{"id":6950,"date":"2018-08-01T00:01:16","date_gmt":"2018-07-31T21:01:16","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/localhost\/wordpress\/2018\/08\/01\/yalniz-gezerin-duslemleri-ikinci-gezi-jean-jacques-rousseau\/"},"modified":"2018-08-01T00:01:16","modified_gmt":"2018-07-31T21:01:16","slug":"yalniz-gezerin-duslemleri-ikinci-gezi-jean-jacques-rousseau","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/narteks.net\/index.php\/2018\/08\/01\/yalniz-gezerin-duslemleri-ikinci-gezi-jean-jacques-rousseau\/","title":{"rendered":"Yaln\u0131z Gezerin D\u00fc\u015flemleri – \u0130kinci Gezi | Jean-Jacques Rousseau"},"content":{"rendered":"

Ruhumun her zamanki durumunu tan\u0131mlamay\u0131 bir \u00f6l\u00fcml\u00fcn\u00fcn d\u00fc\u015febilece\u011fi en \u015fa\u015f\u0131rt\u0131c\u0131 durumda tasarlay\u0131nca, bu giri\u015fimimi ba\u015farman\u0131n en kolay, en g\u00fcvenli yolunu, yaln\u0131zca dola\u015fmalar\u0131m\u0131 ve dola\u015f\u0131rken kurdu\u011fum d\u00fc\u015flemleri oldu\u011fu gibi yazmakta buldum. Bu yaln\u0131zl\u0131k ve d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnme saatleri, g\u00fcn\u00fcn, b\u00fct\u00fcn\u00fcyle kendim oldu\u011fumu, bana yabanc\u0131 d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcncelerden uzak oldu\u011fumu, do\u011fa benim nas\u0131l olmam\u0131 istediyse \u00f6yle oldu\u011fumu ger\u00e7ekten s\u00f6yleyebilece\u011fim tek anlar\u0131d\u0131r.<\/p>\n

Bu d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcncemi ger\u00e7ekle\u015ftirmekte \u00e7ok gecikti\u011fimi, az sonra anlad\u0131m. Canl\u0131l\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131 yitiren imgelemim art\u0131k, eskisi gibi, kendisini eyleme ge\u00e7iren bir konu kar\u015f\u0131s\u0131nda ate\u015f alm\u0131yor. D\u00fc\u015flemlerin sabuklamas\u0131 (hezeyan\u0131), beni daha az sarho\u015f ediyor. \u0130mgelemimin \u015fimdiki \u00fcr\u00fcnlerinde, yaratmadan \u00e7ok an\u0131msama var. Al\u0131\u015fk\u0131lar\u0131m\u0131n hepsi, \u0131l\u0131k bir uyu\u015fuklu\u011fa dald\u0131. Ya\u015fama ruhu bende derece derece s\u00f6n\u00fcyor. Ruhum, k\u00f6hne kab\u0131ndan zorla f\u0131rlar oldu ve ancak, hak etti\u011fimden dolay\u0131 bekledi\u011fim durumun ger\u00e7ekle\u015fme umudu olmasa, yaln\u0131zca an\u0131lar\u0131mla ya\u015fayaca\u011f\u0131m. B\u00f6ylece, kendimi b\u00fcsb\u00fct\u00fcn bat\u0131rmadan \u00f6nce g\u00f6rebilmek i\u00e7in, yery\u00fcz\u00fcndeki b\u00fct\u00fcn umutlar\u0131m\u0131 yitirerek, y\u00fcre\u011fimi besleyecek hi\u00e7bir besin bulamayarak onu kendi \u00f6z\u00fcyle beslemeye ve besinini i\u00e7imde bulmaya yava\u015f yava\u015f al\u0131\u015ft\u0131\u011f\u0131m d\u00f6neme d\u00f6nmeliyim.<\/p>\n

Pek ge\u00e7 ke\u015ffetti\u011fim bu yol \u00f6ylesine verimli oldu ki, bana her \u015feyi unutturdu. Kendimle kar\u015f\u0131 kar\u015f\u0131ya kalmak al\u0131\u015fkanl\u0131\u011f\u0131m, sonunda bana dertlerimi duyumsatmaz oldu. Mutluluk kayna\u011f\u0131n\u0131n bizde bulundu\u011funu, mutlu olmas\u0131n\u0131 bileni mutsuz k\u0131lman\u0131n insanlar\u0131n elinde olmad\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131, deneyimimle \u00f6\u011frendim. D\u00f6rt ya da be\u015f y\u0131ldan beri, sevgiyle dolu yumu\u015fak ruhlar\u0131n d\u00fcnyadan uzakla\u015fmakta bulduklar\u0131 i\u00e7 hazz\u0131n\u0131 duymaktayd\u0131m. Yaln\u0131z dola\u015f\u0131rken d\u00fc\u015ft\u00fc\u011f\u00fcm bu esrime, bu kendimden ge\u00e7me durumlar\u0131, bana ac\u0131mas\u0131z davrananlara bor\u00e7lu oldu\u011fum zevklerdi: Onlars\u0131z kendimde ta\u015f\u0131d\u0131\u011f\u0131m hazineleri ne bulabilir, ne de g\u00f6rebilirdim. Bunca zenginlik ortas\u0131nda onun hesab\u0131n\u0131 nas\u0131l tutabilirim? B\u00f6yle tatl\u0131 bir d\u00fc\u015flemi an\u0131msamak isterken betimleyece\u011fime yine onlar\u0131n i\u00e7ine d\u00fc\u015ft\u00fcm. Bir ruh durumudur ki an\u0131s\u0131 yine ona d\u00f6nd\u00fcr\u00fcr, ve art\u0131k duyumsanmay\u0131nca, anla\u015f\u0131lmaz olur. Sonraki gezintilerde, hele s\u00f6z\u00fcn\u00fc edece\u011fim ve d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcncelerimin ak\u0131\u015f\u0131n\u0131 kesip bir zaman i\u00e7in ba\u015fka bir y\u00f6ne \u00e7eviren o beklenmedik olay\u0131n ge\u00e7ti\u011fi gezintide, “\u0130tiraflar”\u0131m\u0131n ekini yazmay\u0131, ger\u00e7ekten tasarlad\u0131m.<\/p>\n

