u0131m\u0131 an\u0131msam\u0131yorum, ama birtak\u0131m ayak sesleri ile kendime geldim. Ba\u015f\u0131m\u0131 kald\u0131rd\u0131m ve d\u00fc\u015ft\u00fc\u011f\u00fcm yerde olmad\u0131\u011f\u0131m\u0131 g\u00f6rd\u00fcm. Asker ceketim \u00e7\u0131kar\u0131lm\u0131\u015f omuzum \u015f\u00f6yle bir sar\u0131lm\u0131\u015f. Ba\u015f\u0131mda mi\u011ffer de yoktu. Birileri ba\u015f\u0131m\u0131 da sarm\u0131\u015ft\u0131, ama s\u0131k\u0131 de\u011fildi, bezin bir ucu g\u00f6\u011fs\u00fcm\u00fcn \u00fcst\u00fcndeydi. Bir an adamlar\u0131m\u0131n beni s\u00fcr\u00fcy\u00fcp getirdiklerini ve giderlerken ba\u015f\u0131m\u0131 sard\u0131klar\u0131n\u0131 d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnd\u00fcm. Ama bana do\u011fru gelen adamlar benimkiler de\u011fildi, Almand\u0131 bunlar. Beni kendime getiren onlar\u0131n ayak sesleriydi. Onlar\u0131 a\u00e7\u0131k\u00e7a g\u00f6rebiliyordum, iyi bir filmdeki gibi. Ellerimle \u00e7evremi yoklad\u0131m. Silah falan yoktu. Ne tabanca, ne mavzer, ne bomba. Adamlar\u0131m\u0131zdan biri \u00e7antam\u0131 ve silahlar\u0131m\u0131 alm\u0131\u015ft\u0131.<\/p>\n

“i\u015fte \u00f6l\u00fcm bu!” diye d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnd\u00fcm. O an ba\u015fka neler d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnd\u00fcm acaba ? E\u011fer bir g\u00fcn bu \u00f6yk\u00fcy\u00fc bir romanda kullanmay\u0131 d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcn\u00fcyorsan\u0131z,’kendinizden bir\u015feyler kat\u0131n art\u0131k, \u00e7\u00fcnk\u00fc o anda bir\u015feyler d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnecek f\u0131rsat\u0131m olmad\u0131. Almanlar olduk\u00e7a yak\u0131nla\u015fm\u0131\u015ft\u0131, ve ben yatarak \u00f6lmek istemiyordum, istemiyordum, yatarak \u00f6lemezdim, anl\u0131yor musunuz? T\u00fcm g\u00fcc\u00fcm\u00fc toplad\u0131m, ellerimini yere dayayarak dizlerimin \u00fcst\u00fcne do\u011fruldum. Yan\u0131ma vard\u0131klar\u0131nda ayaktayd\u0131m. Yalpalayarak duruyordum, yeniden yere d\u00fc\u015fmekten ve yatarken s\u00fcng\u00fclenmekten m\u00fcthi\u015f korkuyordum. \u00c7evremde duruyor, bir\u015feyler s\u00f6yleyerek g\u00fcl\u00fcyorlard\u0131. Konu\u015ftum:” \u00d6ld\u00fcr\u00fcr art\u0131k beni, domuzlar. \u00d6ld\u00fcr\u00fcn beni, d\u00fc\u015fece\u011fim \u00e7\u00fcnk\u00fc. ” Biri mavzer namlusuyla boynuma vurdu, ve d\u00fc\u015ft\u00fcm. Ama bir an i\u00e7inde yeniden kalkt\u0131m. G\u00fclmeye ba\u015flad\u0131lar, biri eliyle g\u00f6sterdi:”Y\u00fcr\u00fc bakal\u0131m, bu taraftan.”diye imledi. Y\u00fcr\u00fcmeye ba\u015flad\u0131m. T\u00fcm y\u00fcz\u00fcm kurumu\u015f kanla kaplanm\u0131\u015ft\u0131, ba\u015f\u0131mdaki yaradan daha kan ak\u0131yordu, s\u0131cak ve yap\u0131\u015fkan bir kan. Omzum a\u011fr\u0131yordu, sa\u011f kolumu kald\u0131ram\u0131yordum. Orac\u0131kta yat\u0131p hi\u00e7bir yere gitmek i\u00e7in m\u00fcthi\u015f bir istek duydu\u011fumu an\u0131ms\u0131yorum, yine de y\u00fcr\u00fcmeyi s\u00fcrd\u00fcrd\u00fcm.<\/p>\n

“Yo. Ne \u00f6lmek ne de tutsak olmak i\u00e7in bir istek duymuyordum. \u015e\u00f6yle ya da b\u00f6yle i\u00e7imdeki bulant\u0131dan ve ba\u015f\u0131m\u0131n d\u00f6nmesinden kurtulmaya \u00e7al\u0131\u015ft\u0131m, y\u00fcr\u00fcyordum demek ki daha ya\u015f\u0131yordum ve devinebiliyordum. Susuzluktan k\u0131vran\u0131yordum. A\u011fz\u0131m kavrulup kurumu\u015ftu, ayaklar\u0131m beni s\u00fcrekli g\u00f6zlerimin \u00f6n\u00fcnde sal\u0131n\u0131p duran kara bir duvar boyunca ta\u015f\u0131yordu. Neredeyse bay\u0131lacakt\u0131m, ama zorlad\u0131m kendimi. “Bir\u015feycik i\u00e7ip biraz dinlenir dinlenmez ka\u00e7aca\u011f\u0131m.”<\/p>\n

‘Tutsak edilenlerin t\u00fcm\u00fc bir korulu\u011fun kenar\u0131nda biraraya getirilip toplanm\u0131\u015ft\u0131. Yaln\u0131zca bizim alay\u0131n \u00fc\u00e7\u00fcnc\u00fc b\u00f6l\u00fc\u011f\u00fcnden iki K\u0131z\u0131lordu adam\u0131n\u0131 tan\u0131d\u0131m, di\u011fer t\u00fcm\u00fc yak\u0131n bir birliktendi. Tutsaklar\u0131n \u00e7o\u011fu yaralanm\u0131\u015ft\u0131. Bir Alman te\u011fmeni bozuk bir Rus\u00e7ayla i\u00e7imizde komiser ya da subay olup olmad\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131 sordu. Kimse konu\u015fmad\u0131. Yeniden sordu sonra: “Komiserler ve komutanlar iki ad\u0131m \u00f6ne \u00e7\u0131ks\u0131n. “Kimse k\u0131m\u0131ldamad\u0131.<\/p>\n

