{"id":7145,"date":"2018-08-16T14:31:27","date_gmt":"2018-08-16T11:31:27","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/localhost\/wordpress\/2018\/08\/16\/lutfen-elimi-ayak-bileginize-dolamama-izin-verin-hayatimi-kurtaracaksiniz-john-cheever\/"},"modified":"2024-04-27T06:58:48","modified_gmt":"2024-04-27T03:58:48","slug":"lutfen-elimi-ayak-bileginize-dolamama-izin-verin-hayatimi-kurtaracaksiniz-john-cheever","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/narteks.net\/index.php\/2018\/08\/16\/lutfen-elimi-ayak-bileginize-dolamama-izin-verin-hayatimi-kurtaracaksiniz-john-cheever\/","title":{"rendered":"L\u00fctfen elimi ayak bile\u011finize dolamama izin verin. Hayat\u0131m\u0131 kurtaracaks\u0131n\u0131z | John Cheever"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"\"\u015eimdi anlatacaklar\u0131m, yaz\u0131n oldu. Hava \u00e7ok s\u0131cakt\u0131, an\u0131ms\u0131yorum. New York’ta da bo\u011fucuydu, bizim oturdu\u011fumuz banliy\u00f6de de. Ka\u00adr\u0131mla kavga ettik, o da \u00e7ocuklar\u0131 al\u0131p stey\u015f\u0131na atlad\u0131, gazlad\u0131 gitti. Di\u00adkizci, onlar\u0131n gidi\u015finden iki hafta sonraya kadar g\u00f6r\u00fcnmedi – ya da ortal\u0131ktayd\u0131 da ben g\u00f6rmedim – yine de Rachel’\u0131n gidi\u015fiyle onun geli\u015fi aras\u0131nda bir ba\u011flant\u0131 vard\u0131. Rachel geri d\u00f6nmeyecekti. Daha \u00f6nce de iki kere beni terk etmi\u015fti -\u0130kincisinde bo\u015fand\u0131k, sonra yine evlendik- ve ben her keresinde, pek mutluluk say\u0131lmasa da ac\u0131 bir ger\u00e7ekle y\u00fczle\u015fmenin \u00f6d\u00fcl\u00fc olan eski sayg\u0131nl\u0131\u011f\u0131ma ve sa\u011flam sinirlerime kavu\u015fma duygusunu ya\u015fam\u0131\u015ft\u0131m. Dedi\u011fim gibi mevsim yazd\u0131, kar\u0131m\u0131n \u00e7\u0131ngar \u00e7\u0131karmak i\u00e7in bu mevsimi se\u00e7mesine bir bak\u0131ma se\u00advinmi\u015ftim.<\/p>\n

Ayr\u0131l\u0131\u011f\u0131m\u0131z\u0131 bir an \u00f6nce yasalla\u015ft\u0131rma tela\u015f\u0131ndan kurtuluyorduk. Birka\u00e7 kopukluk say\u0131lmazsa, on \u00fc\u00e7 y\u0131l birlikte ya\u015fam\u0131\u015ft\u0131k, \u00fc\u00e7 \u00e7ocu\u00ad\u011fumuz, birtak\u0131m ortak banka hesaplar\u0131m\u0131z vard\u0131. Onun da benim gibi, eyl\u00fcl’e ya da ekim’e kadar resmi i\u015fleri savsaklamaktan yana oldu\u011funu d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcn\u00fcyordum.<\/p>\n

Ayr\u0131l\u0131\u011f\u0131n yaza denk gelmesine sevinmemin nedeni, y\u0131l\u0131n o mev\u00adsiminde i\u015flerimin yo\u011funlu\u011fuydu, o kadar ki ak\u015famlan kolumu kald\u0131\u00adramayacak kadar yorgun olurdum; bir ba\u015fka neden de yaz, tek ba\u015f\u0131ma en kolay ge\u00e7irdi\u011fim mevsimdir, \u00f6nceki deneylerimden biliyorum. Ayr\u0131ca, dava sonu\u00e7land\u0131\u011f\u0131nda evin Rachel’a kalaca\u011f\u0131n\u0131 seziyordum, evimizi \u00e7ok sevdi\u011fimden \u00f6n\u00fcmdeki g\u00fcnlere orada ge\u00e7irece\u011fim son g\u00fcnler g\u00f6z\u00fcyle bak\u0131yordum. Evde birka\u00e7 \u00f6nemsiz huzursuzluk \u00e7\u0131kmad\u0131 de\u011fil. \u00d6nce k\u00f6pek ka\u00e7t\u0131, sonra da kedi. Derken bir gece eve geldi\u011fimde hizmet\u00e7imiz Mrs. Maureen’i zil zurna sarho\u015f buldum.<\/p>\n

Bana kocas\u0131n\u0131n \u0130\u015fgal Ordusu’yla Almanya’da g\u00f6rev yaparken ba\u015fka bir kad\u0131na \u00e2\u015f\u0131k oldu\u011funu anlatt\u0131. H\u00fcng\u00fcr h\u00fcng\u00fcr a\u011fl\u0131yordu. \u00d6n\u00fcmde diz \u00e7\u00f6kt\u00fc. \u0130kimizin, i\u00e7inde kad\u0131n ve \u00e7ocuk yokken \u0131p\u0131ss\u0131z g\u00f6r\u00fcnen bir evde bir yaz ak\u015fam\u0131 ba\u015f ba\u015fa kalmam\u0131z, hi\u00e7 ola\u011fan de\u011fildi, bu t\u00fcr grotesk olaylar\u0131n ki\u015finin kararl\u0131l\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131 s\u0131f\u0131ra indirdi\u011fini g\u00f6rm\u00fc\u015f\u00fcmd\u00fcr. Ona kahve yapt\u0131m, iki haftal\u0131k \u00fccretini pe\u015fin verip arabamla evine g\u00f6t\u00fcrd\u00fcm, birbirimize iyi geceler dilerken, kendini toparlam\u0131\u015f, ol\u00adduk\u00e7a ay\u0131lm\u0131\u015f g\u00f6r\u00fcn\u00fcyordu, demek grotesk durumlar unutulabiliyordu pek\u00e2l\u00e2. Bu olaydan sonra, sonbahara kadar uygulayaca\u011f\u0131m basit bir program \u00e7izdim kendime.<\/p>\n