1776 y\u0131l\u0131 Kas\u0131m\u0131’n\u0131n 24’\u00fcnc\u00fc Per\u015fembe g\u00fcn\u00fc, yemekten sonra, b\u00fcy\u00fck caddeleri Chemin-Vert Soka\u011f\u0131’na dek izleyerek Menilmontant s\u0131rtlar\u0131na \u00e7\u0131kt\u0131m ve orada, \u00e7ay\u0131rla ba\u011flar\u0131n aras\u0131ndaki dar yoldan, bu iki k\u00f6y\u00fc ay\u0131ran \u015firin k\u0131rlar\u0131 Charanne’a kadar gezdim; sonra da ayn\u0131 \u00e7ay\u0131rdan ama ba\u015fka bir yoldan ge\u00e7tim. B\u00fct\u00fcn buralarda g\u00fczel g\u00f6r\u00fcn\u00fcmlerin verdi\u011fi zevk ve ilgiyle dola\u015f\u0131yor, ara s\u0131ra, \u00e7imenler aras\u0131ndaki kimi otlar\u0131n ne olduklar\u0131n\u0131 incelemek i\u00e7in durakl\u0131yordum. Paris \u00e7evresinde pek az g\u00f6rd\u00fc\u011f\u00fcm, ama o \u00e7ay\u0131rda pek bol bulunan iki ota g\u00f6z\u00fcm ili\u015fti. Biri bile\u015fikgillerden “Picris hieracioides”, \u00f6teki de \u015femsiyemsilerden “Buplevrum falcatum”du. Bunlar\u0131 bulmak \u00e7ok ho\u015fuma gitti ve beni uzun s\u00fcre e\u011flendirdi. Sonunda, hele y\u00fcksek yerlerde b\u00fcsb\u00fct\u00fcn az bulunur bir bitkiye raslamama yol a\u00e7t\u0131 ki, o da, ayn\u0131 g\u00fcn u\u011frad\u0131\u011f\u0131m kazaya kar\u015f\u0131n \u00fczerimdeki kitapta ve ot koleksiyonumda buldu\u011fum “Cerastium aquaticum”dur.<\/p>\n

Her birini ayr\u0131 ayr\u0131 pek iyi tan\u0131d\u0131\u011f\u0131m, g\u00f6r\u00fcn\u00fc\u015flerinden h\u00e2l\u00e2 ho\u015fland\u0131\u011f\u0131m daha bir\u00e7ok otu birer birer g\u00f6zden ge\u00e7irdikten sonra, sonunda bu k\u00fc\u00e7\u00fck g\u00f6zlemlerden yava\u015f yava\u015f vazge\u00e7erek bunlar\u0131n t\u00fcm\u00fcn\u00fcn bende yaratt\u0131\u011f\u0131 ho\u015f ve san\u0131r\u0131m daha etkili izlenime kendimi b\u0131rakt\u0131m. Ba\u011fbozumu birka\u00e7 g\u00fcn \u00f6nce bitmi\u015fti; kentten gelenler geri d\u00f6nm\u00fc\u015ft\u00fc, k\u00f6yl\u00fcler de k\u0131\u015f mevsimi \u00e7al\u0131\u015fmalar\u0131ndan k\u00f6ylerine d\u00f6nmek \u00fczere k\u0131rlardan uzakla\u015f\u0131yorlard\u0131. Yer yer yapraklar\u0131 kopar\u0131lm\u0131\u015f otlar hen\u00fcz ye\u015fildi ama insanlar \u00e7ekildi\u011fi i\u00e7in k\u0131rlar pek \u0131ss\u0131zd\u0131; yak\u0131nda bast\u0131racak olan k\u0131\u015f\u0131n g\u00f6r\u00fcn\u00fcm\u00fcne b\u00fcr\u00fcnm\u00fc\u015ft\u00fc her yer. O g\u00f6r\u00fcn\u00fcm\u00fcn verdi\u011fi tatl\u0131 ve \u00fcz\u00fcc\u00fc izlenim, ya\u015f\u0131ma ve talihime \u00f6yle benziyordu ki… Ruhum hen\u00fcz canl\u0131 duygularla dolu, beynim de art\u0131k, s\u0131k\u0131nt\u0131larla \u00fcz\u00fcnt\u00fclerin doldurdu\u011fu birka\u00e7 \u00e7i\u00e7ekle s\u00fcsl\u00fc oldu\u011fu halde, kendimi masum ve talihsiz bir \u00f6mr\u00fcn sonunda g\u00f6r\u00fcyordum. Yaln\u0131z ve yaln\u0131z b\u0131rak\u0131lm\u0131\u015f oldu\u011fum i\u00e7in ya\u015fl\u0131l\u0131\u011f\u0131n so\u011fuk havas\u0131n\u0131 duymaya ba\u015flad\u0131\u011f\u0131m gibi, s\u00f6nmeye y\u00fcz tutan imgelemim yaln\u0131zl\u0131k evrenini g\u00f6nl\u00fcme g\u00f6re tasarlanm\u0131\u015f imgelerle \u015fenlendirmez olmu\u015ftu. \u0130\u00e7imi \u00e7ekerek kendi kendime, “Bu d\u00fcnyada ne su\u00e7 i\u015fledim?” diyordum. <\/p>\n