Te\u011fmen a\u011f\u0131r a\u011f\u0131r s\u0131ran\u0131n \u00f6n\u00fc boyunca y\u00fcr\u00fcd\u00fc ve g\u00f6r\u00fcn\u00fc\u015fleri Yahudilere benzeyen onalt\u0131 adam se\u00e7ip ald\u0131. Herbirine “Yid” ?” diye soruyor, yan\u0131t beklemeden de s\u0131ra d\u0131\u015f\u0131na \u00e7\u0131kmalar\u0131n\u0131 buyuruyordu. Bu se\u00e7ilenler aras\u0131nda Yahudiler, Ermeniler, esmer y\u00fczl\u00fc ve siyah sa\u00e7l\u0131 Ruslar vard\u0131. T\u00fcm\u00fc birazc\u0131k yana do\u011fru dizilerek g\u00f6zlerimizin \u00f6n\u00fcnde otomatiklerle vurulup \u00f6ld\u00fcr\u00fcld\u00fcler. Sonra aceleyle \u00fczerlerimizi aray\u0131p t\u00fcm ki\u015fisel e\u015fyalar\u0131m\u0131z\u0131 ve ka\u011f\u0131tlar\u0131m\u0131z\u0131 ald\u0131lar. Parti \u00fcye kart\u0131m\u0131 hi\u00e7bir zaman c\u00fczdan\u0131mda ta\u015f\u0131maz, yitirmekten korkard\u0131m. Pantolonlar\u0131m\u0131n i\u00e7 cebine koymu\u015ftum onu, bulamad\u0131lar. Bilirsiniz, insan ola\u011fan\u00fcst\u00fc bir varl\u0131kt\u0131r: ya\u015fam\u0131m\u0131n pamuk ipli\u011fine ba\u011fl\u0131 oldu\u011funu \u00e7ok iyi biliyordum, ka\u00e7maya \u00e7al\u0131\u015f\u0131rken beni vurmazlarsa bile yolda \u00f6ld\u00fcr\u00fcrlerdi beni, \u00e7\u00fcnk\u00fc o denli \u00e7ok kan yitirmi\u015ftim ki, di\u011ferlerine zorlukla yeti\u015febiliyordum. Arama bitip de parti kart\u0131m\u0131 bulamad\u0131klar\u0131nda o denli sevinmi\u015ftimki, susuzlu\u011fumu t\u00fcm\u00fcyle unuttum.<\/p>\n

Mar\u015f d\u00fczeninde yola \u00e7\u0131kar\u0131l\u0131p bat\u0131 y\u00f6n\u00fcnde g\u00f6t\u00fcr\u00fcld\u00fck. G\u00fc\u00e7l\u00fc bir muhaf\u0131z tak\u0131m\u0131 her iki yan\u0131m\u0131zda y\u00fcr\u00fcyordu, yakla\u015f\u0131k on kadar da Alman motosikletli vard\u0131. H\u0131zl\u0131 ad\u0131mlarla s\u00fcr\u00fcyorlard\u0131 bizi, g\u00fcc\u00fcm t\u00fckenmeye ba\u015fl\u0131yordu, iki kez d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcp yeniden kalkt\u0131m, ve y\u00fcr\u00fcmeyi s\u00fcrd\u00fcrd\u00fcm, \u00e7\u00fcnk\u00fc biraz daha yerde kal\u0131r da herkes ge\u00e7erse beni, yol \u00fcst\u00fcnde \u00f6ld\u00fcreceklerdi. \u00d6n\u00fcmde y\u00fcr\u00fcyen bir \u00e7avu\u015fun ba\u015f\u0131na geldi bu. Baca\u011f\u0131ndan yaral\u0131yd\u0131 ve zorlukla y\u00fcr\u00fcyordu; inliyor, arada bir ac\u0131dan ba\u011f\u0131r\u0131yordu. Bir mil kadar y\u00fcr\u00fcd\u00fckten sonra ba\u011f\u0131rd\u0131.<\/p>\n

“Yo, ben art\u0131k gidemem. Yolda\u015flar, ho\u015f\u00e7akal\u0131n.” ve yolun ortas\u0131nda oturdu.<\/p>\n

“Yanlar\u0131ndan ge\u00e7enler kald\u0131r\u0131p ayaklar\u0131n\u0131n \u00fcst\u00fcne getirmeye \u00e7al\u0131\u015ft\u0131lar. Ama s\u00fcrekli yeniden d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcyordu. Solgun, gencecik y\u00fcz\u00fcn\u00fc, \u00e7at\u0131lm\u0131\u015f ka\u015flar\u0131n\u0131 ve ya\u015flarla \u0131slanm\u0131\u015f g\u00f6zlerini d\u00fc\u015f gibi an\u0131ms\u0131yorum. Tutsaklar\u0131n t\u00fcm\u00fc ge\u00e7ti. Geride kald\u0131 o. Geriye bakt\u0131\u011f\u0131mda bir motorsikletlinin ona do\u011fru s\u00fcrd\u00fc\u011f\u00fcn\u00fc g\u00f6rd\u00fcm. Motorsikletinden inmeden tabancas\u0131n\u0131 \u00e7\u0131kard\u0131, \u00e7avu\u015fun kula\u011f\u0131na dayay\u0131p ate\u015fledi. K\u00fc\u00e7\u00fcc\u00fck bir \u0131rma\u011fa varana dek fa\u015fistler d\u00fc\u015fen birka\u00e7 K\u0131z\u0131lordu adam\u0131n\u0131 daha vurdular.<\/p>\n

” \u015eimdi o k\u00fc\u00e7\u00fck \u0131rma\u011f\u0131 g\u00f6r\u00fcyordum, sonra \u00e7\u00f6km\u00fc\u015f bir k\u00f6pr\u00fc ve \u0131rma\u011f\u0131n k\u0131y\u0131s\u0131nda devrilmi\u015f bir kamyon. Ve orada y\u00fcz\u00fcst\u00fc d\u00fc\u015ft\u00fcm. Bay\u0131ld\u0131m m\u0131 ? Yo bay\u0131lmad\u0131m. Boylu boyunca uzanm\u0131\u015ft\u0131m; a\u011fz\u0131m toz toprak doldu, \u015fiddetle s\u0131kt\u0131m di\u015flerimi, kumlar a\u011fz\u0131mda \u00e7\u0131t\u0131rdad\u0131. ama kalkam\u0131yordum. Yolda\u015flar\u0131m yan\u0131mdan ge\u00e7erken biri al\u00e7ak sesle konu\u015ftu:” Kalk hadi, yoksa \u00f6ld\u00fcr\u00fcrler seni.” Ellerimle a\u011fz\u0131m\u0131 y\u0131rtmaya, ac\u0131n\u0131n kalkmama yard\u0131m etmesi i\u00e7in g\u00f6zlerimi bast\u0131rmaya ba\u015flad\u0131m.<\/p>\n

