\u00a0<\/p>\n
benim ad\u0131m\u0131 ba\u011f\u0131\u015fla
…<\/p>\n
“sabah uyand\u0131r\u0131ld\u0131\u011f\u0131nda pazartesiydi
bunu iyice bildi, a\u011fz\u0131 \u00e7iri\u015fli
yersiz, \u00fcrkek, yeni yarat\u0131lm\u0131\u015f gibi
co\u015fkun bir g\u00f6\u011fe uyumsuz ama kararl\u0131
durmaya, direnmeye, a\u015fk olmaya sanki
elleri ve beyni hemen \u00e7al\u0131\u015fkan kesildi
sonra birden bir \u0131\u015f\u0131k bir \u0131\u015f\u0131k bir \u0131\u015f\u0131k<\/p>\n
haz\u0131r bir bi\u00e7imlenmeyi ald\u0131 geldi
\u00e7\u00fcnk\u00fc -anlar gibiydim- biraz yenildi
hemen bir co\u015fkuya gidiverir al\u0131\u015fkanl\u0131\u011f\u0131
oturur t\u0131ra\u015f olur, ekmek k\u0131zart\u0131p yer
kolunda sonsuz bir g\u00fc\u00e7, elinde h\u00fcner
ola\u011fan san\u0131verir doyumsuz karanl\u0131\u011f\u0131
inan\u0131r\u0131m b\u00f6yle ba\u015flar b\u00fct\u00fcn pazartesiler<\/p>\n
yenilmenin tohumunu ta\u015f\u0131r her pazartesi
\u00e7\u00fcnk\u00fc yoktur da\u011flar\u0131n ve yarat\u0131l\u0131\u015f\u0131n \u00f6ncesi
insan uzat\u0131r ellerini bir perdeyi \u00e7eker<\/p>\n
ve pazars\u0131zl\u0131k ki\u015fiyi \u015fa\u015fk\u0131n eder
siner bu\u011fular gibi d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcncemize
her \u015feyin en hakl\u0131s\u0131 en incesi<\/p>\n
beklemek bir tepenin mutlulu\u011funu
bir ac\u0131n\u0131n yak\u0131p ge\u00e7mesini beklemek..”<\/p>\n
karanl\u0131k!
ald\u0131m kocaman yapraklar\u0131 yata\u011f\u0131ma getirdim
bir \u00e7e\u015fit zina gibi yarat\u0131l\u0131\u015fla
ki ben kocaman bal\u0131klar tuttum, sonra b\u0131rakt\u0131m
ak\u015famlara i\u015fi b\u0131rakt\u0131\u011f\u0131m sorumsuzluk ad\u0131na<\/p>\n
benim ad\u0131m\u0131 ba\u011f\u0131\u015fla,
beni iklimler co\u011frafyas\u0131n\u0131n ta kendisi
san\u0131r\u0131m suyum ba\u015fkalar\u0131nca \u0131s\u0131t\u0131l\u0131r
pazartesi.<\/p>\n
kendimi bir y\u0131llar\u0131n i\u00e7ine kapad\u0131m
kendimi koyverdim bir sulara
\u00e7ok \u00f6ld\u00fcm \u00e7ok dirildim anlamad\u0131m
kendimi kendi akrosti\u015fime adad\u0131m
kendimi gerek\u00e7esiz oralara buralara<\/p>\n
karanl\u0131\u011f\u0131 d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnd\u00fcm, kimler yapard\u0131 onu
karanl\u0131k bir simge de\u011fildir, bir ya\u015fama
durmadan ba\u011f\u0131r\u0131r\u0131m ona, ba\u011f\u0131r\u0131r\u0131m
\u00f6l\u00fcm\u00fc ve g\u00f6m\u00fclmeyi ay\u0131rt etmem ama.