Ya\u015famak i\u00e7in do\u011fmu\u015ftum, ya\u015famadan \u00f6l\u00fcyorum. San\u0131r\u0131m kusur bende de\u011fil ve beni yaradana, yapmama f\u0131rsat verilmeyen iyilikleri sunamazsam da, hi\u00e7 de\u011filse engellenen iyi niyetlerimi, kat\u0131\u015f\u0131ks\u0131z ama etkili olmaktan al\u0131konmu\u015f duygular\u0131m\u0131 ve insanlar\u0131n a\u015fa\u011f\u0131lamas\u0131na kar\u015f\u0131 sars\u0131lmaz bir sabr\u0131 sunabilirim? Bu d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnceler beni duyguland\u0131r\u0131yordu; ruhumun, gen\u00e7li\u011fimden beri; olgunluk d\u00f6nemimde insan toplumundan beni \u00e7\u0131kard\u0131klar\u0131ndan beri ve ya\u015fam\u0131m\u0131n sonuna kadar \u00e7ekilece\u011fim yaln\u0131zl\u0131k k\u00f6\u015femdeki sald\u0131r\u0131lar\u0131n\u0131 g\u00f6zden ge\u00e7iriyordum. Y\u00fcre\u011fimin b\u00fct\u00fcn sevgilerini, k\u00f6r\u00fc k\u00f6r\u00fcne edindi\u011fi ilgileri, ruhumun birka\u00e7 y\u0131ld\u0131r beslendi\u011fi \u00fcz\u00fcc\u00fc de\u011fil de avutucu d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnceleri ho\u015flanarak an\u0131ms\u0131yor ve onlar\u0131 ya\u015famaktan ald\u0131\u011f\u0131ma e\u015fit derin bir zevkle anlatmaya haz\u0131rlan\u0131yordum. \u00d6\u011fle \u00fcst\u00fc bu gibi dingin d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcncelerle ge\u00e7ti ve o g\u00fcnk\u00fc geziden pek ho\u015fnut olarak d\u00f6n\u00fcyordum ki anlataca\u011f\u0131m olay beni d\u00fc\u015flemlerimin en ate\u015fli evresinden \u00e7ekip \u00e7\u0131kard\u0131.<\/p>\n

Saat alt\u0131ya do\u011fru Menilmontant yoku\u015funu inip Galant-Jardinier’nin kar\u015f\u0131 yan\u0131na varm\u0131\u015ft\u0131m ki, \u00f6n\u00fcmden giden birka\u00e7 ki\u015fi birdenbire durdu; o s\u0131rada ge\u00e7en bir araban\u0131n pe\u015finden b\u00fcy\u00fck bir h\u0131zla ko\u015fan koca bir k\u00f6pe\u011fin, beni g\u00f6r\u00fcnce duramayaca\u011f\u0131n\u0131 ya da yolunu de\u011fi\u015ftiremeyece\u011fini anlad\u0131m; k\u00f6pe\u011fin beni yere yuvarlamas\u0131ndan ka\u00e7\u0131nmak ve alt\u0131mdan ge\u00e7mesini sa\u011flamak i\u00e7in hemen havaya s\u0131\u00e7ramay\u0131 d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnd\u00fcm. Uygulamaya bile vakit bulamad\u0131\u011f\u0131m bu d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnce, u\u011frayaca\u011f\u0131m kazadan bir an \u00f6nce, akl\u0131mdan bir \u015fim\u015fek h\u0131z\u0131yla ge\u00e7mi\u015fti. Ne \u00e7arpmay\u0131 duydum, ne de d\u00fc\u015ft\u00fc\u011f\u00fcm\u00fc… kendime geldi\u011fim ana dek.<\/p>\n

Ay\u0131ld\u0131\u011f\u0131mda, gece bast\u0131rm\u0131\u015f gibiydi. Kollar\u0131 aras\u0131nda ay\u0131ld\u0131\u011f\u0131m \u00fc\u00e7 d\u00f6rt delikanl\u0131 ba\u015f\u0131ma geleni anlatt\u0131lar: H\u0131z\u0131n\u0131 alamayan k\u00f6pek bacaklar\u0131m\u0131n aras\u0131na at\u0131lm\u0131\u015f ve olanca g\u00fcc\u00fcyle \u00e7arparak beni ba\u015f\u0131m\u0131n \u00fcst\u00fcne d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcrm\u00fc\u015ft\u00fc; v\u00fccudumun b\u00fct\u00fcn a\u011f\u0131rl\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131 ta\u015f\u0131yan \u00fcst \u00e7enem \u00e7\u0131k\u0131nt\u0131l\u0131 bir ta\u015fa de\u011fmi\u015f ve yoku\u015f a\u015fa\u011f\u0131 oldu\u011fu i\u00e7in ba\u015f\u0131m ayaklar\u0131mdan \u00f6nce yere \u00e7arpm\u0131\u015f ve d\u00fc\u015f\u00fc\u015f\u00fcm bu y\u00fczden b\u00fcsb\u00fct\u00fcn k\u00f6t\u00fc olmu\u015ftu. K\u00f6pe\u011fin sahiplerini g\u00f6t\u00fcren arabac\u0131 hemen durmasaym\u0131\u015f beygirler \u00fcst\u00fcmden ge\u00e7ecekmi\u015f.<\/p>\n