“Herkes ge\u00e7ti beni, bir motosikletlinin bana do\u011fru geldi\u011fini duydum. Nas\u0131l olduysa, kalkt\u0131m ! D\u00f6n\u00fcp motosiklete bakmadan, esrimi\u015f gibi yalpalayarak tutsaklara ula\u015fmaya ve son s\u0131ralar\u0131n i\u00e7ine kendimi atmaya zorlad\u0131m. Alman tanklar\u0131 ve cemseleri \u0131rma\u011f\u0131n i\u00e7inden ge\u00e7erken suyu buland\u0131rm\u0131\u015ft\u0131, ama bu s\u0131cak, \u00e7amurlu sudan i\u00e7tik, ve bu bahar p\u0131narlar\u0131ndan daha tatl\u0131 geldi bize. Ba\u015f\u0131m\u0131 ve omuzumu \u0131slad\u0131m, bu canland\u0131rd\u0131 beni, yeniden kazand\u0131m g\u00fcc\u00fcm\u00fc. Art\u0131k d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcp yolda kalmayaca\u011f\u0131mdan \u00fcmitli, y\u00fcr\u00fcmeyi s\u00fcrd\u00fcrd\u00fcm.<\/p>\n

Bir ortas\u0131klet Alman tank kolunun aras\u0131nda kendimizi buldu\u011fumuzda, \u0131rma\u011f\u0131 yeni ge\u00e7mi\u015ftik. Tutsak oldu\u011fumuzu g\u00f6r\u00fcnce en \u00f6ndeki tank son h\u0131zla tam ortadan \u00fczerimize do\u011fru s\u00fcrd\u00fc.<\/p>\n

\u00d6n saflardakiler kapan\u0131p paletlerin alt\u0131nda ezildiler. Muhaf\u0131z piyadelerimiz ve motorsikletliler durmu\u015f bak\u0131yor, baz\u0131lar\u0131 g\u00fclmekten kat\u0131l\u0131yordu; taretlerinden d\u0131\u015far\u0131 bak\u0131p ellerini sallayan tank\u00e7\u0131larla ba\u011f\u0131rarak bir\u015feyler konu\u015ftular. Sonra yeniden bir kol halinde toparlad\u0131lar bizi, kendileri de yeniden kenardan y\u00fcr\u00fcmeye ba\u015flad\u0131lar. \u015eaka yapmay\u0131 seviyorlard\u0131, inkar edemem bunu.<\/p>\n

“O ak\u015fam ve gece hi\u00e7 ka\u00e7maya \u00e7al\u0131\u015fmad\u0131m, \u00e7\u00fcnk\u00fc bir yere gidemeyece\u011fimi biliyordum, kan yitirdi\u011fim i\u00e7in \u00e7ok zay\u0131flam\u0131\u015ft\u0131m. Yan\u0131s\u0131ra, s\u0131k\u0131 g\u00f6zleniyorduk, herhangi bir ka\u00e7ma giri\u015fimi ku\u015fkusuz ba\u015far\u0131s\u0131zl\u0131kla sonu\u00e7lanacakt\u0131. Ama sonralar\u0131 ka\u00e7maya \u00e7abalamad\u0131\u011f\u0131m i\u00e7in nas\u0131l lanet ettim kendime ! Di\u011fer sabah Alman g\u00fc\u00e7lerinin karargah kurdu\u011fu bu k\u00f6yden ge\u00e7tik. Bizi izlemek i\u00e7in soka\u011fa d\u00f6k\u00fclm\u00fc\u015ft\u00fc piyadeler. K\u00f6y\u00fcn i\u00e7inde muhaf\u0131zlar h\u0131zl\u0131 ko\u015fmam\u0131z i\u00e7in zorlad\u0131lar. Cepheye giden alman birliklerinin g\u00f6zlerinde bizi k\u00fc\u00e7\u00fck d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcrmeyi gerekli g\u00f6rm\u00fc\u015flerdi. Ko\u015ftuk da. Arkada kalanlar ya da d\u00fc\u015fenler orac\u0131kta vuruldular, o ak\u015fam bir sava\u015f tutsa\u011f\u0131 kamp\u0131na vard\u0131k. Motor- trakt\u00f6r servis istasyonlar\u0131ndan birinin avlusu tel \u00f6rg\u00fclerle \u00e7evrilmi\u015fti. Kamp muhaf\u0131zlar\u0131na teslim edildik, silahlar\u0131n\u0131n namlular\u0131yla iterek i\u00e7eri s\u00fcrd\u00fcler bizi. Y\u0131kanmak i\u00e7in hi\u00e7bir \u015fey yoktu. Olduklar\u0131 yere yap\u0131yorlard\u0131 adamlar, \u00e7amur ve kokan g\u00fcbre i\u00e7inde yat\u0131yorlard\u0131. En zay\u0131flar\u0131 bir daha kalkam\u0131yordu. G\u00fcnde bir kez su ve yiyecek veriliyordu, bir ma\u015frapa su ve bir avu\u00e7 dolusu ham dar\u0131 ya da \u00e7\u00fcr\u00fck ay\u00e7i\u00e7e\u011fi tohumu, hepsi buydu. Baz\u0131 g\u00fcnler bize bir\u015fey vermeyi t\u00fcm\u00fcyle unuturlard\u0131.<\/p>\n

“\u0130ki g\u00fcn boyunca yo\u011fun ya\u011fmur ya\u011fd\u0131. Kampta pislik ve \u00e7amur \u00f6ylesine seyreltikle\u015fmi\u015fti ki, dizlerimize dek bat\u0131yorduk. \u00c7iylenmi\u015f giysilerimizden buhar y\u00fckseliyordu sabahleyin t\u0131pk\u0131 atlardan y\u00fckseldi\u011fi gibi; ama ya\u011fmur yeniden durmaks\u0131z\u0131n bo\u015falmaya ba\u015flad\u0131. Her gece birka\u00e7 d\u00fczine adam \u00f6l\u00fcyordu. T\u00fcm\u00fcm\u00fcz yiyecek k\u0131tl\u0131\u011f\u0131ndan g\u00fcn ge\u00e7tik\u00e7e daha da zay\u0131fl\u0131yorduk. Dahas\u0131 yaralar\u0131m i\u015fkence \u00e7ektiriyordu bana.<\/p>\n

“Alt\u0131nc\u0131 g\u00fcn omzum ve ba\u015f\u0131m her zamankinden \u00e7ok a\u011fr\u0131maya ba\u015flad\u0131, irin toplam\u0131\u015flard\u0131. Sonra k\u00f6t\u00fc k\u00f6t\u00fc kokmaya ba\u015flad\u0131lar. Kamp\u0131n bir yan\u0131nda kollektif \u00e7iftlik ah\u0131rlar\u0131 vard\u0131, yaralar\u0131 ciddi olan K\u0131z\u0131lordu adamlar\u0131 orada yat\u0131yordu. Sabahleyin kamp sorumlusu gedikli subaydan doktora g\u00f6r\u00fcnmek i\u00e7in izin istedim, bana yaral\u0131lara bakan birinin oldu\u011funu s\u00f6ylemi\u015flerdi. Gedikli iyi Rus\u00e7a konu\u015fuyordu. Yan\u0131tlad\u0131:”Git de doktorunu g\u00f6r Rus. Sana hemen yard\u0131m edecektir.”<\/p>\n