Ki\u015fi, duygusal a\u00e7\u0131dan romantik, cinsel a\u00e7\u0131dan azg\u0131n bir evlili\u011fin belalar\u0131ndan pek\u00e2l\u00e2 kurtulabilir, dedim kendime, ama t\u0131pk\u0131 bak\u0131m s\u00fc\u00adrecinin sanc\u0131lar\u0131n\u0131 \u00e7eken bir ba\u011f\u0131ml\u0131 gibi att\u0131\u011f\u0131n her ad\u0131m\u0131 \u00e7ok ince hesaplamal\u0131s\u0131n. Gelen telefonlar\u0131 a\u00e7mamaya karar verdim, \u00e7\u00fcnk\u00fc Rachel’\u0131n pi\u015fmanl\u0131\u011fa kap\u0131lma olas\u0131l\u0131\u011f\u0131 vard\u0131, bizi yeniden bir araya getirebilecek \u015feylerin boyutlar\u0131 ve \u00f6zellikleri art\u0131k apa\u00e7\u0131kt\u0131 g\u00f6z\u00fcmde. Diyelim ya\u011fmur be\u015f g\u00fcn boyunca ya\u011fsa, \u00e7ocuklardan birinin ate\u015fi \u00e7\u0131ksa, ald\u0131\u011f\u0131 mektupta \u00fcz\u00fcc\u00fc bir haber okusa, bu t\u00fcr olaylarda Rachel hemen telefona sar\u0131l\u0131rd\u0131, ben de bu berbat ili\u015fkiyi s\u00fcrd\u00fcrmeye k\u0131\u015fk\u0131rt\u0131lmak istemiyordum. \u0130lk aylar merhem gibi gelecek d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnce\u00adsiyle zaman\u0131m\u0131 d\u00fczene oturttum. Sabahlar\u0131 sekizi on ge\u00e7e treniyle kente inip ak\u015famlar\u0131 alt\u0131 otuz treniyle d\u00f6nd\u00fcm. Yaz alacakaranl\u0131\u011f\u0131nda bombo\u015f bir eve girmenin iyi gelmeyece\u011fini bildi\u011fimden, istasyona park etti\u011fim arabama atlay\u0131p Orpheo’nun Yeri denilen \u015f\u0131k bir lo\u00adkantaya gidiyordum. Orada konu\u015faca\u011f\u0131m biri nas\u0131lsa \u00e7\u0131k\u0131yordu, birka\u00e7 martini i\u00e7tikten sonra bifte\u011fimi yiyordum. Sonra, Stony-brook A\u00e7\u0131khava Sinemas\u0131’nda iki film izliyordum pe\u015f pe\u015fe. B\u00fct\u00fcn bunlardan -yani martiniler, biftekler, sinemalar falan- bir \u00e7e\u015fit uyu\u015fturucu i\u015flevi bekliyordum, oluyordu da. \u0130\u015fyerimdekilerin d\u0131\u015f\u0131nda kimseyi g\u00f6rmek bile istemiyordum art\u0131k.<\/p>\n

Ne yaz\u0131k ki bombo\u015f bir yatakta kolay kolay uyuyamam, \u015fimdi ba\u015f\u0131ma bir de uykusuzluk sorunu \u00e7\u0131km\u0131\u015ft\u0131 o yetmezmi\u015f gibi. Sinema\u00addan d\u00f6nd\u00fc\u011f\u00fcmde hemen uyuyordum ama birka\u00e7 saatli\u011fine. Ben de uykusuzlu\u011fun tad\u0131n\u0131 \u00e7\u0131karmaya karar verdim. Ya\u011fmur ya\u011f\u0131yorsa, ya\u011fmura, g\u00f6kg\u00fcr\u00fclt\u00fcs\u00fcne kulak kabart\u0131yordum. Ya\u011fm\u0131yorsa, turni\u00adkeden ge\u00e7en kamyonlar\u0131n uzaktan gelen seslerine kulak kabart\u0131yor\u00addum, bana Bunal\u0131m D\u00f6nemi’ni an\u0131msatan bir sesti, o aralar bo\u015fta ge\u00adziyordum. Kamyonlar -tavuklar, konserveler, sabun tozlan ya da mobilyalarla tepeleme dolu olarak- dal\u0131yorlard\u0131 turnikeye. O ses, ka\u00adranl\u0131k demekti benim g\u00f6z\u00fcmde, karanl\u0131k ve ser\u00fcven duygusu – bir de gen\u00e7lik herhalde, kula\u011fa iyi geliyordu \u00e7\u00fcnk\u00fc. Ara s\u0131ra ya ya\u011fmurun sesi, ya trafi\u011fin g\u00fcr\u00fclt\u00fcs\u00fc ya da ona benzer bir \u015fey akl\u0131m\u0131 \u00e7elince ye\u00adniden uyuyabiliyordum, ama bir gece hi\u00e7birinin yarar\u0131 dokunmad\u0131, sabah\u0131n \u00fc\u00e7\u00fcnde a\u015fa\u011f\u0131ya inip okumaya karar verdim.<\/p>\n

Oturma odas\u0131ndaki \u0131\u015f\u0131\u011f\u0131 yakt\u0131m, Rachel’in kitaplar\u0131na bir g\u00f6z at\u00adt\u0131m. Lin Yutang adl\u0131 bir yazar\u0131n yap\u0131t\u0131n\u0131 se\u00e7tim, sedire \u0131\u015f\u0131\u011f\u0131n alt\u0131na kurulup okumaya ba\u015flad\u0131m. Oturma odam\u0131z \u00e7ok rahatt\u0131r. Kitap da il\u00adgin\u00e7 gibiydi. \u00d6n kap\u0131lar\u0131n \u00e7o\u011funun kilitlenmedi\u011fi bir mahallede, yaz geceleri \u0131p\u0131ss\u0131z kalan bir sokaktayd\u0131m. B\u00fct\u00fcn hayvanlar evcille\u015ftirilmi\u015ftir burada, seslerini geceleri duydu\u011fum tek ku\u015flarsa, istasyon yak\u0131nlanndaki bayku\u015flard\u0131r. Yani \u00e7ok sessizdi ev. Barstow’lar\u0131n k\u00f6pe\u011fi\u00adnin, bir karabasandan uyanm\u0131\u015f\u00e7as\u0131na kesik kesik havlad\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131 duydum, sonra sustu. Her \u015fey yine sessizli\u011fe g\u00f6m\u00fcld\u00fc. Sonra \u00e7ok yak\u0131n\u0131mda bir ayak sesi, bir \u00f6ks\u00fcr\u00fck duydum.<\/p>\n

T\u00fcylerim diken diken oldu -o duyguyu bilirsiniz- yine de ba\u015f\u0131m\u0131 kitab\u0131mdan kald\u0131rmad\u0131m, izlendi\u011fimi hissetsem de. Sezgi denilen t\u00fcrden \u015feyler belki ger\u00e7ekten vard\u0131r da ben yok say\u0131nca daha mutlu oluyorum, yine de g\u00f6zlerimi kitab\u0131mdan kald\u0131rmadan yaln\u0131zca izlen\u00addi\u011fimi de\u011fil, oturma odas\u0131n\u0131n \u00f6b\u00fcr ucundaki geni\u015f pencereden beni \u00f6zellikle dikizleyen, d\u00fcped\u00fcz ki\u015fisel ya\u015fam\u0131ma el atan biri taraf\u0131ndan izlendi\u011fimi anlam\u0131\u015ft\u0131m. Parlak bir \u0131\u015f\u0131\u011f\u0131n alt\u0131nda karanl\u0131k bir odada oturmak, silahlar\u0131m\u0131 elimden al\u0131yordu. Bir sayfa \u00e7evirip okur gibi yapt\u0131m. Derken m\u00fcthi\u015f bir korku, pencerenin d\u0131\u015f\u0131ndaki ka\u00e7\u0131\u011f\u0131n duy\u00addu\u011fundan \u00e7ok daha beter bir korkuya kap\u0131ld\u0131m. O \u00f6ks\u00fcr\u00fck, o ayak sesi, o izleniyormu\u015fluk duygusu benim kuruntum muydu yoksa. Ba\u00ad\u015f\u0131m\u0131 kald\u0131rd\u0131m.<\/p>\n