\u0130\u015fte, kendime gelince, beni kald\u0131ranlar\u0131n anlatt\u0131\u011f\u0131ndan \u00f6\u011frendi\u011fim bu oldu. O aral\u0131k, \u00f6yle garip bir ruh durumuna girmi\u015ftim ki, burada anlatmaktan ka\u00e7\u0131namayaca\u011f\u0131m.<\/p>\n

Gece oluyordu. \u00d6nce g\u00f6ky\u00fcz\u00fcn\u00fc g\u00f6rd\u00fcm; sonra da birka\u00e7 y\u0131ld\u0131z\u0131 ve ye\u015fillikleri… Bu ilk duygu bana pek tatl\u0131 geldi. Benli\u011fimi, hen\u00fcz bu izlenimin sayesinde duyumsuyordum. Ya\u015fama kavu\u015fuyor ve zay\u0131f varl\u0131\u011f\u0131mla g\u00f6rd\u00fc\u011f\u00fcm b\u00fct\u00fcn e\u015fyay\u0131 doldurdu\u011fumu san\u0131yordum. Kendimi oldu\u011fum gibi ya\u015fad\u0131\u011f\u0131m saniyeye b\u0131rakt\u0131\u011f\u0131mdan, hi\u00e7bir \u015fey an\u0131msam\u0131yordum; kimli\u011fimi de ay\u0131rt edemiyor; kim oldu\u011fumu, nerede bulundu\u011fumu bilmiyordum. Ne ac\u0131 duyuyordum, ne de korku ya da kayg\u0131. Akan kan\u0131ma bir derenin akmas\u0131 gibi bak\u0131yor, bu kan\u0131n benim oldu\u011funu d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnm\u00fcyordum. B\u00fct\u00fcn benli\u011fimde \u00f6yle nefis bir dinginlik duyuyordum ki, onu an\u0131msad\u0131k\u00e7a, insanlarca bilinen zevklerin hi\u00e7birine benzetemeyece\u011fimi d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcn\u00fcyorum.<\/p>\n

Bana nerede oturdu\u011fumu sordular; s\u00f6yleyemedim. Nerede oldu\u011fumu sordum. Haute-Borne’da oldu\u011fumu s\u00f6ylediler, ama sanki “Atlas Da\u011f\u0131nda” demi\u015fler gibi; sonunda hangi \u00fclkede, hangi kentte ve mahallede ya\u015fad\u0131\u011f\u0131m\u0131 sormak zorunda kald\u0131lar; bu da benim kim oldu\u011fumu anlamalar\u0131na yard\u0131m etmedi. Oradan ayr\u0131l\u0131p Paris’in ana caddelerine var\u0131ncaya dek, nerede oturdu\u011fumu ve ad\u0131m\u0131 an\u0131msayamad\u0131m. Tan\u0131mad\u0131\u011f\u0131m, ama benimle bir s\u00fcre y\u00fcr\u00fcmek iyili\u011finde bulunan bir efendi, evimin uzak oldu\u011funu anlayarak Temple mahallesinde bir arabaya binmemi sal\u0131k verdi. H\u00e2l\u00e2 epey kan t\u00fck\u00fcrd\u00fc\u011f\u00fcm halde, yaram\u0131 ya da ac\u0131s\u0131n\u0131 duymaks\u0131z\u0131n kolayca y\u00fcr\u00fcyordum. Ama bozuk di\u015flerimi h\u0131zla birbirine vurduran so\u011fuk bir titremeye tutulmu\u015ftum. Temple mahallesine gelince, rahat\u00e7a y\u00fcr\u00fcd\u00fc\u011f\u00fcme g\u00f6re, araban\u0131n birinde so\u011fuktan \u00f6lmektense y\u00fcr\u00fcmeyi daha uygun buldum. Temple ile Pl\u00e2triere Soka\u011f\u0131 aras\u0131ndaki yar\u0131m saatlik uzakl\u0131\u011f\u0131, g\u00fc\u00e7l\u00fck \u00e7ekmeden y\u00fcr\u00fcyerek, kalabal\u0131ktan ve arabalardan ka\u00e7\u0131narak ve bu yoldan kazadan \u00f6nce nas\u0131l ge\u00e7iyor idiysem \u00f6yle y\u00fcr\u00fcd\u00fcm; sokak kap\u0131s\u0131na koyduklar\u0131 gizli kilidi a\u00e7t\u0131m, karanl\u0131kta merdiveni \u00e7\u0131kt\u0131m ve sonunda, u\u011frad\u0131\u011f\u0131m kaza d\u0131\u015f\u0131nda ba\u015fka bir olayla kar\u015f\u0131la\u015fmaks\u0131z\u0131n odama girdim.<\/p>\n

