{"id":7123,"date":"2018-08-08T09:55:09","date_gmt":"2018-08-08T06:55:09","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/localhost\/wordpress\/2018\/08\/08\/sesler-vladimir-nabokov\/"},"modified":"2024-04-27T11:24:24","modified_gmt":"2024-04-27T08:24:24","slug":"sesler-vladimir-nabokov","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/narteks.net\/index.php\/2018\/08\/08\/sesler-vladimir-nabokov\/","title":{"rendered":"Sesler | Vladimir NABOKOV"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"\"Pencereyi kapatmak gerekiyordu: Ya\u011fmur pervaza \u00e7arp\u0131p parkeyle koltuklar\u0131n \u00fcst\u00fcne s\u0131\u00e7r\u0131yordu. Dev g\u00fcm\u00fc\u015f hayaletler canl\u0131, h\u0131\u015f\u0131rt\u0131l\u0131 sesler \u00e7\u0131kartarak bah\u00e7ede, yapraklar\u0131n aras\u0131nda, portakal renkli kum\u00adlar\u0131n \u00fcst\u00fcnde ko\u015fu\u015fuyorlard\u0131. Ya\u011fmur olu\u011fu tak\u0131rd\u0131yor, bo\u011fulurcas\u0131na gurulduyordu. Sen Bach \u00e7al\u0131yordun. Piyano cilal\u0131 kanad\u0131n\u0131 kald\u0131r\u00adm\u0131\u015ft\u0131, kanad\u0131n alt\u0131nda bir lir vard\u0131 ve k\u00fc\u00e7\u00fck \u00e7eki\u00e7ler teller \u00fczerinde dalgalan\u0131yordu. Brokar \u00f6rt\u00fc kaba k\u0131vr\u0131mlar olu\u015fturarak yar\u0131\u015fma kadar piyanonun kuyru\u011fundan a\u015fa\u011f\u0131 kaym\u0131\u015f ve sayfalar\u0131 a\u00e7\u0131k bir nota defterini de beraberinde s\u00fcr\u00fcklemi\u015fti. Haziran sa\u011fana\u011f\u0131 durmadan, g\u00f6rkemle camlar\u0131 d\u00f6verken f\u00fcg\u00fcn co\u015fkusu aras\u0131nda tu\u015flara \u00e7arpan y\u00fcz\u00fc\u011f\u00fcn\u00fcn t\u0131k\u0131rt\u0131s\u0131 duyuluyordu. Ve sen, \u00e7almaya ara vermeksizin, ba\u015f\u0131n\u0131 hafif\u00e7e geri atarak, ritme ayak uydurarak hayk\u0131r\u0131yordun: “Ya\u011f\u00admur, ya\u011fmur… Onun sesini bast\u0131raca\u011f\u0131m…”<\/p>\n

Ama bast\u0131ram\u0131yordun.<\/p>\n

Masan\u0131n \u00fcst\u00fcnde kadife tabutlar gibi duran alb\u00fcmlerden ba\u015f\u0131m\u0131 kald\u0131rm\u0131\u015f, seni izliyor, f\u00fcg\u00fc ve ya\u011fmuru dinliyordum. \u0130\u00e7imi her yan\u00addan, raflardan, piyanonun kanad\u0131ndan, avizenin uzun prizmalar\u0131ndan s\u00fcz\u00fclen \u0131slak karanfillerin kokusuna benzer bir ferahl\u0131k kaplad\u0131.<\/p>\n

G\u00fcm\u00fc\u015fs\u00fc ya\u011fmur hayaletleri ile harelenen \u0131\u015f\u0131lt\u0131ya parmaklar\u0131n bast\u0131rd\u0131\u011f\u0131nda \u00fcrperen e\u011fik omuzlar\u0131n\u0131n aras\u0131ndaki m\u00fczikal ba\u011f\u0131 du\u00adyumsad\u0131\u011f\u0131mda esrik bir dengelenmi\u015ftik duygusu sard\u0131 beni. Ve kendi benli\u011fimin derinliklerine \u00e7ekildi\u011fimde b\u00fct\u00fcn d\u00fcnya da \u00f6yle g\u00f6r\u00fcnd\u00fc bana: t\u00fcrde\u015f, uyumlu, armoni yasalar\u0131na ba\u011fl\u0131. O anda sen, ben, karanfiller, hepimiz porte \u00fczerinde dikey notalar oluverdik. Evrendeki her \u015feyin -a\u011fa\u00e7lar\u0131n, suyun, senin- \u00f6zde\u015f tanecikler aras\u0131nda farkl\u0131 farkl\u0131 titre\u015fim uygunluklan olu\u015fturan bir etkile\u015fimden iba\u00adret oldu\u011funun ay\u0131rd\u0131na vard\u0131m. Her \u015fey bir, e\u015fit ve kutsald\u0131. Sen ye\u00adrinden kalkt\u0131n. Ya\u011fmur h\u00e2l\u00e2 g\u00fcn \u0131\u015f\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131 bi\u00e7mekteydi. Su birikintileri koyu renkli kumlar \u00fczerinde birer delik, yeralt\u0131ndan s\u00fcz\u00fcl\u00fcp ge\u00e7en ba\u015fka g\u00f6kkubbelere a\u00e7\u0131lan birer menfez gibiydiler. Bir s\u0131ran\u0131n \u00fcze\u00adrinde Danimarka porseleni gibi parlayan raketin unutulmu\u015f duruyor\u00addu; telleri ya\u011fmurdan kahverengile\u015fmi\u015fti, kasna\u011f\u0131 sekizgen bi\u00e7iminde idi.<\/p>\n

Patikaya girdi\u011fimizde alacal\u0131 g\u00f6lgeler ve \u00e7\u00fcr\u00fcm\u00fc\u015f mantar kokusu ba\u015f\u0131m\u0131 d\u00f6nd\u00fcrd\u00fc.<\/p>\n

Seni g\u00fcne\u015fin tesad\u00fcfen \u00fcst\u00fcne vurdu\u011fu bir andaki halinle an\u0131m\u00ads\u0131yorum. Dirseklerin sivri ve solgun, bak\u0131\u015flar\u0131n bulan\u0131kt\u0131. Konu\u015furken k\u00fc\u00e7\u00fck elinin kemikli kenar\u0131yla ve ince bile\u011findeki bilezi\u011fin p\u0131r\u0131lt\u0131s\u0131yla havay\u0131 yarard\u0131n. Sa\u00e7\u0131n eriyerek \u00e7evresinde titre\u015fen \u0131\u015f\u0131lt\u0131l\u0131 havayla kayna\u015f\u0131rd\u0131. Sinirli sinirli \u00e7ok miktarda sigara i\u00e7erdin. Duman\u0131 her iki burun deli\u011finden \u00fcfleyip, k\u00fcl\u00fc bir fiskeyle yana silkerdin. Kumru grisi malik\u00e2nen bizimkinden be\u015f verst uzakl\u0131ktayd\u0131. \u0130\u00e7erisi yank\u0131l\u0131, tumturakl\u0131 ve serindi. G\u00f6steri\u015fli bir metropol dergisinde fo\u00adto\u011fraf\u0131 \u00e7\u0131km\u0131\u015ft\u0131. Hemen her sabah bisikletimin deri selesine atlay\u0131p patika boyunca ormandan, sonra anayol boyunca k\u00f6y\u00fcn i\u00e7inden, der\u00adken bir ba\u015fka patikadan r\u00fczg\u00e2r gibi ge\u00e7erek sana gelirdim. Sen koca\u00adn\u0131n eyl\u00fclde gelmeyecek olmas\u0131ndan cesaret al\u0131yordun. Hi\u00e7bir \u015feyden korkumuz yoktu, senin ve benim – ne hizmetk\u00e2rlar\u0131n dedikodular\u0131n\u00addan, ne de benim ailemin ku\u015fkulanmas\u0131ndan. Her ikimiz de farkl\u0131 bi\u00ad\u00e7imlerde kadere g\u00fcveniyorduk.<\/p>\n