Onu g\u00f6rd\u00fcm g\u00f6rmesine, o da zaten g\u00f6rmemi istiyordu ki s\u0131r\u0131t\u0131yordu. I\u015f\u0131\u011f\u0131 s\u00f6nd\u00fcrd\u00fcm ama d\u0131\u015far\u0131s\u0131 \u00e7ok karanl\u0131kt\u0131, g\u00f6zlerim parlak okuma \u0131\u015f\u0131\u011f\u0131na o kadar al\u0131\u015fm\u0131\u015ft\u0131 ki cam\u0131n d\u0131\u015f\u0131ndaki herhangi bir ka\u00adralt\u0131y\u0131 se\u00e7emezdim. Sofaya ko\u015farak \u00f6n kap\u0131daki fenerleri yakt\u0131m (\u0131\u015f\u0131klar\u0131 parlak de\u011fildi ama \u00e7imenli\u011fi ge\u00e7en birini g\u00f6rmeme yetiyor\u00addu), gelgelelim pencerenin ba\u015f\u0131na d\u00f6nd\u00fc\u011f\u00fcmde \u00e7imenlik bombo\u015ftu, onun durdu\u011fu yerde kimse yoktu kesinlikle. Gizlenebilece\u011fi s\u00fcr\u00fcyle yer vard\u0131 tabii.<\/p>\n

Yolun ucunda bir adam\u0131 rahat\u00e7a g\u00f6zden gizleyecek bir ful \u00f6be\u00ad\u011fiyle leylak dallar\u0131 var, bir de yapraklar\u0131 \u00e7atall\u0131 bir ak\u00e7aa\u011fa\u00e7. Yok ca\u00adn\u0131m, samurai k\u0131l\u0131c\u0131m\u0131 \u00e7ekip onun pe\u015fine d\u00fc\u015fecek de\u011fildim. Bana g\u00f6re i\u015f de\u011fil. Yine fenerleri s\u00f6nd\u00fcrd\u00fcm, karanl\u0131kta durup kim olabilir acaba diye d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnd\u00fcm.<\/p>\n

Gece ku\u015flar\u0131yla hi\u00e7bir ili\u015fkim olmam\u0131\u015ft\u0131r, ama \u00f6yle birilerinin varl\u0131\u011f\u0131ndan haberim var; bu da demiryolunun oradaki d\u00f6k\u00fcnt\u00fc kul\u00fc\u00adbelerden birinden gelme \u00e7atlak bir ihtiyar olsa gerek, diye d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnd\u00fcm, belki de her \u015feyi g\u00fcler y\u00fczle -en az\u0131ndan anlay\u0131\u015fla- kar\u015f\u0131lama karar\u0131m ya da gereksinimimden \u00f6t\u00fcr\u00fc onu o ya\u015fta evinden at\u0131lm\u0131\u015f, gece yar\u0131s\u0131 yabanc\u0131 bir semtte k\u00f6peklerle polislerin insaf\u0131na b\u0131rak\u0131lm\u0131\u015f, b\u00fct\u00fcn bunlar\u0131n kar\u015f\u0131l\u0131\u011f\u0131nda da Lin Yutang okuyan bir adam, hasta \u00e7ocu\u011funa ila\u00e7 veren bir kad\u0131n ya da buzdolab\u0131ndaki k\u0131ymal\u0131 fasulyeyi at\u0131\u015ft\u0131ran birinden ba\u015fka hi\u00e7bir \u015fey dikizleyememi\u015f bir zavall\u0131 ihtiyar olarak g\u00f6r\u00fcp ac\u0131may\u0131 bile ba\u015fard\u0131m ona. Karanl\u0131k basamaklardan \u00e7\u0131karken g\u00f6kg\u00fcr\u00fclt\u00fcs\u00fcn\u00fc duydum, bir saniye sonra da bir yaz ya\u011fmuru bo\u015fald\u0131, ortal\u0131\u011f\u0131 seller g\u00f6t\u00fcrd\u00fc, ben de zavall\u0131 dikizcinin o f\u0131rt\u0131nada uzaktaki evine nas\u0131l y\u00fcr\u00fcyece\u011fini d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnd\u00fcm.<\/p>\n

Saat d\u00f6rd\u00fc ge\u00e7mi\u015fti, karanl\u0131kta yata\u011f\u0131mda ya\u011fmurun, erkenci trenlerin seslerini dinliyordum. Buffalo’dan, Chicago’dan, Bat\u0131’dan gelir, Albany’den ge\u00e7erek sabah\u0131n erken saatinde \u0131rmak boyunca yol al\u0131rlar, \u00e7o\u011funda yolculuk etmi\u015ftim, karanl\u0131kta yatarken, Pullman’lar- daki ac\u0131 esinti, pijamalann kokusu, yemekli vagondaki suyun tad\u0131, Cleveland’de ya da Chicago’da bir g\u00fcn\u00fc bitirip New York’ta yeni bir g\u00fcne ba\u015flama duygusu -hele birka\u00e7 y\u0131l uzakta kald\u0131ktan sonra, hele mevsim yazsa- nas\u0131ld\u0131, bir bir an\u0131msad\u0131m. Karanl\u0131kta, trenin \u0131\u015f\u0131ks\u0131z vagonlar\u0131n\u0131, kahvalt\u0131 masalar\u0131n\u0131, kokular\u0131n\u0131 getirdim g\u00f6zlerimin \u00f6n\u00fcne.<\/p>\n

Ertesi g\u00fcn uykumu alamam\u0131\u015ft\u0131m ama i\u015flerimi bitirdim, eve d\u00f6\u00adnerken trende uyuklad\u0131m. O anda yatsam uyurdum belki ama riski g\u00f6ze alamazd\u0131m, Orpheo’nun Yeri’ne, oradan da sinemaya gitme d\u00f6ng\u00fcs\u00fcn\u00fc s\u00fcrd\u00fcrd\u00fcm. Feci iki film seyrettim art arda. Serseme d\u00f6n\u00add\u00fc\u011f\u00fcmden olacak, yata\u011fa yatar yatmaz uyudum, bir ara telefonun zi\u00adliyle uyand\u0131m. Saat ikiydi. Telefonun zili durana kadar yataktan \u00e7\u0131kmad\u0131m. Gece sesleri -r\u00fczg\u00e2r ya da trafik u\u011fultusu- beni uyutamazd\u0131 art\u0131k, uykum ka\u00e7m\u0131\u015ft\u0131 bir kere, a\u015fa\u011f\u0131 indim. Dikizci’nin d\u00f6nece\u011fini sanm\u0131yordum, yine de okuma lambam\u0131n \u0131\u015f\u0131\u011f\u0131 karanl\u0131k mahallede g\u00f6\u00adz\u00fc al\u0131yordu, ben de kap\u0131daki fenerleri s\u00f6nd\u00fcr\u00fcp Lin Yutang’\u0131n kitab\u0131n\u0131 okumaya koyuldum yine. Barstow’lar\u0131n k\u00f6pe\u011finin havlad\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131 du\u00adyunca kitab\u0131 elimden b\u0131rakt\u0131m, Dikizci’nin gelmedi\u011fine iyice inanmak i\u00e7in geni\u015f cama diktim g\u00f6zlerimi -b\u00f6ylelikle gelse bile- o beni g\u00f6rmeden ben onu g\u00f6rebilecektim.<\/p>\n