Kar\u0131m\u0131n beni g\u00f6r\u00fcnce att\u0131\u011f\u0131 \u00e7\u0131\u011fl\u0131k, sand\u0131\u011f\u0131mdan daha k\u00f6t\u00fc bir durumda oldu\u011fumu g\u00f6sterdi. Geceyi, durumumu pek de duyumsamaks\u0131z\u0131n ge\u00e7irdim; ertesi g\u00fcn g\u00f6rd\u00fckleri \u015fu oldu: \u00dcst duda\u011f\u0131m, i\u00e7inden, burnuma dek yar\u0131lm\u0131\u015ft\u0131; derim onu d\u0131\u015far\u0131 taraftan korumu\u015f ve b\u00fcsb\u00fct\u00fcn y\u0131rt\u0131lmas\u0131n\u0131 \u00f6nlemi\u015fti; \u00fcst di\u015flerimden d\u00f6rd\u00fc \u00e7enemin i\u00e7ine saplanm\u0131\u015f, y\u00fcz\u00fcm\u00fcn o b\u00f6l\u00fcm\u00fc \u00f6rten yan\u0131 iyice \u015fi\u015fmi\u015f ve zedelenmi\u015f; sa\u011f elimin ba\u015f parma\u011f\u0131 ezilmi\u015f, sol eliminkiyse a\u011f\u0131r yaralanm\u0131\u015f; sol kolum zedelenmi\u015f, sol dizim de epey \u015fi\u015fmi\u015fti. Bu dizim \u00f6yle ac\u0131yordu ki b\u00fckemiyordum bile… Ancak, b\u00fct\u00fcn bu sars\u0131nt\u0131lara kar\u015f\u0131n hi\u00e7bir yerim, bir di\u015fim bile k\u0131r\u0131lmam\u0131\u015ft\u0131; bu da, ge\u00e7irdi\u011fim kazan\u0131n b\u00fcy\u00fckl\u00fc\u011f\u00fcne g\u00f6re, mucize say\u0131labilirdi.<\/p>\n

\u0130\u015fte o kazan\u0131n ayr\u0131nt\u0131l\u0131 \u00f6yk\u00fcs\u00fc. Bu \u00f6yk\u00fc bir iki g\u00fcn i\u00e7inde Paris’in her yan\u0131nda yay\u0131ld\u0131; yaln\u0131zca, o denli de\u011fi\u015ftirilerek yay\u0131ld\u0131 ki, ger\u00e7e\u011fi ay\u0131rt etmek olanaks\u0131zd\u0131. B\u00f6yle olaca\u011f\u0131n\u0131 \u00f6nceden bilmeliydim. Ama olay konusunda s\u00f6ylenen \u00fcst\u00fc kapal\u0131 s\u00f6zler ve bulunulan an\u0131\u015ft\u0131rmalar, kat\u0131lan \u015fa\u015f\u0131rt\u0131c\u0131 ayr\u0131nt\u0131lar, a\u00e7\u0131ktan a\u00e7\u0131\u011fa s\u00f6z edilmek istenmiyormu\u015f\u00e7as\u0131na tak\u0131n\u0131lan g\u00fcl\u00fcn\u00e7 tav\u0131rlar, sonunda beni kayg\u0131ya d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcren gizemli bir nitelik kazand\u0131. Karanl\u0131k i\u015flerden her zaman nefret ettim; ka\u00e7 y\u0131ld\u0131r \u00e7evremi sard\u0131klar\u0131 halde, ayn\u0131 nefreti a\u015f\u0131larlar. Bu d\u00f6nemin b\u00fct\u00fcn bu gariplikleri ortas\u0131nda birini i\u015faret edece\u011fim ki, bu, \u00f6tekiler konusunda bir yarg\u0131ya varmaya yeter.<\/p>\n

Kendisiyle hi\u00e7bir bak\u0131mdan ili\u015fkim olamayan M\u00f6sy\u00f6 X, bana yazman\u0131n\u0131 g\u00f6ndererek sa\u011fl\u0131k durumumu sordurdu ve bulundu\u011fum ko\u015fullarda, hi\u00e7 de i\u00e7imi rahatlatmak gibi herhangi bir yarar ummad\u0131\u011f\u0131m bir yard\u0131m \u00f6nerisinde bulundu. Yazman, bu \u00f6nerileri kabul etmem konusunda \u00fcsteleyerek, kendisine inanm\u0131yorsam do\u011frudan do\u011fruya M\u00f6sy\u00f6 X’e yazmakl\u0131\u011f\u0131m\u0131 s\u00f6yleyecek denli ileri gitti. Gerek bu ilgi, gerekse bunu g\u00f6sterirken tak\u0131nd\u0131\u011f\u0131 gizlilik tavr\u0131 beni ku\u015fkuland\u0131rd\u0131; bunun alt\u0131nda, bir t\u00fcrl\u00fc anlayamad\u0131\u011f\u0131m bir giz vard\u0131. B\u00fct\u00fcn bunlar, ge\u00e7irdi\u011fim kazan\u0131n ve bunun sonucu olan ate\u015fin verdi\u011fi heyecan i\u00e7inde beni \u00fcrk\u00fctmeye yetiyordu. Bir tak\u0131m kayg\u0131l\u0131 ve \u00fcz\u00fcc\u00fc kuruntulara dalarak, \u00e7evremde olup bitenleri, art\u0131k hi\u00e7bir \u015feyle ilgilenmeyen bir adam\u0131n so\u011fukkanl\u0131l\u0131\u011f\u0131ndan \u00e7ok, ate\u015f sonucu ortaya \u00e7\u0131kan sabuklama olarak yorumluyordum.<\/p>\n