A\u015fk\u0131n da sesin gibi biraz pes perdedendi. G\u00f6z ucuyla sevdi\u011fin s\u00f6y\u00adlenebilirdi ve asla a\u015fktan s\u00f6z etmezdin. Sen suskunluklar\u0131na hemen al\u0131\u015f\u0131lan her zaman ketum kad\u0131nlardand\u0131n. Ancak, arada bir i\u00e7inde bir \u015fey patlay\u0131verirdi. \u0130\u015fte o zaman kocaman Bechstein’\u0131n g\u00fcmb\u00fcrderdi ya da bu\u011fulu g\u00f6zlerini dosdo\u011fru ileri dikerek bana kocandan ya da onun b\u00f6l\u00fckteki yolda\u015flar\u0131ndan dinledi\u011fin son derece g\u00fcl\u00fcn\u00e7 f\u0131kralar anlat\u0131rd\u0131n. Ellerini an\u0131ms\u0131yorum – mavimsi damarlar\u0131yla uzun, solgun eller.<\/p>\n

Ya\u011fmurun kam\u00e7\u0131 gibi saklad\u0131\u011f\u0131 ve senin \u015fa\u015f\u0131rt\u0131c\u0131 bir ustal\u0131kla piyano \u00e7ald\u0131\u011f\u0131n o mutlu g\u00fcnde a\u015fk\u0131m\u0131z\u0131n ilk haftalar\u0131n\u0131n ard\u0131ndan aram\u0131zda belli belirsiz olu\u015fan tan\u0131ms\u0131z bir \u015fey \u00e7\u00f6z\u00fcmleniverdi. Benim \u00fczerimde bir g\u00fcc\u00fcn olmad\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131, sevdi\u011fimin yaln\u0131zca sen de\u011fil, t\u00fcm d\u00fcnya oldu\u011funu ayr\u0131msad\u0131m. Sanki ruhum her yana say\u0131s\u0131z duyargalar uzatm\u0131\u015ft\u0131 ve ben ayn\u0131 anda hem okyanusun \u00f6tesinde, \u00e7ok uzaklarda g\u00fcrleyen Niagara \u015eelaleleri’ni, hem de patikada h\u0131\u015f\u0131rday\u0131p t\u0131p\u0131rdayan uzun alt\u0131ns\u0131 ya\u011fmur damlalar\u0131n\u0131 alg\u0131layarak her \u015feyin i\u00e7inde ya\u015f\u0131yor\u00addum. Bir kay\u0131n a\u011fac\u0131n\u0131n parlayan g\u00f6vdesi ili\u015fti g\u00f6z\u00fcme ve ans\u0131z\u0131n kollar\u0131m\u0131n yerine k\u00fc\u00e7\u00fck \u0131slak yapraklarla \u00f6rt\u00fcl\u00fc e\u011fik dallar\u0131n\u0131, ba\u00adcaklar\u0131m\u0131n yerine topra\u011f\u0131n i\u00e7ine b\u00fckl\u00fcm b\u00fckl\u00fcm uzanarak onu emen binlerce narin k\u00f6k\u00fcm oldu\u011funu duyumsad\u0131m. T\u00fcm do\u011fayla b\u00f6ylece hemhal olmak, s\u00fcngerimsi sar\u0131 alt y\u00fczeyli olgun bir mantar, bir yu\u00adsuf\u00e7uk ya da g\u00fcne\u015f k\u00fcre olman\u0131n neye benzedi\u011fini ya\u015famak istiyor\u00addum. \u00d6yle mutluydum ki, birden kahkahalarla g\u00fclmeye ba\u015flad\u0131m ve boynunla k\u00f6pr\u00fcc\u00fck kemi\u011finden \u00f6pt\u00fcm seni. Sana bir \u015fiir bile okuya\u00adbilirdim, ama sen \u015fiirden hi\u00e7 ho\u015flanmazd\u0131n.<\/p>\n

Y\u00fcz\u00fcnde cans\u0131z bir g\u00fcl\u00fcc\u00fck belirdi ve “Ya\u011fmur sonras\u0131 ne ho\u015f,” dedin. Sonra, bir an d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcn\u00fcp ekledin: “Biliyor musun, \u015fimdi akl\u0131ma geldi – bug\u00fcn \u00e7aya davetliyim, \u015feye, ad\u0131 neydi… Pal Pali\u00e7’e. S\u0131k\u0131c\u0131 adam\u0131n biridir. Ama, anlars\u0131n ya, gitmem gerek.”<\/p>\n

Pal Pali\u00e7’i eskiden beri tan\u0131rd\u0131m. Birlikte bal\u0131\u011fa \u00e7\u0131kard\u0131k ve ans\u0131\u00adz\u0131n, durup dururken g\u0131c\u0131rt\u0131l\u0131 tenor sesiyle “Ak\u015fam \u00c7anlar\u0131” \u015fark\u0131s\u0131n\u0131 s\u00f6ylemeye ba\u015flard\u0131. Onu pek severdim. Ate\u015ften bir damla bir yaprak\u00adtan dudaklar\u0131m\u0131n tam \u00fcst\u00fcne d\u00fc\u015ft\u00fc… Sana e\u015flik etmeyi \u00f6nerdim.<\/p>\n

\u00dcrpererek omuz silktin. “Orada can s\u0131k\u0131nt\u0131s\u0131ndan \u00f6lece\u011fiz. Ne korkun\u00e7.” Bile\u011fine bir g\u00f6z at\u0131p g\u00f6\u011f\u00fcs ge\u00e7irdin. “Gitme zaman\u0131. Ayakkab\u0131lar\u0131m\u0131 de\u011fi\u015ftirmeliyim.”<\/p>\n

Puslu yatak odanda inik jaluzilerin aras\u0131ndan s\u0131zan g\u00fcn \u0131\u015f\u0131\u011f\u0131 yer\u00adde iki alt\u0131n merdiven olu\u015fturmu\u015ftu. Pes sesinle bir \u015feyler s\u00f6yledin. Pencerenin d\u0131\u015f\u0131nda a\u011fa\u00e7lar ho\u015fnut bir h\u0131\u015f\u0131rt\u0131yla soluklan\u0131p \u00fczerlerin\u00adden sular damlat\u0131yorlard\u0131. Ve ben bu h\u0131\u015f\u0131rt\u0131ya g\u00fcl\u00fcmseyerek sana ha\u00adfif\u00e7e, tutkusuzca sar\u0131ld\u0131m.<\/p>\n

Olay \u015f\u00f6yle geli\u015fti. Irma\u011f\u0131n bir k\u0131y\u0131s\u0131nda senin park\u0131n, senin \u00e7ay\u0131rlar\u0131n, kar\u015f\u0131 k\u0131y\u0131da ise k\u00f6y vard\u0131. Ana yolda yer yer derin tekerlek izleri olu\u015fmu\u015ftu. \u00c7amur canl\u0131 bir menek\u015fe moruydu ve tekerlek izlerinin i\u00e7leri s\u00fctl\u00fc kahverengi suyla doluydu. K\u00fct\u00fckl\u00fck kara a\u011fa\u00e7lar\u0131n e\u011fik g\u00f6lgeleri \u00f6zellikle belirgindi.<\/p>\n

G\u00f6lgelerin alt\u0131nda s\u0131k kullan\u0131lan bir patikay\u0131 izleyerek y\u00fcr\u00fcd\u00fck, bir manav\u0131n, levhas\u0131 z\u00fcmr\u00fct ye\u015fili bir han\u0131n, buram buram g\u00fcbre ve taze saman kokan g\u00fcne\u015fli avlular\u0131n \u00f6n\u00fcnden ge\u00e7tik.<\/p>\n

Okul binas\u0131 yeniydi, ta\u015ftan yap\u0131lm\u0131\u015ft\u0131 ve \u00e7evresine ak\u00e7aa\u011fa\u00e7lar dikilmi\u015fti. Okulun e\u015fi\u011finde bir k\u00f6yl\u00fc kad\u0131n bezini bir kovaya s\u0131karken beyaz bald\u0131rlar\u0131 parl\u0131yordu.<\/p>\n

Sen sordun: “Pal Pali\u00e7 evde mi?” \u00c7illi, \u00f6rg\u00fcl\u00fc sa\u00e7l\u0131 kad\u0131n g\u00fcne\u015fe kar\u015f\u0131 g\u00f6zlerini k\u0131st\u0131. “Evde, evde.” Topu\u011fuyla ittirdi\u011finde kova \u00e7\u0131ng\u0131rdad\u0131. “\u0130\u00e7eri buyrun, han\u0131mefendi. \u0130\u015flikte olmal\u0131lar.”<\/p>\n