“Alay etti\u011fini anlamad\u0131m; sevinmi\u015ftim, ah\u0131ra do\u011fru ge\u00e7ip gittim. \u00dc\u00e7\u00fcnc\u00fc s\u0131n\u0131f bir ordu doktoru giri\u015fte kar\u015f\u0131lad\u0131 beni: Bir yulara ba\u011fl\u0131yd\u0131. Y\u0131pranm\u0131\u015f, ya\u015famak zorunda kald\u0131\u011f\u0131 \u015feylerden yar\u0131 delirmi\u015fti. Yaral\u0131lar \u00e7er\u00e7\u00f6ple kar\u0131\u015f\u0131k g\u00fcbrelerin \u00fczerinde yat\u0131yor, ah\u0131r\u0131 dolduran pis kokuyu soluyorlard\u0131. \u00c7o\u011fu yaralar\u0131n i\u00e7inde kurtlar kayna\u015f\u0131yordu, yapabilenler parmaklar\u0131yla yada \u00e7\u00f6plerle atmaya \u00e7al\u0131\u015f\u0131yorlard\u0131, i\u00e7erde \u00f6l\u00fc tutsaklardan bir y\u0131\u011f\u0131n da vard\u0131, kald\u0131rmak i\u00e7in zaman olmam\u0131\u015ft\u0131.<\/p>\n

“G\u00f6r\u00fcyor musun ?” diye sordu doktor. “Sana nas\u0131l yard\u0131m edebilirim ? Bir tek sarg\u0131 bezim yok, hi\u00e7bir\u015fey yok. Git, Tanr\u0131 a\u015fk\u0131na \u00e7ek git, Sarg\u0131lar\u0131mda y\u0131rt\u0131p at ve yaralar\u0131na k\u00fcl serp. Surdaki kap\u0131n\u0131n \u00f6n\u00fcnde biraz temiz k\u00fcl bulacaks\u0131n.”<\/p>\n

“Dedi\u011fini yapt\u0131m. Giri\u015fte gedikliyle kar\u015f\u0131la\u015ft\u0131m. B\u00fct\u00fcn y\u00fcz\u00fcyle s\u0131r\u0131t\u0131yordu. “Eee, nas\u0131l gitti bakal\u0131m ? Askerlerinizin kusursuz bir doktoru var. Yard\u0131m etti mi sana ? Konu\u015fmadan ge\u00e7ip gidiyordum ki, y\u00fcz\u00fcme bir yumruk at\u0131p ba\u011f\u0131rd\u0131:” Yan\u0131tlamak istemiyorsun ha, k\u00f6pek seni!. Yere d\u00fc\u015ft\u00fcm, yeniden ve yeniden ba\u015f\u0131ma ve g\u00f6\u011fs\u00fcme tekmeler savurdu. Yoruluncaya kadar tekmelemeyi s\u00fcrd\u00fcrd\u00fc. Bu fa\u015fisti ya\u015fad\u0131\u011f\u0131m s\u00fcrece asla unutmayaca\u011f\u0131m, asla! Sonra beni bir kez daha d\u00f6vd\u00fc, \u00f6ncekilerden daha sertti bu. Beni tel \u00f6rg\u00fclerin aras\u0131ndan her g\u00f6rd\u00fc\u011f\u00fcnde d\u0131\u015far\u0131 \u00e7a\u011fr\u0131yor, tek s\u00f6z s\u00f6ylemeden, b\u00fcy\u00fck bir konsantrasyonla d\u00f6vmeye ba\u015fl\u0131yordu.<\/p>\n

“Nas\u0131l ka\u00e7t\u0131\u011f\u0131ma gelince…”<\/p>\n

“Sava\u015ftan \u00e7ok \u00f6nce, daha mekanik\u00e7i olmam\u0131\u015fken Kama \u0131rma\u011f\u0131nda istif\u00e7i olarak \u00e7al\u0131\u015f\u0131yordum. Bo\u015faltmaya yard\u0131m ederken herbiri atm\u0131\u015f kilo gelen iki tuz torbas\u0131 ta\u015f\u0131rd\u0131m. M\u00fcthi\u015f g\u00fcc\u00fcm\u00fc esirgemezdim, her zaman da \u00e7ok g\u00fc\u00e7l\u00fc bir yap\u0131m vard\u0131. \u015eimdi de aslolan tek \u015fey \u00f6lmek istemedi\u011fimdi, direnme g\u00fcc\u00fcm de olduk\u00e7a b\u00fcy\u00fckt\u00fc. \u00dclkem i\u00e7in d\u00f6v\u00fc\u015fmeliydim yeniden, sonunda d\u00fc\u015fmandan \u00f6\u00e7 almak i\u00e7in d\u00f6nd\u00fcm de.<\/p>\n

“G\u00f6r\u00fcn\u00fc\u015fe g\u00f6re transit bir kamp olan bu kampta y\u00fcz kilometre kadar uzukta olan ba\u015fka bir kampa aktar\u0131ld\u0131m. Burada da sistem transit kamptakinin t\u00fcm\u00fcyle ayn\u0131s\u0131yd\u0131: aralar\u0131na dikenli teller gerilmi\u015f direkler, \u00fcst\u00fc a\u00e7\u0131k. Verilen yiyecekler ayn\u0131yd\u0131, ama ham dar\u0131 yerine bir kase \u00e7\u00fcr\u00fck kaynam\u0131\u015f un veriyorlard\u0131, ya da \u00f6l\u00fc atlar\u0131n le\u015flerini s\u00fcr\u00fckl\u00fcyorlard\u0131 kamp i\u00e7ine. A\u00e7l\u0131ktan \u00f6lmemek i\u00e7in yerdik bunlardan, yine de y\u00fczlerce \u00f6l\u00fcyorduk… Ekim’de gelen so\u011fuklar her\u015feyin \u00fczerine tuz-biber ekti, durmadan ya\u011fmur ya\u011f\u0131yor sabahlar\u0131 don oluyordu. So\u011fuktan \u00f6l\u00fcmc\u00fcl ac\u0131lar \u00e7ekiyorduk. \u00d6len bir K\u0131z\u0131lordu adam\u0131n\u0131n \u00fczerinden asker ceketi ve paltosunu ald\u0131m, bu bile so\u011fuktan koruyamad\u0131 bedenimi. A\u00e7l\u0131\u011fa gelince, ona al\u0131\u015fm\u0131\u015ft\u0131k art\u0131k.<\/p>\n

“Ya\u011fmalar\u0131n \u015fi\u015fmanlatt\u0131\u011f\u0131 askerlerin g\u00f6zetimindeydik. Tarladan \u00e7\u0131km\u0131\u015f gibi ayn\u0131 karaktere sahipti t\u00fcm\u00fc. Adi e\u015fkiyadan ba\u015fka bir\u015fey de\u011fillerdi. E\u011flenmek i\u00e7in bir yol bulurlard\u0131. Sabahleyin bir \u00e7avu\u015f tel \u00f6rg\u00fclerin \u00f6n\u00fcne gelip bir \u00e7evirmen arac\u0131l\u0131\u011f\u0131yla konu\u015furdu.<\/p>\n

“Az sonra yiyecek da\u011f\u0131t\u0131m\u0131 yap\u0131lacak. Da\u011f\u0131t\u0131m solda olacak.”<\/p>\n