Ger\u00e7i hi\u00e7bir \u015fey g\u00f6rmedim ama birka\u00e7 dakika sonra yine kaskat\u0131 kesildim, biri mutlaka g\u00f6zl\u00fcyordu beni. Kitab\u0131m\u0131 yine elime ald\u0131m, okuyaca\u011f\u0131mdan de\u011fil, ona geri gelmesini umursamad\u0131\u011f\u0131m\u0131 g\u00f6stermek amac\u0131yla. Tabii odada bir s\u00fcr\u00fc pencere vard\u0131, bir an onun hangisinin arkas\u0131nda pusuya yatm\u0131\u015f olabilece\u011fi d\u00fc\u015ft\u00fc akl\u0131ma. Birden anlad\u0131m, tam arkamda durdu\u011funu kavramak, beni o kadar \u00e7ileden \u00e7\u0131karm\u0131\u015ft\u0131 ki \u0131\u015f\u0131\u011f\u0131 s\u00f6nd\u00fcrmeden aya\u011fa f\u0131rlad\u0131m, piyanonun \u00fcst\u00fcndeki darac\u0131k pencerede g\u00f6rd\u00fcm y\u00fcz\u00fcn\u00fc. “Defol git burdan!” diye ba\u011f\u0131rd\u0131m avaz avaz. “Rachel gitti! Seyirlik hi\u00e7bir \u015fey yok! Git ba\u015f\u0131mdan!” Pencereye ko\u015ftum ama gitmi\u015fti. Sonra, bombo\u015f bir evde b\u00f6yle avaz avaz ba\u011f\u0131rd\u0131\u011f\u0131m i\u00e7in acaba akl\u0131m\u0131 m\u0131 ka\u00e7\u0131r\u0131yorum diye d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnd\u00fcm. Belki de penceredeki y\u00fcz benim kuruntumdu, hemen feneri kap\u0131p d\u0131\u015far\u0131 \u00e7\u0131kt\u0131m.<\/p>\n

Dar pencerenin alt\u0131nda bir \u00e7i\u00e7ek tarh\u0131 vard\u0131r. Fenerin alt\u0131nda tarh\u0131 inceledim, evet, kesinlikle gelmi\u015fti. Toprakta ayakizleri vard\u0131, \u00e7i\u00ad\u00e7eklerin baz\u0131lar\u0131n\u0131 ezmi\u015fti. Tarhtan \u00e7imenli\u011fin k\u0131y\u0131s\u0131na kadar uzanan ayakizlerini s\u00fcrd\u00fcm, rugan bir erkek terli\u011fi duruyordu kar\u015f\u0131mda. Az\u0131c\u0131k eskiydi, derisi \u00e7atlam\u0131\u015ft\u0131, belki de ihtiyar bir adam\u0131n terli\u011fiydi, ama temizlik i\u015fleri g\u00f6ren birinin terli\u011fi olmad\u0131\u011f\u0131 kesindi. Galiba Dikizci, kom\u015fular\u0131mdan biriydi. Terli\u011fi benim \u00e7itin \u00f6tesine, Bars- tow’lar\u0131n g\u00fcbre y\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131na do\u011fru savurdum, eve girip \u0131\u015f\u0131klar\u0131 s\u00f6nd\u00fcr\u00add\u00fckten sonra yukar\u0131 \u00e7\u0131kt\u0131m.<\/p>\n

Ertesi g\u00fcn birka\u00e7 kere polise haber vermeyi d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnd\u00fcm ama kesin bir karara varamad\u0131m. Ak\u015fam, Orpheo’nun Yeri’nde barda durup bifte\u011fimin pi\u015fmesini beklerken de d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnd\u00fcm bir ara. Ger\u00e7i durum ilk bak\u0131\u015fta g\u00fcl\u00fcn\u00e7t\u00fc, o kadar\u0131n\u0131 biliyordum, ama onun y\u00fcz\u00fcn\u00fc yine pen\u00adceremde g\u00f6rme korkusu hem ger\u00e7ekti hem de giderek b\u00fcy\u00fcy\u00fcp kat\u00adlan\u0131yordu, peki neden, \u00f6zellikle de b\u00fct\u00fcn ya\u015fam\u0131m\u0131 yeniden ray\u0131na oturtmaya \u00e7al\u0131\u015ft\u0131\u011f\u0131m bir s\u0131rada buna g\u00f6\u011f\u00fcs gerecektim ki? Hava ka\u00adrar\u0131yordu. Bir telefon kabinine gidip polisi arad\u0131m. Ara s\u0131ra istasyonda trafik memuru olarak \u00e7al\u0131\u015fan Stanley Madison a\u00e7t\u0131. Mahallede ku\u015fkulu birinin dola\u015ft\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131 ihbar etti\u011fimde, “Ya,” dedi. Rachel evde mi diye sordu. Sonra da kasabam\u0131z 1916’da anonim \u015firket kapsam\u0131na gireli beri polis kay\u0131tlar\u0131nda b\u00f6yle bir \u015fik\u00e2yete rastlanmad\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131 belirtti. Hepimizin ya\u015fad\u0131\u011f\u0131m\u0131z mahalleden duydu\u011fumuz o anla\u015f\u0131l\u0131r gurur vard\u0131 sesinde konu\u015furken. Ger\u00e7i kendimi g\u00fc\u00e7 bir duruma sokaca\u011f\u0131m\u0131 kestirmi\u015ftim, ama Stanley y\u00f6redeki emlak fiyatlar\u0131n\u0131 \u00f6zellikle k\u0131rma \u00e7abas\u0131na giri\u015fmi\u015fim gibi konu\u015fuyordu. Be\u015f ki\u015filik bir polis timinin yetersiz oldu\u011funu, zaten az para kar\u015f\u0131l\u0131\u011f\u0131nda \u00e7ok a\u011f\u0131r ko\u015fullarda \u00e7al\u0131\u015ft\u0131klar\u0131n\u0131, kap\u0131mda bir bek\u00e7i istiyorsam, \u00f6n\u00fcm\u00fczdeki kurul toplant\u0131s\u0131nda polis \u00f6rg\u00fct\u00fcn\u00fcn geni\u015fletilmesini \u00f6nermem gerekti\u011fini belirtti. Sesinin d\u00fc\u015fmanca \u00e7\u0131kmamas\u0131na \u00f6zen g\u00f6steriyordu, konu\u015fmay\u0131 Rachel’la \u00e7ocuklar\u0131n hat\u0131rlar\u0131n\u0131 sorarak bitirdi, yine de ben kul\u00fcbeden \u00e7\u0131kt\u0131\u011f\u0131mda, bir yanl\u0131\u015f yapt\u0131\u011f\u0131m\u0131 biliyordum.<\/p>\n

O gece filmin ortas\u0131nda m\u00fcthi\u015f bir f\u0131rt\u0131na koptu, ya\u011fmur sabaha kadar ya\u011fd\u0131. Galiba Dikizci f\u0131rt\u0131na y\u00fcz\u00fcnden d\u0131\u015far\u0131 \u00e7\u0131kamad\u0131, ne y\u00fc\u00adz\u00fcn\u00fc g\u00f6rd\u00fcm, ne sesini duydum. Ama ertesi gece s\u00f6k\u00fcn etti yine. Saat \u00fc\u00e7 sular\u0131nda geldi\u011fini, bir saat sonra gitti\u011fini duydum, g\u00f6zlerimi kitab\u0131mdan ay\u0131rmad\u0131m. Zarars\u0131z bir ba\u015f belas\u0131yd\u0131 herhalde, yaln\u0131zca kim oldu\u011funu bilsem -ad\u0131n\u0131 bilsem- sinirlerimi bozamayacakt\u0131 bence, iyile\u015fme program\u0131n\u0131 ba\u015far\u0131yla s\u00fcrd\u00fcrecektim. Kim oldu\u011fu \u00fcst\u00fcne kafa yormaktan vazge\u00e7meden yukar\u0131 \u00e7\u0131kt\u0131m. Bizim ordan oldu\u011fu kesin gibiydi. Acaba arkada\u015flar\u0131mdan ya da kom\u015fular\u0131mdan birinin yaz\u0131 ge\u00e7irmek i\u00e7in evlerine gelen \u00e7atlak bir akrabalar\u0131 m\u0131 vard\u0131? Tan\u0131d\u0131\u011f\u0131m herkesi tek tek g\u00f6zden ge\u00e7irdim, onlara \u00e7atlak bir amca ya da dede yak\u0131\u015ft\u0131rmaya \u00e7abalad\u0131m. Yabanc\u0131y\u0131 geceden, \u015fu karanl\u0131ktan \u00e7ekip \u00e7\u0131kar\u0131rsam, her \u015fey yoluna girecekti.<\/p>\n