Erincimi b\u00fcsb\u00fct\u00fcn yitirmeme yol a\u00e7an ba\u015fka bir olay daha oldu. Madam X birka\u00e7 y\u0131ld\u0131r, anlayamad\u0131\u011f\u0131m nedenlerden dolay\u0131 pe\u015fimden ko\u015fmu\u015ftu. Amac\u0131 olmayan, zevk vermeyen s\u0131k ziyaretleriyle do\u011fal diyemeyece\u011fim arma\u011fanlar\u0131, san\u0131r\u0131m bana bir \u015feyler anlat\u0131yordu, ama ben bunu anlayam\u0131yordum. Bana, Krali\u00e7e’ye sunmak \u00fczere yazmak istedi\u011fi bir romandan s\u00f6z etmi\u015fti. Ben de yaz\u0131 yazan kad\u0131nlar konusundaki d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcncelerimi s\u00f6ylemi\u015ftim. O ise, d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcncelerinin eski y\u00fcksek durumuna yeniden kavu\u015fmak hedefini g\u00fctt\u00fc\u011f\u00fcn\u00fc ve bu yolda kayr\u0131lmaya gereksinme duydu\u011funu duyumsatm\u0131\u015ft\u0131 ki, buna verecek yan\u0131t\u0131m yoktu. Ondan sonra, Krali\u00e7e’ye yana\u015famad\u0131\u011f\u0131 i\u00e7in kitab\u0131n\u0131 okurlara sunaca\u011f\u0131n\u0131 s\u00f6yledi. \u0130stemedi\u011fi ve zaten dinlemeyece\u011fi \u00f6\u011f\u00fctlerde bulunman\u0131n zaman\u0131 ge\u00e7mi\u015fti. Yap\u0131t\u0131n\u0131 yay\u0131mlatmadan \u00f6nce bana g\u00f6stermek istedi\u011fini s\u00f6ylediyse de g\u00f6stermemesini rica ettim, o da vazge\u00e7ti.<\/p>\n

Kazadan sonraki iyile\u015fme d\u00f6nemindeyken, g\u00fcn\u00fcn birinde, kitab\u0131n\u0131 bana bas\u0131lm\u0131\u015f ve ciltli olarak g\u00f6nderdi. \u00d6ns\u00f6z\u00fcnde beni s\u0131cak bir dille \u00f6ven c\u00fcmleler g\u00f6rd\u00fcm; ancak, bu s\u00f6zler o denli isteksiz, o denli yapmac\u0131kt\u0131 ki bende pek k\u00f6t\u00fc bir etki b\u0131rakt\u0131. Bu \u00f6ns\u00f6zde duyumsad\u0131\u011f\u0131m kaba bir y\u00fczeg\u00fcl\u00fcc\u00fcl\u00fckt\u00fc; bu da i\u00e7tenlikle hi\u00e7 uyu\u015famazd\u0131; bu bak\u0131mdan y\u00fcre\u011fim hi\u00e7 aldanmaz.<\/p>\n

Birka\u00e7 g\u00fcn sonra Madam X k\u0131z\u0131yla birlikte ziyaretime geldi ve kitab\u0131n\u0131n, i\u00e7indeki bir not y\u00fcz\u00fcnden \u00e7ok g\u00fcr\u00fclt\u00fc \u00e7\u0131kard\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131 bildirdi; roman\u0131 kar\u0131\u015ft\u0131r\u0131rken bu not dikkatimi \u00e7ekmemi\u015f gibiydi; konu\u011fum gittikten sonra yeniden okudum ve yaz\u0131l\u0131\u015f bi\u00e7imine bak\u0131nca, yazar\u0131n hem ziyaretleriyle yaltaklanmalar\u0131n\u0131n hem de \u00f6ns\u00f6zdeki \u00f6vg\u00fclerin nedenlerini anlad\u0131m. B\u00fct\u00fcn bunlardaki amac\u0131n, okurlar a\u00e7\u0131s\u0131ndan notu bana mal ettirmek ve yay\u0131mland\u0131\u011f\u0131 ko\u015fullar i\u00e7inde neden olabilece\u011fi su\u00e7lamay\u0131 benim \u00fczerime \u00e7evirmekten ba\u015fka bir \u015fey olmad\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131 g\u00f6rd\u00fcm.<\/p>\n

Ne bu g\u00fcr\u00fclt\u00fcy\u00fc durdurmak elimdeydi, ne de yapaca\u011f\u0131 etkiyi \u00f6nlemek… Yapabilece\u011fim tek \u015fey, Madam X’le k\u0131z\u0131n\u0131n gereksiz ve g\u00fcr\u00fclt\u00fcl\u00fc ziyaretlerini kabul ederek dedikodular\u0131 uzatmamakt\u0131. Bu konuda kad\u0131na yazd\u0131\u011f\u0131m not \u015fudur:<\/p>\n

“Evine hi\u00e7bir yazar\u0131 kabul etmeyen Rousseau, Madam X’e l\u00fbtuflar\u0131ndan dolay\u0131 te\u015fekk\u00fcrlerini bildirir ve art\u0131k ziyaretleriyle onurland\u0131r\u0131lmamas\u0131n\u0131 rica eder.”<\/p>\n

Verdi\u011fi yan\u0131t, bi\u00e7imsel olarak nazik olmakla birlikte, bu gibi durumlarda ald\u0131\u011f\u0131m b\u00fct\u00fcn mektuplar gibi yaz\u0131lm\u0131\u015ft\u0131. Duyarl\u0131 y\u00fcre\u011fine yaban\u0131l bir tav\u0131rla bir han\u00e7er saplam\u0131\u015f\u0131m; bana kar\u015f\u0131 besledi\u011fi duygular \u00f6yle s\u0131cak ve i\u00e7tenmi\u015f ki ili\u015fkimizin kesilmesi nedeniyle \u00f6lecekmi\u015f… \u0130\u015fte, do\u011frulukla a\u00e7\u0131k s\u00f6zl\u00fcl\u00fck insanlar i\u00e7in cinayet say\u0131l\u0131yor; insanlara k\u00f6t\u00fc ve ac\u0131mas\u0131z g\u00f6r\u00fcnmek i\u00e7in onlar gibi sahte ve hain olmamak yeter.<\/p>\n