“\u00c7avu\u015f giderdi. Ayakta durabilen herkes kamp\u0131n sa\u011f yan\u0131na ko\u015fard\u0131. Bir saat, iki saat, \u00fc\u00e7 saat beklerlerdi, iliklerine i\u015fleyen r\u00fczgarda ya\u015fayan iskeletler titre\u015firdi.<\/p>\n

“Sonra birden kamp\u0131n di\u011fer yan\u0131nda askerler belirirdi. Tellerin \u00fczerinden iri ateti par\u00e7alar\u0131 f\u0131rlat\u0131rlard\u0131. A\u00e7l\u0131\u011f\u0131n bilin\u00e7lerini zay\u0131flatt\u0131\u011f\u0131 esirler o yana ak\u0131n ederler ve \u00e7amura bulanm\u0131\u015f et par\u00e7alar\u0131 i\u00e7in m\u00fccadeleye ba\u015flarlard\u0131.<\/p>\n

“Askerler kat\u0131la kat\u0131la g\u00fclerek izlerler ve birden uzun bir makinal\u0131 t\u00fcfek salvosu tarard\u0131 tutsaklar\u0131. \u00c7\u0131\u011fl\u0131klar inlemeler… Tutsaklar yaral\u0131 ve \u00f6l\u00fclerini orada b\u0131rak\u0131p yeniden sol yana ko\u015farlard\u0131. Kamp komutan\u0131, uzun boylu bir aste\u011fmen, yan\u0131nda bir \u00e7evirmenle tel \u00f6rg\u00fclere gelirdi. G\u00fclmesini zorlukla bast\u0131rarak konu\u015furdu:<\/p>\n

“Yiyecek da\u011f\u0131t\u0131m\u0131 s\u0131ras\u0131nda istenmeyen d\u00fczensizlikler olmu\u015ftur. E\u011fer yeniden b\u00f6yle \u015feyler olursa, Rus domuzlar\u0131n\u0131n ac\u0131mas\u0131zca vurulmus\u0131 i\u00e7in buyruk verece\u011fim.” Komutan\u0131n arkas\u0131ndaki Nazi askerleri g\u00fclmekten \u00f6l\u00fcrlerdi. Komutan\u0131n bu “ak\u0131ll\u0131ca” oyununu \u00e7ok severlerdi.<\/p>\n

“\u00d6l\u00fcleri sessizce kamptan \u00e7\u0131kar\u0131r ve pek uzak olmayan bir dereye g\u00f6merdik. O kampta yumruklarla, sopalarla, dip\u00e7iklerle d\u00f6v\u00fcl\u00fcrd\u00fck. Herhangi bir anda ya s\u0131k\u0131ld\u0131klar\u0131 ya da e\u011flenmek istedikleri i\u00e7in d\u00f6verlerdi. Yaralar\u0131m iyile\u015fmeye ba\u015fl\u0131yordu, ama sonradan, san\u0131r\u0131m s\u00fcre\u011fen nemden ve dayaklardan, yeniden a\u00e7\u0131l\u0131p dayan\u0131lmaz a\u011fr\u0131lar vermeye ba\u015flad\u0131lar. Ama daha ya\u015f\u0131yordum, ve ka\u00e7ma umudumu da yitirmemi\u015ftim… Oldu\u011fumuz yerde, \u00e7amur i\u00e7inde yat\u0131yorduk, saman vb. yoktu. Birbirimize kat\u0131 bir kitle halinde sokulup yatard\u0131k. T\u00fcm gece boyunca s\u00fcrekli, alta \u00e7amur i\u00e7inde \u00fc\u015f\u00fcyenlerle \u00fcstte so\u011fuktan \u00fc\u015f\u00fcyenler yer de\u011fi\u015firdi.<\/p>\n

“G\u00fcnler birer kabus gibi ge\u00e7iyordu.G\u00fcn ge\u00e7tik\u00e7e daha \u00e7ok zayfl\u0131yordum.Art\u0131k bir \u00e7ocuk bile bir vuru\u015fta devirebilirdi beni. Zaman zaman bir deri bir kemik kalm\u0131\u015f ellerime bakard\u0131m, ve d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcn\u00fcrd\u00fcm:”Nas\u0131l \u00e7\u0131kaca\u011f\u0131m buradan ?” i\u015fte ondan sonrad\u0131r ki o ilk birka\u00e7 g\u00fcn ka\u00e7mak i\u00e7in hi\u00e7bir giri\u015fimde bulunmad\u0131\u011f\u0131m i\u00e7in lanet ettim kendime. Hi\u00e7 de\u011filse \u00f6ld\u00fcr\u00fcl\u00fcrd\u00fcm de bu korkun\u00e7 ac\u0131lar\u0131 \u00e7ekmem gerekmezdi.<\/p>\n

“K\u0131\u015f geldi. Kar’\u0131 yanlara k\u00fcreyip donmu\u015f zemin \u00fczerine yat\u0131yorduk. Say\u0131m\u0131z gitgide azal\u0131yordu.Sonunda birka\u00e7 g\u00fcn sonra \u00e7al\u0131\u015fmak i\u00e7in ba\u015fka yere g\u00f6rderilece\u011fimiz duyuruldu. Hepimiz ya\u015fama d\u00f6nd\u00fck. Herbirimizin i\u00e7inde bir \u00fcmit \u0131\u015f\u0131\u011f\u0131 yand\u0131- \u00e7ok zay\u0131f bir \u00fcmitti bu, belki ka\u00e7may\u0131 ba\u015farabilirdik.<\/p>\n

“O gece sessiz ve dondurucuydu. \u015eafaktan hemen \u00f6nce silah sesleri duyduk. \u00c7evremdeki herkes k\u0131m\u0131ldamaya ba\u015flad\u0131. G\u00fcmb\u00fcrt\u00fc yeniden ba\u015flad\u0131\u011f\u0131nda biri y\u00fcksek sesle ba\u011f\u0131rd\u0131:<\/p>\n

“Yolda\u015flar, bizimkiler sald\u0131r\u0131yor!”<\/p>\n

Sonra ak\u0131lalmaz bir\u015fey oldu. T\u00fcm kamp sanki buyruk alm\u0131\u015f gibi aya\u011fa f\u0131rlad\u0131. G\u00fcnlerdir aya\u011fa kalkamam\u0131\u015f olanlar bile ayaktayd\u0131. Her yandan ate\u015fli f\u0131s\u0131lt\u0131lar ve bast\u0131r\u0131lan h\u0131\u00e7r\u0131klar\u0131 duyuyorduk. Yan\u0131mdan biri birden g\u00f6zya\u015flar\u0131na bo\u011fullur gibi, bir kad\u0131n gibi y\u00fcksek sesle a\u011flamaya ba\u015flad\u0131. Ve ben… Ben de.” Te\u011fmen Gerasimo aceleyle, k\u0131r\u0131k bir sesle konu\u015fuyordu. Sonra yeniden kendine geldi, daha dingin konu\u015fmaya ba\u015flad\u0131:<\/p>\n