Sabah istasyonda, perondaki kalabal\u0131\u011f\u0131n aras\u0131na kar\u0131\u015f\u0131p san\u0131k aday\u0131 yabanc\u0131 bir y\u00fcz arad\u0131m. Ger\u00e7i y\u00fcz\u00fcn\u00fc \u015f\u00f6yle bir g\u00f6rm\u00fc\u015ft\u00fcm ama tan\u0131yaca\u011f\u0131mdan emindim. Derken buldum arad\u0131\u011f\u0131m adam\u0131. Hem de \u015f\u0131p diye. Hepimizle birlikte sekizi on ge\u00e7e trenini bekliyordu, ama yabanc\u0131 falan de\u011fildi.<\/p>\n

Blenhollow Yolu’ndaki kocaman sar\u0131 evde oturan Herbert Marston’du. Ba\u015fta ufak bir ku\u015fkum olsa bile, onu tan\u0131d\u0131\u011f\u0131m\u0131 fark etti\u011fi an\u00adda y\u00fcz\u00fcn\u00fcn nas\u0131l bozuldu\u011funu g\u00f6rd\u00fc\u011f\u00fcmde sinirli, korkmu\u015f, su\u00e7lu bir hali vard\u0131. Ona do\u011fru y\u00fcr\u00fcd\u00fcm, akl\u0131mdan ge\u00e7enleri s\u00f6yleyecektim. Tam tersine duyabilece\u011fi bir sesle, “Geceleri pencerelerimden evimi dikizlemenize itiraz\u0131m yok da kar\u0131m\u0131n ekti\u011fi \u00e7i\u00e7ekleri ezmeseniz Mr. Marston,” demeye haz\u0131rlan\u0131rken durdum. Durdum \u00e7\u00fcnk\u00fc yaln\u0131z de\u011fildi. Kar\u0131s\u0131 ve k\u0131z\u0131yla birlikteydi. Arkalar\u0131ndan y\u00fcr\u00fcd\u00fcm, bekleme salonunun k\u00f6\u015fesinde durup aileyi g\u00f6zden ge\u00e7irdim.<\/p>\n

Mr. Marston’\u0131n y\u00fcz \u00e7izgilerinde de bir gariplik yoktu -belki ya\u00adkas\u0131n\u0131 b\u0131rakaca\u011f\u0131m\u0131 anlad\u0131\u011f\u0131ndan- davran\u0131\u015f\u0131nda da. Ak sa\u00e7l\u0131, uzunca boylu bir adam, gen\u00e7li\u011finde yak\u0131\u015f\u0131kl\u0131 oldu\u011fu, kemikli y\u00fcz\u00fcnden belli. D\u00fczenbazl\u0131\u011f\u0131n, inmeler, seyirmeler ve benzeri sa\u011fl\u0131ks\u0131zl\u0131k belirti\u00adleriyle kendini ele verdi\u011fi inanc\u0131 kolay kolay pes etmiyor. O sabah onun y\u00fcz\u00fcnde bu t\u00fcr bir belirti ararken ben pes ettim ama. Kararl\u0131, dingin, d\u00fcr\u00fcst g\u00f6r\u00fcn\u00fcyordu – hele bir t\u00fcrl\u00fc i\u015f bulamayan Chucky Ewing’den, o\u011flu \u00e7ocuk felcine yakalanan Larry Spencer’dan, peronda tren bekleyen d\u00fczinelerce erkekten kesinlikle \u00fcst\u00fcnd\u00fc. Sonra k\u0131z\u0131 Lydia’ya bakt\u0131m. Lydia bizim oran\u0131n en g\u00fczel k\u0131zlar\u0131ndan biridir. Bir- iki kere trende kar\u015f\u0131la\u015ft\u0131\u011f\u0131m\u0131zda K\u0131z\u0131l Ha\u00e7 i\u00e7in g\u00f6n\u00fcll\u00fc olarak \u00e7al\u0131\u015f\u00adt\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131, yaz\u0131\u015fmalar\u0131 y\u00fcr\u00fctt\u00fc\u011f\u00fcn\u00fc \u00f6\u011frenmi\u015ftim. O sabah mavi bir giysi vard\u0131 \u00fcst\u00fcnde, kollar\u0131 \u00e7\u0131plakt\u0131, o kadar k\u00f6rpe, o kadar tatl\u0131 ve g\u00fczeldi ki onu incitecek, \u00fczecek hi\u00e7bir \u015fey yapmak gelmezdi elimden. Sonra Mrs. Marston’a bakt\u0131m, arad\u0131\u011f\u0131m i\u015faret onun y\u00fcz\u00fcndeydi nedense, her ne kadar kocas\u0131n\u0131n serke\u015fli\u011finin ona bula\u015fmas\u0131na ak\u0131l erdiremedimse de. Hava \u00e7ok s\u0131cakt\u0131, Mrs. Marston’sa kahverengi bir tayy\u00f6r giymi\u015f, omuzuna k\u00fcrk bir etol alm\u0131\u015ft\u0131. Y\u00fcz\u00fc, karasan, kaba bir y\u00fczd\u00fc, yine de sabah trenini beklerken bile yal\u0131tlanm\u0131\u015f bir g\u00fcl\u00fcmsemeyle i\u015fiyordu. Uzun y\u0131llar \u00f6nce \u00e7izgileri \u015fiddetli, hatta kara bir tutkuya g\u00f6re bi\u00e7imlenmi\u015f bir y\u00fczd\u00fc. Ama y\u0131llarca s\u00fcren sofuluk ve perhiz sonucu, \u015fiddet belirtileri silinmi\u015fti bence, geriye kala kala a\u011fz\u0131n ve g\u00f6zlerin \u00e7evresindeki birka\u00e7 \u00e7irkin \u00e7izgi kalm\u0131\u015ft\u0131, Mrs. Marston’a kat\u0131 bir ho\u015fg\u00f6r\u00fcs\u00fczl\u00fck, ek\u015fi bir sevimlilik havas\u0131 katan herhalde kocas\u0131 evlerin arka bah\u00e7elerinde bornozuyla dolan\u0131rken bu kad\u0131n onun i\u00e7in dua ediyordur, diye d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnd\u00fcm. Dikizcinin kimli\u011fi kafam\u0131 \u00e7ok kurcalam\u0131\u015ft\u0131, ama art\u0131k \u00f6\u011frenmeme kar\u015f\u0131n d\u00fczeldi\u011fim s\u00f6ylenemezdi. Sa\u00e7lar\u0131 akla\u015fan ihtiyar\u0131n g\u00fczel k\u0131z\u0131yla ve o kad\u0131nla yan yana duru\u015flar\u0131, i\u00e7imi b\u00fcsb\u00fct\u00fcn karartt\u0131.<\/p>\n