ald\u0131m pazartesi ak\u015fam\u0131 bir okka sucuk
\u00f6ncesiz ve beceriksiz geldim odama<\/p>\n
seni en sona saklad\u0131m al\u00e7akg\u00f6n\u00fcll\u00fc \u0131\u015f\u0131k
h\u0131z\u0131n\u0131 hi\u00e7 kesmeden avadanl\u0131klar\u0131m\u0131 bileyen
geliyorum. bana haz\u0131rlanan her \u015feye haz\u0131r\u0131m
ki bu haz\u0131rl\u0131\u011f\u0131na kat\u0131ld\u0131\u011f\u0131m sular\u0131n en g\u00fczelcesi
…<\/p>\n
\u00e7ald\u0131m kap\u0131y\u0131 a\u00e7t\u0131lar. oadama
kravat\u0131m\u0131 \u00e7\u0131kard\u0131m
g\u00f6kleri yad\u0131rgamad\u0131m
g\u00fclery\u00fczl\u00fc ama yeni
\u00e7\u00fcnk\u00fc ortada ben vard\u0131m.<\/p>\n
kanat\u0131r ak\u0131\u015f\u0131n\u0131 akarsular\u0131n \u00e7\u0131plak \u015fimdiki
ba\u015far\u0131lmam\u0131\u015f bir ge\u00e7mi\u015ften artakalan \u015fa\u015fk\u0131nl\u0131k
\u015fimdiki \u00e7\u0131plak. yar\u0131 ayd\u0131nlanm\u0131\u015f bir duvardaki
bir yenilgiden \u00e7\u0131kar\u0131lm\u0131\u015f bir deney. bir ya\u015fl\u0131l\u0131k
solu\u011funu a\u011fart\u0131rd\u0131 bir alt\u0131n damar\u0131n\u0131n<\/p>\n
(bir al\u0131nt\u0131)
“bir adam\u0131 s\u00f6ylerdi
bir kitaba konuydu
hep b\u00f6yle kalmasayd\u0131
hep b\u00f6yle ne olurdu”<\/p>\n
kar\u015f\u0131mda bir harita, kahverengi ve mavi
neresi ba\u015fkas\u0131n\u0131n neresi benimki
(\u00f6zel)
art\u0131k buldum herkesin \u00e7\u0131lg\u0131nca sezdi\u011fi
k\u0131y\u0131s\u0131nda dola\u015ft\u0131\u011f\u0131 y\u00fcksek \u00e7in duvar\u0131n\u0131
art\u0131k herkesin belli belirsiz bezdi\u011fi
art\u0131k kendim \u0131s\u0131t\u0131yorum sular\u0131m\u0131.<\/p>\n
karart\u0131lm\u0131\u015f, yerlere vurulmu\u015f yenilgi, seni
yeni bir tanr\u0131 sayan soydand\u0131 o. seni,
betondan ve \u00e7elikten
pazartesi g\u00fcnleri bir mutlu gebelikten
ak\u015fama sabaha uygulayan, seni
seven, sayg\u0131 duyan, yaslanan sana
mermerden yan\u0131lan, pelik\u00fclden, insan onurundan
mermere yenilen, pelik\u00fcle, insan onuruna
se\u00e7im sand\u0131klar\u0131na, otuz\u00fc\u00e7 d\u00f6n\u00fcl\u00fc plaklara
yenile yenile \u015fa\u015fk\u0131n, \u015fimdiki \u00e7\u0131plak
bir ya\u015fl\u0131l\u0131k
a\u011fart\u0131r solu\u011funu bir alt\u0131n damar\u0131n\u0131n.
yenile yenile \u015fa\u015fk\u0131n
arta arta kendi diline aktard\u0131\u011f\u0131,
s\u0131k\u0131nt\u0131s\u0131na. seni.
o, bir yan\u0131lma san\u0131ld\u0131, sabaha b\u0131rak\u0131ld\u0131
(sabaha kald\u0131m)
bir \u00e7er\u00e7eveyi ans\u0131yordu, bakt\u0131k\u00e7a k\u0131m\u0131ldamayan..<\/p>\n
“kutsal yenilgi!.. \u015fimdiki.
o’na ba\u011f\u0131ms\u0131zl\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131 hat\u0131rlat\u0131yorsun \u015fimdi
her \u015feye yeniden ba\u015flaman\u0131n
kanatt\u0131k\u00e7a…”<\/p>\n
Turgut UYAR<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
\u00a0 benim ad\u0131m\u0131 ba\u011f\u0131\u015fla… “sabah uyand\u0131r\u0131ld\u0131\u011f\u0131nda pazartesiydibunu iyice bildi, a\u011fz\u0131 \u00e7iri\u015fliyersiz, \u00fcrkek, yeni yarat\u0131lm\u0131\u015f gibico\u015fkun bir g\u00f6\u011fe uyumsuz ama kararl\u0131durmaya, direnmeye, a\u015fk olmaya sankielleri ve beyni hemen \u00e7al\u0131\u015fkan kesildisonra birden bir \u0131\u015f\u0131k bir \u0131\u015f\u0131k bir \u0131\u015f\u0131k haz\u0131r bir bi\u00e7imlenmeyi ald\u0131 geldi\u00e7\u00fcnk\u00fc -anlar gibiydim- biraz yenildihemen bir co\u015fkuya gidiverir al\u0131\u015fkanl\u0131\u011f\u0131oturur t\u0131ra\u015f olur, ekmek k\u0131zart\u0131p yerkolunda sonsuz […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[65],"tags":[],"class_list":{"0":"post-6750","1":"post","2":"type-post","3":"status-publish","4":"format-standard","6":"category-turgut-uyar"},"yoast_head":"\n