G\u0131c\u0131rt\u0131lar aras\u0131nda karanl\u0131k bir holden, derken ferah bir derslikten ge\u00e7tik.<\/p>\n

Giderayak g\u00f6z\u00fcm g\u00f6k mavisi bir haritaya tak\u0131ld\u0131 ve i\u015fte b\u00fct\u00fcn Rusya b\u00f6yle, diye ge\u00e7irdim i\u00e7imden – g\u00fcn \u0131\u015f\u0131\u011f\u0131 ve \u00e7ukurluklar. Bir k\u00f6\u015fede ezilmi\u015f bir tebe\u015fir par\u00e7as\u0131 \u0131\u015f\u0131ld\u0131yordu.<\/p>\n

Daha ilerde, k\u00fc\u00e7\u00fck i\u015flikte ho\u015f bir marangoz zamk\u0131 ve \u00e7am tala\u015f\u0131 kokusu vard\u0131. Ceketsiz, iriyar\u0131 ve terli Pal Pali\u00e7 sol aya\u011f\u0131n\u0131 \u00f6ne uzat\u00adm\u0131\u015f, inildeyen beyaz bir keresteyi i\u015ftah kabartacak bi\u00e7imde planyalamaktayd\u0131. Nemli, \u00e7\u0131plak kafas\u0131 tozlu bir \u0131\u015f\u0131k demetinde ileri geri sallan\u0131yordu. Tezg\u00e2h\u0131n alt\u0131nda, yerde tala\u015flar c\u0131l\u0131z sa\u00e7 l\u00fcleleri gibi k\u0131vr\u0131k k\u0131vr\u0131kt\u0131lar.<\/p>\n

“Pal Pali\u00e7, konuklar\u0131n var!” diye seslendim.<\/p>\n

\u0130rkildi, an\u0131nda eli aya\u011f\u0131na doland\u0131, uzatt\u0131\u011f\u0131n eline tan\u0131d\u0131k bir ha\u00adreketle son derece kay\u0131ts\u0131zca edepli bir \u00f6p\u00fcc\u00fck kondurdu, sonra nemli parmaklar\u0131n\u0131 bir an avcumun i\u00e7ine bo\u015falt\u0131p benimle tokala\u015ft\u0131. Sark\u0131k b\u0131y\u0131klar\u0131 ve \u015fa\u015f\u0131las\u0131 derin \u00e7izgili y\u00fcz\u00fc tereya\u011f\u0131ms\u0131 kilden bi\u00e7im\u00adlendirilmi\u015f gibiydi.<\/p>\n

“Kusura bakmay\u0131n – g\u00f6r\u00fcyorsunuz ya, hen\u00fcz giyinmedim,” dedi su\u00e7lu bir g\u00fcl\u00fcmsemeyle. Pencere pervaz\u0131nda yan yana iki silindir gibi duran bir \u00e7ift g\u00f6mlek man\u015fetini kap\u0131p alelacele kollar\u0131na ge\u00e7irdi.<\/p>\n

“Ne \u00fczerinde \u00e7al\u0131\u015f\u0131yorsunuz?” diye sordun sen, bile\u011fini bir an \u0131\u015f\u0131ldatarak. Pal Pali\u00e7 elini kolunu savurarak ceketini giymeye \u00e7abal\u0131\u00adyordu. “Hi\u00e7, yaln\u0131zca oyalan\u0131yordum,” dedi t\u00fck\u00fcr\u00fckler sa\u00e7arak ve dudaks\u0131l \u00fcns\u00fczlerde hafif\u00e7e dili dolanarak. “Bir \u00e7e\u015fit k\u00fc\u00e7\u00fck raf. He\u00adn\u00fcz bitmedi. Daha z\u0131mparalan\u0131p cilalanacak. Ama \u015funa bir bak\u0131n -ona Sinek ad\u0131n\u0131 verdim…” Avu\u00e7lar\u0131n\u0131n aras\u0131nda s\u00fcrterek h\u0131z verdi\u011fi minyat\u00fcr bir tahta helikopteri havaland\u0131rd\u0131, ara\u00e7 v\u0131z\u0131ldayarak y\u00fcksel\u00addi, sonra tavana \u00e7arp\u0131p yere d\u00fc\u015ft\u00fc.<\/p>\n

Senin y\u00fcz\u00fcnde nazik bir g\u00fcl\u00fcc\u00fc\u011f\u00fcn g\u00f6lgesi g\u00f6r\u00fcn\u00fcp kayboldu. “Ah, ne aptal\u0131m!” diye yeniden s\u00f6ze ba\u015flad\u0131 Pal Pali\u00e7. “Dostlar\u0131m, yukarda bekleniyordunuz. Bu kap\u0131 g\u0131c\u0131rd\u0131yor. Kusura bakmay\u0131n. \u0130z\u00adninizle \u00f6nden gideyim. Korkar\u0131m odam \u00e7ok da\u011f\u0131n\u0131k…”<\/p>\n

“Beni davet etti\u011fini unutmu\u015f galiba,” dedin sen, \u0130ngilizce konu\u00ad\u015farak, g\u0131c\u0131rt\u0131l\u0131 basamaklar\u0131 \u00e7\u0131kmaya ba\u015flad\u0131\u011f\u0131m\u0131zda.<\/p>\n

Senin s\u0131rt\u0131n\u0131 izliyordum, bluzunun ekose ipe\u011fini. A\u015fa\u011f\u0131da bir yerlerden, herhalde avludan, \u00e7\u0131nlayan bir k\u00f6yl\u00fc kad\u0131n sesi y\u00fckseldi: “Gerosim, hey Gerosim!” Ve ans\u0131z\u0131n d\u00fcnyan\u0131n y\u00fczy\u0131llard\u0131r s\u0131rf \u015fu an\u00adda a\u015fa\u011f\u0131da \u00e7\u0131nlayan sesi, senin ipeklere b\u00fcr\u00fcnm\u00fc\u015f k\u00f6pr\u00fcc\u00fck kemik\u00adlerinin devinimini ve \u00e7am kerestelerinin kokusunu birle\u015ftirip tek bir dikey akor halinde kayna\u015ft\u0131rmak amac\u0131yla a\u00e7arak, solarak, d\u00f6nerek de\u011fi\u015fti\u011fim kavray\u0131verdim apa\u00e7\u0131k.<\/p>\n

Pal Pali\u00e7’in odas\u0131 g\u00fcne\u015fli ama olduk\u00e7a s\u0131k\u0131\u015f\u0131kt\u0131. Ortas\u0131na sar\u0131 bir aslan i\u015flenmi\u015f k\u0131pk\u0131rm\u0131z\u0131 bir hal\u0131 yata\u011f\u0131n \u00fcst\u00fcndeki duvara \u00e7ivilen\u00admi\u015fti. Bir ba\u015fka duvarda Anna Karenina’n\u0131n \u00e7er\u00e7evelenmi\u015f bir b\u00f6l\u00fc\u00adm\u00fc as\u0131l\u0131yd\u0131 ve \u00f6yle d\u00fczenlenmi\u015fti ki koyu ve a\u00e7\u0131k renkli harflerin di\u00adzili\u015fleriyle sat\u0131rlar\u0131n ustal\u0131kl\u0131 yerle\u015fimi Tolstoy’un y\u00fcz\u00fcn\u00fcn resmini olu\u015fturuyordu.<\/p>\n

Ev sahibimiz ellerini ovu\u015fturarak sana yer g\u00f6sterdi. Bunu yapar\u00adken ceketinin ete\u011fiyle bir sehpan\u0131n \u00fcst\u00fcnde duran bir alb\u00fcme \u00e7arp\u0131p onu yere d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcrd\u00fc. Alb\u00fcm\u00fc yerden kald\u0131rd\u0131. \u00c7ay, yo\u011furt ve birtak\u0131m yavan bisk\u00fcviler \u00e7\u0131kt\u0131 ortaya. Pal Pali\u00e7 bir b\u00fcfenin \u00e7ekmecesinden \u00e7i\u00ad\u00e7ekli bir Landrin \u015fekerlemesi kutusu \u00e7\u0131kartt\u0131. \u00d6ne e\u011filince yakas\u0131n\u0131n arkas\u0131ndan sivilceli bir deri k\u0131vr\u0131m\u0131 p\u0131rtlad\u0131. Pencere pervaz\u0131ndaki bir \u00f6r\u00fcmcek a\u011f\u0131n\u0131n ince telleri aras\u0131nda sar\u0131, \u00f6l\u00fc bir yabanar\u0131s\u0131 vard\u0131. Sen bir koltu\u011fun \u00fcst\u00fcnden kay\u0131ts\u0131zca alm\u0131\u015f oldu\u011fun bir gazetenin yapra\u00ad\u011f\u0131n\u0131 h\u0131\u015f\u0131rdatarak ans\u0131z\u0131n, “Saraybosna nerede?” diye sordun. Pal Pali\u00e7 bardaklara \u00e7ay koyarken seni yan\u0131tlad\u0131: “S\u0131rbistan’da.”<\/p>\n