O gece kentte kal\u0131p bir kokteyl partiye gitmeye karar verdim. Dev otellerin birinin \u00fcst kat\u0131ndaki bir dairedeydi parti – ta tepede. Daha gider gitmez, benimle ak\u015fam yeme\u011fine gelmeye raz\u0131 olacak birini ayarlamak \u00fczere tara\u00e7aya \u00e7\u0131kt\u0131m. G\u00f6nl\u00fcmde yatan, yeni pabu\u00e7lar\u0131n\u0131 giymi\u015f g\u00fczel bir k\u0131zd\u0131, ama b\u00fct\u00fcn g\u00fczel k\u0131zlar\u0131n k\u0131tl\u0131\u011f\u0131na k\u0131ran girmi\u015fti sanki. Az \u00f6tede ak sa\u00e7l\u0131 bir kad\u0131n duruyordu, eski p\u00fcsk\u00fc bir \u015fapka giymi\u015f bir kad\u0131n daha, bir de daha \u00f6nce birka\u00e7 kere kar\u015f\u0131la\u015ft\u0131\u00ad\u011f\u0131m Grace Harris – \u00fcnl\u00fc oyuncu. Grace Harris, solgun dilberlerdendir, daha \u00f6nce birbirimize s\u00f6yleyecek fazla bir \u015feyimiz olmam\u0131\u015ft\u0131 ama o ak\u015fam bana i\u00e7tenlikle g\u00fcl\u00fcmsedi. \u0130\u00e7ten, yine de h\u00fcz\u00fcnl\u00fc bir g\u00fcl\u00fcmsemeydi, herhalde Rachel’in beni terk etti\u011fini \u00f6\u011frenmi\u015f diye ge\u00e7irdim i\u00e7imden. Ben de ona g\u00fcl\u00fcmsedim aynen, bara y\u00fcr\u00fcd\u00fc\u011f\u00fcmde Harry Purcell \u00e7\u0131kt\u0131 kar\u015f\u0131ma. Onunla \u00fc\u00e7-be\u015f kadeh i\u00e7ip laflad\u0131m. Odaya her g\u00f6z at\u0131\u015f\u0131mda Grace Harris beni o koyu, h\u00fcz\u00fcnl\u00fc bak\u0131\u015flar\u0131yla s\u00fcz\u00fcyordu. Nedenini merak ettim, galiba beni biriyle kar\u0131\u015ft\u0131r\u0131yordu. Ya\u015flar\u0131n\u0131 belli etmeyen bu menek\u015fe g\u00f6zl\u00fc dilberlerin \u00e7o\u011fu yar\u0131 k\u00f6rd\u00fcrler, bilirim: Ola ki odan\u0131n \u00f6b\u00fcr ucunu g\u00f6remiyordur. Ge\u00e7 ol\u00admu\u015ftu ama nas\u0131lsa zaman\u0131m k\u0131s\u0131tl\u0131 de\u011fildi, i\u00e7meyi s\u00fcrd\u00fcrd\u00fcm. Bir ara Harry tuvalete gitti, ben de birka\u00e7 dakika bar\u0131n ba\u015f\u0131nda yaln\u0131z kald\u0131m, nedense \u00e7ok uzun geldi bu s\u00fcre. O s\u0131rada odan\u0131n \u00f6b\u00fcr ucunda birileriyle konu\u015fan Grace Harris yan\u0131ma yakla\u015ft\u0131. Burnumun dibine kadar sokulup kar beyaz\u0131 elini koluma dayad\u0131. “Zavall\u0131 \u00e7ocuk,” diye m\u0131r\u0131ldand\u0131, “zavall\u0131c\u0131k.”<\/p>\n

Ne \u00e7ocu\u011fum ne de zavall\u0131, bir an \u00f6nce defolup gitse dedim i\u00e7im\u00adden. Grace’in y\u00fcz\u00fcnden zek\u00e2 f\u0131\u015fk\u0131r\u0131r ama ben o gece o y\u00fczde b\u00fcy\u00fck bir h\u00fcz\u00fcn ve m\u00fcthi\u015f bir k\u00f6t\u00fcc\u00fcll\u00fck okudum. “\u0130pe gidiyor gibisin,” dedi h\u00fcz\u00fcnl\u00fc bir sesle. Sonra elini, ceketimin yeninden \u00e7ekip odadan \u00e7\u0131kt\u0131, galiba evine gitti, \u00e7\u00fcnk\u00fc bir daha g\u00f6rmedim onu. Harry tuvalet\u00adten d\u00f6nd\u00fc\u011f\u00fcnde olup bitenden s\u00f6z etmedim, ben de fazla kafa yormamaya karar verdim. Umdu\u011fumdan uzun kald\u0131m partide, eve ge\u00e7 trenlerden biriyle d\u00f6nd\u00fcm.<\/p>\n

Banyo yapt\u0131\u011f\u0131m\u0131, pijamam\u0131 giyip yatt\u0131\u011f\u0131m\u0131 an\u0131ms\u0131yorum. G\u00f6zle\u00adrimi yumar yummaz s\u00f6z\u00fc edilen ipi g\u00f6rd\u00fcm. Ucunda cellat\u0131n ilmi\u011fi vard\u0131, zaten Grace Harris’in ne demek istedi\u011fini ba\u015ftan anlam\u0131\u015ft\u0131m: Kendimi asaca\u011f\u0131m i\u00e7ine do\u011fmu\u015ftu. \u0130p a\u011f\u0131r a\u011f\u0131r bilincime iniyordu sanki. G\u00f6zlerimi a\u00e7t\u0131m, sabah yapaca\u011f\u0131m zorunlu i\u015fleri d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnd\u00fcm, g\u00f6zlerimi yine kapad\u0131\u011f\u0131mda, bir anl\u0131k bir bo\u015fluktan sonra ip, bir ki\u00adri\u015ften savrulmu\u015f\u00e7as\u0131na \u00f6n\u00fcme sarkt\u0131, bo\u015flukta as\u0131l\u0131 kald\u0131. O gece, uyumak \u00fczere g\u00f6zlerimi her yumu\u015fumda, uyku k\u00f6rl\u00fc\u011f\u00fcn \u00e7aresizli\u011fini devralm\u0131\u015fm\u0131\u015f gibi geldi bana. G\u00f6zle g\u00f6r\u00fcl\u00fcr d\u00fcnya yitti\u011fine g\u00f6re, d\u00fc\u015fsel ipin o karanl\u0131\u011f\u0131 kaplamas\u0131 engellenemezdi. Yataktan kalk\u0131p a\u015fa\u011f\u0131 kata indim, Lin Yutang’\u0131 a\u00e7t\u0131m. Daha birka\u00e7 sayfa okumu\u015ftum ki Mr. Marston’\u0131n \u00e7i\u00e7eklerin aras\u0131nda y\u00fcr\u00fcd\u00fc\u011f\u00fcn\u00fc duydum. Galiba neyi seyretmek istedi\u011fini anlam\u0131\u015ft\u0131m art\u0131k. \u00dcrkt\u00fcm. I\u015f\u0131\u011f\u0131 s\u00f6nd\u00fcr\u00fcp yerimden kalkt\u0131m. Pencerenin d\u0131\u015far\u0131s\u0131 karanl\u0131kt\u0131, onu g\u00f6remiyordum. Acaba evde ip var m\u0131yd\u0131? Akl\u0131ma o\u011flumun k\u00fc\u00e7\u00fck kay\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131n halat\u0131 geldi – kay\u0131k a\u015fa\u011f\u0131daki y\u00fckl\u00fckteydi. Y\u00fckl\u00fc\u011fe indim. Testere tez\u00adg\u00e2h\u0131n\u0131n \u00fcst\u00fcndeydi kay\u0131k, halat\u0131 uzundu, birinin kendini asmas\u0131na yetecek uzunlukta. Do\u011fru yukar\u0131, mutfa\u011fa ko\u015ftum, bir b\u0131\u00e7ak al\u0131p ha\u00adlat\u0131 kestim. Sonra buldu\u011fum gazeteleri f\u0131r\u0131na t\u0131k\u0131p havaland\u0131rmay\u0131 \u00e7al\u0131\u015ft\u0131rd\u0131m, halat\u0131 yakt\u0131m. Daha sonra da en \u00fcst kata ko\u015fup yata\u011f\u0131ma girdim. Kurtulmu\u015ftum.<\/p>\n