“Benim de, yanaklar\u0131mdan r\u00fczgarda donan ya\u015flar s\u00fcz\u00fcl\u00fcyordu. Biri zay\u0131f bir sesle Enternasyonal’i s\u00f6ylemeye ba\u015flad\u0131, ve hepimiz selamlayan sesle kat\u0131ld\u0131k ona. N\u00f6bet\u00e7iler makinal\u0131 t\u00fcfekler ve otomatiklerle ate\u015f a\u00e7t\u0131lar, biri ba\u011f\u0131rarak buyruk verdi: “Yere yat\u0131n!” yat\u0131p bedenimi karlarla bast\u0131rd\u0131m, bir \u00e7ocuk gibi h\u0131\u00e7k\u0131rarak a\u011fl\u0131yordum. Yaln\u0131zca sevindi\u011fim i\u00e7in de\u011fil, insanlar\u0131m\u0131zla gurur duydu\u011fum i\u00e7in de a\u011fl\u0131yordum. Fa\u015fistler bizi \u00f6ld\u00fcrebilirdi, silahs\u0131z, g\u00fc\u00e7s\u00fcz koyabilirlerdi a\u00e7l\u0131ktan; bize i\u015fkence edebilirlerdi; ama ruhumuzdaki inanc\u0131 alam\u0131yorlard\u0131, hi\u00e7 bir zaman da alamayacaklard\u0131! Sald\u0131rmak i\u00e7in yanl\u0131\u015f insanlar se\u00e7mi\u015flerdi, s\u00f6yleyeyim size !”<\/p>\n

O ak\u015fam te\u011fmen Gerasimov’un \u00f6yk\u00fcs\u00fcn\u00fcn sonunu duyamad\u0131m. Alay m\u00fcrettebat\u0131yla acele i\u015fleri vard\u0131. Birka\u00e7 g\u00fcn sonra yeniden bulu\u015ftuk. Siper koruna\u011f\u0131 k\u00fcf ve \u00e7am re\u00e7inesi kokuyordu.<\/p>\n

Te\u011fmen parmaklar\u0131n\u0131 birbirine kenetledi\u011fi ellerini dizlerinin \u00fcst\u00fcnde birle\u015ftirmi\u015f, hafif yumaklanm\u0131\u015f, bir parkan\u0131n \u00fczerinde oturuyordu. Onun b\u00f6yle elerini kenetlemi\u015f, saatlerce bunalt\u0131l\u0131, sonu\u00e7suz d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcncelere dalarak oturma al\u0131\u015fkanl\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131 sava\u015f tutsa\u011f\u0131 kamplar\u0131nda edindi\u011fini d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnmeden edemedim.<\/p>\n

Nas\u0131l ka\u00e7t\u0131\u011f\u0131m\u0131 m\u0131 bilmek istiyorsunuz ? Anlataca\u011f\u0131m. Silah sesleri duydu\u011fumuz geceden bir s\u00fcre sonra istihkam in\u015faatlar\u0131n da \u00e7al\u0131\u015fmaya g\u00f6nderildik. Don ve buz \u00e7\u00f6z\u00fclmeye ba\u015flam\u0131\u015ft\u0131. Ya\u011fmur ya\u011f\u0131yordu. Kamp\u0131n kuzeyine do\u011fru \u00e7\u0131kar\u0131p g\u00f6t\u00fcrd\u00fcler. Yine ayn\u0131 \u015feyler: t\u00fckenip d\u00fc\u015fenler orac\u0131kta \u00f6ld\u00fcr\u00fcl\u00fcp yol \u00fczerinde b\u0131rak\u0131ld\u0131lar.<\/p>\n

“Birinin yol kenar\u0131nda donmu\u015f bir patatesi almak i\u00e7in e\u011fildi\u011finde bir gedikli taraf\u0131ndan vurulup \u00f6ld\u00fcr\u00fcld\u00fc\u011f\u00fcn\u00fc an\u0131ms\u0131yorum. Bir patates tarlas\u0131n\u0131n i\u00e7inden ge\u00e7iyorduk. Gon\u00e7ar adl\u0131 Ukraynal\u0131 bir onba\u015f\u0131 patatesi al\u0131p gizlemeye \u00e7al\u0131\u015ft\u0131. Gedikli onu g\u00f6rd\u00fc. Tek s\u00f6z s\u00f6ylemeden Gon\u00e7ar’\u0131n yan\u0131na gelip boynundan vurdu onu. B\u00fct\u00fcn tutsaklar durmu\u015f bak\u0131yorlard\u0131” Buradaki her\u015fey Alman devletinin mal\u0131d\u0131r.” dedi gedikli eliyle \u00e7evresini g\u00f6stererek. “Herhangi biriniz keyfi olarak bir\u015fey al\u0131rsa an\u0131nda \u00f6ld\u00fcr\u00fclecektir.”<\/p>\n

“i\u00e7inden ge\u00e7ti\u011fimiz bir k\u00f6yde kad\u0131nlar \u00fczerimize ekmek par\u00e7alar\u0131 ve f\u0131r\u0131nlanm\u0131\u015f patatesler f\u0131rlatt\u0131lar. Kimilerimiz bir ka\u00e7 par\u00e7a yakalanmay\u0131 ba\u015fard\u0131, ama \u00e7ocu\u011fumuz yapamad\u0131k. Muhaf\u0131zlar pencereleri tarad\u0131lar, daha h\u0131zl\u0131 y\u00fcr\u00fcmemiz i\u00e7in buyruk verdiler. Ama cocuklar-korku nedir bilmez onlar- biraz \u00f6nden yol boyunca ko\u015fuyor ve yolda ekmek b\u0131rak\u0131yorlard\u0131. Toplad\u0131k ekmekleri. Ben de b\u00fcy\u00fck bir kaynam\u0131\u015f patates ele ge\u00e7irmeyi ba\u015fard\u0131m. Yan\u0131mdakiyle yar\u0131yar\u0131ya \u00fcle\u015fip kabu\u011fuyla yedik.Hi\u00e7 bu denli lezzetli bir patates yememi\u015ftim.<\/p>\n

“Bir ormandayd\u0131 istihkam in\u015faat\u0131. Almanlar n\u00f6bet\u00e7ileri g\u00f6zle g\u00f6r\u00fcl\u00fcr bi\u00e7imde takviye ettiler ve elimize k\u00fcrekler verdiler. Can\u0131m istihkam yapmak istemiyordu, daha \u00e7ok y\u0131kmak istiyordum yap\u0131lanlar\u0131.<\/p>\n

“Tam o g\u00fcn \u00f6\u011fleden sonra akl\u0131ma koydum koyaca\u011f\u0131m\u0131 Kazd\u0131\u011f\u0131m\u0131z \u00e7ukurdan t\u0131rman\u0131p \u00e7\u0131kt\u0131m, beli sol elime al\u0131p n\u00f6bet\u00e7inin yan\u0131na gittim. Di\u011ferlerinin bir siperde olduklar\u0131n\u0131 \u00f6nceden g\u00f6zlemi\u015ftim, bizim gruptan sorumlu bu bir ki\u015fiden ba\u015fka n\u00f6bet\u00e7i de yoktu yak\u0131nda.<\/p>\n