Ve duman\u0131 t\u00fcten g\u00fcm\u00fc\u015f zarfl\u0131 barda\u011f\u0131 eli titreyerek, dikkatle sana uzatt\u0131.<\/p>\n

“Buyrun. Size bir par\u00e7a bisk\u00fcvi ikram edebilir miyim? Hem ne diye bomba at\u0131yorlar ki?” diye sordu bana bak\u0131p omuzlar\u0131n\u0131 sert\u00e7e silkerek.<\/p>\n

Ben kocaman cam bir k\u00e2\u011f\u0131t a\u011f\u0131rl\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131 belki de y\u00fcz\u00fcnc\u00fc kez ince\u00adlemekteydim. Cam\u0131n i\u00e7inde pembeye \u00e7alan bir g\u00f6k ve alt\u0131n rengi kum tanecikleriyle nokta nokta bezenmi\u015f Aziz \u0130shak Katedrali bulu\u00adnuyordu. Sen g\u00fcld\u00fcn ve y\u00fcksek sesle okudun: “D\u00fcn \u0130kinci Esnaf Bir\u00adli\u011fi \u00fcyelerinden Yero\u015fin adl\u0131 bir t\u00fcccar Quisisana Lokantas\u0131’nda tu\u00adtuklanm\u0131\u015ft\u0131r. Yero\u015fin’in yalan vaatlerde bulunarak…” Yeniden g\u00fcld\u00fcn. “Yo, gerisi pek yak\u0131\u015f\u0131ks\u0131z.”<\/p>\n

Pal Pali\u00e7 tela\u015fland\u0131, y\u00fcz\u00fc kahveye \u00e7alan bir k\u0131z\u0131ll\u0131\u011fa b\u00fcr\u00fcnd\u00fc ve ka\u015f\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131 d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcrd\u00fc. Pencerenin hemen dibinde ak\u00e7aa\u011fa\u00e7 yapraklar\u0131 p\u0131\u00adr\u0131ldad\u0131. Bir y\u00fck arabas\u0131 tak\u0131rdayarak ge\u00e7ti. Bir yerlerden kederli, do\u00adkunakl\u0131 bir feryat y\u00fckseldi: “Dondurmaa !”<\/p>\n

Pal Pali\u00e7 okuldan, sarho\u015fluktan, \u0131rmakta beliren alabal\u0131klardan s\u00f6z etmeye ba\u015flad\u0131. Ben de onu incelemeye koyuldum ve eski tan\u0131\u015f ol\u00admam\u0131za kar\u015f\u0131n onu ger\u00e7ekte ilk kez g\u00f6r\u00fcyormu\u015fum duygusuna kap\u0131l\u00add\u0131m. \u0130lk kar\u015f\u0131la\u015fmam\u0131zda bende olu\u015fan imgesi, benimsenip al\u0131\u015fkanl\u0131\u011fa d\u00f6n\u00fc\u015fm\u00fc\u015f bir \u015fey gibi beynime kaz\u0131n\u0131p hi\u00e7 de\u011fi\u015fmeden kalm\u0131\u015ft\u0131 sanki. Pal Pali\u00e7’i ne zaman zihnimde canland\u0131rsam her nedense yaln\u0131z koyu sar\u0131 b\u0131y\u0131klar\u0131 de\u011fil onlara uyan k\u00fc\u00e7\u00fck bir sakal\u0131 da varm\u0131\u015f gibime gelirdi. D\u00fc\u015f \u00fcr\u00fcn\u00fc bir sakal pek \u00e7ok Rus \u00e7ehresinin karakteristi\u011fidir. \u015eimdi ona, deyim yerindeyse, i\u00e7sel g\u00f6z\u00fcmle \u00f6zel bir bak\u0131\u015f at\u0131nca ger\u00e7ekte \u00e7enesinin yuvarlak, t\u00fcys\u00fcz ve hafif\u00e7e \u00e7ukur oldu\u011funu g\u00f6rd\u00fcm. Burnu etliydi ve sol g\u00f6z kapa\u011f\u0131n\u0131n \u00fcst\u00fcnde seve seve kesip alabilece\u011fim sivilcemsi bir et beni \u00e7arpt\u0131 g\u00f6z\u00fcme – ama bu beni kesmek onu \u00f6ld\u00fcrmek olurdu. Tam anlam\u0131yla, benzersiz bir bi\u00e7imde onu i\u00e7eriyordu ben. Bunlar\u0131n t\u00fcm\u00fcn\u00fcn ay\u0131rd\u0131na var\u0131p onu bir b\u00fct\u00fcn olarak inceledikten sonra yoku\u015f a\u015fa\u011f\u0131 kaymas\u0131n\u0131 sa\u011flamak i\u00e7in ruhu\u00admu d\u00fcrter gibi belli belirsiz bir hareket yapt\u0131m ve Pal Pali\u00e7’in i\u00e7ine s\u00fcz\u00fcl\u00fcverdim, onun i\u00e7inde rahat\u00e7a yay\u0131ld\u0131m ve adeta i\u00e7inden kur\u0131\u015f\u0131k g\u00f6zkapa\u011f\u0131n\u0131n \u00fcst\u00fcndeki o \u00e7\u0131k\u0131nt\u0131y\u0131, yakas\u0131n\u0131n kolal\u0131 u\u00e7lar\u0131n\u0131, kafas\u0131n\u0131n kelinde y\u00fcr\u00fcmekte olan sine\u011fi duyumsad\u0131m. Onun her yan\u0131n\u0131 de\u00advingen, kuru g\u00f6zlerle inceledim. Yata\u011f\u0131n \u00fcst\u00fcndeki sar\u0131 aslan \u015fimdi \u00e7ocuklu\u011fumdan beri benim duvar\u0131mda duruyormu\u015f kadar tan\u0131d\u0131kt\u0131. D\u0131\u015fb\u00fckey cam\u0131n arkas\u0131ndaki renkli kartpostal ola\u011fan\u00fcst\u00fc, zarif, keyifli bir \u015feye d\u00f6n\u00fc\u015ft\u00fc. \u00d6n\u00fcmde, s\u0131rt\u0131m\u0131n art\u0131k benimsedi\u011fi o al\u00e7ak has\u0131r koltukta oturan art\u0131k sen de\u011fil, okulun bir hamisi, hemen hi\u00e7 ta\u00adn\u0131mad\u0131\u011f\u0131m suskun bir han\u0131mefendiydi. An\u0131nda ayn\u0131 kolayl\u0131kla senin de i\u00e7ine s\u00fcz\u00fcld\u00fcm, dizinin \u00fcst\u00fcnde jartiyerinin kurdelesini ve onun hemen \u00fcst\u00fcnde ince patiskan\u0131n g\u0131d\u0131klay\u0131\u015f\u0131n\u0131 alg\u0131lad\u0131m ve senin yerine, havan\u0131n \u00e7ok s\u0131cak, \u00e7ok s\u0131k\u0131c\u0131 oldu\u011funu, insan\u0131n can\u0131n\u0131n sigara \u00e7ekti\u011fini d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnd\u00fcm. Tam o anda \u00e7antandan alt\u0131n bir tabaka \u00e7\u0131kartt\u0131n ve a\u011f\u0131zl\u0131\u011f\u0131na bir sigara takt\u0131n. \u0130\u015fte ben her \u015feyin i\u00e7indeydim – senin, sigaran\u0131n, a\u011f\u0131zl\u0131\u011f\u0131n, beceriksizce kibriti yakmaya \u00e7al\u0131\u015fan Pal Pali\u00e7’in, cam k\u00e2\u011f\u0131t a\u011f\u0131rl\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131n, pervazdaki \u00f6l\u00fc yaban ar\u0131s\u0131n\u0131n.<\/p>\n