B\u00f6yle deliksiz bir uyku \u00e7ekmeyeli ne kadar olmu\u015ftu bilmem. Yine de sabahleyin bir tuhafl\u0131k vard\u0131 \u00fcst\u00fcmde, pencereden bakt\u0131\u011f\u0131mda hava \u00e7ok g\u00fczeldi ama ben isteksizdim. G\u00f6k, g\u00fcne\u015f \u0131\u015f\u0131\u011f\u0131, her \u015fey bulan\u0131k ve uzak g\u00f6r\u00fcn\u00fcyordu, hepsine \u00e7ok uzaktan bak\u0131yormu\u015fum gibi. Marston ailesine bir daha rastlamak i\u015fime hi\u00e7 gelmiyordu, o y\u00fczden sekiz on treninden vazge\u00e7ip daha ge\u00e7 saatteki bir trene atlad\u0131m. \u0130p imgesi, kafam\u0131n bir yerindeydi h\u00e2l\u00e2, yolculuk s\u0131ras\u0131nda bir-iki kere g\u00f6rd\u00fcm. Sabah\u0131 zar zor atlatt\u0131m da \u00f6\u011flen i\u015ften \u00e7\u0131karken sekreterime ikindide d\u00f6nmeyece\u011fimi bildirdim. Nathan Shea ile \u00dcniversite Kul\u00fcb\u00fc’nde bulu\u015facakt\u0131k, ben erken gidip barda bir martini i\u00e7tim. Arkada\u015f\u0131na al\u0131\u015fkanl\u0131klar\u0131n\u0131n hi\u00e7 sekmedi\u011fini anlatan ya\u015fl\u0131 bir beyin yan\u0131nda duruyordum, i\u00e7imden onun ba\u015f\u0131na bir \u00e7anak dolusu patlam\u0131\u015f m\u0131s\u0131r ge\u00e7irmek geliyordu ama i\u00e7kimi usulca yudumlad\u0131m, barmenin saatine bakt\u0131m, beyaz menta kremi \u015fi\u015fesinin boynunda as\u0131l\u0131yd\u0131. Shea geldi\u011finde onunla da iki kadeh yuvarlad\u0131m. Cinin uyu\u015fturmas\u0131 saye\u00adsinde \u00f6\u011fle yeme\u011fini ba\u015far\u0131yla atlatt\u0131m.<\/p>\n

Park Caddesi’nde vedala\u015ft\u0131k. Martinilerim o anda ihanet ettiler bana, ipi yine g\u00f6rd\u00fcm. G\u00fcne\u015fli bir ikindinin saat ikisiydi olsa olsa, ama hava bana karanl\u0131k geliyordu. Com Kambiyo’ya gittim, be\u015f y\u00fcz dolarl\u0131k bir \u00e7ek bozdurdum. Sonra Brooks Brothers’dan \u00e7e\u015fitli boyunba\u011flar\u0131, bir kutu puro al\u0131p yukar\u0131 kata, tak\u0131m elbiselere bakmaya \u00e7\u0131kt\u0131m. Ma\u011fazada topu topu birka\u00e7 m\u00fc\u015fteri vard\u0131, onlar\u0131n aras\u0131nda yaln\u0131zm\u0131\u015f izlenimini uyand\u0131ran bir gen\u00e7 k\u0131z ya da kad\u0131n dikkatimi \u00e7ekti. Galiba kocas\u0131na bir \u015feyler almak i\u00e7in bakm\u0131yordu. Sa\u00e7lar\u0131 a\u00e7\u0131k kumrald\u0131, teni incecik k\u00e2\u011f\u0131tlar\u0131 and\u0131r\u0131r duruluktayd\u0131. Hava \u00e7ok s\u0131cakt\u0131 ama o s\u0131caktan etkilenmemi\u015f g\u00f6r\u00fcn\u00fcyordu, Rye’dan ya da Greenwich’ten trenle gelirken evde yapt\u0131\u011f\u0131 banyonun tazeli\u011fini nas\u0131lsa ko\u00adruyabilmi\u015f gibiydi. Kollar\u0131yla bacaklar\u0131 \u00e7ok g\u00fczeldi, y\u00fcz\u00fcndeyse ak\u0131ll\u0131 ba\u015fl\u0131, \u015fakac\u0131, hatta ev kad\u0131n\u0131ms\u0131 bir hava vard\u0131 ve bu hava, kollar\u0131yla bacaklar\u0131n\u0131n \u00e7ekicili\u011fini peki\u015ftiriyordu sanki. Y\u00fcr\u00fcd\u00fc, asans\u00f6r\u00fc \u00e7a\u011f\u0131rd\u0131. Ben de ko\u015fup yan\u0131nda dikildim. A\u015fa\u011f\u0131 birlikte indik, onun ard\u0131ndan Madison Caddesi’ne kadar y\u00fcr\u00fcd\u00fcm. Kald\u0131r\u0131m kalabal\u0131kt\u0131, yan\u0131nda y\u00fcr\u00fcyordum. Bana bir kerecik bakt\u0131, onu izledi\u011fimi anlad\u0131, yine de ben onun kolay kolay \u00e7evreden yard\u0131m istemeyecek bir kad\u0131n oldu\u011fundan emindim. K\u00f6\u015fede durdu, trafik lambas\u0131n\u0131n de\u011fi\u015fmesini bekledi. Ben de yan\u0131nda usulca bekledim. Ona \u00e7ok ama \u00e7ok usul bir sesle, “Madam, l\u00fctfen elimi ayak bile\u011finize dolamama izin verir miydiniz? Tek iste\u011fim bu madam, hayat\u0131m\u0131 kurtaracaks\u0131n\u0131z,” dememek i\u00e7in kendimi nas\u0131l tutabilirdim? Bir daha ba\u015f\u0131n\u0131 \u00e7evirmedi, ama korktu\u011funu sezmi\u015ftim. Kar\u015f\u0131 kald\u0131r\u0131ma ge\u00e7ti, ben de ge\u00e7tim, bu arada kafam\u0131n i\u00e7indeki bir ses yalvar\u0131p duruyordu. “L\u00fctfen elimi ayak bile\u011finize dolamama izin verin. Hayat\u0131m\u0131 kurtaracaks\u0131n\u0131z. Yaln\u0131zca elimi ayak bile\u011finize dolamak istiyorum. Bedelini \u00f6demeye haz\u0131r\u0131m.” C\u00fczdan\u0131ma davran\u0131p k\u00e2\u011f\u0131t paralar\u0131 \u00e7\u0131kard\u0131m.<\/p>\n

Derken kula\u011f\u0131m\u0131n dibinden birinin bana seslendi\u011fini duydum. Bizim i\u015fyerine girip \u00e7\u0131kan bir sat\u0131c\u0131yd\u0131, bir reklam ajans\u0131nda \u00e7al\u0131\u015f\u0131\u00adyordu, onun bildik gevrek sesiydi bu. C\u00fczdan\u0131 cebime sokup soka\u011f\u0131n kar\u015f\u0131 kald\u0131r\u0131m\u0131na ge\u00e7tim, kalabal\u0131\u011fa kar\u0131\u015fmaya \u00e7al\u0131\u015ft\u0131m.<\/p>\n