“K\u00fcre\u011fim k\u0131r\u0131ld\u0131, bak !” diye m\u0131r\u0131ldand\u0131m askere yakla\u015f\u0131rken. K\u0131sa bir an, onu ilk vuru\u015fta yere sermezsem i\u015fimin bitece\u011fi d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcncesi \u015fim\u015fek gibi ge\u00e7ti kafamdan. Asker y\u00fcz\u00fcmdeki ifadeden, galiba bir\u015feyler anlad\u0131. Otomati\u011finin teti\u011fini kavramak i\u00e7in omuzlar\u0131n\u0131 silkti, i\u015fte o an k\u00fcrekle y\u00fcz\u00fcn\u00fcn tam ortas\u0131na ge\u00e7irdim.<\/p>\n

Ba\u015f\u0131na vuramazd\u0131m, mi\u011fferi vard\u0131 \u00e7\u00fcnk\u00fc. Ama hi\u00e7 ses \u00e7\u0131karmadan boylu boyunca uzatacak kadar g\u00fcc\u00fcm olmu\u015ftu.<\/p>\n

“\u015eimdi elimde bir otomatik ve \u00fc\u00e7 \u015farj\u00f6r vard\u0131. Ko\u015fmaya ba\u015flad\u0131m. Ama ‘ \u015fimdi’de ko\u015fam\u0131yorum gibi geldi bana ! Durdum, derin bir soluk ald\u0131m ve yeniden kald\u0131rd\u0131m tabanlar\u0131. Derenin di\u011fer yakas\u0131nda orman daha s\u0131kt\u0131, oraya y\u00f6neldim. Ka\u00e7 kez d\u00fc\u015ft\u00fc\u011f\u00fcm\u00fc, katt\u0131\u011f\u0131m\u0131, yeniden d\u00fc\u015ft\u00fc\u011f\u00fcm\u00fc an\u0131msam\u0131yorum. Yine de her dakika daha \u00e7ok uzakla\u015f\u0131yordum. Bitkinlikten soluk solu\u011fa, h\u0131\u00e7k\u0131ra h\u0131\u00e7k\u0131ra bir \u00e7al\u0131l\u0131\u011f\u0131n aras\u0131ndan ko\u015farak tepenin di\u011fer yan\u0131na indi\u011fimde otomatiklerin uzak tak\u0131rt\u0131lar\u0131n\u0131 duydum, sonra bir \u00e7\u0131\u011fl\u0131k. Ama beni yakalamak o kadar kolay de\u011fildi art\u0131k.<\/p>\n

“Alacakaranl\u0131k \u00e7\u00f6kmeye ba\u015flad\u0131. E\u011fer Almanlar izimi bulmay\u0131 ba\u015far\u0131r da iyice yak\u0131nla\u015f\u0131rlarsa son mermiyi kendime saklayacakt\u0131m. Bu d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnce cesaretimi tazeledi. Daha sessiz ve dikkatli y\u00fcr\u00fcmeyi s\u00fcrd\u00fcrd\u00fcm.
“Geceyi ormanda ge\u00e7irdim. Yar\u0131m mil kadar uzakta olmayan bir k\u00f6y\u00fcn yak\u0131n\u0131ndayd\u0131m, ama Almanlar\u0131n aras\u0131na d\u00fc\u015ferim diye oraya gitmeye korkuyordum.<\/p>\n

Di\u011fer g\u00fcn partizanlar buldu beni.iki hafta onlar\u0131n bar\u0131naklar\u0131nda dinlenerek g\u00fcc\u00fcm\u00fc toplad\u0131m. \u00d6nceleri, paltomun astar\u0131na saklad\u0131\u011f\u0131m ve onlara g\u00f6sterdi\u011fim parti kart\u0131m\u0131 g\u00f6stermeme kar\u015f\u0131n ku\u015fkulan\u0131yorlard\u0131 benden. Ama daha sonra operasyonlar\u0131na kat\u0131ld\u0131\u011f\u0131mda bana kar\u015f\u0131 davran\u0131\u015flar\u0131 birden de\u011fi\u015fti. \u00d6ld\u00fcrd\u00fc\u011f\u00fcm fa\u015fistlerin hesab\u0131n\u0131 tutmaya da orada ba\u015flad\u0131m. Bug\u00fcne dek bu hesab\u0131 hi\u00e7 sektirmeden tuttum, say\u0131lar\u0131 yava\u015f yava\u015f y\u00fcze yakla\u015f\u0131yor.<\/p>\n

“Ocak’ta partizanlar cephe \u00e7izgilerinden beriye ge\u00e7irdiler beni. Bir ay kadar hastanede yatt\u0131m. Omuzumdaki havan \u015farapnelerini \u00e7\u0131kard\u0131lar, romatizma ve kampta ald\u0131\u011f\u0131m di\u011fer illetlerin sava\u015ftan sonra \u00e7aresine bakacakt\u0131k.Evde bir hafta kald\u0131m, Daha fazla da dayanad\u0131m. Cepheye gitmek i\u00e7in m\u00fcthi\u015f bir istek duyuyordum, t\u00fcm s\u00f6yleyebilece\u011fim de \u015fu \u015fimdi: kim ne derse desin, benim yerim sonuna kadar buras\u0131.”<\/p>\n