Aradan y\u0131llar ge\u00e7ti, \u00fcrkek, tombul Pal Pali\u00e7’in \u015fimdi nerede ol\u00addu\u011funu bilmiyorum. Yine de bazen, akl\u0131m\u0131n ucundan bile ge\u00e7mezken, onu o andaki ya\u015fant\u0131m\u0131n mek\u00e2n ve zaman\u0131na aktanlm\u0131\u015f olarak d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcmde g\u00f6r\u00fcyorum. Elinde rengi solmu\u015f Panama \u015fapkas\u0131, tela\u015fl\u0131 ve g\u00fcle\u00e7, bir odaya giriyor, y\u00fcr\u00fcrken e\u011filerek selam veriyor, kocaman bir mendille kafas\u0131n\u0131n kelini ve pembe ensesini siliyor. Ve ne zaman onu d\u00fc\u015flesem sen s\u0131rt\u0131nda d\u00fc\u015f\u00fck belli bir ipek bluzla, tembelce d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcm\u00fcn i\u00e7inden ge\u00e7iyorsun.<\/p>\n

O ola\u011fan\u00fcst\u00fc mutlu g\u00fcnde konu\u015fkanl\u0131\u011f\u0131m \u00fcst\u00fcmde de\u011fildi. S\u00fct\u00fcn kaygan kesmiklerini yudumlay\u0131p her sese kulak kabart\u0131yordum. Pal Pali\u00e7 sustu\u011funda karn\u0131n\u0131n m\u0131r\u0131ldan\u0131\u015f\u0131n\u0131 duyabiliyordum – hafif bir g\u0131c\u0131rt\u0131 ve ard\u0131ndan minnac\u0131k bir gurultu. Bunun \u00fczerine alayi\u015fli bir bi\u00e7imde bo\u011faz\u0131n\u0131 temizliyor ve alelacele herhangi bir konuda konu\u015f\u00admaya ba\u015fl\u0131yordu. Tak\u0131l\u0131yor, do\u011fru s\u00f6zc\u00fc\u011f\u00fc bulmaya \u00e7al\u0131\u015farak ka\u015flar\u0131n\u0131 \u00e7at\u0131p parmaklar\u0131yla masan\u0131n \u00fcst\u00fcnde tempo tutuyordu. Sen al\u00e7ak koltu\u011fa g\u00f6m\u00fclm\u00fc\u015f, ald\u0131rmaz ve suskun oturuyordun. Ba\u015f\u0131m yana \u00e7e\u00advirip sivri dirse\u011fini kald\u0131rarak ensendeki firketeleri d\u00fczeltirken kir\u00adpiklerinin aras\u0131ndan bana bir bak\u0131\u015f at\u0131yordun. \u0130kimiz birlikte geldi\u011fi\u00admiz i\u00e7in Pal Pali\u00e7’in ili\u015fkimizi anlam\u0131\u015f olabilece\u011fini d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnd\u00fc\u011f\u00fcm\u00fc ve bu y\u00fczden onun yan\u0131nda tedirginli\u011fe kap\u0131ld\u0131\u011f\u0131m\u0131 san\u0131yordun. Senin b\u00f6yle sanman beni e\u011flendiriyordu. Kas\u0131tl\u0131 olarak kocandan ve kocan\u0131n i\u015flerinden s\u00f6z etti\u011finde Pal Pali\u00e7’in hafif\u00e7e ve kederle k\u0131zarmas\u0131 da beni e\u011flendiriyordu.<\/p>\n

Okulun \u00f6n\u00fcnde g\u00fcne\u015fin s\u0131cak sar\u0131s\u0131 ak\u00e7aa\u011fa\u00e7lar\u0131n alt\u0131na sa\u00e7\u0131lm\u0131\u015ft\u0131. E\u015fikte Pal Pali\u00e7 u\u011frad\u0131\u011f\u0131m\u0131z i\u00e7in te\u015fekk\u00fcr ederek \u00f6n\u00fcm\u00fczde e\u011fildi, sonra kap\u0131 aral\u0131\u011f\u0131nda durup bir kez daha e\u011fildi ve d\u0131\u015f duvarda bir ter\u00admometre, cam beyaz\u0131 \u0131\u015f\u0131ldad\u0131.<\/p>\n

K\u00f6y\u00fc geride b\u0131rak\u0131p, k\u00f6pr\u00fcden ge\u00e7ip evine giden yoku\u015fu \u00e7\u0131kmaya ba\u015flad\u0131\u011f\u0131m\u0131zda seni dirse\u011finden tuttum ve sen mutlu oldu\u011funu g\u00f6steren o \u00f6zel \u00e7arp\u0131k g\u00fcl\u00fcc\u00fc\u011f\u00fcn\u00fc patlatt\u0131n. Birden Pal Pali\u00e7’in k\u00fc\u00e7\u00fck k\u0131r\u0131\u015f\u0131klar\u0131ndan, pullarla bezenmi\u015f Aziz \u0130shak Katedrali’nden s\u00f6z etmek istedim sana, ama daha konu\u015fmaya ba\u015flar ba\u015flamaz a\u011fz\u0131mdan yanl\u0131\u015f s\u00f6zc\u00fcklerin d\u00f6k\u00fcld\u00fc\u011f\u00fc, garip \u015feyler s\u00f6yledi\u011fim duygusuna kap\u0131ld\u0131m ve sen sevecenlikle, “Gariban,” deyince konuyu de\u011fi\u015ftirdim. Nelere ihtiya\u00e7 duydu\u011funu biliyordum: basit duygulara, basit s\u00f6zc\u00fcklere. Suskunlu\u011fun kendili\u011finden ve durgundu, bulutlar\u0131n ve bitkilerin suskunlu\u011fu gibi. Her suskunluk bir gizemin kabul\u00fcd\u00fcr. Sende gizemli g\u00f6r\u00fcnen pek \u00e7ok \u015fey vard\u0131.<\/p>\n

Kabar\u0131k g\u00f6mlekli bir i\u015f\u00e7i ora\u011f\u0131n\u0131 \u00e7\u0131nlata \u00e7\u0131nlata, sert\u00e7e biliyordu. Bi\u00ad\u00e7ilmemi\u015f uyuzotu \u00e7i\u00e7eklerinin \u00fcst\u00fcnde kelebekler u\u00e7u\u015fuyordu. Omuzlar\u0131na a\u00e7\u0131k ye\u015fil bir ba\u015f\u00f6rt\u00fcs\u00fc atm\u0131\u015f, koyu sa\u00e7lar\u0131n\u0131n aras\u0131na papatyalar takm\u0131\u015f bir gen\u00e7 k\u0131z yoldan bize do\u011fru geliyordu. Onu daha \u00f6nce \u00fc\u00e7-be\u015f kere g\u00f6rm\u00fc\u015ft\u00fcm ve g\u00fcne\u015f yan\u0131\u011f\u0131 ince boynu belle\u011fimde yer etmi\u015fti. K\u0131z ge\u00e7erken hafif\u00e7e \u00e7ekik g\u00f6zleriyle sana dikkatle bakt\u0131. Sonra hende\u011fin \u00fcst\u00fcnden dikkatle s\u0131\u00e7rayarak k\u0131z\u0131la\u011fa\u00e7lar\u0131n ard\u0131nda g\u00f6zden kayboldu. Mat dokulu \u00e7al\u0131lar\u0131n aras\u0131ndan g\u00fcm\u00fc\u015fs\u00fc bir titre\u015fim ge\u00e7ti. Sen, “Bahse girerim, benim park\u0131mda ho\u015f bir gezintiye \u00e7\u0131km\u0131\u015f. Bu tatilcilere \u00f6yle sinir oluyorum ki…” dedin. Bir av k\u00f6pe\u011fi, ya\u015fl\u0131, \u015fi\u015fman bir di\u015fi, sahibinin ard\u0131 s\u0131ra yolda ko\u015fturuyordu. Sen k\u00f6peklere bay\u0131l\u0131rd\u0131n. K\u00fc\u00e7\u00fck yarat\u0131k karn\u0131n\u0131n \u00fcst\u00fcnde s\u00fcr\u00fcnerek, kulaklar\u0131 geriye yap\u0131\u015f\u0131k, kuyruk sallayarak yan\u0131m\u0131za geldi. Uzatt\u0131\u011f\u0131n elinin alt\u0131nda s\u0131rt\u00fcst\u00fc yuvarlan\u0131p sana haritams\u0131 gri beneklerle kapl\u0131 pembe g\u00f6be\u011fini a\u00e7t\u0131. “Ay, ne \u015feker \u015feysin,” dedin o \u00f6zel ok\u015fayan – t\u00fcyleri kar\u0131\u015ft\u0131ran sesinle.<\/p>\n