Art\u0131k soka\u011fa \u00e7\u0131k\u0131yordum; birka\u00e7 kez de Tuileries’ye gezmeye gitmi\u015ftim. Ama orada gezinirken raslad\u0131\u011f\u0131m kimselerin g\u00f6sterdi\u011fi \u015fa\u015fk\u0131nl\u0131ktan anlad\u0131m ki, hakk\u0131mda hen\u00fcz bilmedi\u011fim bir haber daha dola\u015f\u0131yor… Sonunda ge\u00e7irdi\u011fim kazadan sonra \u00f6ld\u00fc\u011f\u00fcm\u00fcn s\u00f6ylendi\u011fini duydum. Bu haber \u00f6yle \u00e7abuk yay\u0131lm\u0131\u015f ki, \u00f6\u011frendi\u011fimden on be\u015f g\u00fcn sonra dahi, sarayda h\u00e2l\u00e2, kesinlikle \u00f6ld\u00fc\u011f\u00fcm s\u00f6yleniyordu. \u00dcstelik, bir mektuptan \u00f6\u011frendi\u011fime g\u00f6re, “Le Courrier D’Ayigron” gazetesi bu mutlu olay\u0131 haber verirken, f\u0131rsattan yararlanarak, \u00f6l\u00fcm\u00fcnden sonra beni anmak i\u00e7in haz\u0131rlanan t\u00f6reni duyurma g\u00f6revini daha \u00f6nceden yapm\u0131\u015f.<\/p>\n

Bu habere, raslant\u0131yla \u00f6\u011frendi\u011fim ve ayr\u0131nt\u0131s\u0131n\u0131 anlayamad\u0131\u011f\u0131m garip bir olay daha kat\u0131ld\u0131: Evimde bulunacak yap\u0131tlar\u0131m\u0131n karalamalar\u0131n\u0131 yay\u0131mlamak i\u00e7in para toplamaya ba\u015flam\u0131\u015flar. Anlad\u0131m ki, \u00f6l\u00fcm\u00fcmden sonra benim yazd\u0131\u011f\u0131m \u00f6ne s\u00fcr\u00fclmek istenen bir \u00e7ok yaz\u0131 elde haz\u0131r bulunduruluyormu\u015f; \u00e7\u00fcnk\u00fc ke\u015ffedilebilecek ger\u00e7ek yaz\u0131lar\u0131m\u0131 bast\u0131rma d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcncesinin ortaya \u00e7\u0131kabilece\u011fini d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnmek, akl\u0131 ba\u015f\u0131nda bir adam\u0131n on be\u015f y\u0131ll\u0131k deneyimden sonra, yapamayaca\u011f\u0131 bir budalal\u0131kt\u0131.<\/p>\n

\u00dcst \u00fcste gelen ve daha bir\u00e7oklar\u0131n\u0131n kat\u0131ld\u0131\u011f\u0131 bu g\u00f6zlemler, duruldu\u011funu sand\u0131\u011f\u0131m imgelemimi yeniden \u00fcrk\u00fctt\u00fc. \u00c7evremi durmaks\u0131z\u0131n saran bu karanl\u0131klar da, a\u015f\u0131lad\u0131klar\u0131 korkuyu uyand\u0131rd\u0131lar. Onlar\u0131 tan\u0131mlay\u0131p yorumlayaca\u011f\u0131m diye yoruluyor, anlayamayaca\u011f\u0131m bir duruma getirilen gizemi \u00e7\u00f6zmeye koyuluyordum. B\u00fct\u00fcn \u00e7abalar\u0131m\u0131n sonucu, daha \u00f6nceki yarg\u0131lar\u0131m\u0131 onaylamak oldu ki, o da gerek kendimin, gerekse \u00fcn\u00fcm\u00fcn talihi \u015fimdiki ku\u015fak\u00e7a kararla\u015ft\u0131r\u0131ld\u0131\u011f\u0131na g\u00f6re, ne yapsam kurtulam\u0131yaca\u011f\u0131m yolundayd\u0131; \u00e7\u00fcnk\u00fc gelecek ku\u015faklara hi\u00e7bir emanet veremem ki, onu yok etmekte \u00e7\u0131kar\u0131 bulunan ellerden ge\u00e7mesin.<\/p>\n