Park Caddesi’ne, Lexington’a y\u00fcr\u00fcd\u00fckten sonra sinemaya girdim. Havaland\u0131rma ayg\u0131t\u0131ndan gelen pis, so\u011fuk esinti, Chicago’dan ya da Uzak Bat\u0131’dan gelen erkenci trenlerin nicedir kulak verdi\u011fim u\u011fultusuna benziyordu. Giri\u015fteki salon bo\u015ftu, bir saraya ya da bir ki\u00adliseye ad\u0131m atm\u0131\u015f gibiydim. Yukar\u0131 \u00e7\u0131kan dar merdiven birdenbire g\u00f6rkemle ili\u015fkisini kesti, yana k\u0131vr\u0131ld\u0131. Sahanl\u0131k kirli, duvarlar \u00e7\u0131p\u00adlakt\u0131. Merdivenden \u00e7\u0131k\u0131nca balkona sapt\u0131m, orada karanl\u0131kta art\u0131k hi\u00e7bir \u015feyin beni kurtaramayaca\u011f\u0131n\u0131, hi\u00e7bir g\u00fczel k\u0131z\u0131n yeni pabu\u00e7lar\u0131yla yoluma \u00e7\u0131kmayaca\u011f\u0131n\u0131 d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnd\u00fcm.<\/p>\n

Eve trenle d\u00f6nd\u00fcm ama Orpheo’nun Yeri’ne, sonra da sinemaya katlanamayacak kadar yorgundum. \u0130stasyondan arabamla d\u00f6nd\u00fcm eve, arabay\u0131 garaja park ettim. Ta ordan evdeki telefonun \u00e7ald\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131 duyuyordum, bah\u00e7ede durup zil sesinin kesilmesini bekledim. Oturma odas\u0131na girdi\u011fimde \u00e7ocuklar\u0131n gitmeden \u00f6nce duvarlarda b\u0131rakt\u0131klar\u0131 kirli el izlerini g\u00f6rd\u00fcm, izler yere yak\u0131n olduklar\u0131ndan \u00f6pmek i\u00e7in \u00e7\u00f6meldim.<\/p>\n

Sonra uzun s\u00fcre oturma odas\u0131nda oturdum. Uykuya dalm\u0131\u015f\u0131m, uyand\u0131\u011f\u0131mda saat epey ge\u00e7ti, \u00f6b\u00fcr evler karanl\u0131kt\u0131. I\u015f\u0131\u011f\u0131 yakt\u0131m. Di\u00adkizci bu saatte terliklerini, bornozunu giyiyor olsa gerekti, arka avlu\u00adlarda, bah\u00e7elerde sinsice dola\u015fmaya ba\u015flamadan \u00f6nce. Mrs. Marston diz\u00fcst\u00fc \u00e7\u00f6km\u00fc\u015f dua ediyordu herhalde. Ben de Lin Yutang’\u0131m\u0131 ald\u0131m, okumaya ba\u015flad\u0131m. Barstow’lar\u0131n k\u00f6pe\u011finin havlad\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131 duydum. Telefon bir daha \u00e7ald\u0131.<\/p>\n

Rachel’\u0131n sesini duyar duymaz “Sevgilim!” diye hayk\u0131rd\u0131m. “Sevgilim! Birtanem!” A\u011fl\u0131yordu. Seal Liman\u0131’ndaym\u0131\u015f. Bir haftad\u0131r ya\u011fmur ya\u011f\u0131yormu\u015f, Tobey’nin ate\u015fi k\u0131rka \u00e7\u0131km\u0131\u015f. “\u015eu anda yola \u00e7\u0131\u00adk\u0131yorum,” dedim. “Yar\u0131n orada olurum. Yar\u0131n sabah varm\u0131\u015f olurum. Sevgilim!”<\/p>\n

Hepsi bu. Bitmi\u015fti i\u015fte. Hepsi ge\u00e7mi\u015fti. Bir valiz haz\u0131rlad\u0131m, buzdolab\u0131n\u0131 \u00e7\u00f6z\u00fcp b\u00fct\u00fcn gece araba s\u00fcrd\u00fcm. O g\u00fcnden beri mutlu\u00adyuz. Bildi\u011fim kadar\u0131yla Mr. Marston hava karard\u0131\u011f\u0131nda evimizin \u00f6n\u00fcnde bir daha g\u00f6r\u00fcnmedi, ama ben onu istasyonda ve \u015fehir kul\u00fc\u00adb\u00fcnde s\u0131k s\u0131k g\u00f6rd\u00fcm. K\u0131z\u0131 Lydia gelecek ay evleniyor, karasan su\u00adratl\u0131 kar\u0131s\u0131 da hay\u0131r i\u015flerinde g\u00f6sterdi\u011fi ba\u015far\u0131dan \u00f6t\u00fcr\u00fc yak\u0131nlarda \u00f6d\u00fcllendirildi. Yani herkes iyi.<\/p>\n

Merhem | John Cheever<\/strong><\/p>\n

\u00c7eviri: Tomris Uyar<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

\u015eimdi anlatacaklar\u0131m, yaz\u0131n oldu. Hava \u00e7ok s\u0131cakt\u0131, an\u0131ms\u0131yorum. New York’ta da bo\u011fucuydu, bizim oturdu\u011fumuz banliy\u00f6de de. Ka\u00adr\u0131mla kavga ettik, o da \u00e7ocuklar\u0131 al\u0131p stey\u015f\u0131na atlad\u0131, gazlad\u0131 gitti. Di\u00adkizci, onlar\u0131n gidi\u015finden iki hafta sonraya kadar g\u00f6r\u00fcnmedi – ya da ortal\u0131ktayd\u0131 da ben g\u00f6rmedim – yine de Rachel’\u0131n gidi\u015fiyle onun geli\u015fi aras\u0131nda bir ba\u011flant\u0131 vard\u0131. Rachel geri […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[115],"tags":[],"class_list":{"0":"post-7145","1":"post","2":"type-post","3":"status-publish","4":"format-standard","6":"category-ceviri-oykuler"},"yoast_head":"\nL\u00fctfen elimi ayak bile\u011finize dolamama izin verin. Hayat\u0131m\u0131 kurtaracaks\u0131n\u0131z | John Cheever - narteks.net<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/narteks.net\/index.php\/2018\/08\/16\/lutfen-elimi-ayak-bileginize-dolamama-izin-verin-hayatimi-kurtaracaksiniz-john-cheever\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"tr_TR\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"L\u00fctfen elimi ayak bile\u011finize dolamama izin verin. Hayat\u0131m\u0131 kurtaracaks\u0131n\u0131z | John Cheever\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"\u015eimdi anlatacaklar\u0131m, yaz\u0131n oldu. Hava \u00e7ok s\u0131cakt\u0131, an\u0131ms\u0131yorum. New York’ta da bo\u011fucuydu, bizim oturdu\u011fumuz banliy\u00f6de de. Ka\u00adr\u0131mla kavga ettik, o da \u00e7ocuklar\u0131 al\u0131p stey\u015f\u0131na atlad\u0131, gazlad\u0131 gitti. Di\u00adkizci, onlar\u0131n gidi\u015finden iki hafta sonraya kadar g\u00f6r\u00fcnmedi – ya da ortal\u0131ktayd\u0131 da ben g\u00f6rmedim – yine de Rachel’\u0131n gidi\u015fiyle onun geli\u015fi aras\u0131nda bir ba\u011flant\u0131 vard\u0131. 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