Av k\u00f6pe\u011fi bir s\u00fcre yuvarland\u0131ktan sonra nazik\u00e7e c\u0131yaklad\u0131 ve hende\u011fi bir ko\u015fu a\u015f\u0131p yoluna devam etti.<\/p>\n

Al\u00e7ak park kap\u0131s\u0131na yakla\u015ft\u0131\u011f\u0131m\u0131zda sen can\u0131n\u0131n sigara \u00e7ekti\u011fine karar verdin, ama \u00e7antan\u0131n i\u00e7ini kar\u0131\u015ft\u0131r\u0131nca hafif\u00e7e dilini \u015faklatt\u0131n. “Ne aptal\u0131m. A\u011f\u0131zl\u0131\u011f\u0131m\u0131 Pal Pali\u00e7’te b\u0131rakm\u0131\u015f\u0131m.” Omzuma dokun\u00addun. “Hayat\u0131m, bir ko\u015fu gidip getiriver. Yoksa sigara i\u00e7emem.” Ben senin k\u0131rp\u0131\u015fan kirpiklerini ve tutuk g\u00fcl\u00fcc\u00fc\u011f\u00fcn\u00fc \u00f6p\u00fcp kahkahayla g\u00fcl\u00add\u00fcm.<\/p>\n

Arkamdan seslendin: “Acele et!” Ko\u015fmaya ba\u015flad\u0131m – acele et\u00admemi gerektiren bir \u015fey oldu\u011fundan de\u011fil, yaln\u0131zca \u00e7evremde her \u015fey -\u00e7al\u0131lar\u0131n yanard\u00f6ner \u0131\u015f\u0131lt\u0131lar\u0131, nemli \u00e7imenlerde bulut g\u00f6lgeleri, \u00e7imen bi\u00e7me makinesinin \u00e7akan \u015fim\u015fe\u011fi \u00f6n\u00fcnde can havliyle kendi\u00adlerini bir hende\u011fe atan morumsu \u00e7i\u00e7ekler- ko\u015fturdu\u011fu i\u00e7in.<\/p>\n

On dakika kadar sonra kan ter i\u00e7inde okulun basamaklar\u0131n\u0131 \u00e7\u0131k\u0131yor\u00addum. Kahverengi kap\u0131y\u0131 yumruklad\u0131m. \u0130\u00e7erde bir \u015filte yay\u0131 g\u0131c\u0131rdad\u0131. Kap\u0131n\u0131n kolunu \u00e7evirdim ama kilitliydi. Pal Pali\u00e7’in, “Kim var orada?” diyen tela\u015fl\u0131 sesi duyuldu.<\/p>\n

“Haydi, a\u00e7 kap\u0131y\u0131!” diye ba\u011f\u0131rd\u0131m. \u015eilte yine \u00e7\u0131ng\u0131rdad\u0131 ve \u00e7\u0131plak ayaklar\u0131n \u015fap\u0131rt\u0131s\u0131 i\u015fitildi. “Kap\u0131y\u0131 neden kilitledin ki Pal Pali\u00e7?” Bunu s\u00f6yler s\u00f6ylemez g\u00f6zlerinin k\u0131zarm\u0131\u015f oldu\u011funu fark ettim.<\/p>\n

“Gel, gir i\u00e7eri… Seni g\u00f6rd\u00fc\u011f\u00fcme sevindim. G\u00f6rd\u00fc\u011f\u00fcn gibi, uyu\u00admu\u015fum. Haydi, gir i\u00e7eri.”<\/p>\n

“Burada bir a\u011f\u0131zl\u0131k unutmu\u015fuz,” dedim bak\u0131\u015flar\u0131m\u0131 “ka\u00e7\u0131rarak.<\/p>\n

Sonunda ye\u015fil mineli t\u00fcp\u00fc koltu\u011fun alt\u0131nda bulduk. Onu cebime t\u0131kt\u0131m. Pal Pali\u00e7 mendiline s\u00fcmk\u00fcr\u00fcyordu.<\/p>\n

Durup dururken, “O harika bir kad\u0131n,” dedi, kendini yata\u011f\u0131n \u00fcs\u00adt\u00fcne atarak. G\u00f6\u011f\u00fcs ge\u00e7irdi ve g\u00f6z ucuyla beni s\u00fczd\u00fc. “Rus kad\u0131nla\u00adr\u0131nda \u00f6yle bir \u015fey var ki, belirli bir…” Y\u00fcz\u00fc \u00e7izgi \u00e7izgi k\u0131r\u0131\u015f\u0131klarla doldu ve aln\u0131n\u0131 ovu\u015fturdu. “Belirli bir…” A\u011fz\u0131ndan hafif bir homurtu d\u00f6k\u00fcld\u00fc, “…\u00f6zveri ruhu. D\u00fcnyada bundan daha y\u00fcce bir \u015fey yoktur. Ola\u011fan\u00fcst\u00fc incelikli, ola\u011fan\u00fcst\u00fc y\u00fcce bir \u00f6zveri ruhu.” Ellerini ba\u015f\u0131n\u0131n arkas\u0131nda kavu\u015fturdu ve y\u00fcz\u00fcne co\u015fkulu bir g\u00fcl\u00fcc\u00fck yay\u0131ld\u0131.<\/p>\n

“Ola\u011fan\u00fcst\u00fc…” Sustu, derken bamba\u015fka bir ses tonuyla, s\u0131k s\u0131k beni g\u00fcld\u00fcrmek i\u00e7in kulland\u0131\u011f\u0131 tonla sordu: “Pek\u00e2l\u00e2, bana ba\u015fka neler s\u00f6yleyeceksin dostum?” \u0130\u00e7imden ona sar\u0131lmak, ihtiya\u00e7 duydu\u011fu s\u0131ms\u0131cak s\u00f6zc\u00fckleri s\u00f6ylemek geldi. “Y\u00fcr\u00fcy\u00fc\u015fe \u00e7\u0131kmal\u0131s\u0131n Pal Pali\u00e7. Ne diye havas\u0131z bir odada oturup somurtuyorsun?”<\/p>\n

Elini, bo\u015f ver dercesine sallad\u0131. “G\u00f6r\u00fclecek ne varsa g\u00f6rd\u00fcm. D\u0131\u00ad\u015far\u0131da s\u0131caktan bunalmaktan ba\u015fka ne yap\u0131l\u0131r ki…” \u015ei\u015f g\u00f6zlerini ve b\u0131y\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131 s\u0131vazlad\u0131. “Belki bu ak\u015fam bal\u0131\u011fa \u00e7\u0131kar\u0131m.” G\u00f6zkapa\u011f\u0131ndaki sivilcemsi et beni seyirdi.<\/p>\n

Ona \u015funlar\u0131 sormak gerekiyordu asl\u0131nda: “Sevgili Pal Pali\u00e7, de\u00admin neden y\u00fcz\u00fcn\u00fc yast\u0131klara g\u00f6m\u00fcp yatm\u0131\u015ft\u0131n? Saman nezlesi mi ol\u00addun, yoksa b\u00fcy\u00fck bir derdin mi var? Sen hi\u00e7 bir kad\u0131na \u00e2\u015f\u0131k oldun mu? Hem d\u0131\u015far\u0131da p\u0131nl p\u0131nl bir g\u00fcne\u015f ve su birikintileri varken b\u00f6ylesine g\u00fczel bir g\u00fcnde neden a\u011fl\u0131yorsun?..”<\/p>\n

“Neyse, ka\u00e7mal\u0131y\u0131m, Pal Pali\u00e7,” dedim, kendi hallerine b\u0131rak\u0131lm\u0131\u015f bardaklara, tipografik olarak yeniden yarat\u0131lm\u0131\u015f Tolstoy’a, masan\u0131n alt\u0131ndaki, ilik halkalar\u0131 kulaklar\u0131 and\u0131ran postallara g\u00f6z gezdirerek.<\/p>\n