Ancak bu kez daha ileri gittim. Aralar\u0131nda ili\u015fki olmayan bu kadar olay\u0131n bir araya gelmesi; yazg\u0131 bunu \u00f6zellikle yapm\u0131\u015f gibi, en amans\u0131z d\u00fc\u015fmanlar\u0131m\u0131n \u015fans\u0131yd\u0131. Hepsinin devleti y\u00f6netenler, kamuoyuna yol g\u00f6sterenler, beni gizliden gizliye \u00e7ekemeyenler aras\u0131ndan se\u00e7ilmi\u015f ve elbirli\u011fine kat\u0131lan sayg\u0131de\u011fer insanlardan olmalar\u0131, bana \u00f6yle ola\u011fan\u00fcst\u00fc g\u00f6r\u00fcnd\u00fc ki, bunu raslant\u0131 diye yorumlamak olanaks\u0131zd\u0131. Bana kar\u015f\u0131 olan bu anla\u015fmaya kat\u0131lmayan bir tek ki\u015fi ya da herhangi bir olay \u00e7\u0131ksayd\u0131, hemen sonu\u00e7suz kal\u0131rd\u0131. Ama bu insanlar\u0131n amac\u0131na; isteklerin, yazg\u0131n\u0131n, sonu\u00e7lar\u0131n, d\u00f6n\u00fc\u015f\u00fcmlerin hepsi yard\u0131m etti; bu mucizeli elbirli\u011fi Tanr\u0131’n\u0131n ba\u015far\u0131lmas\u0131n\u0131 istedi\u011fi bir \u015feydi. D\u00fcnk\u00fc ve bug\u00fcnk\u00fc g\u00f6zlemlerim bu kan\u0131m\u0131 o derece onayl\u0131yor ki, \u015fimdiye dek ancak insanlar\u0131n k\u00f6t\u00fcl\u00fc\u011f\u00fcnden do\u011fdu\u011fu kan\u0131s\u0131na vard\u0131\u011f\u0131m durumlar\u0131, Tanr\u0131’n\u0131n nedenine akl\u0131m\u0131z\u0131n ermedi\u011fi buyruklar\u0131ndan biri diye g\u00f6rmekten kendimi alam\u0131yorum.<\/p>\n

Bu d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnce beni \u00fczece\u011fine yat\u0131\u015ft\u0131rd\u0131\u011f\u0131 gibi, yazg\u0131ya boyun e\u011fmeye de y\u00f6neltiyor. Tanr\u0131 isterse cehennemlik olmaya r\u0131za g\u00f6stermi\u015f olan aziz Augustinius kadar ileri gitmiyorum; benim yazg\u0131ya boyun e\u011fi\u015fim daha az \u00e7\u0131kar g\u00fcd\u00fcc\u00fc olmamakla birlikte daha i\u00e7ten ve san\u0131r\u0131m, tapt\u0131\u011f\u0131m kusursuz ki\u015fiye daha lay\u0131kt\u0131r.<\/p>\n

Tanr\u0131 adaletlidir. O, \u00e7ekmemi istiyor, ama su\u00e7suz oldu\u011fumu biliyor. \u0130\u015fte g\u00fcvenim buradan gelmekte; y\u00fcre\u011fim ve akl\u0131m, aldanmad\u0131\u011f\u0131m\u0131 il\u00e2n ediyorlar. B\u0131rakal\u0131m talih ve insanlar istediklerini yaps\u0131nlar; ses \u00e7\u0131karmaks\u0131z\u0131n \u00e7ekmeyi \u00f6\u011frenelim; her \u015fey sonunda d\u00fcnyan\u0131n d\u00fczeni i\u00e7inde eriyip gidecek: benim s\u0131ram da er ge\u00e7 gelecektir.<\/p>\n

Yaln\u0131z Gezerin D\u00fc\u015flemleri – \u0130kinci Gezi\u00a0 | Jean-Jacques Rousseau<\/strong><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Ruhumun her zamanki durumunu tan\u0131mlamay\u0131 bir \u00f6l\u00fcml\u00fcn\u00fcn d\u00fc\u015febilece\u011fi en \u015fa\u015f\u0131rt\u0131c\u0131 durumda tasarlay\u0131nca, bu giri\u015fimimi ba\u015farman\u0131n en kolay, en g\u00fcvenli yolunu, yaln\u0131zca dola\u015fmalar\u0131m\u0131 ve dola\u015f\u0131rken kurdu\u011fum d\u00fc\u015flemleri oldu\u011fu gibi yazmakta buldum. Bu yaln\u0131zl\u0131k ve d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnme saatleri, g\u00fcn\u00fcn, b\u00fct\u00fcn\u00fcyle kendim oldu\u011fumu, bana yabanc\u0131 d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcncelerden uzak oldu\u011fumu, do\u011fa benim nas\u0131l olmam\u0131 istediyse \u00f6yle oldu\u011fumu ger\u00e7ekten s\u00f6yleyebilece\u011fim tek anlar\u0131d\u0131r. […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[103],"tags":[],"class_list":{"0":"post-6950","1":"post","2":"type-post","3":"status-publish","4":"format-standard","6":"category-felsefe-genel"},"yoast_head":"\nYaln\u0131z Gezerin D\u00fc\u015flemleri - \u0130kinci Gezi | Jean-Jacques Rousseau - narteks.net<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/narteks.net\/index.php\/2018\/08\/01\/yalniz-gezerin-duslemleri-ikinci-gezi-jean-jacques-rousseau\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"tr_TR\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Yaln\u0131z Gezerin D\u00fc\u015flemleri - \u0130kinci Gezi | Jean-Jacques Rousseau\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Ruhumun her zamanki durumunu tan\u0131mlamay\u0131 bir \u00f6l\u00fcml\u00fcn\u00fcn d\u00fc\u015febilece\u011fi en \u015fa\u015f\u0131rt\u0131c\u0131 durumda tasarlay\u0131nca, bu giri\u015fimimi ba\u015farman\u0131n en kolay, en g\u00fcvenli yolunu, yaln\u0131zca dola\u015fmalar\u0131m\u0131 ve dola\u015f\u0131rken kurdu\u011fum d\u00fc\u015flemleri oldu\u011fu gibi yazmakta buldum. 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