Siper bar\u0131na\u011f\u0131n\u0131n kap\u0131s\u0131nda ho\u015f\u00e7akal dedik birbirimize. Te\u011fmen ayd\u0131nl\u0131k g\u00fcn\u0131\u015f\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131n alt\u0131nda par\u0131ldayan bir k\u00fcre\u011fe d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnceli d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnceli bakarak konu\u015ftu:” Ve biz nas\u0131l sava\u015f\u0131laca\u011f\u0131n\u0131, nas\u0131l kin duyulaca\u011f\u0131n\u0131 ve nas\u0131l sevilece\u011fini \u00f6\u011frendik. Sava\u015f gibi b\u00f6ylesine keskin bir b\u0131\u00e7a\u011f\u0131n \u00fczerinde herkesin duygular\u0131 kusursuz bi\u00e7imde keskinle\u015fti. Kin ve sevgi yanyana konulamaz diyeceksiniz belki ?Atas\u00f6z\u00fcn\u00fc bilirsiniz:” Bir atla huysuz bir geyi\u011fi ayn\u0131 ka\u011fn\u0131ya ko\u015famazs\u0131n\u0131z.” Ama bizim bulundu\u011fumuz konumda bunlar birlikte ko\u015fulu, ve \u00e7ekecekleri ka\u011fn\u0131y\u0131 da kusursuz \u00e7ekiyorlar. Bana ve \u00fclkeme yapt\u0131klar\u0131 t\u00fcm \u015feylerden dolay\u0131 fasitlere ac\u0131 bir kin duyuyorum. Ayn\u0131 anda da insanlar\u0131m\u0131z\u0131 t\u00fcm y\u00fcre\u011fimle seviyorum ve fa\u015fistlerin boyunduru\u011fu alt\u0131nda ac\u0131 \u00e7ekmelerini istemiyorum. Beni ve t\u00fcm di\u011ferlerini b\u00f6ylesi bir \u00f6fkeyle sava\u015fmala iten de bu: eylemde biraraya gelip birle\u015fen i\u015fte bu iki duygu, kin ve sevgi, utku getirecek bize. Ve \u00fclkemize duydu\u011fumuz sevgi y\u00fcreklerimizde korunuyorsa ve bu y\u00fcrekler \u00e7arpt\u0131\u011f\u0131 s\u00fcrece korunmay\u0131 s\u00fcrd\u00fcrecekse, kinimizi de sonuna dek s\u00fcrg\u00fclerimizin ucunda ta\u015f\u0131yaca\u011f\u0131z. Belki karmama\u015f\u0131k oldu t\u00fcm bunlar, ba\u011f\u0131\u015flay\u0131n ama d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnd\u00fc\u011f\u00fcm \u015feyler bunlar.” diye bitirdi te\u011fmen Gerasimov. Ve onu tan\u0131d\u0131\u011f\u0131mdan beri ilk kez basit, sevecen bir bi\u00e7imde g\u00fcl\u00fcmsedi, bir \u00e7ocu\u011fun g\u00fcl\u00fcmsemesiyle.
Yine ilk kez ben de, ya\u015fad\u0131\u011f\u0131 olaylardan k\u0131rg\u0131nla\u015fm\u0131\u015f, ama daha bir ne\u015fe ,daha sert ve b\u00fck\u00fclmez bu otuziki ya\u015f\u0131ndaki te\u011fmenin \u015fakaklar\u0131nda parlak beyaz sa\u00e7lar\u0131 oldu\u011funu\u00a0 an\u0131msad\u0131m. Ve b\u00fcy\u00fck ac\u0131lar sonucu olu\u015fmu\u015f bu beyazl\u0131k o denli kat\u0131\u015f\u0131ks\u0131z ki, \u015fapkas\u0131na dolanm\u0131\u015f bir \u00f6r\u00fcmcek a\u011f\u0131n\u0131n ipli\u011fi \u015fakaklar\u0131na geldi\u011finde g\u00f6zden yitmi\u015fti, ne kadar \u00e7at\u0131\u015ft\u0131msa onu ay\u0131rtetmeyi bir t\u00fcrl\u00fc ba\u015faramad\u0131m.<\/p>\n

Kin ve Sevgi | Mihail \u015eolohov<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Sava\u015fta a\u011fa\u00e7lar, insanlar gibidir, herbirinin kendi yazg\u0131lar\u0131 vard\u0131r. Top\u00e7umuzun ate\u015fi alt\u0131na yan\u0131p y\u0131k\u0131lm\u0131\u015f kocaman geni\u015f ormanlar g\u00f6rm\u00fc\u015ft\u00fcm. Ge\u00e7enlerde k\u00f6y\u00fcn birinden s\u00fcr\u00fcl\u00fcp \u00e7\u0131kar\u0131lan Almanlar bir ormana \u00e7ektiler g\u00fc\u00e7lerini. Teslim olmay\u0131p orada tutunmay\u0131 planlad\u0131lar, ama \u00f6l\u00fcm a\u011fa\u00e7larla birlikte t\u0131rpanlay\u0131p y\u0131kt\u0131 onlar\u0131. Alman asker \u00f6l\u00fcleri devrilmi\u015f \u00e7am tomruklar\u0131 alt\u0131nda yat\u0131yordu. Lime lime olmu\u015f bedenleri ye\u015fil e\u011freltiotular\u0131 aras\u0131nda \u00e7\u00fcr\u00fcyordu. […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[115],"tags":[],"class_list":{"0":"post-6690","1":"post","2":"type-post","3":"status-publish","4":"format-standard","6":"category-ceviri-oykuler"},"yoast_head":"\nBiz nas\u0131l sava\u015f\u0131laca\u011f\u0131n\u0131, nas\u0131l kin duyulaca\u011f\u0131n\u0131 ve nas\u0131l sevilece\u011fini \u00f6\u011frendik | Mihail \u015eolohov - narteks.net<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/narteks.net\/index.php\/2011\/08\/09\/biz-nasil-savasilacagini-nasil-kin-duyulacagini-ve-nasil-sevilecegini-ogrendik-mihail-solohov\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"tr_TR\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Biz nas\u0131l sava\u015f\u0131laca\u011f\u0131n\u0131, nas\u0131l kin duyulaca\u011f\u0131n\u0131 ve nas\u0131l sevilece\u011fini \u00f6\u011frendik | Mihail \u015eolohov\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Sava\u015fta a\u011fa\u00e7lar, insanlar gibidir, herbirinin kendi yazg\u0131lar\u0131 vard\u0131r. Top\u00e7umuzun ate\u015fi alt\u0131na yan\u0131p y\u0131k\u0131lm\u0131\u015f kocaman geni\u015f ormanlar g\u00f6rm\u00fc\u015ft\u00fcm. Ge\u00e7enlerde k\u00f6y\u00fcn birinden s\u00fcr\u00fcl\u00fcp \u00e7\u0131kar\u0131lan Almanlar bir ormana \u00e7ektiler g\u00fc\u00e7lerini. Teslim olmay\u0131p orada tutunmay\u0131 planlad\u0131lar, ama \u00f6l\u00fcm a\u011fa\u00e7larla birlikte t\u0131rpanlay\u0131p y\u0131kt\u0131 onlar\u0131. Alman asker \u00f6l\u00fcleri devrilmi\u015f \u00e7am tomruklar\u0131 alt\u0131nda yat\u0131yordu. Lime lime olmu\u015f bedenleri ye\u015fil e\u011freltiotular\u0131 aras\u0131nda \u00e7\u00fcr\u00fcyordu. 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Top\u00e7umuzun ate\u015fi alt\u0131na yan\u0131p y\u0131k\u0131lm\u0131\u015f kocaman geni\u015f ormanlar g\u00f6rm\u00fc\u015ft\u00fcm. Ge\u00e7enlerde k\u00f6y\u00fcn birinden s\u00fcr\u00fcl\u00fcp \u00e7\u0131kar\u0131lan Almanlar bir ormana \u00e7ektiler g\u00fc\u00e7lerini. Teslim olmay\u0131p orada tutunmay\u0131 planlad\u0131lar, ama \u00f6l\u00fcm a\u011fa\u00e7larla birlikte t\u0131rpanlay\u0131p y\u0131kt\u0131 onlar\u0131. Alman asker \u00f6l\u00fcleri devrilmi\u015f \u00e7am tomruklar\u0131 alt\u0131nda yat\u0131yordu. Lime lime olmu\u015f bedenleri ye\u015fil e\u011freltiotular\u0131 aras\u0131nda \u00e7\u00fcr\u00fcyordu. 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