K\u0131rm\u0131z\u0131 zemine bir \u00e7ift sinek kondu. Biri \u00f6tekinin \u00fcst\u00fcne bindi. V\u0131z\u0131lda\u015f\u0131p ayr\u0131ld\u0131lar.<\/p>\n

Pal Pali\u00e7 solu\u011funu a\u011f\u0131r a\u011f\u0131r koyverdi ve “K\u0131r\u0131lmak yok!” dedi. “G\u00fcl\u00fcmseyip sineye \u00e7ekece\u011fim – git, seni tutmayay\u0131m.”<\/p>\n

Gene patikada k\u0131z\u0131la\u011fa\u00e7lar\u0131n yan\u0131 s\u0131ra ko\u015fuyordum. Sanki bir ba\u015fka\u00ads\u0131n\u0131n \u00fcz\u00fcnt\u00fcs\u00fcyle y\u0131kanm\u0131\u015ft\u0131m, onun g\u00f6zya\u015flanyla p\u0131r\u0131l p\u0131r\u0131l olmu\u015f\u00adtum. O g\u00fcn bug\u00fcnd\u00fcr pek ender ya\u015fad\u0131m b\u00f6ylesi bir mutlulu\u011fu: yal\u00adn\u0131zca yerlere e\u011filmi\u015f bir a\u011fac\u0131n, delik bir eldivenin, bir at\u0131n g\u00f6zlerinin kar\u015f\u0131s\u0131nda… Herhangi bir devinim ya da \u0131\u015f\u0131ma nas\u0131l mutlu olursa, \u00f6yle bir mutluluktu bu. Bir zamanlar milyonlarca varl\u0131\u011fa ve nesneye b\u00f6l\u00fcnm\u00fc\u015ft\u00fcm. Bug\u00fcn birim. Yar\u0131n yine b\u00f6l\u00fcnece\u011fim. Evrendeki her \u015fey bu bi\u00e7imde dam\u0131t\u0131l\u0131p d\u00fczenlenir. Ben o g\u00fcn bir dalgan\u0131n te\u00adpesindeydim. \u00c7evremdeki her \u015feyin tek bir armoninin notalar\u0131 oldu\u00ad\u011funun bilincindeydim; i\u00e7ten i\u00e7e, bir anl\u0131\u011f\u0131na bir araya gelen seslerin kayna\u011f\u0131n\u0131 ve ka\u00e7\u0131n\u0131lmaz \u00e7\u00f6z\u00fcl\u00fcm\u00fcn\u00fc ve d\u00f6rt bir yana da\u011f\u0131lan notalar\u0131n her birinden do\u011facak yeni akorlar\u0131 da biliyordum. Ruhumun m\u00fczik kula\u011f\u0131 her \u015feyi bilip anl\u0131yordu.<\/p>\n

Beni bah\u00e7enin ta\u015fl\u0131k b\u00f6l\u00fcm\u00fcnde, verandaya \u00e7\u0131kan basamaklar\u0131n \u00f6n\u00fcnde kar\u015f\u0131lad\u0131n. Ve s\u00f6yledi\u011fin ilk s\u00f6z \u015fu oldu: “Ben yokken kocam \u015fehirden aram\u0131\u015f; On treniyle geliyor. Herhalde bir \u015fey oldu. Belki de tayini \u00e7\u0131km\u0131\u015ft\u0131r.”<\/p>\n

Bir kuyruksallayan gri-mavi bir r\u00fczg\u00e2r gibi kumlar\u0131n \u00fcst\u00fcnde h\u0131zla sekmekteydi. Durakl\u0131yor, iki-\u00fc\u00e7 ad\u0131m sekiyor, yine durakl\u0131yor, birka\u00e7 ad\u0131m daha sekiyor… Kuyruksallayan, elimdeki a\u011f\u0131zl\u0131k, senin g\u00f6zlerin, elbisenin \u00fcst\u00fcnde g\u00fcne\u015f \u0131\u015f\u0131\u011f\u0131 benekleri… Ba\u015fka t\u00fcrl\u00fcs\u00fc ola\u00admazd\u0131.<\/p>\n

“Akl\u0131ndan ge\u00e7enleri biliyorum,” dedin ka\u015flar\u0131n\u0131 \u00e7atarak. “Birile\u00adrinin ona her \u015feyi anlataca\u011f\u0131n\u0131 filan d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcn\u00fcyorsun. Ama fark etmez… Biliyor musun, ben…”<\/p>\n

Dimdik y\u00fcz\u00fcne bakt\u0131m. B\u00fct\u00fcn varl\u0131\u011f\u0131mla, dosdo\u011fru bakt\u0131m. Se\u00adninle \u00e7arp\u0131\u015ft\u0131m. G\u00f6zlerin, de\u011ferli kitaplardaki resimleri korumakta kullan\u0131lan incecik ipek k\u00e2\u011f\u0131t tabakalar\u0131 \u00fczerlerinden kald\u0131r\u0131lm\u0131\u015f\u00e7as\u0131na duruydular. Sesin de ilk kez duruydu. “Ben neye karar verdim, bi\u00adliyor musun? Dinle. Sensiz ya\u015fayamam. Kocama aynen bunu s\u00f6yle\u00adyece\u011fim. Beni hemen bo\u015fayacakt\u0131r. \u0130\u015fte o zaman, diyelim sonbahara, biz…”<\/p>\n

Suskunlu\u011fumla s\u00f6z\u00fcn\u00fc kestim. Sen hafif\u00e7e geri \u00e7ekilince bir \u0131\u015f\u0131k bene\u011fi ete\u011finden kumlar\u0131n \u00fcst\u00fcne kayd\u0131.<\/p>\n

Sana ne diyebilirdim? \u00d6zg\u00fcrl\u00fckten, tutsakl\u0131ktan dem vurup seni yeterince sevmedi\u011fimi mi s\u00f6yleseydim? Yoo, bu \u00e7ok yanl\u0131\u015f olurdu.<\/p>\n

Bir an ge\u00e7ti. Bu an s\u00fcresince d\u00fcnyada pek \u00e7ok \u015fey oldu: Bir yer\u00adlerde dev bir gemi denizin dibini boylad\u0131, bir sava\u015f ilan edildi, bir d\u00e2\u00adhi do\u011fdu. An ge\u00e7ip gitti.<\/p>\n

“\u0130\u015fte a\u011f\u0131zl\u0131\u011f\u0131n,” dedim. “Koltu\u011fun alt\u0131ndan \u00e7\u0131kt\u0131. Ne oldu biliyor musun? Ben i\u00e7eri girdi\u011fimde Pal Pali\u00e7…”<\/p>\n

“Tamam, art\u0131k gidebilirsin,” dedin sen. D\u00f6nd\u00fcn ve basamaklar\u0131 h\u0131zla ko\u015farak \u00e7\u0131kt\u0131n. Caml\u0131 kap\u0131n\u0131n kolunu tuttun ama bir an a\u00e7ama\u00add\u0131n. Senin i\u00e7in tam bir i\u015fkence olmal\u0131yd\u0131.<\/p>\n

Tatl\u0131ms\u0131 \u0131slakl\u0131\u011f\u0131n ortas\u0131nda bah\u00e7ede bir s\u00fcre durdum. Sonra ellerimi ceplerime dald\u0131r\u0131p evin \u00e7evresini dolanan alacal\u0131 kumluk boyunca y\u00fcr\u00fcd\u00fcm. \u00d6n balkonda bisikletimi buldum. Gidonun al\u00e7ak kollar\u0131n\u0131n \u00fcstlerine e\u011filerek park yolunda s\u00fcrd\u00fcm. Sa\u011fda solda kara kurba\u011falar vard\u0131. Elimde olmadan birini ezdim. Lasti\u011fin alt\u0131nda “poff etti. Yolun sonunda bir s\u0131ra vard\u0131. Bisikleti bir a\u011fa\u00e7 g\u00f6vdesine yaslad\u0131m ve davetk\u00e2r beyazl\u0131kta tahtan\u0131n \u00fcst\u00fcne oturdum. Birka\u00e7 g\u00fcne kadar sen\u00adden bir mektup alaca\u011f\u0131m\u0131, beni \u00e7a\u011f\u0131raca\u011f\u0131n\u0131, ama sana geri d\u00f6nme\u00adyece\u011fimi kurdum. Kuyruklu piyanosuyla, Sanat Dergisi’nin tozlu dilleriyle, yuvarlak \u00e7er\u00e7eveler i\u00e7indeki siluetleriyle birlikte evin ha\u00adrikulade, h\u00fcz\u00fcnl\u00fc bir uzakl\u0131\u011fa do\u011fru s\u00fcz\u00fcld\u00fc. Seni yitirmek harikayd\u0131. Caml\u0131 kap\u0131y\u0131 sert\u00e7e \u00e7eki\u015ftirerek gittin. Ama bir ba\u015fka sen, co\u015fkulu \u00f6p\u00fcc\u00fcklerimin alt\u0131nda soluk g\u00f6zlerini a\u00e7arak ba\u015fka t\u00fcrl\u00fc ayr\u0131ld\u0131n.<\/p>\n

Ak\u015fama kadar orada \u00f6ylece oturdum. Tatarc\u0131klar g\u00f6r\u00fcnmez ipler ta\u00adraf\u0131ndan \u00e7eki\u015ftiriliyormu\u015f gibi a\u015fa\u011f\u0131 yukar\u0131 z\u0131pl\u0131yorlard\u0131. Ans\u0131z\u0131n ya\u00adk\u0131nlarda bir yerde parlayan bir leke ili\u015fti g\u00f6z\u00fcme – senin elbisendi ve sen…<\/p>\n

Son titre\u015fimler durulmam\u0131\u015f m\u0131yd\u0131? Bunun i\u00e7in bir kez daha bu\u00adraya gelmen, yan tarafta bir yerde, g\u00f6r\u00fc\u015f alan\u0131m\u0131n d\u0131\u015f\u0131nda durman, y\u00fcr\u00fcyor, yakla\u015f\u0131yor olman beni tedirgin etti. Kendimi zorlayarak ba\u00ad\u015f\u0131m\u0131 \u00e7evirdim. Gelen sen de\u011fildin, \u015fu ye\u015filimsi ba\u015f\u00f6rt\u00fcl\u00fc k\u0131zd\u0131 – an\u0131msad\u0131n m\u0131, hani yolda kar\u015f\u0131la\u015ft\u0131\u011f\u0131m\u0131z k\u0131z? Bir de onun \u015fu komik g\u00f6bekli av k\u00f6pe\u011fi…<\/p>\n

Yapraklar\u0131n aras\u0131ndaki bo\u015fluklardan ge\u00e7ip gitti ve renkli camlar\u0131 olan k\u00fc\u00e7\u00fck bir kameriyeye uzanan k\u00f6pr\u00fcy\u00fc ge\u00e7ti. K\u0131z\u0131n can\u0131 s\u0131k\u0131l\u0131yor, senin park\u0131nda geziniyor, herhalde bir ara onunla tan\u0131\u015f\u0131r\u0131m.<\/p>\n

Yava\u015f\u00e7a yerimden kalkt\u0131m, bisikletimi a\u011f\u0131r a\u011f\u0131r s\u00fcrerek k\u0131p\u0131rt\u0131s\u0131z park\u0131 ge\u00e7ip anayola, do\u011fruca g\u00f6rkemli bir g\u00fcnbat\u0131m\u0131na \u00e7\u0131kt\u0131m ve bir d\u00f6nemecin sonuna do\u011fru bir at arabas\u0131n\u0131 ge\u00e7tim. Bu t\u0131ng\u0131r m\u0131ng\u0131r is\u00adtasyona gitmekte olan arabac\u0131n Semyon’du. Beni g\u00f6r\u00fcnce yava\u015f\u00e7a kasketini \u00e7\u0131kard\u0131, ba\u015f\u0131n\u0131n arkas\u0131ndaki parlak sa\u00e7 tutamlar\u0131n\u0131 s\u0131vazlad\u0131 ve yeniden ba\u015f\u0131na ge\u00e7irdi. Oturma yerinin \u00fcst\u00fcnde ekose bir diz \u00f6rt\u00fcs\u00fc katlanm\u0131\u015f duruyordu. Siyah beygirin g\u00f6z\u00fcnde \u015fa\u015f\u0131rt\u0131c\u0131 bir yans\u0131ma \u00e7akt\u0131. Hareketsiz pedallarla \u0131rma\u011fa do\u011fru yoku\u015f a\u015fa\u011f\u0131 u\u00e7ar\u00adcas\u0131na indi\u011fimde k\u00f6pr\u00fcn\u00fcn \u00fcst\u00fcnden a\u015fa\u011f\u0131da avcunda bir bal\u0131k olta\u00ads\u0131yla plaj kabininin bir uzant\u0131s\u0131 \u00fczerinde oturan Pal Pali\u00e7’in Panama \u015fapkas\u0131n\u0131 ve yuvarlak omuzlar\u0131n\u0131 g\u00f6rd\u00fcm.<\/p>\n

Frene bas\u0131p elimle k\u00f6pr\u00fc korkulu\u011funa tutunarak durdum.<\/p>\n

“Hey, hey, Pal Pali\u00e7! Oltaya geliyorlar m\u0131?” Yukar\u0131ya bakt\u0131 ve sevimli, i\u00e7ten el sallad\u0131.<\/p>\n

G\u00fcl rengi aynams\u0131 y\u00fczeyin \u00fcst\u00fcnde bir yarasa ok gibi havaland\u0131. Yapraklar\u0131n yans\u0131lar\u0131 siyah danteli and\u0131r\u0131yordu. Pal Pali\u00e7 uzaktan ba\u00adna sesleniyor, el ediyordu. \u0130kinci bir Pal Pali\u00e7 kara dalgac\u0131klar\u0131n ara\u00ads\u0131nda titre\u015fiyordu. Bir kahkaha savurarak korkulu\u011fun yan\u0131ndan \u00e7e\u00adkildim.<\/p>\n

Zemini iyice s\u0131k\u0131\u015ft\u0131r\u0131lm\u0131\u015f patika \u00fczerinde bir tek sessiz savrulu\u015fla k\u00fct\u00fckl\u00fck a\u011fa\u00e7lar\u0131n \u00f6n\u00fcnden ge\u00e7tim. Donuk havada as\u0131l\u0131 inek b\u00f6\u00ad\u011f\u00fcrt\u00fcleri uzakla\u015ft\u0131. Bir-iki yaban ku\u015fu gaklayarak havaya y\u00fckseldi. Derken, daha ilerde, anayolda, g\u00fcnbat\u0131m\u0131n\u0131n u\u00e7suz bucaks\u0131zl\u0131\u011f\u0131nda, hafif\u00e7e puslu tarlalar\u0131n aras\u0131nda, sessizlik.<\/p>\n

Vladimir NABOKOV | Sesler<\/strong><\/p>\n

\u00c7eviri: Seniha AKAR<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Pencereyi kapatmak gerekiyordu: Ya\u011fmur pervaza \u00e7arp\u0131p parkeyle koltuklar\u0131n \u00fcst\u00fcne s\u0131\u00e7r\u0131yordu. Dev g\u00fcm\u00fc\u015f hayaletler canl\u0131, h\u0131\u015f\u0131rt\u0131l\u0131 sesler \u00e7\u0131kartarak bah\u00e7ede, yapraklar\u0131n aras\u0131nda, portakal renkli kum\u00adlar\u0131n \u00fcst\u00fcnde ko\u015fu\u015fuyorlard\u0131. Ya\u011fmur olu\u011fu tak\u0131rd\u0131yor, bo\u011fulurcas\u0131na gurulduyordu. Sen Bach \u00e7al\u0131yordun. Piyano cilal\u0131 kanad\u0131n\u0131 kald\u0131r\u00adm\u0131\u015ft\u0131, kanad\u0131n alt\u0131nda bir lir vard\u0131 ve k\u00fc\u00e7\u00fck \u00e7eki\u00e7ler teller \u00fczerinde dalgalan\u0131yordu. Brokar \u00f6rt\u00fc kaba k\u0131vr\u0131mlar olu\u015fturarak yar\u0131\u015fma kadar […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[115],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-7123","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","category-ceviri-oykuler"],"yoast_head":"\nSesler | Vladimir NABOKOV - narteks.net<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/narteks.net\/index.php\/2018\/08\/08\/sesler-vladimir-nabokov\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"tr_TR\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Sesler | Vladimir NABOKOV\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Pencereyi kapatmak gerekiyordu: Ya\u011fmur pervaza \u00e7arp\u0131p parkeyle koltuklar\u0131n \u00fcst\u00fcne s\u0131\u00e7r\u0131yordu. 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